The IBS in Me Recognizes the IBS in You w/Caroline Moss

This is a PSA: you’re not too old to make a best friend. Just because you no longer have assigned seating in a classroom or a playground or playdates doesn’t mean you can’t find your best friend in the whole world on Twitter (we’re never calling it X) or Slack or… a hospitalization program? The point is, putting yourself out there can be embarrassing, but you never know when you’re going to stumble across the person that is going to change your life. In this episode, Nora is joined by her platonic soulmate, Caroline Moss of Gee Thanks, Just Bought It! to read your adult bestie stories and tell their own.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

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Hi.

Hi.

Hi there.

Hi.

Hi.

Hey, Nora.

I’m Nora McInerny, and this is Thanks For Asking, a call-in show about what matters to you.

Hi everybody, it’s Nora McInerny.

This is Thanks For Asking, a call-in show about what matters to you, and what matters to everybody, it seems, is friendship, especially the trials and challenges and joys of making friends and keeping friends and navigating friendships as adults.

When we’re younger, it’s relatively simple.

We are friends with people that we are in proximity with.

The person who sits next to us in class are, you know, our parents’ friends’ children, or in my case, my cousins, who for a while were kind of my only friends in adulthood.

When I moved back to Minneapolis after living in several places as an adult, I’m trying to avoid being made fun of by my dead husband, who used to say in conversation, did you know Nora lived in New York City?

Wow, wee, oh boy, wow, yes, she lived in New York, she never talks about it.

Okay, when you move back to your hometown, and your hometown is, in my case, when you move back to your hometown, and your hometown is, in my case, in the Midwest, and you have not lived there since you were 18 years old, technically an adult, but as we know, not a girl, not yet a woman, and your friends from high school have mostly moved on, moved to other places, and you were kind of trying to make friends for the first time as a grown up on your own.

It can be tough.

I ate lunch alone in my office for quite a while.

At that point in time, my only adult friends were my cousins.

Shout out to Lillian, Mary Claire.

Love you guys.

Thank you for also being my roommate, Lil.

I ended up making friends through my mom.

Through my mom.

My mom is a cool person.

My mom worked in advertising, which was the industry I was working in.

Also living in, it was a lot of work.

A lot of round-the-clock work for kind of no reason.

I made friends through my mom because she was cool and she knew people my age, and she forced us to hang out and become friends.

And that is how I met my friend, Chelsea.

Shout out, Chelsea.

Because my mom set us up on a date.

She said, you guys should meet.

And Chelsea and I decided to meet at the CC Club in South Minneapolis.

We both had an out.

We were like, I can meet for one hour.

We spent hours together.

And then we were just besties, like seeing each other every day, sleeping over, like just like still very good friends.

Okay.

That is how I met Chelsea.

Every other friend I pretty much met through my mom for quite a while.

When I first moved to Minneapolis, I was trying kind of anything.

This was also the heyday of like Tumblr.

I was big on Tumblr.

By big on Tumblr, I mean, I spent a lot of time on Tumblr.

And I remember reaching out to a person on Tumblr, a girl on Tumblr.

I didn’t, no one knew her name.

She just was known through Tumblr.

And I said, I just moved back to Minneapolis.

Would you want to meet up?

And I emailed her and she said like, I don’t meet strangers from the internet.

And I was like, wha?

Fair, fair.

That was a fair boundary.

To this day, I will never know what that girl’s name was, but fair.

Not everybody is gonna want to be friends with you.

I met a lot of people on Twitter.

Twitter was a different place than it was called Twitter.

And in Minneapolis, like there was like Minneapolis Twitter.

Like you just knew people from Twitter and I would just kind of engage with them and then I would go to like industry events and introduce myself.

All of this feels like embarrassing now and maybe it was embarrassing at the time, but also why should that be embarrassing?

Like that’s, you don’t meet people without just like attempting to meet people and being alive is embarrassing.

And so actually, you know what?

No, I changed my mind.

It sounds embarrassing, but I’m not embarrassed by it.

I’m not embarrassed by any of that.

Anyways, we are talking about friendship today.

We have calls, we have emails, we have text messages from you.

But first, I want to introduce you to today’s co-host.

This is my best friend.

And best friend to me, that is a tier, not a title, this is my best friend.

Adult, this is Caroline Moss.

This is Caroline Moss here to talk about adult friendship with me.

Okay, Caroline, I want you to tell the story of how we met.

Our meet-cute.

I think, well, you were on Gee Thanks, Just Bought It, back when it was a podcast.

Yep.

And you had just moved to Arizona.

Like 10 days before.

Yeah, you were like in the kitchen, and May May was like unpacking things, I think.

Yes, yeah.

In the kitchen.

So we had that, and we were talking, it was like May 2020, and we finished the episode, and then we just kept talking.

For like two hours.

Yeah.

Let’s exchange numbers, like let’s be friends.

And then we like immediately started texting.

And then Kate and Dory from Forever 35 needed guest hosts to fill in.

I forgot that part.

Oh yeah.

And they called us, and they were like, do you guys want to do it together?

And we were like, not only are we going to do it together, but we’re going to like take over and like do a coup.

Funny jokes.

And then the first time we actually met in person was like four or five months later.

You were like, Matthew said I should like go away for like X days and write.

And I was like, I’ll go with like, let’s go.

And I lived in LA at the time.

And do you remember Nora, the first place I suggested?

No.

Lake Havasu.

And you were like, I don’t think that we’re gonna go there.

And I was like, Vegas.

I didn’t realize Lake Havasu was like a bastion of conservativity.

So, you just knew it from Real Housewives of Orange County.

And you were like, let’s whoop it up.

Yeah, I was like, let’s get a boathouse and write some books.

And you were like, no.

And so we ended up going to Vegas, my favorite place on earth.

And we shared a bed for four or five nights.

One of the two.

I think it was four.

We were there for like a long time.

We were there from Monday to Friday or Sunday.

We were there a full work week.

It was still COVID.

It was high COVID.

We were like, we got to do this.

We had like two masks on.

Wait, no, the timing is wrong.

We did Gee Thanks, no, this is crazy.

We did Gee Thanks in May 2020.

Yeah, May 27, 2020.

I looked it up.

But we would not have gone to Vegas before getting vaccinated.

So a year and change later, we went to Vegas.

You are right.

We went to Vegas in the fall of 2021.

And yes, we were vaccinated.

We were still wearing masks.

And I remember that because I got the cutest bagu masks.

Is it bagu or bagu?

The bagu, bagu masks.

And they had the panel coloring.

Yes, yes, it was so cute.

And then I remember like went up to, like stayed at the Cosmopolitan.

It was such a beautiful place at the time we have since.

We have learned things have happened.

Things have changed.

And we’ll talk about that.

And when MGM is ready to have a face-to-face conversation.

That’s right.

We will be open to it.

You open the door.

And we’re just like, hey buddy, we literally, I drag my bags in.

You’re like, now look, there’s only one bed.

I’m like, not a problem.

However, I have, I do have like, I’ve just.

You said that or I said that?

I said it.

Cause we both do.

I was like, who said it first?

My main concern about this, and I could have brought it up earlier.

I got tummy troubles, okay?

And two things happen when I travel.

I either don’t go at all, or I will be, it will be, it will be, it will be a dire situation.

And usually I just go down to the lobby and you go, no problemo.

I said, friend, you know what?

The IBS in me recognizes the IBS in you.

Namaste.

I just looked up exactly when we went, and it was early October, 2021.

And you know what I looked up to find out those dates?

Not an email, not text messages.

I said, when did Bad Art Friend publish?

Because that was what everyone was talking about in the New York Times, who is the Bad Art Friend, which is an essay that I don’t even remember at this point.

And everyone was talking about this.

You had not read it yet.

And I think post IBS conversation, pre even like taking your shoes off, I said, sit down.

You need to read this.

Yeah.

Everyone’s talking about it.

Our brains were still a little, from…

We were just so excited.

And it was like, I’ve been storing up things to say to you for over 30 years.

We gotta get them out now.

We gotta get them out now.

I think that’s also when I found out you’re younger than me significantly.

I was like, I’m sharing a bed with a younger woman.

This is okay.

Legal in the state.

Anyway, we’re in Nevada.

Not that much younger than you.

You’re 42.

Yeah.

I’m turning 38 a month before you turn 43, so we’re five years apart.

Yes.

You could have been my babysitter.

I could have been your babysitter, and that’s how I speak about my husband.

Yeah.

I’m always like, we’re not peers, but you’re my peer.

Yeah.

I’m 20.

But he should feel disgusting.

When he looks at me, he should say, this is inappropriate.

He said, I’m cradle robbed.

He’s like, I’m four years older and I’ve cradle robbed this woman, this child, this child.

This literal child.

This literal child.

Okay, okay.

My husband was not concerned at all about me going to spend a significant amount of time with a stranger.

Mine wasn’t either.

I don’t know what that says about anything.

Maybe it says nothing.

Maybe it’s just I’m known for doing things that I wanna do.

I saw you in October.

That’s where we met, Matt, in Vegas.

And then I saw you guys like five months later in LA.

Okay.

And that was okay.

It was very early 2022.

And then very soon after that was the Memorial Day where we showed your children Jackass.

It really, we just, I mean, if we were, if this was like a same sex partnership, I mean, it would have just been…

U-Haul.

U-Haul.

U-Haul, it would have been, U-Haul, this is your new mother.

If this were a street relationship, people would have said, you can’t do this.

You kind of go…

You don’t even know her.

You don’t even know her.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

We’re not doing that.

No one is going to let a straight woman go meet a straight man in Vegas when they’ve only exchanged text messages and no one in her life knows him.

Yeah.

Yet nobody in my family thought this was weird, or at least they didn’t say it to me.

And then it was just like, guys, this is your aunt Caroline.

And everyone was like, absolutely.

Well, your kids left my house in the spring of that year.

And Ralph goes, how are we related to her?

Is she your cousin?

Yeah, she’s our cousin.

You’re like, she’s your mother.

And then she gave birth to you, actually.

Yeah.

It was a very quick love affair, for sure.

Yeah.

I just feel so lucky.

I really do.

I feel so lucky that does not happen to everyone.

And I, yeah, like no one, I don’t know.

It’s like to be fully like known and seen in this way is truly such a blessing.

I just, I love you.

I fucking love you.

I want everyone to have this friendship, but they can’t have this one.

They can’t have it.

This one is ours.

This one is ours.

It really is very, it’s a very like magical thing.

It feels like dating in that way where you’re like, well, sometimes you just know this person is going to be your best friend.

I can’t explain it.

I mean, I think there is definitely, I didn’t think there was a chance because I would not have gone to Vegas to meet you there and been like, one bed, no problem.

Because I was like, we could either have two beds in a shitty room or we could have this one bed, but then there’s also like a jacuzzi and we had like a sex room, essentially.

I did, there’s a, I was like, I’ll take the sex room.

Thank you.

There’s like a glass, barely, barely opaque glass between the shower and like the rest of the room.

And it like steams up and you get a shadow.

And I was like, we can see each other in the shower.

I mean, it was really, it was truly like-

So we can keep talking.

So we can keep talking.

Oh, the leaves are open.

I have more to say.

A soaking jacuzzi that we were sitting in and I go, will you explain Israel’s Palestine to me?

I mean, listen, let it be known.

I was just about to say, I’m like, do you think she wants to say, we’re sitting in our bathing suits in this like soaking tub.

I don’t think we had been naked together.

I’ll give us that.

No, we had not, no.

I’ll give us that, okay, we’re good Catholic girls.

We were like, I’ll put on my one piece.

I have some boundaries.

And we have like a bubble bath.

And Nora goes, can you explain Palestine to me?

And I was like, I sure can.

I was like, I mean, I know like the broad strokes, but like, what’s the deal there?

What’s the deal there?

That was, and let that be known, October 2021, Asking Important Questions.

Asking Important Questions, okay.

Tardy to the party, but earlier than some people.

Very vulnerable of you to be like, I would like to know more about this thing.

Yeah, I would like to ask this in a safe place, a bathtub.

In a bathtub with my one piece on, with my Land’s End swimsuit on.

Full butt coverage, full chest coverage.

Full butt coverage, full chest, a little compress in the waist.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, I was like, I will opt for the sex room, cause I love like, and then we had a little like terrace.

Yeah, and we had a couch.

It was like, it was a suite.

It was a suite.

And we got so much work done.

This is like the origin of our Vegas trips, which, wait, I came up with a name for that, power trips.

Power trips.

These are power trips.

Okay, these are power trips.

We go to Las Vegas and for a few days, we are so locked in.

Lock the fuck in.

We had not super discussed this.

We both had really big deadlines and big projects we were working on.

This was technically your writing trip.

I mean, you were like, my husband said, I have all this stuff to do, and he was like, just leave for four or five days, get it done, and then come back.

And it was definitely in the busy season for both of us.

And I was like, well, I could always go and do things for five days.

I’ll do that.

And we’re both early risers, and we’re both like, we like got, I remember we had brought like laptops and notebooks and pens and we were set mobile office.

Post-its.

Post-its.

Highlighters.

Yeah, highlighters.

Highlighters.

And yeah, and we locked the fuck in, we would get up really early.

We’d have room service come.

This was before you were gluten free.

It was a little more fun when you weren’t gluten free.

Now it’s not fun.

Oh, and we’ll tell the story about the same one.

But we locked in and what we would do, it was so much fun because it was like, there was never any question of like, are we discovered on this trip?

Though like we probably, our version of fun is exactly the same.

Let’s work, let’s work for so long.

And then we’ll order like chicken fingers, and then we’ll go down to the casino for like two hours, and I’ll be wearing my hottest sweater.

I’ll look so hot in the sweater at the casino.

And then we would like walk to other casinos, and we were in sweatshirts, so we didn’t bring going out tops.

Also Vegas, people don’t understand, because I think there’s this really misconception about, big misconception about Vegas, that it’s 24-7.

It’s actually really not.

And from Sunday to Thursday, it’s kind of dead.

Like all the shows are like Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Like there’s not much to do, there’s not much you want to do in Vegas on a Monday night, and there’s definitely nothing you want to do in Vegas during the day on a Monday.

And so what we learned about ourselves on this trip was you actually don’t want to get like a really cute Airbnb with a cute town, because that’s what you’re going to want to spend your time doing.

You want to be in like the saddest fucking place on earth, and that is Las Vegas.

Like why would we want to go like commune with the people at the casino at 5 a.m.?

Yes, we do it.

We don’t want to, but we’re doing it.

But we want to stay in our room under the covers being like, and like writing our stuff.

So that ended up becoming like a big tradition.

We would go like twice a year.

Yeah, I finished like-

Until I left for New York.

If I’m remembering this correctly, like I was working on a TV show that some friends and I had sold to FX, and we had to finish, I think like one of the scripts, and it was like on my desk.

So I finished that.

I finished a significant part of Bad Vibes Only and a significant part of a ghost write that I was working on.

Like it was, we were just-

You wrote like 70,000 words and I relaunched my website.

Like I literally like re-coded every-

I didn’t know how to code and somehow I coded a website.

You coded with Clossy.

You were on, it was-

we wake up at, I would say like five, okay?

By six, that room service breakfast is there, but we’re already working.

We’re already working.

And we have already stated to each other what our goal is.

We have headphones on.

We are-

it’s parallel play.

And it’s parallel play as my therapist would say.

And she would-

and we would say like, okay, it’s six a.m.

now and at nine a.m.

like we’re going to check in and like here’s what you have to have done, here’s what I have to have done.

And I would be listening to Law and Order, which I then would have had phones because I was being respectful.

And now I just put on the actual TV and I say, fucking deal with it.

You would have your headphones on that had nothing.

Nothing.

You would just do the headhuggers with nothing, no sound.

And we really got a ton done.

And I remember calling Dan and being like, I’m having the best time and I never want to come home.

I said, I never want to leave her.

You think there’s someone listening out there, like when are these two just going to get married?

And it’s like, guess what?

We already are married.

Okay, surprise, we’re married.

This episode is actually to reveal something to everybody.

Yeah.

And it’s sponsored by Zola and we’re married.

And our registry can be found at powertrack.

zola.com/carolina and nora.

I remember being like, I’m having the best, because I think there was like a little bit of me that was like, we might just not vibe in person.

And within three hours, I’m texting Dan.

I’m never coming home.

I’m obsessed with her.

Yeah.

I don’t like to travel, as you know.

Yeah, I don’t either.

But we don’t travel.

We go to a place and do the things that we like to do.

Yeah.

I mean, listen, in Mexico, earlier this year, five years later after the Vegas trip, we had one day where we just sat in our hotel room and watched TV.

And I was like, you need that.

You need that in a trip.

Where am I going to go travel to and watch TV next?

I love to watch TV in a new destination, wearing a robe, Yeah.

Ordering room service.

Diet Coke till we actually, I drank all the Diet Coke out of that resort, and then I had to switch to Diet Pepsi.

Yep, that’s so true.

You did.

I lived with it.

I survived that.

And yeah, so those are, that was the…

That was the beginning.

That was the beginning.

It was like, it was kind of like a long-distance relationship or those early parts of online dating where you’re just like texting, emailing, like just like…

Constantly.

Constant, and then you meet in person, and you don’t know, is the chemistry still gonna be there?

And it was there.

It was totally there.

We were 90-day fiancé, essentially.

We were.

We really were.

It was like, oh, I’ve been talking to this person for like, yeah, a year.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That’s nuts.

We weren’t, I don’t know that between May 2020 and October 2021, we were like nonstop, but we like got into nonstop starting in 20…

Cause I was supposed, okay, when we went to pick up Lottie in Phoenix, we were going to stop by your house.

And I was like, I’m going to come bring this.

And then I got so overwhelmed by having this puppy.

I like kind of was like, okay, I can’t like go to a stranger’s house.

This puppy just like peed on me.

Lottie, are you hearing me?

You peed on me that day.

Okay.

I do remember that.

Cause I remember being like, okay.

And that’s fine.

I’m coming to your house and be friends.

No, that wasn’t it.

No, but yeah, I’ve never, I’ve never like really, I mean, you know, I got one puppy, but we got her off the street.

Found her on the street.

I know.

And my, yeah, when we got Lottie, we had to drive to Phoenix.

Also, that was, the West Coast surge was happening in January 2021.

Yeah, yeah, it was a lot.

It was a lot.

So I was like, I don’t think we can, like we had to do all the peppy stuff outside when we got there.

We didn’t even like, Dan would like pee on the side of the road on, sorry, Dan, pee on the side of the road on our way.

I like went into One Burger King and immediately regretted it to like pee.

And I like ran out of there like with my mask on being like, don’t breathe.

And I kids too.

Yeah, exactly.

I don’t know.

And also like, no offense to Arizona, but you guys were a little lax in your masks.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

The liberal state of Arizona.

Yeah.

Vogue liberals with the masks on.

Yeah.

That was the beginning of us.

That was it.

And that’s our origin story.

Okay.

So I actually have a friendship origin story that is going to knock your socks off.

It comes from Ashley.

Hi, Ashley.

Okay.

The very first day of my graduate school program, I showed up for class a little bit early so I could stake my claim to a seat in the back row.

Back row baddie for life.

I’m not.

That’s not me.

That’s me.

I actually know I didn’t go to class, so that was me.

I’m so glad we met when we did because if we were the same age and we were in college together and I saw you sitting in the back row or even were skipping class, I would have said, no, no.

I may be blacking out four nights a week, but I will be on time to class and you can’t have my notes.

I may.

Exactly.

I may not be blacking out, but I’m also not going to class and everyone’s confused by this.

So, okay, Ashley goes to class.

Does everyone pick a seat on the first day and then sit there forever, or is that just me?

I digress.

Anyway, I sat down in the back and watched as all my new classmates slowly trickled in.

Just a few minutes before class began, I saw a young woman walk in who looked so familiar.

I knew that I knew her from somewhere.

For the entire semester, it drove me crazy to watch her walk into class and not be able to place her.

Now, could I have said hi and introduced myself and just gotten to the bottom of it?

Sure, but why would I do that when I could just slowly torture myself trying to figure it out on my own?

I never did figure it out or even speak to her.

I could not live like that.

No, never.

Right away, I would say, how do I know you?

I’d be like, you look familiar to me.

What’s your full name?

What’s your mom’s name?

Where’s your mom go to high school?

Yeah, where’s your mom go to high school?

Wait.

Yeah.

Hold on, I’m texting someone right now.

Yeah.

They know you.

Okay.

Flashboard four or five months later, we landed in another class together.

A few weeks into class, I hear a pssst coming from behind me.

Then pssst, Ashley.

I turned around, she asked me, did you go to ESD?

That’s my high school.

In that moment, I immediately knew where I knew her from.

I had seen the 17-year-old version of this woman walking the halls of my high school many years ago.

I was shocked.

How did she figure that out?

Good old Facebook suggested me as a friend because we had over 50 mutual friends and all of them were from the same school.

What makes this story so crazy is how small our school was.

We both graduated with only 89 students in our class.

Everybody knew everybody, but we somehow didn’t know each other.

We were so blown away with this discovery, we decided to go for a drink after class.

They’re the same grade?

Ever since.

I think they must have been separate grades.

Okay.

That’s so cute.

That’s so cute.

Now, if that isn’t crazy enough, there’s more.

Years later, my bestie, Callie, was doing research for a family pedigree chart she planned to gift my husband and I for our wedding.

During her research, she discovered that her grandfather and my great grandfather were best friends.

Oh my God.

They went to college together and were close for many years.

We always talk about our generational friendship and our ancestors brought us together.

It’s like our friendship was always meant to be truly written in the stars.

I feel so lucky to have her in my life and I still get a kick out of our origin story.

That’s really nice.

Isn’t that so cute?

I think we should come up with something like that and tell people that that’s part of our origin story too.

We’ve got to trace it back.

We’ve got to trace it back.

To Ireland, honestly, to Ireland.

This is, that’s really sweet.

Now, how would you find out through Ancestry that your grandparents were best friends?

I don’t know.

I don’t know because I, we’ll make this about me, but when I was dating Erin pretty early on, we went up to Brainerd to visit his grandparents, and Erin introduced me to his grandpa, and his grandpa goes, McInerny.

Huh.

You related to Roger McInerny?

That’s my uncle.

Yeah.

Now, my dad’s the youngest of nine kids.

His brothers are old enough to be my grandfather.

That’s crazy.

They were in training camp for World War II together.

Shut up.

There’s a picture of them together.

Wow.

And they grew up 30, 40 miles away, which in Minnesota is quite a ways.

Or the way I grew up at least, if you lived in Minneapolis, I wouldn’t have known somebody from Elk River, Minnesota.

It just wasn’t going to happen.

No, I would never.

I would personally not.

Did I marry someone from out that way?

Yes.

Was it a big deal to marry someone from another county?

It felt like it to me.

But yeah, I don’t know how you would find that out, but I love that.

I love that.

Okay.

I moved country at 38 and had to make friends in my new home, 10,000 miles away, America to Australia, when I married my Aussie husband.

I turned to Reddit and have met all of my friends, but three from posting, How do you make friends in our city’s subreddit?

My other friends I met because our dog sitter said, I met another loud American woman I think you would like.

And she was correct.

And I found a couple online that re-finished some of our furniture, and we liked them so much, we kept them.

I am watching my childhood best friend’s daughter grow up over FaceTime, but I have a thriving little community here, and I’m so grateful for it.

I miss home, but I’m building it here.

Oh, I like that.

I love bringing in Reddit.

I love bringing it.

Sometimes you got to take it to, maybe not Reddit specifically, but I…

Well, I met all of my, I literally met so many of my friends on Twitter when I moved to New York, well, when I started in media.

So I get that.

Yeah, I met friends on Twitter.

I met friends online.

I think that, I don’t know if people still do that, but that really was a very normal thing to do, especially in the earlier days of Twitter, where, you know, people weren’t, it wasn’t like the worst place, or it didn’t feel like the worst place.

It was literally the best place for a while.

But yeah, I met so many of my friends.

At my wedding, my mom would be like, is this your internet friend?

I’m like, well, we’ve been like friends for a decade now.

Yeah, so we could say that, or we could just say friend.

Sometimes we just say friend.

Yeah, mom, we just say friend.

Sometimes we just say friend.

But yeah, totally.

I mean, the internet giveth.

I mean, it also taketh away, but it does giveeth.

It does giveeth, and it shall giveeth.

It shall giveeth.

We got, you and I are from the internet.

That’s true.

That’s true.

Now look, Reddit is not my thing, but I do like the, I like the posting of it, right?

Like, take this to a local Facebook group.

You know, people are still very active on Facebook.

Did you know that?

I do.

And I have a, I have a personal little secret Facebook that I use only just for my pleasure, like only for good stuff.

I’m in crafting groups.

I’m in Fabulous 50s, which is a group of people that were born in the 50s.

And all they do is just talk about how much better it was back then.

And I think it’s so funny.

And I’m in there.

And I say, you’re right, Joan.

So good.

She’s like, Christmas was better in 1959.

And I’m like, I can’t argue with you.

I wasn’t there, but I believe you, Joan.

Okay, can I invite you to record a semi-regular podcast?

We’re going to call it Group Therapy.

And we’re going to anonymize, but bring our favorite posts from different Facebook groups.

Yes.

I’m in a group chat with a few of my friends who were all in the same neighborhood in Brooklyn and we’re all in the same buy nothing group.

I love that group.

I love my buy nothing group, but half the people are like, made too much spaghetti tonight.

Does anyone want?

And you’re like, yeah, girl.

I’m not eating your spaghetti, but also it’s like maybe that’s me eroding the social fabric, refusing to accept your-

Absolutely, it’s me.

But I love when it’s like made too much spaghetti.

I’m like, then put it in a tupperware and eat it tomorrow.

What are we doing?

Don’t give it away.

Don’t have people over to your home.

You don’t know these people.

You don’t know these people.

Keep posting personal things, but you have to put it out there.

It’s so vulnerable.

Wait, I have one very funny aside.

My friend put up a bunch of brand new swimsuits.

She missed the return window and forgot they were there.

Your loss is my gain sort of thing.

She was like, I have these swimsuits, they didn’t really fit me in the way that I wanted them to fit me.

Brand new attacks, still have the linings on them or whatever.

And one woman goes, oh, these would be great, I’ve gained so much weight and I think these would fit.

You’re like, oh, okay, thanks, bye.

She’s like, oh, yeah, this is amazing because I have gained a ton of weight.

Normally, this size would never fit me, but however, I’ve gained a massive amount of weight now.

God, these are microaggressions.

Okay, so yes, I love a Facebook group, Reddit scares the shit out of me.

I understand it can be like any other place on the internet, helpful and also probably pretty harmful.

Yeah, I mean, it just also, I don’t understand the interface.

There’s a lot of things on the internet where I’m just like, I can’t see this.

Yeah, you’re like, update your code.

Where am I?

Yeah, where am I?

Where am I?

I don’t know where I am.

And so it’s just kind of hopeless.

It’s not funny, right?

Okay, here’s another one.

This is another and hopefully what I hope these stories do is like kind of inspire people to like put themselves out there and like find It’s not unlike dating, honestly.

Yes, invite someone to Vegas.

Sure.

For four nights.

Ask them about Palestine in a tub.

Honestly, what could go wrong?

What could go wrong?

If you are, if you’re feeling like somebody could be your friend, say, do you want to go away for four nights and share a bed?

Yeah.

And if they don’t, then never meant to be.

Guess what?

You already have your answer.

And then when you get there, say, no, do you have IBS or is that just like a me thing?

Okay.

Is that just a me thing?

Just write it on a post-it that you brought.

Say, IBS, yes, no, circle, and just pass it to them in the bed that you’re sharing.

Okay, here we go.

Yeah.

The story begins in 2020 when everyone was at their loneliest.

After being furloughed from my post-college retail management job, shout out paper source.

Okay.

Wow.

I was left in a lurch like many others.

One day I saw a Facebook post.

It’s all coming back to Facebook.

That a local tech company was recruiting people to do data entry for a few hours a week as contract work.

And I thought, fuck it.

All right.

Even though I was not technically part of the company yet, I did have access to the company Slack.

2020 was wild.

Get in here.

Get in the Slack.

Come on in here, girl.

Come on.

Come on, girlfriend.

Do we even have you like set up in like the payment system?

No.

You’re using your own computer and your own email, but come on into the Slack.

Come on in.

Get in the Slack.

Get in the Slack.

Get in the Slack.

We need you in here.

Everyone share a picture of their dog.

Yeah.

It’s dog Friday.

Picture your dog in the Slack.

Ruff, ruff.

Oh my God.

Okay.

This meant I got to see all the other cool full-time employees doing cool full-time employee stuff.

I noticed one girl specifically had my exact sense of humor and obsession with pop culture and very good taste in music.

Love where this is going.

One day I worked up the courage to message her directly on Slack.

I later end up asking my now boyfriend out for coffee on Slack.

I am HR’s worst nightmare.

And we started sending each other podcasts and music back and forth through the thickest thick of lockdown.

I was eventually hired on full-time as a marketing girlie at the tech company.

And when regulations eventually lifted, I bravely invited her to eat sushi with me.

And the rest is fucking history.

She’s my absolute fucking soulmate and the best person I know.

We both worked at the tech company for three more years till it imploded under some Theranos.

That always happens.

That’s always how the story ends.

Damn, girl.

Theranos ass fraud circumstances.

Sure.

Parentheses, millions of dollars.

900 people lost their jobs without notice.

Oh, my God.

Bitwise Industries in Fresno, California.

If you’d like a Google adventure, we will be going down that rabbit hole.

We were sitting together in my car watching the last-minute Google Meet where our CEOs informed us our most recent paycheck would likely bounce.

Oh, my God.

Honestly, you’re still in the company slack, but we’re keeping the slack open and feel free to be in there.

We’ll pay you back in slack.

Not only is our last paycheck going to bounce, don’t expect any more after that.

So you won’t get this one.

Don’t worry, we made our money.

That’s how it always works.

Tech companies, I don’t think, this is my take, they shouldn’t exist.

Okay, we’re recording this on technology, this company shouldn’t exist.

No tech company should exist at all.

No more technology.

Okay.

No, you can, it’s all been invented.

You can give it away.

Everything’s been invented.

Pick up a phone, a pick up a soup can, tie a string, send the other can to your friend.

That’s how you talk.

Hello?

Hello, it’s me on the can.

Hello, I saw an ad for a tech company and they’re selling landlines for children.

Those are just telephones.

I saw a Today Show segment where a bunch of parents got together and they were like, we don’t want to give our 11-year-olds phones, so we’re bringing back the landline and they have a phone list and they can call their friends.

But they’re also like, you have to learn how to say like, Hi, Mrs.

McInerny, it’s Caroline, is Nora available?

I mean, listen, kids don’t know how to do that.

Kids don’t know how to do that.

And they all have phones that they can use to call.

And it’s like, you have to figure out when the appropriate time to call someone.

It’s like, yeah, that’s actually really smart.

Yeah, it is really smart.

But yeah, so we should be, you know, but there’s someone who saw that and was like, I gotta monetize that.

I gotta monetize that and I have to get 900 million in investments and then I must embezzle it.

And that is the circle of life.

I agree.

And I think that that was the real tech company all along.

The embezzlement.

Yeah, and the real-

You can’t say it’s not.

It’s the embezzlement and it’s the friends you make in Slack along the way.

This is a millennial love story.

Baby, you said yes to sushi after meeting on Slack.

We love that.

Absolutely.

I just love it.

I love a best friend soulmate.

Okay, also, as a show of friendship with you, I am going to be watching Dancing with the Stars for the first time.

Thank God.

I’ve never in all my life watched it.

Nora, it’s literally the best show on earth.

It’s the only appointment television I have.

I watch it, like I am locked in.

Well, I know that because I tried to talk to you the other day and you said, I won’t be responding to texts.

You acted as though you were going into an MRI.

I was.

My brain was getting scanned with the art of dance.

Kate watches too.

A million magnets were pulling my molecules apart.

Well, I watched celebrities who are stars dance with other people who are stars of a different realm, the world of ballroom dance.

Then you circled back afterwards as you said you would.

Of course.

I mean, listen, I love dancing with the stars.

I get so locked in.

I fucking love it.

It’s the best show on television.

One thing about me is when I see people do something, I think immediately, I could do that.

I see dancing with the stars and I say, I say, that’s what I look like.

Yeah, that’s what I look like dancing.

That guy could pick me up and throw me in the air.

I’m surprised he hasn’t done it.

I’m a tiny teeny.

Yeah, I’m surprised he hasn’t done it.

Where is he?

Where is he?

Dancing with the stars is literally incredible.

It also is the best cast they’ve had in quite some time.

Every single person is a banger.

I already filled out my bracket.

I do like fantasy, you know, I know.

Okay.

All right.

So you want me to read this?

Yep.

Okay.

Hold on a second.

Okay.

I met my adult bestie, Chrissy, in a grad class my first semester.

She is slash was a Shakespearean scholar, and I was considered, quote, a refreshing presence in class, end quote.

Then we ended up in the same AIDS lit class, which is my area, and we both developed psychosomatic AIDS-adjacent symptoms, example, thrush, as a result is becoming so invested in the material.

I defended my final paper on AIDS and the literature of the incurable with notes printed on Christmas paper because the stress was so high.

I was this close to disintegrating and she noticed the paper and had the church giggles throughout my defense.

Besties for life, 30 years and counting.

That’s us.

If we didn’t have met the way we met, we would have met in AIDS class thinking we got symptoms because we read too much about it.

And then I would have printed something on-

no, you would have printed something on Christmas paper and I would have peed my pants while you were doing it.

And that’s our story.

I also just love it too.

I also love the idea of printing something on specific paper is so like 30 years ago too.

I remember going to Staples and getting paper that had borders on it.

And then you would put it in your printer.

And I literally think that’s what she means.

Yeah, 100%.

100%.

It’s meant for Christmas letters and you have to adjust the margins.

You have to adjust the margins.

It’s meant for Christmas letters.

And it’s also the paper they use in your office where it’s like, holiday potluck in the common area.

Like bring something, four o’clock.

And it’s like, that’s the paper she brings her thesis on is so funny.

Oh, it’s so, it must have taken so much paper.

Also, how do two people think they’ve developed thrush?

She said they did develop thrush.

No, they said psychosomatic aids adjacent symptoms.

Like they thought they had, psychosomatic is like thinking, they had like one thousand.

I think psychosomatic was like, you get it because you thought it.

I don’t think so.

Hold on, wait, psychosomatic definition.

Oh, I guess, you get a physical illness or other condition cause.

I thought psychosomatic was like, you’re so convinced you have it, but nothing says you have it.

They got it just from thinking it.

Well, her doctor was convinced that most of her problems were psychosomatic.

All right.

Well, yeah.

So I guess you get so stressed out about it that you give yourself thrush.

Then what is thrush again?

Because I don’t think it’s good.

I think it’s like a yeast infection in your mouth.

I’m pretty sure.

Okay, hold on.

Isn’t it like yeast overgrowth?

You could be wrong.

The fungus Candida grows out of control, often due to a weakened immune system.

Oh my God.

Yeah, it’s in your mouth.

Poor oral hygiene, smoking, and hormonal changes.

Oh.

Thrush, thrush.

Or reading too much.

I don’t want thrush.

I’m going to say that now.

I don’t want it.

Yeah.

I know babies get it a lot.

Yeah, it’s an overgrowth of yeast.

Yeah.

It’s in the mouth or on your genitals.

Or it can also refer to a type of songbird with a sweet voice.

Oh, I know.

I love a thrush.

I love a thrush.

I love a specific kind of thrush, but not the kind in your mouth.

Okay.

Not vaginal thrush.

This is a short one, which I think could also be us.

I met my adult bestie in a partial hospitalization program.

Yes.

Yes, absolutely.

100 percent.

Three laugh crying emojis.

We’re unfortunately no longer friends.

No.

No.

What happened?

I don’t know.

It was by far one of the most special and unique friendships I’ve ever had.

And I think that’s really beautiful.

Okay.

If I met you in a PHP, I would be like, that’s my girl.

I’d say, I salute you.

Yeah.

And then when people said, how would you meet?

I would say, you want to tell the story or should I?

I want us to get stopped on the street with that TikTok guy who’s like, excuse me, are you guys a couple?

Can you tell us how you met?

I’m going to be like, yes, I can.

Yes, we are.

That’s really funny, but they broke up, so I don’t know.

That feels like she has unfinished business with this because she wrote in and still thinks of her as a…

All right.

If that’s you, please give us more details.

We’re nosy.

I know.

Okay.

Ready?

Yes.

Okay.

I just sent you another one.

Okay.

I moved to an apartment downtown in a new city a couple of years ago.

A couple of months in, I was in the basement parking garage and a young woman, what’s the alternative to saying girl that doesn’t sound weird, around my age walked by and asked where in Texas I was from.

In parentheses, I had Texas license plates.

She had also moved from Texas around the time I did.

We chatted for a bit and after we said goodbye, but before she got in the elevator, I blurted out, do you want to be friends?

And the rest is history.

I’m actually crying right now because I love her so much.

I’ve already cried a few times today though, so I guess that’s on theme.

Listen, honestly, sometimes that’s what it is.

I had a friend date out to breakfast in the beginning of the year, and we never hung out again.

We still chat and send each other memes or whatever, but it’s almost like going on a date where you’re like, I see a lot of value in this person and I don’t hate them, but I don’t feel the like, we’re going to be like hang out all the time kind of thing.

And I also think at work, we’re not in the office, I’m not in an office at all, neither are you, but when we were in the office five days a week, you did have to find your allies pretty quickly.

I think that’s a really good way of doing it.

In 2025, we are in this place where most of us aren’t moving around the world the way that we used to before COVID.

And I don’t know, sometimes you just have to be bold.

I would be so bold with friends, you’re the perfect example of this.

I would never do that with a man.

I never want to go on a date.

There’s something very vulnerable about that.

So I do understand if people are like, I could never just go up to another woman and be like, do you want to be my friend?

What if she says no?

It’s like, I don’t know what if she says no.

Yeah, what if she says no?

She could say no.

But I have practiced that.

I practiced that.

I practiced being like, hey, do you want to be friends?

I’ve done that with a couple of the kid’s friends’ moms.

Parents, totally.

But I think also, we just gotta get better.

And this is again, something that I think we lost during the, when I say during COVID, I mean during the boom of it.

Pre-vaccination.

Yes, just like the kaboom that set off in our lives and in our habits too.

It’s like, you gotta get to talking.

You gotta get to talking.

My grandpa was a chit-chatter.

My mom is a chit-chatter.

My dad was not a chit-chatter.

He was like, he was always like Margaret, that waiter does not care.

Well, you’re, cause your mom will go, I’ll take it home, put an egg on it in the morning.

I’m gonna take this home.

You know, I actually can’t get a box.

I’m gonna take it home and tomorrow, I’m gonna put an egg on it.

She loves telling people she’s gonna.

One, she loves to put an egg on it.

And two, she loves to make sure that the wait staff is informed that she’ll be putting an egg on this in the morning.

I, that’s, I feel so close to your mom from that because I also go, you could also, you could put this, you could have this for breakfast and put an egg on it.

That’s the shit I say.

And your mom says, I’m going one step further, I am going to do that.

And I say, you, I said, I can dream it.

And your mom said, I can be it.

Not only that I can dream, if you can dream it, you can do it.

She does it.

She does it.

And beforehand, she makes sure that everyone knows it.

Everyone’s informed.

She keeps people informed.

My grandpa could talk to anybody.

My children are embarrassed of this, you know?

You do it, you talk to everybody.

I love to chit chat.

I love to, and you know what?

You are a magnet for chit chat.

Yes.

When we are together, people, strangers are coming up and they are often sitting down.

And they will, they’ll say, I got to tell you something.

I’ve been in this casino since Thursday.

No, she doesn’t say hotel.

She says, I’ve been in this casino.

This woman comes up to us at the slots and says, I’ve been in this casino since Thursday.

You want to be at this machine at-

At 4.30 in the morning.

She said that’s when I pay out.

And I said, 4.30 you say?

Okay.

Well, it’s not an alarm.

Who could hurt?

What could hurt?

Even yesterday, I was parking my car in the parking garage of my building.

And I was chatting with the valet guy.

And he was like, what do you know?

It was like three o’clock in the afternoon.

He’s like, are you done with work for the day?

And I said, honestly, probably not.

But I think I’m going to be.

And he’s like, what are you going to do for the rest of the day?

I said, I’m going to watch TV.

And he was like, what are you watching?

And I said, nothing good.

And he said, you ever watch Lost?

And I said, I didn’t.

And he goes, got to watch Lost.

And so now, I’m going to watch Lost.

And now, every time I go back into the parking garage, he’s like, you start Lost yet?

And then he goes, you can’t be on your phone, though.

You got to really watch.

There’s a lot of hints.

And I said, Juan, I got it.

And how do you know I’m on my phone?

I’m not driving in on my phone.

You can just tell that I’m someone who sits on my phone.

You can tell.

You can tell you’re not going to be locking in and watching Lost.

They find me.

I have exchanged phone numbers with the woman that does my spray tan when I go get my spray tans.

I’ve become friends with the parking garage tenant, all of my doormen, all of my friends.

I know when their birthdays are and I have them in my birthday calendar.

Who else did I do this with the other day?

Someone.

Oh, I got my makeup professionally done last week.

I took a makeup lesson.

That’s why I look a little bit different than I usually do because I actually am learning and I’m practicing.

We got dinner last night.

I said, do you want to go out to dinner?

I said, I don’t know if you’re in the market for new friends, but do you want to go to dinner?

She’s like, I’d love to.

We went out to dinner last time.

We had a great time.

And I’m not threatened.

You’re not threatened.

And you should be.

And you should be.

But I think someone else, my blind spot is dating.

And so I relate to people being like, don’t know how to make friends.

Because I’m like, I don’t know how to date.

I don’t want to go and sit at a bar and read a book and hope someone.

I don’t want that at all.

But on the other side of it, I would go up to anybody I would want to be friends with and be like, you want to hang out?

You want to exchange numbers?

I meet people in the dog park all the time.

I exchange numbers with everyone, really.

Everyone has my number.

Anyone can have my number.

I love community.

This has been Thanks For Asking.

Thank you so much to our co-host, Caroline Moss, my best friend for being here.

We are going to have to do a part two.

We ran out of time.

Was that because we took a few too many side quests?

Perhaps, but this is a call-in show, so if you have advice on making friends, you want to share the story of how you met your adult bestie.

Apologies to one person who wrote in and talked about meeting a friend the first day in the dorms.

I know you’re legally an adult, but we’re talking about adulthood here.

Okay, and I say that with respect.

I say that with love.

You can call in.

You can text in.

You can email.

It’s always in our show notes, but it’s 612-568-4441.

Thanks at feelingsand.co.

This episode was produced by Marcel Malekibu, who really had to do the Lord’s work here.

Our opening theme music is by Geoffrey Lamar Wilson.

We have links to his album by his band Lamar on Spotify and Apple in our show description.

Go stream those.

He’s so talented.

Our closing theme music, what you’re hearing right now, is by my young son Q.

I already paid him $100 licensing fee, and he’s asking for more.

I’m getting shaken down at this point, so please send help.

We could not do this without listeners, so thank you, and specifically thank you to our supporting producers.

They are signed up over on the Substack, noraborialist.substack.com at the highest level.

You can subscribe monthly, you can subscribe annually, or you can kick in a little bit more and say, I want my name in the credits, which is literally the only benefit.

So thank you to these people.

We’re going to take turns, Caroline.

Here we go.

We are thanking Nancy Duff.

We’re thanking Jenny Medellin.

Jordan Jones.

Sheila.

Kathleen Langerman.

Ben.

Jess.

Michelle Toms.

Tom Stockburger.

Jen.

Beth Derry.

Stacey DeMoro.

Emily Foriso.

Stephanie Johnson.

Faye Barons.

Amanda.

Sarah Garifo.

Jennifer McTagel.

All caps.

All caps.

Elia Feliz-Milan.

Lindsay Lund.

Renee Kepke.

That’s how you say Kepke?

Yeah.

Oh, I love that.

That has never, I’ve only read that name, never said it.

Chelsea Cernick.

That’s right.

Car Pan?

Car Pan.

LGS.

All caps.

Stacey Wilson.

Courtney McCone.

Kaylee Sakai.

Mary Beth Barry.

You know, that’s my high school gym teacher.

Like actually?

For real, for real.

Isn’t that cool?

That is really cool.

I love her.

Miss Barry, I’ll say it in the credits, I’ll say her first name forever, Miss Barry to me.

Truly, she taught us to meditate in like 1999.

Wow.

Wild stuff.

At a Catholic school.

Crazy.

I love that.

Okay, Joe Theodosopoulos.

Abby Arose.

Elizabeth Berkley.

And we don’t know if that’s-

The Elizabeth Berkley?

I’m assuming so.

We have to assume yes.

Oh, Jesse Spano.

Okay.

Jesse Spano.

Kim F.

Melody Swinford.

Val.

Lauren Hanna.

Katie.

Jessica LaTaycher.

I think it’s LaTaycher.

I don’t know.

I don’t speak French.

I don’t speak French.

I don’t speak French.

Crystal Mann.

Lisa Piven.

Kate Lyon.

Christina.

Sarah David.

Kate Bellargeon.

Bellargeon?

Again, I go French, I say Bellargeon.

Kate Bellargeon.

Erin John.

Joy Pollack.

Crystal.

Jennifer Pavelka.

Jess Blackwell.

Mika.

Jess Careed.

Beth!

Oh, Beth!

Simply the Beth.

Simply the Beth.

Chiara, who speaks Italian to me in DMs sometimes.

Jill McDonnell.

Jen Grimlin.

Alexis Lane.

David Binkley.

Cathy Hamm.

Virginia Labassi.

Lizzie DeFry.

Jeremy Essen.

Anne Dobrzinski.

Robin Roulard.

That’s Erin’s aunt.

Oh, fine.

Nicole Petey.

Monica.

Caroline Moss.

I was like, am I on here?

You were like one of the first.

Oh my God, of course.

Look, this is an order of signups.

Oh, okay.

So put me at the top.

Yeah.

Okay.

Rachel Walton.

Inga.

Bonnie Robinson.

Shannon Dominguez-Stevens.

Penny Pesta.

Kaylee.

Dave Gilmour.

Jacqueline Ryder.

Okay.

And this is like in order of like most recent to like, so Jacqueline Ryder, I need to shout you out as the first person, whoever.

Jacqueline Ryder.

Dave Gilmore, Kaylee, Penny Pesta is one of the best names I’ve ever read in my life.

Do you know this person?

No.

And every time I say the credits, I say I love this name.

Sometimes it runs through my head in other contexts.

So I’ll just pick Penny Pesta.

Penny Pesta.

If it’s a married name, wow, you hit the jackpot.

If your parents named you that, amazing work.

Penny Pesta is like, hey, what are you making for dinner tonight?

Oh, my kids requested Penny Pesta.

So, so I’m making it.

Oh, yes, yeah.

It just evokes a coziness, a safeness.

Coziness, yumminess, just really a love for me.

I know this person has a home you want to sit in.

They have really nice mugs.

Oh, they’ve got great mugs.

And like really nice blankets on the couch.

Oh, the best blankets.

Whenever.

And the thing is like parasocial relationships, people are always like, oh, I have a parasocial relationship with you, a podcaster.

I have one with you, a listener.

I am making stuff up all day every day.

Trust me.

Absolutely.

There are people who have been in my DMs for 10 years and I’m thinking about you too.

I literally like talk to somebody who I’ve only DMs on Gee Thanks.

And I was like, how are your kids?

How did the first day of school go?

And I was like, are they still doing gymnastics?

Shout out Laura Noble.

If you’re listening, I think about you all the time.

Yeah, you’re on our minds.

You’re on our minds.

You’re on our minds.

We will be back with part two of Making Friends As An Adult, your best friend origin stories.

This is just like, this is gonna be a friendship, a couple friendship episodes.

So if you hear this, call in.

If you have questions, concerns, comments about friendship, adult friendship, call in.

And I wanna remind you guys, like you know how that really jokey saying, that’s like, don’t let your boyfriend stop you from meeting your husband.

Don’t let like someone you kind of like hanging out with stop you from meeting your actual best friend.

Oh wow.

You know what I mean?

Just keep asking, you know, keep making friends.

You have time.

Keep making friends.

I don’t know the expression, no new friends to me.

Yeah.

You know, everyone’s just a friend you haven’t met yet.

Every stranger’s a friend you haven’t met yet.

Oh my God, that’s why you thrived in kindergarten.

Absolutely.

That’s why you were like, peeked out of kindergarten.

Thank you for having me on.

I love you.

I really do.

My soulmate.

See you in Vegas.

Bye.