The Wind Phone: Part 1

 If you have known loss, you know how it feels to pick up the phone to call your person only to realize they won’t answer. This episode is all about your calls – the things you wish you could tell your people. Somewhere, somehow, we know they’re listening.

Wind Phone Map

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

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Hi.

Hi. Hi there. Hi.

Hi.

Hey, Nora.

I’m Nora McInerny, and this is Thanks For Asking, a call-in show about what matters to you. It’s been 11 years since I’ve heard either of their voices, but I still talk to my dead dad and my dead husband. I am at peace with both of these losses.

I have fully accepted both of them, and yet there are still a lot of things that I want to say to each of them. Sometimes these conversations are intentional. It’s like a little bit of a prayer.

I ask them for help, I ask them for guidance. Sometimes it’s just chit-chat. It’s often very spontaneous.

I sometimes can feel their presence with me very suddenly, and then I’m just talking out loud, like they’re actually in the car with me. And for some reason, this does happen quite often in the car. But sometimes I might just be going about my day.

I might be in this room. I might be out on a walk. I will speak out loud to both of them, to either of them.

Never at the same time though. I always feel better after these talks. I always feel a little bit lighter, even if I cry.

And again, it has been 11 years, but the finality of death is sometimes still very shocking to me. I will never have another photo with either of them. I will never have another photo of either of them.

I will never meet my dead husband’s eye during a family function and share that look that both of you know means we’re going to be talking about this in the car later. I will never get in another political argument with my dad. How?

Look at the world. There’s just still so much left to discuss, in part because there’s just so much that they’ve missed out on.

And while I’m a person who believes that there is something eternal and enduring about us, and that the people that we love are not gone, gone, just gone from our sight, the belief that they are here is not the same thing as having them here, like

here, here. Like, yes, I know that they are watching over me in a spiritual sense, but I would also really like it if they were available physically.

I’ve seen a few videos like the one that I’m about to share right now, and if you are listening to this, this will just be audio, and guess what? You’ll be able to follow along.

These are videos that make me cry and laugh, where a grieving person shares with the internet all of the things that they wish that they could share with their dead person.

Things that would send our dead best friend into a coma. Our best friend Gracie passed away six years ago, and today is her 21st birthday, so we’re going to tell you guys things that would send her into orbit that have happened in the last six years.

Okay, so the first thing is, after the shooting me and my family picked up and moved to Texas from California, and McKenna and her family left California to move to Oklahoma, and we both go to college in Oklahoma.

I don’t even think she knew where Oklahoma was on the map.

No, definitely didn’t know where Baudesville was. There was a whole pandemic and the world shut down, and we were locked in our houses for months.

You missed a lot with that one, quarantine. Ugh, the whipped coffee.

She would have loved that.

Number 3, your high school bullies slide up on my Instagram stories. They are all in my DMs. They used to hate me, but now they love me, so that’s really funny.

Next, you’re going to be in a Netflix documentary in December, so go watch, guys.

Yep, Gracie Ann Muehlberger.

That’s her bedroom.

Tune in in December.

Yes. The next one, Taylor Swift is engaged, and she has 12 albums now.

And you would have hated the ring.

You would have hated it. You would have despised it.

Yep. Low-waisted jeans are in, and we love them. Skinny jeans are out.

Don’t wear those anymore. Yeah.

Low-waisted are the new trend. You have a Starbucks drink that’s dedicated to you in Santa Clarita.

Yep.

So I should just go and order the Gracie. They probably wouldn’t even know what I’m talking about. The Gracie.

They renamed Central Park after you.

Yeah.

So, you have a whole park?

It’s kind of a flex.

It is.

Right there.

Yeah. And you have a bunch of Instagram followers now. You like got famous after.

Yeah.

And everyone still comments on your stuff.

All the time. You’ve got a whole fan base.

Yeah.

We love you and we miss you so much. We’re probably going to go cry now. So thanks for watching.

Since you guys grieved the whole day with us, we kept thinking and reading Elle’s comments that you wanted to hear more about her.

So she sadly was killed in 2021.

We came up with the list of things that would have put Maddie into a coma if she knew has happened since 2021.

Olivia Rodrigo’s Driver’s License was the most streamed song on Spotify in 2021.

And whether this is a good or bad thing, it’s the last new song she heard about. And she didn’t even like it.

She didn’t like it.

Everyone else did, I did.

Kendall Jenner can’t cut a cucumber.

That’s expected, but she would get a kick.

Yeah.

In royal news, Meghan and Prince Harry have left the royal family. And QE2 is dead.

So.

Yeah, the Queen, may she rest in peace.

Oh, press on nails are back.

They’re back.

And they’re hot. She was ahead of the times.

We should have known.

Jewels are out. Yes. They’re out.

No one’s jeweling.

But we’re elf barring puffs.

I don’t know all of them.

But a jewel now is a national treasure.

And you would be very upset to know that you can’t get refills.

Manifesting is mainstream. Everyone’s doing it.

Everyone’s doing it. People thought you were cool for like throwing crystals in your bag and like saying manifest. But now it’s like a part of a corporate nine to five.

You like talk about manifestations with your boss. Yeah.

In other unfortunate news, inflation is up. So Victoria’s Secret panties are like three for 30 instead of five for 25. So it’s tough out here.

We can’t afford panties.

Oh, social anxiety is cool. Everyone’s talking about it. And antidepressants are in.

Everyone’s like taking them and stuff. And we don’t have to be shy about them anymore.

Everyone loves them.

Oh, there’s a girl, Alex, ready? Oh, okay. There’s a girl, say it with me.

One, two, three, Alex Earl, who’s taking over the world.

You can get ready with her for a party at the University of Miami.

You can get ready with her for anything.

Here’s me updating my best friend on some things that have happened in the last year since she’s been dead. That walk that we had planned never went on it. And actually, speaking of that, I can never walk at that park again.

I can shotgun an entire 12 pack of twisted teas, and they have a new twisted tea flavor. Well, they have a lot of them, but my favorite is the Rocket Pop, and you would hate it because it doesn’t taste like alcohol.

I drove up to Idaho and I got to see Sam. Your celebration of life was beautiful, but your ex-husband was there. Also, he got shady.

Obviously, I dyed my hair, and it’s inspired by you because I think when your hair was like this, it was super cute, so I wanted to give it a shot and I actually love it. I don’t work at that dispensary anymore.

I actually don’t support them at all, and I will tell everyone to not shop there if I can, and I will give them every reason why.

But now I work on a weed farm and I get to fill up cartridges, I get to like gram out dabs, and then I get to pack orders, but I also get to take them to a bunch of dispensaries. So I have a lot of fun and I travel so much.

I actually took the job because of how much you liked driving and traveling. His abuse got bad, it got really bad, and I had to move for my own safety, and I had to block them all, so no one knows where I’m at and I don’t know where they’re at.

But you would love my roommate and my new best friend in this place that I live. You guys would go shot for shot, I already know.

My car died, and so I had a temporary one while I was looking for a Subaru, and then my grandma backed out on the loan, so now I have a temporary car that’s dying.

I’m not friends with Taylor or Ashley anymore, and I don’t think there will ever be a friendship again. My 22nd birthday was really boring. Sam wasn’t here, and you weren’t here, so I had to go out with my ex.

I’m no longer taking care of Phantom as he stayed with my ex, but I do still have Moxie, and I still have Puff, and last I heard, I should be getting shady here pretty soon, so soon she’ll be with me.

We finally had court for when we got jumped, and I’m the only person who showed up to testify, and I don’t know what ended up happening, but I know that I still haven’t gotten my shoes back from the cops.

I see you in every butterfly, every rainbow, every sunset, every sunrise, anytime it’s sunny. I see you anytime there’s snow. I see you in the butterflies.

I see you in the flowers. You’re everywhere. And every single time that I’m asking for a sign, Ghost by Justin Bieber plays, so I know you’re with me.

Speaking of music, anytime hotel room service goes off at the bar, I want you to know that I’m recording it and putting it on my story, and I am screaming, this is for Jasmine! So just know I’m going hard for you every time I’m out.

So Jack still wants nothing to do with me. And so then I started seeing this really cool guy from Portland, and he was super sweet, amazing. But then I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore.

Look, right, so I started seeing another guy from the Portland area, but this one was a car guy, a car guy. Worst choice I’ve ever made.

He said he liked me and wanted to be with me and was like asking me to be his girlfriend just for like two weeks later, him to not like me.

So it was freezing cold during Halloween weekend, and I was doing my rounds and I stole someone’s supreme blanket. And girl, we had an ice storm, like the worst ice storm ever.

Not only did I eat shit and I Tokyo drifted my car that should not Tokyo drift, I literally went to work every day and I got stuck in ice in Portland and had to get towed out. I was talking to a dom, but I fucked it up.

I went to see food and wine and I still hate seafood and I still hate wine. Oh my God, and I’m a plant mom now. I don’t kill them anymore.

And I don’t know how I thought, didn’t think about this as like one of the higher priorities, but I stopped vaping. I’m eight months nicotine free. That’s like huge.

Oh my God. And when I was thrifting, I found one of your sweaters. Let me go grab it.

Yeah. Do you remember this sweater? Well, I found it at Goodwill and it’s mine now.

That airplane necklace that I got you for Christmas, that you didn’t take off and you were wearing when you passed away. Well, I found an upgraded one with sparkles to give to your sister because your mom wears the one that I got you.

But that’s okay because as a present for your one year anniversary, I got myself an airplane bracelet because I love you.

Also, I have one of these What Would Jasmine Do bracelets in every single color, and I want you to know I wear it with every single outfit. Oh my gosh. And you’d be shitting bricks right now.

Sam moved back. That’s another situation for another time. She can talk to you about that.

But I think that’s it. I think that’s all of the big things that have happened to this last year. I miss you more than anything in this entire world, and I cannot wait until I get just a few more seconds with you.

I love you, Jazz.

Now, some people are going to hear that and think, okay, how do they sound so flip? Why would they want to talk about these shallow things? But there’s nothing shallow when you lose someone who you love deeply.

You miss the big things, of course. You miss birthdays, anniversaries, like the highlight reel. But what I miss more than anything are all of those little seemingly meaningless interactions, just the mundanity of it all.

Like those moments, those moments where you can’t pick up the phone and let your person know about what you ate for lunch, that you’re on the way home, where you’re going to college, who is DMing you that used to bully you in high school?

That is to me where grief sneaks up and just kicks you on the back of the knees. Now, I know a lot of people still text their dead people. I know some of you are still paying for that phone line.

I admire that. Some of you are sending texts even though that number is out of service or has been reassigned. My friend Gigi, friend of the pod, you’ve heard her on here before said that her dad’s number was reassigned.

And so she got a notification that said, daddy has joined Snapchat. Okay, that is a digital grief attack.

But I have seen these beautiful stories where a grieving person texts their dead person and whoever has the number now, like gets the text and says, hey, text me anytime. I’m here for you.

Unfortunately, my dead husband’s phone number now belongs to a teenage boy. I know this because at one point I suggested that our son just, I was like, just text your dad. It won’t go anywhere.

Just tell him how you feel. It just went to like a random teenage boy who was like, bro, I’m not your dad. So it doesn’t work for everyone is what I’m saying.

It doesn’t work for everyone, but it’s just all so strange. Like, isn’t it that we just keep living in a world that they used to be in, that they stay frozen in time while we celebrate new years and new experiences that they will never see?

I can’t believe that Aaron died without seeing I Think You Should Leave. Aaron would have loved Tim Robinson. Aaron probably could have been Tim Robinson.

I can’t believe that the last Taylor Swift album that Aaron ever heard was 1989.

He would have loved folklore, would have loved Evermore, would have tolerated Midnights, would have liked the same songs that I did on Tortured Poets and Like Me would have hated Life of a Showgirl.

I can’t believe that he missed out on the latest Haley Williams album.

Furthermore, I can’t believe that he does not know that Haley Williams and Taylor York allegedly got together, then broke up and that is what inspired this perfect, perfect breakup album. I can’t believe he doesn’t know my best friend, Caroline Moss.

He would love her. He’d probably want to marry her, okay? Then we would be in a really messy divorce or a throuple.

Probably not though.

I can’t believe he doesn’t know my new husband and all of our kids, all of whom he would really love, even though it would be very weird for him to know my new husband and all of our kids, because why would I know my new husband if I’m still married

to Erin? It doesn’t really add up. Also, he’s not my new husband. I’ve known him for like a decade.

My dad? I mean, when you hear a whirring sound in the background, that is my dad just spinning in his grave. He would not believe anything that’s happened since he died in 2014.

He would not believe any of this. He was such a sensible man, and America is so senseless, especially since 2014. I think he would have a tough time.

He’d have a tough time believing any of this. I would like to believe we would have really productive conversations about it, and I will hold on to that belief. If I could talk to either of them again, it wouldn’t be about our shared past.

I’m not seeking closure. I have it. It would just be about everything that has happened since they left.

And maybe that is because for both my husband and my father, we all had the chance to say what we needed to say to each other. Those goodbyes were too early, but they were goodbyes.

They were heartbreaking, but there was something about being able to have those conversations that was also very heartening. It is a gift to get a goodbye and not everyone gets one.

Now, in 2010, Itaru Sasaki built a phone booth in his backyard in Japan to talk to his dead cousin.

And a few months later, when a tsunami killed over 20,000 people in Japan, he opened that phone booth up to strangers. These are called wind phones. These are places where someone can have their words carried on the wind to their dead loved ones.

It’s catharsis and it’s connection, it is grief processing, and now these wind phones are all over the world. And if you are, and we will have a locator in our episode description, so you can find one near you if you would like to do this.

But today’s episode is a wind phone, a podcast wind phone, a digital wind phone. It is your calls, your messages to the beyond, to the people that we love, and always will.

Hey, Nora and team, I just saw your prompt and I felt like I didn’t use a call. It was about what you would update your dead person on if you could talk to them.

My first husband, Ryan, died six and a half years ago, and oh my gosh, there’s so much to update him on.

First of all, the ending of Game of Thrones, that came right away after he died.

That’s really a big bummer, and I think about that often that he didn’t get to see how it ended, or he wasn’t there on that one episode where it was filmed so dark that no one’s TVs could handle it, and there was all these weird black pixelations.

We would have had a great time talking about that. Also, COVID, that’s a big update for him.

He missed out by a year.

I wouldn’t even know where to start, but I feel like we could have a long chat about that and it would blow his mind.

And then the last thing is that I got a book heel and I’m writing a book, but Ryan was my biggest cheerleader, and he always talked about writing books, and he was like so entrepreneurial, and I was like, whoa, buddy, slow down, like I wasn’t as into

all of that as he was. And now it just feels like something that he would have celebrated so hard with me.

He used to always say when we made commercials together because that’s what we did for our day job, he would be like, can you believe we get to do this? And I just keep hearing his voice in my head, and then writing this book and like marketing it.

Can you believe we get to do this?

I’m walking by cars, this is a very safe way to. And I just hear his voice saying, can you believe we get to do this? And I wish he was here.

I just have to kind of imagine what he would think about all this.

I think he would be stoked.

Hi, Nora and team. I’m calling because you guys asked about what I would tell my dead loved ones, if I could talk to them today. And I lost my stepdad three and a half years ago.

And growing up, he was always kind of like, you know, he rode motorcycles, he had these knives of naked ladies on them, posted on our walls, you know, we always thought he was kind of weird and maybe not like the most PG to get around me and my

But as we grew up, we became really close with him and he had a lot of wisdom.

And he, you know, he was really a father figure to my now husband. But yeah, if he was alive today, I would love to tell him that his death made all of his family much closer throughout kind of like dealing with the aftermath of his death.

I learned how much of a family man he was and how important family was to him. He had seven kids all together, both, you know, one biological adopted and step.

And he really, his whole life was just about what he could do to make sure his family was good and okay and happy, especially my mom.

And I would love to tell him that mom is okay, because she wasn’t, but she’s doing a lot better now.

I would also love to tell him about Swig.

I think he would really like it and he would get a kick out of the Stigart Lives of Mormon Lives.

I think that would be really funny.

But yeah, thanks for this really great problem.

Bye.

Hi, Nora. This message is for my auntie Kathy.

Just a few things you should know about her.

She was a Gemini.

She was loud and brash and hilarious and outgoing. She had a huge heart and she had a strong moral compass. In addition to her own kids, she fostered teenage girls and she was never afraid to speak up for what’s right.

Hi, Aunt Kathy.

I miss you so much. In case you didn’t hear the news, Prince died just a couple of days after you passed. But what I’m more excited to tell you, you know how you always used to pester me that being pregnant was the most creative time you ever had.

And having kids would be amazing. And you thought I would be a really great parent. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to overlap that time with you.

My daughter Meadow is three, and she is a bit higher in sunshine. And she looks pretty much just like I did at that age. So you can imagine what she looks like.

She’s wonderful. And you are right. Being a parent is something I’m good at and something that’s really beautiful.

And sometimes, I would love your advice. But I think you’ve made enough to make a good start. So I plan to teach her to use her voice as loud as she can, and to have as much fun as she can, and to be the best version of herself as she can.

I love you. I miss you. Hope to see you soon.

Hey, Nora.

My name is Kate, and I’m calling you from Seattle, Washington. But I’m originally from Wisconsin, so I’m a Midwestern gal. I’ve been a long-time listener, first-time caller, and I’m going to try to do this without crying.

But if my dad was still here, I wish that I could tell him that we got a dog, and her name is Petunia, and I love her so much, and I know she would have loved him. So anyways, if I could call dad and say, hey dad, we’ve got this great dog.

Her name is Petunia. That’s what we call her, and I wish you could meet her because she is the best thing for her. Anyways, thanks, Nora, for all you do.

Bye.

Hello.

This is Liv.

I used to keep a running list until enough time went by that that didn’t make any sense anymore because the list was so long and so hard to keep up with.

So there’s a lot of overarching themes that I would tell my brother, but I think the biggest one and the one that would be most likely to come up first, where I believe a voicemail is, she would ask me pretty much on a weekly basis if I was gay, you

know, be like, listen man, it’s okay. It’s all right if you’re gay, you can tell me, you can tell someone and I would be like, no, no, I’m not, I’m certainly not gay and turns out I’m gay.

So, you know, maybe, I don’t know how omniscient he is, maybe he already knows, but that is one of the first things I would tell in this.

Case closed, you were right.

And I’m in love with a wonderful person and we live together and have a wonderful life together and I wish they could meet.

So, that’s probably one of the first things I would tell him about.

And then, every movie that has come out since he died, especially The Good Ones.

Thank you.

Hi, Nora. I’m responding to the prompt about what you would tell your dead loved one. And it’s funny because I actually think for one of the first times I actually said something out loud to him.

When Jim Morrison, who is an extreme climber, just skied down Everest. And my husband was a big skier and extreme outdoorsman. And I know he would be thrilled to know that this feat was finally done.

And it takes a special kind of group of people to understand. But anyway, I know that I wish Scott could have heard the news, and maybe he knows, and he’s celebrating wherever he is. So, thank you.

Bye.

Hi, Nora McInerny and the team at Feelings & Co.

So, my wife Laura passed away in 2019. And I wish I could tell her about since, basically, well, two things.

One, after she passed away, I discovered that I actually, after years of aversion to ground beef, I actually like hamburgers, and she’d be very angry about me for that, because there were probably so many restaurants that she would want to go to that

we wouldn’t. But I’d be more willing to try stuff now.

And then the other thing I want to tell her about that she would have absolutely loved was the local burlesque scene we have here in Richmond, Virginia, that I didn’t know about until after she died, and I’ll say she didn’t know about.

And it would have been great because we had trouble making local friends, and I think we would have found so many friends in that scene.

I don’t know if I would have ended up on the same path I am now, where I also perform burlesque, but I think it’s something that she really would have enjoyed, and we would have enjoyed going to.

So yeah, those are the two things that I think I would have, I’d like Laura to know.

Hey, Mom, it’s Lena.

I know it’s been, oh, I can’t do math really well, as you probably know, but like 23 years since I saw you.

The thing I really wanted to tell you is that I voted for Arnold Schwarzenegger for governor of California in 2003. Weird, right?

When you were alive, he was just Arnie, the guy you loved, sitting around Venice. And he ended up running for governor and he won. And I voted for him partially because, like, you were always a Republican and I thought that’s what I was.

Also because I knew you loved him.

And I was like, well, my first election, maybe I’ll just vote for him.

But it turns out, actually, I don’t even think my ballot was counted because I voted where I went to college and I wasn’t registered there. But then also, I realized pretty quickly I’m not a Republican.

So this is me coming out to you as a very serious liberal who loves Republicans. And I’d like to think that you would also have realized how awful they are. Now, because they’ve gotten worse, just to let you know.

But I don’t know.

We might have been on very different sides of this equation, which kind of sucks. But you know, that’s the life a lot of people are living.

So anyway, Arnold was governor.

And he wasn’t the worst governor, but he’s awesome. So I hope all is well.

Bye.

I would just love to update my partner who died a few years ago that I’m still traveling, trying to follow our favorite band. And I’m up to 20 states. And I hope to keep on going.

So I would just love to update him on that.

And it’s been a great journey.

And I think of him every time.

Hey, dad.

Well, I guess if you’re up there somewhere, you probably know that mom was diagnosed with a glial blastoma, just like you were. If you’re not up there, then maybe you’re in the box at her house. But I guess that’s the biggest update that we have.

And it’s just really hard to believe that you’re both going to have died from glial blastomas.

But if you can maybe let us know if there was something that caused you both to get them, and maybe if you could let me know if whatever that was, is going to make me get one, that would be good to know. Not that we could do anything about it.

I’m doing good at work.

That’s been nice. And you have a granddaughter? I have a niece.

That’s really awesome.

And she is bringing her so much joy.

And you would really love her.

And we talk about you to her all the time, even though she’s really one.

So she probably doesn’t realize that yet, but we’ll keep talking about you for sure.

And that’s, I got married.

I got married this summer, which was really great.

And I wish you had been there.

But it actually, it wasn’t as bad without you as I thought it might be. Uncle Kenny walked me down the aisle, which was really great.

And yeah, it was, it was a really special day and mom was doing really well at the time and wasn’t as confused as she is now.

So I’m really thankful we, we got to do it while she was still feeling okay.

And yeah, I feel like you’ve missed a lot. And we miss you.

Hey, dad.

It’s been about 13 years since I last talked to you.

You’ve missed a lot. But you have now two daughters that are married, one that is in a long-term relationship, and six grandchildren, six grandchildren, five grandsons and one granddaughter.

He’s really loved them.

They’re really awesome.

And you would really like my husband.

You just missed him much. He was 18 when you died.

Now I am about to turn 32 next month.

And I don’t know what to say.

You missed so many milestones.

I started a business and am thriving in it.

Like I said, my sisters have had kids that are amazing and beautiful and wonderful, and wish that they had a grandfather, because half of them don’t have a grandfather on either parent’s side.

Mom is doing okay, but she’s never really been the same in this heart. But we all love you and think of you all the time. Your mom, grandmom, she still misses you.

I think it’s the biggest heartbreak with losing you. Grandpa died in 2020, eight years after you. Your brother and me have actually started a relationship, which we really didn’t have one when you died or for a few years after that.

But we, since you moved back to the state, we have connected. And, you know, I don’t know.

Things would be different if you were here, but I would just love to see what that would be like.

We love you.

We miss you. And, yeah, gotta do this again.

Bye.

Hey, Dad.

It’s Katie.

And this year was 25 years without you, and I turned the age that you were when you died. And I’ve been pretty scared about that, pretty scared about my health, kind of freaking out.

Now that I’m this age, I realize you were a literal baby dying at 34. But I wish that you could meet my husband, Carter. He’s wonderful to me, and you two would get along so well.

You like the same dumb jokes, the same dad butt rock. And I just, you guys, you guys will be held together in the best way. And I just, I wish you could see that I have my first house now.

It’s unfortunately in Florida, not in Michigan where I wish we still were. But I just, I want you to know that I love you and I spent so much time convincing myself that I didn’t, so that I could deal with losing you at nine years old.

But I love you very much and I miss you every day.

And I wish, I wish that I could call you and talk to you and know who you are, like truly who you are and not just who you were to me when I was nine. But I love you, dad.

And, oh, I know that you guys like the same kinds of jokes, so I’ll tell you one that Carter’s dad wrong told him. What do an owl and a bungee cord have in common?

My ass.

It’s so stupid when I think you would like it.

All right.

I love you, dad.

I’ll talk to you later.

Bye.

Hey, mom. It’s Gina. Dang, I missed calling you.

Well, a few things have happened in the year and a half that you died. I finally got a new job. After years of you telling me I needed a new job.

So I got it. And I think you’d be proud of me. Although it does come with new found dog mom guilt.

Every time I have to leave our dog to go into the office. But I think he just sleeps all day. I think that’s pretty good.

And I walk him. I walk him. So he’s doing great.

I know he was your favorite. So I’ll give you that update too. He’s doing great.

I miss you. I love you so much. And I know you couldn’t see what I’ve been up to, but it’s nice to tell you.

Love you.

Bye.

Hey, mom.

Oh, by the way, it’s Nicole, your youngest daughter, the baby. I… This last Wednesday was four years since you died, and I miss you so, so much.

I don’t know why this year has been so hard, but it has, and I just like… The only person I want to call to talk about missing you is you. And I hate that.

I mean, the only person I want to talk to about most things is you. But, you know, really, on paper, I’m doing really well. You know, I’m walking again, and it’s gotten more physically fit.

I’m finally setting boundaries. And it’s so fucking hard, mom.

It’s so fucking hard.

It’s like a full-time job.

And I’m finally putting myself first, and it’s super uncomfortable.

And I know you couldn’t do that.

I know that you lived your life for everybody else, and you waited around a lot. And you waited for people to get their act together, so that you could do the things that you wanted to do with them, and they never did.

And so by that time, whatever the fuck was going on with you at the end of your life, you know, took your legs and your ability to walk, and made you so sick. And yeah, you know, my life looks very different, but very much the same.

I just miss you so much. I want to tell you so many different things, and I can’t, but that’s okay. This voicemail is actually helping making me feel better, so.

By the way, don’t worry, like I’ve already started Christmas shopping and it’s only November, so I’m like really on it.

And I love you. And I miss you.

Bye.

Hi, just calling to leave a voicemail for my son, Jake.

He died four years ago in suicide.

He was 21.

And I just wanted to say how much I missed him and how he changed everything in my life.

I love you, Jake. Goodbye.

Hey, Matt. So it’s been like seven years at this point since I moved out of our house. But the other day, I think two weeks ago, I was in downtown St.

Charles with my mom. And we actually ate at Mod Pizza, where you, the one that you worked at. That one is still open.

They closed several of them in the area. Like they opened a bunch of them, and they closed several of them after COVID. I guess you don’t know what COVID is.

But that was a weird time.

I’ll tell you about that later.

But we were in St. Charles, and I was like, hey, can we drive past my old house? And my mom thought like, are you sure you want to do that?

So we did. Listen to this. Do you remember how hard I worked painting it that like tan color?

I mean, it was tan when we bought it, but it looked like shit. So I painted it. The new owners painted it blue.

Not like a nice natural blue. No, it is like royal blue. It is bright.

It is weird.

It’s blue. I was almost like, is this even the right house? It is.

It is.

I double checked. That’s the house.

They painted it blue.

Oh my God. I wish you could see it.

Come look at it.

It’s crazy.

Anyway, come visit sometime. We’ll talk to you later.

Bye.

Hi Hunter. It’s Erin. And I can’t believe I get to leave you a voicemail.

I called and hung up twice before I could actually speak. But I love this idea.

And I could tell you so many things about our son and about your family and your friends and just everything that’s happened since you left us.

But what I want to tell you about most, which seems sort of silly, is about the Denver Broncos and how I cannot believe that they won a Super Bowl the year that you died and that you completely missed that magical season, the last one of Peyton

And just how much you would have absolutely loved that.

But since then, you would have not loved that they went eight straight seasons without a postseason appearance and went through countless quarterbacks, countless coaches, and firings and trades, and all kinds of things.

But what you would have loved is that last year, we had a rookie named Bo Nix, who came to us from Oregon, that Sean Peyton drafted, and that he led us to our first playoff appearance last season, since we won that amazing Super Bowl that you missed.

And that now Broncos Country has hope, and this season has been off to a really good start, the best that we’ve had since you died.

And I will forever miss being able to talk to you about the big and the small, but of course always miss our talks about sports, and particularly our beloved Broncos.

I miss you so much and I feel your presence all the time, and hopefully I can call you again.

Bye.

Hey, Rodney, it’s me, Melanie. Just a few things that I’d love to catch up with you about. Well, first of all, I didn’t send your photos to be printed by Shredderfly, because I knew you would be pissed.

So I used bigs and they printed them, and they really are more beautiful. So that hasn’t changed. The Panthers still suck, and they have won a few games this year, but you still would be f***ing at them on the couch every Sunday.

And believe it or not, Bill Belichick is coaching the Tar Heels, and you would hate that so much. So I guess I’m glad you’re not having to watch that. Believe it or not, I started going to church with the kids.

Not for me, but today would be way better people than I am. The weird thing is, is that we found family that we desperately needed, and they even helped me with the yard work. So you would really love the way it looks right now.

I know I do. The biggest news, I guess, is about the kids. You know I was able to adopt Madeline even though you’re gone.

She has come so far and is doing so many great things. And it’s somewhat creepy that she has a lot of traits that are like you. And I’m sorry you didn’t get to see that, but hopefully you’re looking down above being very proud.

Your boy though, Ben, he’s been really amazing. He graduated from high school this year and was 11th in his class, which is so cool. I try not to make a big deal about it, but it really is cool.

Out of 243 kids, he was 11th. He’s done great things. He’s done drama on stage and he’s in the National Honor Society, and he got pretty much a full ride to Western Carolina.

So I hope you know that he is making you proud. I miss you every day so much, sometimes it hurts.

Hey grandma, it’s me. I became a therapist.

It’s so cool.

So cool.

Miss you.

You’d be really proud of me. I hope that life in heaven is full of calls and full of everybody that I can’t wait to see along with you. Keegan got married and she’s great.

And I bought a house.

Justin and I bought a house.

So I know you’re watching, and I know you’re proud.

And I love you.

Hey, this is a phone call for my dead person. Hey, Bobby, it’s me.

I haven’t done this in a long time.

Yesterday would have been our 11-year wedding anniversary, and it somehow feels like just years don’t really exist anymore. It’s all just this one big, infinite feeling.

You were really missed yesterday, and I’m trying to think of all the things I want to tell you. You did show up in my dream last night.

We were just grocery shopping, and it made me think about how much I miss the small things more than I miss the big things, like our big trips or anything like that.

But just holding hands in the grocery store is what I really want, what I miss the most. And let’s see, Netflix released this new show. I haven’t watched it yet, but I know you would want to watch it.

House of Guinness. Same people that did TG. Blenders, I think.

So it would have been Right Up Your Alley, perfect for us to watch together, and I’m sure I’ll get to it at some point to watch it for us. I never finished Umbrella Academy because you died before we got to finish it together.

And I don’t know if I’ll go back because you didn’t get to see the end, so maybe that’s the one thing I won’t leave there. You would, I mean, you already do, so wherever you are, love our son.

He’s exactly like you.

He’s hilarious.

He is incredibly smart. The smile is just like yours. So I basically don’t go a day without seeing your smile, which is both amazing and sometimes heartbreaking, at the same time.

I don’t think this voicemail could ever be long enough.

So the last couple of things I would want to tell you, they closed those Cerritos where we used to get our burritos, and they moved it.

Now, I don’t know actually if it’s still there at the new location because I haven’t driven by in a while. And I moved houses, and I put our old place on the market, and nobody wants to buy it.

So I don’t know if you’re haunting it or what, but if you could send the right people our way that appreciate a vintage 1940s bathroom, and don’t want to rip it out, and just love our house the way that we did, that would be perfect.

And lastly, I’ll just say, if you could send a sign, I would like it to be a four-leaf clover, a $2 bill, or a 2010 Honda Accord like you used to drive. If you could send one of those past me.

Anyway, I love you, miss you, and I can’t wait to see you.

Talk soon.

Hey, so my name is Nicole. I am leaving a voicemail for my dead loved one. So I wanted to check in with my auntie Lorraine.

So I guess I will start doing that.

Hi, auntie Lorraine.

I miss you so much. I wanted to call and tell you lots of things. So I got married last year, and it was a huge bummer that you weren’t there.

I put one of the pins that your grandkid gave me on my little bouquet, but I mean, that’s kind of garbage compared to you actually being there, obviously.

I feel like I didn’t get a chance to tell you when you were still here that you were a huge inspiration for me to leave the previous relationship that I was in, which was super toxic and really bad for me.

And I feel like you were kind of the only, I’m going to tell you how it really is person. And I feel like that was such a kindness that I didn’t appreciate at the time.

I know you met my new husband the one time, but new husband is the only one I have. But I know you met Brett before this year, but there was last year before you died. But I really wish that you could know him and know that I’m okay.

And I like to think that you do know that.

But either way, I just really miss you.

I wish we could hang out and drink Pepsi and giggle. Love you so much.

Bye.

Hey babe, it’s me, Bonnie. Something that I would like to tell you now that it is 2025. I remember back when we were like dabbling in Taylor Swift.

You’re kind of obsessed with red.

I was in the thick of motherhood.

So like, I couldn’t really get anything past diaper changes and all the things that come with that.

But well, now it’s 2025 and I am a full-blown 50.

And I’m excited because this month to celebrate your birthday and bringing back the tradition of doing a music video in your honor and rather than repeating and doing a music video, I’m going to be creating my own music video and it’s going to be

like a full-blown production to one of her songs from her, not the latest album, but the one before that. And I’m just excited to celebrate you.

And it’s such a bittersweet thing to honor you on your birthday because I love you so much, but like I miss you so much.

But anyway, then give some cheese and a friend some yes from me. Love you.

Hi, May Bear.

I love you. I miss you so much, Bear Bear. You’ve been gone for eight years now.

And thanks to Nora.

I’ve sent you some messages.

But I miss you so much.

And she had this post that I could send a voicemail, and I pray to God you hear it.

I love you. I miss you. Oh, my God, I miss you so much.

I think about you every day.

Some days are better than others, granted.

I miss you.

Your boys.

Your boys are mad now. And they’re doing well.

But oh, my God, I miss you. I miss you so much.

Our wind phone is still open. Our wind phone is still open. If you would like to call in, it is 612-568-4441.

You can just call and you can just act like you are talking to your person.

I have a feeling we are going to make another episode like this because it was so beautiful to make, it was so meaningful to make, and I really think that there is something special about sharing these things and witnessing them for each other.

This is Thanks For Asking, I’m Nora McInerny. We are an independent podcast and we are here because of you. So every time you have listened, shared, liked, subscribed, rated, reviewed, all of that has helped our show survive.

We’ve been here. Now, this is our 10-year podcasting anniversary is this year. That is wild to have been able to do it for this long, and that is because of listeners like you.

So thank you for being here. If you’d like to support the show in another way, literally no pressure.

I’m the worst salesperson in the world, but I do have a Substack where all of my writing is and where you can also get ad-free episodes of this podcast and bonus episodes as well.

It’s linked in the description, but it is also noraborialis.substack.com. Borealis is not my legal name. That is a play on the Aurora Borealis or the Northern Lights, which some people know and some people don’t, and that’s OK.

You could join monthly there. You could join annually or like our supporting producers, you could basically name your price above the annual price and get your name in the credits, which is what I’m going to do in a few seconds.

But first, I have to thank Geoffrey Lamar Wilson for our opening theme music, my son Q for the theme music that you’re hearing right now, the closing theme music, Marcel Malekibu for producing this and all of our other episodes, and Grace Berry for

everything that she does, including doing all of our video production. So thank you so much to Grace. Again, our phone number is always open. It’s 612-568-4441.

All right, our supporting producers, and we have some new ones, so welcome, welcome, welcome. Thank you so much to Augie Book, Joy Heising, no name, so anonymous.

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