How to Con a Catfish

How do you get back into dating after being widowed? It’s something we’ve talked about before on Thanks for Asking, but never quite like this – because we’ve never talked about what it’s like to be catfished after your husband dies. Today, Nora is joined by Jessica, a widowed woman who found herself tangled in an online relationship with a catfish and decided to scam the scammer. 

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

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Hi.

Hi.

Hi there.

Hi.

Hi.

Hey, Nora.

I’m Nora McInerny, and this is Thanks For Asking, a call-in show about what matters to you. Yes, she was catfished. Yes, she was scammed.

But she also scammed the scammer. Today on Thanks For Asking, we have the story of a brave widow wading back into the dating pool and having it go, not great. I’m Nora McInerny.

This is Thanks For Asking. We are a call-in show about what matters to you. Now, if you are listening to this on the podcast apps, you should also know we have a YouTube.

Maybe you’re tired of me saying it. Well, then, I guess you have no choice but to go to YouTube. Subscribe.

It’s linked in our show description. Do the episodes come out right away there? No, they just kind of come out when they come out.

Should we be better about that? Yes. Will we be?

Perhaps. Maybe even today. But anyways, let’s get on with the show and let’s talk about widowhood, dating, and yes, being catfished.

2:14
Widow’s Dating Journey

Okay, Jessica, you reached out and the text was so intriguing. I said, this is a woman I got to speak to. You are, you’re a widow.

I am.

Hey, hey, hey.

How long have you been widowed? What was it like to jump back into the dating pool? What are the temperatures?

What is the temperature of the water in the dating pool? After you’ve been widowed?

It is so frightening. It’s terrible. It’s obsolete.

It’s horrific. But, yeah, my husband died two years ago. It’ll be two years in two weeks.

So, yeah, it’s been really interesting. I was completely broken for at least the first year.

And then, I don’t know, maybe at the start of this year, I was like, you know what, I feel like I kind of want to do something different and not just be sad all the time. So, I went a little crazy and joined Match. And yeah, it’s very interesting.

You know, I met my husband when I was 19. So, I have been out of the dating scene for a very, very, very, very long time.

Yeah. Yeah. How did you meet your husband at 19?

Working backstage on a show in a local community theater.

What were you doing?

What was he doing?

This sounds so romantic. We both were a stage crew on this show. You know, he was a technical theater person.

I’m an actor and technical theater person. So, we were both working backstage for this one show, and it was Lady Windermere’s fan.

And I was reading a book that he hadn’t read before, and so we just started talking about books, and it was, it just went from there.

That’s, I think, the magic of a meet-cute. That’s the magic of meeting somebody in real life. And I had, our oldest son was over last night.

He brought a bunch of friends over. They’re all in their 20s. And I, you know, I just asked them about dating, and one of the girls was like, it is hell, and I was like, I think the apps are so weird.

You know, because like, I never would have met in my current husband. Like, I would never have like, you know, said like, yes, this is the guy, right?

Like, this is a, I wanna, I wanna a divorced dad, you know, who’s like, you know, dealing with bankruptcy. That’s really what I want. I, who’s shorter than me.

I never would have said, this is the guy for me. And you don’t get a story that cute meeting on the apps. And yet the apps are what we have.

Okay. The life has changed since you first met your husband backstage and you were reading a book. There’s nothing cuter than being observed.

And then connecting over that observation. I think that is, that is terminally cute to be like, I was reading a book. What book were you reading?

It was the second book in a CS.

Lewis series, not the Narnia books. They’re the sci-fi series that he wrote. It was a trilogy.

So it was book two. And so he’d read the first one, but hadn’t found the second one.

So, yeah.

Okay, that’s so cute. So life has changed a lot. You get on match.com.

You’re making your profile. What do you put? Are you like, look, I am, Oh yeah, I put all the messy stuff in my profile.

I was like, there’s a lot going on.

Just watch out.

Can you pull it up? Can you read it to me?

Oh, I deleted it. I’m off of match. Yeah, no, it’s gone.

I’m done with it.

Oh, God. Okay, I love that. I remember making one when I was like, look, I don’t want a relationship, right?

I don’t know how long it had been. It may be even like six or seven months, but I just wanted physical connection. I wanted to be desired and I wanted to be just like, I wanted somebody to buy me dinner, frankly.

I just wanted to go out as an adult, and I probably have a screenshot of my profile. I wrote, Cool Widow kind of wants to kiss somebody, because I was like, I just want to kiss someone. I want someone to want to kiss me.

That is what I want. And it didn’t work. I got no takers.

Oh, man, yeah, I’ve gotten so many weird propositions.

It’s just there’s some really gross people out there.

It’s bad.

6:51
The Catfish Unfolds

Okay, so describe the guy that you end up talking to.

Like, how does this guy like cross your match path?

Okay, so this guy, his profile name was Sammy. He is a couple years younger than me. He liked me first, and in his profile, he said that he is a drill instructor, so something in the military.

Didn’t specify what branch. I was like, he’s kind of cute. I’ve never dated anyone like that before, so why not do something different?

Yeah.

Yeah, so I said okay, and we started messaging, and the first thing that he sent me was the most terrible pickup line.

It was so bad. It was something like, are you really that beautiful or do my eyes just hurt? And I was like, that doesn’t even make sense.

So I messaged back, and I was like, that’s terrible. Do you want to try again?

Do my eyes just hurt? What? Like, am I experiencing visual fatigue or are you beautiful?

I don’t know. I don’t know your prescription.

I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.

What?

He was like, he was like, terrible. Ouch. And I was like, yeah, it was really bad.

Really bad.

But he kept coming back even though I was really mean.

Yeah.

And he was very, very funny and sweet.

And I don’t know, it was a weird story. It took a long time to get into, like, the details, you know, what he chose to share.

But like, so, I mean, you’re messaging this guy, but like, are you messaging other people at the same time?

Absolutely. Yeah.

Okay.

And it was a really long time. Like, we didn’t message every day. It would be like a few days ago.

And it was very sporadic at first.

Yeah.

But, you know, he was just always there and kept coming back. And so, I don’t know, something sparked for a little while. And I was completely sucked in.

It was very interesting. He came on pretty strong at the beginning. And I was like, you know, I’m just, I’m really not ready for like a full on relationship.

I just want to have some fun. But he was like, I hope you’ll change your mind. I can wait.

And you’re like, wait, wait for, wait for what?

So what are the kinds of things that you’re like chit chatting about? And what does he start to reveal to you?

Well, let’s see, we were messaging in the app at first. And then, you know, I said I wanted to talk, like physically speak on the phone. So I offered to give him my phone number so we could call.

And he’s like, I don’t know if I can call, but I can text you on your phone. And then a few days went by and I get this, I get this text from someone whose number I didn’t know. It just said, knock, knock.

And I was, I had just gotten home from work. I was alone in the house and they like rushed around making sure all of my doors and windows were locked. I was like, I don’t know who this is.

Yeah. And he kept, he kept like playing coy. I was like, who is this?

And he’s like, your future boyfriend. It was very creepy. So that wasn’t great.

But I was like, is this Sammy? And he’s like, yeah, it’s Sammy. I’m just playing with you.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I wouldn’t start with a knock, knock.

Yeah.

Knock, knock. That wasn’t, that wasn’t fun. And, you know, so I’m calling, I’m calling everyone in my family, like, just so you know, I’m a little freaked out.

There’s something wrong. Someone just texted me a number I don’t know. So yeah, just, yeah, that’s, that’s what’s going on.

Yeah. That was, that was crazy. That was crazy.

All right.

So then how do things progress and how do you realize like what’s happening?

So it went on for like a few weeks where we would just, we would just text each other, you know, every once in a while. And then he, he sort of like came clean. He was like, I don’t know if you really understand my situation.

I’m, I’m deployed on a secret mission. I was like, okay, yeah, okay. Yeah.

Yeah.

Can’t disclose where he is.

And when you read that, what is your first response?

Are you like, oh, or are you like, okay?

I’m not really sure. He was very charming and like really, really good at sort of just like coaxing me along. You know, I was, I was very, I was, I was, I was, I believed it for a while.

And it was kind of exciting at the same time, you know, to be in on a little secret.

Yeah. So, so he says he’s on a secret message. What?

He says he’s on a secret mission.

Yeah. He was part of a hand-picked elite force.

Okay. And that’s all he can tell you. You still don’t know what branch of the military he’s in.

Oh, yeah.

He was in the Marines, according to him. Okay.

Okay. And so you don’t know where he is? You don’t know.

Okay. He’s on an elite mission. He’s also on match.com.

That’s okay. I assume, you know, they know security-wise what they are and are not allowed to do.

Yeah. Well, that was the other thing. He also had me download the Signal app so we could message more securely.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right. All right.

So that’s another thing to watch for.

Okay. Tell me more. Tell me more.

Yeah.

So, I mean, since I figured out what was going on, I’ve done a lot of research, and I am not the first one this has happened to. Like this story is out there. There are lots of people who have used the same situation.

And yeah, I never wanted to be a cautionary tale, but here I am. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you got to tell me what happened. Like what, you know, like he says he’s on a secret mission.

What are your text messages like? And like, what sort of turn was it?

It was intense. So there would be times when I wouldn’t hear from him for days. And then he’d come back and he’d be like, oh, we were out on an op and we lost a bunch of guys.

It was really rough out there. There was one time he got wounded, but not seriously. And then another time his right hand man got blown up in his face.

Yeah, that was intense. Oh my God.

So he’s telling you all these traumatic things. And also like you’ve had a traumatic loss too. So, I mean, I imagine you’re pretty like sensitive to this, right?

Like, oh yeah, it’s kind of a way to connect to, you know?

Right. And, you know, it was the way this is set up, it’s all on his terms. You know, I can’t just like call him anytime.

I can send as many messages as I want, but he doesn’t have to respond until he wants to. So, you know, it’s keeping you very vulnerable.

Yeah. So, is it that like he would take a long time to respond and then he would come back to you with like a very traumatic story that would kind of pull you in?

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay. Say that in your own words.

And then every once in a while. Yeah.

Well, you say that in your own words, Jessica, like kind of like explain like the push and pull of this connection.

Yeah. So, there would be days where I was worried that he was out there in danger, just waiting to hear back from him, and then he’d come back online and he’d send me this message. Like we were out there and it was really bad.

All this stuff happened and then you’d be so relieved that he was responding and alive, not dead.

You know, because I mean, when you’re going along with this, when you think it’s real, it’s like if something happens to him, how am I ever going to know?

Yeah. Yeah. And you’ve already had like a…

It’s so emotionally manipulative.

Yeah.

And you’ve already had like a traumatic loss too.

So, you know, I’m sure you are able also to like access those feelings and access, you know, the desire and the ability to comfort a person who has, you know, who has just told you, like, they witnessed the traumatic death of, you know, a person that

they are serving in the military with. Yeah. Do you have any of these text messages on Signal still? I don’t know how Signal works.

I do, yeah.

I’ve got them.

15:49
Scam Tactics Revealed

The last one, the, like, really major one, I actually have here. But so the first thing that sent up a red flag for me was this one time when he said that, you know, talking to me and listening to music are the only things that made him happy.

But his Spotify account got canceled, and so he asked me to send him an Apple gift card. So he could buy an album.

Did you do it?

You know, I was like, that’s like classic fishing.

You know, that’s like the ultimate basic thing, is to get you to send them a gift card.

Yeah.

So, you know, I was like, I’m not sure how I feel about this. And I thought about it for a while. And then I decided, since I wasn’t sure if he was just trying to scam me or if it was a real thing, I was like, $25 is not going to break me.

I can buy a $25 gift certificate. That’s fine. So I did that.

And like 24 hours later, he was like, you did great, baby. Good job. Yeah.

Yeah. I felt real good. I was like, okay.

Yeah. I don’t like this. I don’t like this so much.

Yeah.

It feels good to be, I mean, I bet it feels good to like be called that and to like, no, you know, it’s a, it’s, I don’t know. I bet that would feel good, right? To be like, okay, I did a nice thing, right?

Did a nice thing that I was able to do for somebody and they’re going through something. So that’s the first red flag. Like what is the next one?

Yeah.

So the next one, this is, it’s a little long, but I’m gonna read it.

Yeah.

For the past three to four months, we’ve been going through some difficulties in getting food, supplies and medical care. Our supplies were finished and we mailed the DOD letting them know the situation on the ground.

They replied by telling us that they would fix us up, but there has been no response to date. Still on hold, they keep saying they’re working towards the request and apologize for the delay using the government policies over here as an excuse.

The Trump administration is crazy. Yeah, I agree. We can’t receive any care packages or mail due to security reasons.

The last time we did, there were casualties because we found out that a C4 bomb emoji, as in the text, was planted in one of the packages and that didn’t end well. That’s another story for later. I never got that later story.

The DOD assigned a new base where we’ll get our supplies from, but unfortunately, the Iranians sent drones there and the result wasn’t great. So our commander had to put a stop to it for our safety.

So it’s not been easy eating well and getting supplies. Most of the guys here are being supported by their families and relatives with cash, and it’s been sent through Bitcoin. It’s crazy, right?

I know, but our limitations made us use the Bitcoin platform, which was weird at the time. However, we had to get used to it because of the covert deployment that we’re on.

I have a few people I could call, but I choose not to, and it happens I have to starve for it some days.

So he’s not like asking you for anything outright.

Right. There was no ask, and that’s what I was waiting for. Yeah.

But I knew it was coming, and it stopped being fun.

That was the moment?

Yeah. I kept it going for a little while because I was just, you know, even when I was pretty sure that it wasn’t real, I was having a good time. It was exciting and fun.

He was really playful and flirty, and it was fun.

Yeah. So, yeah, your text message said, it’s fun, so I haven’t ended it. And so, like, I love this because, in a way, you are scamming a scammer, right?

Exactly.

You’re saying, like, you’re trying to get money out of me.

I’m going to get you to call me baby, text me and ask how my day was. And I’m going to. So, what’s the last text that he sent you, and what have you sent him?

And is this still going?

No, I ended it.

I ended it. I told him that I knew that it wasn’t real, that it had all been lies. And he called me on the phone.

I was at work, but I took his call. So, I was like, oh, I’m surprised you would call me. He’s like, is this real?

Did you really mean to send this? And I was like, oh, oh, yes, I absolutely did. Yeah.

And he stuck to his guns. He was not backing down. He was like, I was willing to fight for this.

I was going to fight for you. I’m so disappointed that you’re giving up on this. It could have been a really great thing, but at least I got to meet someone amazing.

And I’m going to take that right to the bank, okay?

I’m going to take that right to the bank. I am amazing. I am amazing.

When did, because at first he said he couldn’t call you. When did he start calling you?

Okay. So he called me a couple of times for, and they were very short. They were very short conversations, but they were always really nice.

And he’d prepared me. He said that he was from Atlanta originally, but when he was 10, his family moved to South Africa and they were there for 10 years. So he’s like, when we talk, you might hear a little something weird.

And he has a South African accent. Yeah. So apparently there’s a whole industry in Nigeria and Ghana where you can buy whole packages, like these identities to use to scan people.

And there was sort of a mismatch of the texts that he would send and when he would answer questions in a longer format. Yeah. The longer format ones, I was like, I think he’s using AI because they just don’t sound like him.

That’s what I was going to say.

I was like, this sounds like, he was like, write me a text about being deployed and not being able to get supplied. It’s like, it doesn’t flow like a person. Crazy, right?

Well, that’s life, baby. Like, it’s just, what are you talking about? When you were like, I’m going to keep this going, like what are some of the nice text messages that he sent you?

So every once in a while, he would call me at like two o’clock in the morning.

And I always took them because I never knew when his signal would be good enough that he could talk. And it happened like every other week, he would call like at two o’clock in the morning. And so I was kind of sleep deprived for a while.

And when I clocked to it, I was like, I think that’s part of the whole game is to keep you sleep deprived so you can’t really think straight, so you can’t reason. So you keep, you know, keep engaged in the whole game.

Yeah, that makes sense to me. That makes sense to me as a person who would be so bad at scamming, I would be just so bad at it. But there is something, there’s something like, you know, a little bit intriguing to it.

And I am interested in like, when you start researching and what you learn about this.

Oh, yeah. So that’s another interesting thing.

When I started realizing that it wasn’t on the up and up, that there was something going on, and my friends who I had told that I met this really cool guy, and it was really exciting, and I was waiting for him to come home from this deployment, and

then we were going to meet up. Anyway, I was excited. So I told my friends about it. When I told them that I was starting to get a little suspicious, everyone was like, oh, thank God, we were so worried, we thought this was what was happening.

It was like, so, didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you say something?

You see something, your friend getting catfished, you say something, you’re getting catfished.

Exactly.

Yeah. So where did you learn about the packs of IDs? What does that even mean?

And what do you learn about this whole thing?

One of my coworkers was like, there’s this whole thing on 60 Minutes, like a whole episode that they dedicated to this kind of scam.

And yeah, so another friend of mine, she was the one who told me that there are, there’s like a whole industry in Africa where you can just like buy this stuff that tells you exactly how to play this game.

And I looked into it and it’s definitely a real thing. That people make a living. This is how they survive is by scamming people.

And I mean, they’ve got to be talking to so many people at once it’s probably hard for like them to keep straight too, you know?

I’m sure.

I’m sure.

They have to have like spreadsheets. Imagine. Imagine the project management that has to go into scamming multiple widows for $25 Apple gift cards.

Yeah.

How many $25 gift cards does it take to pay your rent?

I don’t know. I don’t know. We got to figure that out.

That would be, that just seems like, you know, it seems like, I don’t want to minimize. This sounds like a lot of work. It sounds like a lot of work.

It does sound like a lot of work.

Absolutely. And I mean, it’s got to be rough that this is what you have to resort to to make a living.

But I love how compassionate you are. And also like, you know, because I think when it comes, you know, what stood out to me about your text message too is like, you’re like, yeah, you know, how dare he? But it was fun.

You know, like, yeah, it was fun. You’re only out $25 and you kind of got, you know, like you got some flirtation out of it. Great.

Yeah, I got two months of a really good time.

A really good time. Yeah. And you made me feel so, yeah, he made me feel really good.

It was it was fun. We had some some fun flirtations and there were some photos exchanged.

I’m going to just find some of these.

Yeah, yeah. Because I think that’s important too. It’s like, yeah, it feels good to be like wanted, even if it’s like, you know, not real.

Like, guess what? I still get like a little spring in my step when a man yells at me out of a car door. Okay, out of a car window when he’s driving by.

I still think I still got it. Great. Thank you.

You know, I get, I get, you know, bot messages on TikTok every day. They’re like, hello, beautiful woman. Would you like $700 a month?

I will be your sugar daddy. And I say, me? Me?

Okay.

Like it feels good.

It does not need to be real to like give you that real boost.

Yeah. Oh God. Yeah.

He was really good at that. Okay. So here’s one little exchange.

He says, good morning. I’m sorry for not being active. Things haven’t been great with me over here.

I wasn’t having internet, hence why I couldn’t come online. I always miss you. You know that.

And then I sent him a couple of questions just about the things that he enjoys doing. And so he said, I’m passionate about a few things.

I’m passionate about helping people, volunteering, being a better version of myself, and most importantly, making you happy.

And what gets me excited, seeing people happy, talking to you, seeing your messages when I’m online, thinking about you every minute of the day without talking to you. And lastly, thinking about coming back home real soon.

Yeah. Yeah. That feels good.

That feels good.

Yeah.

And you know, he would tell me about the stuff that, you know, how they had a bad mission, whatever.

And I would say things like, you know, I wish you could open up and tell me what’s going on so I can understand. And he said, you have no idea how badly I want to tell you about these things. But then again, I don’t want to scare you away.

And you’re like, oh, buddy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I’ve already been through it. OK, you can’t scare me away. You can’t scare me away.

And I mean this, Jessica, with like literally no judgment, like, surprise, this didn’t happen to me because I would have been like, I am ready. I am ready to emotionally caretake a man while I am emotionally broken.

There’s nothing that gets me going more.

Yeah. Well, I mean, that’s the thing. I didn’t want to like really care about someone right away.

I was just looking for something casual and fun. And he just, he really sucked me in. He was like, I really hope that you can get past that and really want to just have a life with me.

And he kept like painting pictures of all the things that we would do when he gets back from his deployment. Yeah. Yeah.

It was pretty wild.

Yeah. I have to say, as far as a scam goes, like saying that you’re in the military and on like a mission or that you’re away, like it’s a good one. Because how much do any of us know about like how the military operates?

You tell me something’s a secret. I say, I’ll respect that. I, okay.

Exactly.

What am I going to do?

I’m so, I’m so far from that world.

I have no idea how it works.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, look, I’m glad that you, you, you scammed a scammer.

You said, fine. Okay. You’re, you’re going to sort of imply that you need me to send you money.

Well, I need you to send me more compliments and tell me that I’m the only thing keeping you going. Yeah.

So I mean, when you, he started cooling off and that’s when I was just like, it’s not fun anymore. I don’t think I want to play.

Yeah. I’m done. I’m done.

On to the next one. I love that he called you and was like, wait, are you for real? I only got $25, Jessica, come on.

Exactly. I’m exactly, like, Iran is taking my care packages. You have to save me.

The Department of Defense is not supposed to save me. Sending me any supplies. I need war supplies in gift card format.

Okay? Like the best, we can’t get supplies. We need Bitcoin.

We need Bitcoin. All right? That’s what we need.

That’s what we need. Like, I will say, you know where I think he messed up when he said Bitcoin?

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

First the gift card and then Bitcoin. It’s just like, yeah, I’m not stupid. I don’t live under Iraq.

Yes.

If there are any scammers listening, don’t ask for Bitcoin. Okay? Don’t ask for Bitcoin.

Come on. Get real. Get real.

Unless I already had Bitcoin, which I don’t, because it’s fake. Right.

I would have no idea. I would have no idea.

Get a new currency just to send it to you? No. Get a grip.

Come on.

He really, really didn’t research his mark very well because I am not wealthy. I have nothing to steal.

But you know what? I’m gonna Google this, but I have to imagine that it’s like, you know, it’s a numbers game. So how many people, right?

Can I get $25 out of? And also, people who don’t have a ton of money, Jessica, you know this, I know this, most generous people. Most generous people.

You are not going to, you know, like, let’s be real. Let’s be real, right? Like, you would give your last $100 to somebody, and I would too.

So actually, we are very good marks.

Like, okay.

I don’t ever want to hear you say again that you’re a bad mark. You’re a very good mark. Okay.

Thank you.

I mean, you’re a great mark.

And I’m sorry you got catfished, but I’m also glad because I think it was, you know, it was what you needed in the moment. You needed, like, a distraction. You needed, like, a little trip through a fictional land.

Absolutely.

Of secret missions and…

It was such a rush.

I had the best time.

So yeah, I mean, I wasn’t going to get hurt. This wasn’t going to break me. So it was definitely…

I’m glad it happened to me and not someone else who would have fallen for it. You know, I just, I enjoyed it and had a really good time.

All right, if you’re out there, if you’re a widow on match.com, what are we watching out for?

We’re watching out for…

Bad opening lines.

A terrible pickup line followed by a secret life that they can’t disclose who they are and what they’re up to, or their location, or be available at all times.

Right. Can’t talk on the phone, you can’t call them. I’m American, but I might sound South African.

It’s a weird thing. It’s just a weird little thing about me. Some about me, I spent a lot of time being raised in Atlanta, but then I just took a trip to South Africa, and now I can’t do a South African accent.

It’s a strange one. They’re going to try. I can’t do it.

I always sound like Irish or Jamaican.

I don’t know why.

It’s intriguing to me. I’m like, I don’t know what those vowels are doing down in South Africa, but I get it.

Oh, I just have one more fun thing to share. So there were some photos exchanged. But yeah, I got some interesting ones, and I sent them to myself.

I am telling you, text them to us now.

Text them to us now. These are going in the YouTube video. We are doing a PSA.

Absolutely not.

Not yours.

Did you do dick pic?

Yeah. So, yes. So this is the thing.

When I was telling my sister that the whole thing was a lie and I didn’t know who it was that I was talking to, her first reaction was, whose dick was that? She really cracked me up. I was like, I don’t know.

I don’t know.

He found a really good one on the internet to send to me.

I’m gonna guess, look, I’m gonna guess men have no problem sending out their real, their real dick pics.

I think, but also, I mean, I imagine that they’re a dime a dozen. I imagine you could get online right now and find plenty. I think you could.

Do a reverse Google image search on it and just see if it comes up anywhere else. Okay, let’s see.

I don’t think I want that in my search history.

Whose dick is this? Okay, whose dick is this? Whose dick is this?

Who sent me this? Okay, like, oh man, oh man, oh man. Yep, yep, okay, what a ride.

What a wild ride. Thank you for sharing this with us.

This was lovely. It was so much fun.

Love that. You have the best attitude.

You’re so perfect.

You’re a great Mark.

Okay. I’m back out there. I’m back out there.

You’re back out there.

Okay.

I know.

I’m a glutton for punishment.

Are you on a different app or are you just out there in the real world?

Oh, boy. My friend convinced me to try the Facebook dating.

Okay.

Because her theory is that you sort of have to be verified, maybe a real person on Facebook, and you might have some friends in common.

Yeah.

Okay. All right. Okay.

I’ve given it a try.

Facebook dating is a new, I did not know. I guess they’re just doing everything now.

They’re doing everything.

Yeah.

I wasn’t even really active on Facebook anymore. I’ve sort of moved past that, but I’m giving it a try.

Have you had any success lately?

I’m possibly going on a date on Sunday.

Okay. All right. All right.

Send us a text to keep us updated.

I want an update.

I want an update on this. I want to know how successful it is. Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Make sure he’s a real person. Do not break. If he asks for a gift card.

No. If this man brings up Bitcoin at all, even casually, even if he just says, have you heard of it? No.

You’re leaving.

No. Yeah.

You’re leaving. You’re leaving. All right.

Thank you, Jessica. This was a delight. Thank you.

Thank you, Nora.

It was such a- It was such a blast to meet you.

The best stew at Oskai, just talking about Dayton. Here we are. Now it’s time for one of my favorite segments, one of your favorite segments.

This is Five Stars, where I find the best of what I think is the best and funniest five-star reviews for establishments, apps, things that I’ve purchased, things that other people have purchased. Why do I do it? Why do I do anything?

I guess it soothes me to know that people like things, that they like them and enjoy them enough to not only just tap that five-star, but to also then leave a review, to tap it out, to tell the world what they love about a person, place or thing that

most of us would just go through our day never thinking about. I think that people have said, it’s popular knowledge and who knows if it’s even real, that when people don’t like something, they’ll tell everybody.

When people do like something, they’ll keep it to themselves. Not these reviewers, we have a five-star review today for who, what? Glad you asked Tinder.

Tinder, this is a review for Tinder. I have never in my life thought I should review an app and write it out, unless I have reviewed an app, in which case I don’t remember doing it. But this is a five-star review for Tinder, the dating app.

Here we go, five stars. I’d been married for about five years before my wife and I divorced. I’m a trucker and the distance was killing our relationship.

What is happening? After that, I focused on work. I drove from state to state only worrying about the road and not about the loneliness inside my heart, ripped open from losing the woman I married.

Okay?

So I got Tinder and used it to try to move on.

I hooked up with a few women from time to time, but my true love came when I got home to Alabama again. I loaded up the app to find my first match in the area. My ex-wife, she said she married another man and she didn’t love him no more.

So I took my wife, I took my wife and we left the state. Thank you Tinder for helping me ruin my wife’s new marriage and getting her back. Now we are enjoying the city life!

This is just too good. She said she married another man, she didn’t love him no more. She was on Tinder.

I said, now you’re my wife, we’re leaving the state, we’re leaving the city life, but before we go babe, I gotta get on Apple, get into the App Store, and I gotta leave a five-star review for Tinder because Tinder helped me get my wife back.

I love it. Five stars. Five stars.

All right, it is time for Feedback Loop. This is a little segment to hear your feedback about our stories. Look, we make a show about what matters to you, and then your feedback matters to us.

Now, if you leave it in a review, I’m not gonna read it. Why? Because I don’t self-harm anymore.

I don’t, not in that way, not in that way. I don’t, but you can email us, you can text us, you could leave a voicemail. You are a part of the team, and this is where we listen to you.

So, and you know what? This, there’s a theme to this episode.

We are talking about finding relationships online, whether that is your ex-wife and reclaiming her via Tinder, whether that is getting back into the dating pool and getting catfished as a widow, and friendship.

We’ve been talking a lot on this podcast about friendships and how important they are. We put out several episodes this year about that, and we have kept getting friendship stories.

In response to our several episodes about how to make friends as an adult or your best friend origin stories, we got this one that I would like to share with the class.

In January 2021, I posted in a Facebook group that was for fans of a podcast asking if anyone local to Chicago would want to get together for a drink.

I had moved in 2019 without knowing anyone, and foolishly focused on dating prior to making good friends. Ha ha. She does not mean that ha ha.

She doesn’t mean it at all because guess what? Friends first, love second, end of story. A few girls had responded and I wound up going to a three-hour lunch with them the next day.

At that lunch, we talked about all of our lives, relationships, jobs, our experiences during COVID, etc. We all left the lunch excited to see each other again, but with no real plans.

Cut to four hours later, I found out my boyfriend at the time was cheating on me. And I texted the group of girls like, okay, now I definitely need friends. They came to my rescue the next day, one of them bringing wine and chocolate.

And while that group is still close, the one who brought the wine and chocolate and is also six years younger, ha ha, is my best friend.

I don’t know how I made it so far into my life without her, but my God, I’m so glad I was vulnerable and asked strangers to love me when I desperately needed it. And I love that. I love that.

I love that.

Mm, mm, mm.

Focus on your friendships. Even a new one, I mean, SOS, the people who show up are the right people. That is something that I can tell you.

That was a great feedback loop. You can always call us. You can always text us.

Thanks at feelingsand.co, 612-568-4441. Thanks for being here with us, guys. This has been Thanks For Asking.

Remember, remember, remember, remember, what’s our phone number? 612-568-4441. You can call, you can text, you could email us.

Don’t send a voice memo via text, because this is a Google voice number. I know, well, let me download a voice memo. So if you send a voice memo, it just goes away.

And I can never claim it again. So thank you for being here. Thank you to everybody who has liked, shared, and reviewed this podcast, okay?

Wonderful. Thank you for helping keep us going. We do have completely optional ways to support this show.

One is going to that YouTube. Sorry, I’m getting hundreds of views there. Guys, I mean, is it taking off?

No. Am I gonna keep doing it? Yes.

Why? It’s fun for me. I can’t explain it.

We have a Substack where you can subscribe if you want to, if you want to throw something in at the $8 level. You know, if you want to throw something in, you know, monthly, we set up a Buy Me a Coffee. It’s no pressure.

Guys, shit’s hard. I don’t know. You know, we’re not even gonna do it.

We’re not even gonna try to sell you on that. Like, whatever. You know where it is.

It’s at the episode description. Thank you to Marcel Malekibo for producing this episode. Thank you to Grace for producing the videos.

Thank you to Geoffrey Lamar Wilson for making our opening theme music.

His albums are linked on Spotify and Apple in our episode description, but the music you’re hearing right now, that is from my young son, Q, and he would like to write another song, but he also is asking for, he has for a significant, he has for a

higher amount of money this second time around. And I said, buddy, we are on a budget. But thank you to our supporting producers. These are people who are paid subscribers to the show.

You could do monthly, you could do annually, or you get your name in the credits by paying a different level, a different level. And the only benefit is that you get your name in the credits.

So big thank you to Joy Heising, KM, Nancy Duff, Jenny Madaeen, Jordan Jones, Sheila, Kathleen Langerman, Ben, Jess, Michelle Toms, Tom Stockburger, Jen, Beth Derry, Stacey Demaro, Emily Ferrizo, Stephanie Johnson, Faye Barons, Amanda, Sarah Garifo,

Jennifer McDagle, All Caps, Elia Filiz-Milan, Lindsay Lund, Renee Kepke, Chelsea Cernik, Car Pan, LGS, Stacey Wilson, Courtney McCown, Kaylee Saki, Mary Beth Berry, my high school gym teacher, Love You Forever, Joe Theodosopoulos, Mad, Avia Rose,

Elizabeth Berkley, Kim F., Melody Swinford, Val, Lauren Hanna, Katie, Jessica Latexier, Crystal Mann, Lisa Piven, Kate Lyon, Christina, Sarah David, Kate Byerjohn, Erin John, Joy Pollack, Crystal, Jennifer Pavelka, Jess Blackwell, Micah, Jessica

Reed, Beth Lippem, Kiara, Jill MacDonald, Jen Grimlin, Alexis Lane, David Binkley, Cathy Hamm, Virginia Labassi, Lizzie De Vries, Jeremy Essin, Ann DeBrasinski, Robin Ruhlard, Nicole Petey, Monica, Caroline Moss, Rachel Walton, Inga, Bonnie Robinson,

Shannon Dominguez-Stevens, Penny Pesta, Kaylee, Dave Gilmore and Jacqueline Ryder. We’ll see you back here next week.