Help, My Parents Are Hoarders!

What is it like to have hoarders for parents? Today, Nora and guest Jane Marie are telling you about it with audience submissions and real-life stories – buckle up and get ready to learn.

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Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

Hi.
How are you there? Hi.
Hi. Hey, Nora.
I’m Nora McInerny and this is Thanks For Asking, a call in show about what matters to you. Hi, everybody, it’s Nora McInerny. This is Thanks For Asking, a show about what matters to you, and what matters to you today is hoarding.
Specifically, hoarding parents. So a couple weeks ago, I posted a question box on my Instagram, and someone sent in this question. My parents are serious, awful hoarders.
How do I not pre-resent them for leaving a mess? Now, I have to admit that I’ve never really thought that much about hoarding because I do not have hoarder parents. I have the opposite of hoarder parents.
My mom willingly, readily, excitedly got rid of pretty much everything. So the only advice that I had was to just save up your money for a junk removal company and spare yourself the resentment, because that’s all that I could think of in the moment.
But I wanted to hear more from children of hoarders. So I went out there, I asked you to tell me more, and boy did you, you always come through.
Also a note, I think it’s worth mentioning, if you are watching this right now, a lot of you are listening to the podcast, but we do have quite a robust YouTube channel.
The episodes don’t come out on YouTube right away, but you know, pop on over there if you would like to see these episodes. But if you are watching on YouTube, you’re probably thinking, what’s wrong with this woman’s face?
What’s wrong with my face is that I got micro-needling done. I used a group on. And I’ve been criticized for that by people who shall remain nameless, remain nameless, Carolyn Moss, Kate Kennedy.
I feel good about it. I’ve been told it’s a part of the process. Okay, you got a flake, that’s what’s happening.
Does it look disgusting? Absolutely. Should I be on camera?
No. Should I have potentially looked into the ramifications of doing this before I booked micro-needling when I have a video podcast and I also am going to a wedding? I probably should have.
So back to the hoarding.
Before we talk about hoarding, let’s talk about hoarding in general, because I think that when something that is a very serious issue is given the old reality show treatment, a la the show Hoarders, it can kind of be almost minimized, almost like a
little bit diminished. I’m thinking about a series that we did a few years ago called Sew OCD, which we made because of course, people love to say that they have OCD when really they just mean like, you know, I keep my house neat.
Or, you know, I don’t love germs, but OCD is an actual very real experience that interferes with a lot of people’s lives, and so is hoarding. There is more to it than simply a reality TV show.
So according to research that was conducted in 2008 on compulsive hoarding, there’s actually two different kinds of hoarding. There’s compulsive hoarding, which is its own disorder. And then there’s compulsive hoarding as a symptom of OCD.
See how things are always coming together, things are always connected. That one might sound a little bit surprising, because again, people tend to think of OCD as the way that it’s been shown in media.
People really, really wanting things to be clean, people being neat, people being kind of particular. Mental illness is not always super well portrayed to us in media. Can you believe it?
So super quickly, with the caveat that I’m obviously not a doctor, a therapist, or a teacher, so I’m explaining this the best that I can with the research that I’ve done. Please be gentle with me.
Also, please feel free to share anything that I’ve missed in the comments on YouTube. You can head on over to the Substack. If you would like to leave comments, you can call into the show 612-568-4441.
You can email us. And I’m saying those things, because if you really have a problem with something that we’ve said or something that we’ve addressed, call it in. We’ll talk about it.
We’ll talk about it. We’re bringing the feedback into episodes whenever we can. But we’re talking about hoarding here.
Hoarding disorder is usually when people hoard items that they think are useful to them or will be useful to them. So years old receipts, mail, clothes, books, animals, human waste sometimes. It doesn’t make a lot of sense if you don’t have it.
But what the researchers found is that for these people, hoarding made them feel satisfied. And if they got rid of these items or if somebody else did, this caused them a lot of distress. The study also found hoarding is a symptom of OCD.
So in this case, hoarding is that compulsion, the compulsion for someone to relieve the very distressing anxiety that their obsessions cause.
So someone might think that if they got rid of all their old gifts from someone that they love, for example, that person will die. Or if they don’t have the right amount of things, the lucky amount of things, something terrible will happen to them.
These are just examples. I’m not saying these are the only examples. These are just examples that we’re making.
Hoarding also tends to be associated with depression, with ADHD, with OCPD. And it affects a lot more people than you think. And that is why I think it is important to talk about these things.
Whether you have it, whether somebody that you love has it, it affects people and it affects other people. Hoarding can have real effects on the person doing the hoarding and on the people who love them. So we are going to talk about it today.
But again, I’m not going into this alone. We actually have a guest host here with us today. Her name is Jane Marie.
You might know her from her podcast, The Dream. Jane Marie is podcasting Royalty. I’ve been doing this for 10 years, and I thought that was a long time till Jane Marie said she was doing it for 25.
Okay? So she wins. She wins.
And she is my guest today, not just because she is a great podcaster, but because she knows hoarding, baby. Jane Marie comes from a family of hoarders.
So we are going to take your messages, we are going to read them out loud, and we are going to talk about them. Let’s get into it. Jane Marie, thank you for being here with us today.
My pleasure.
Thanks for inviting me.
Do you, can you tell us why you are co-hosting with us today? What is your hoarding expertise?
I come from a family or two or five of hoarders, and it’s like my biggest fear in life. And I actually got up this morning on like getting ready to come in for this, and I looked around my house, and I was like, we’re teetering on the edge here.
Like we are so close to turning into my grandma. So it’s just like a, I know that it’s genetic mostly. I know that it’s somewhat environmental.
And I know that I’m not a hoarder, but it’s like right there. And I know so many people who are related in my family that just end up there. And I watch it and have lots of thoughts about it all the time.
What was your grandma’s hoarding like?
You know, it’s funny.
I had a dream last night that I was coming to do this, but you were a TV show. And we went to my grandma’s house because I wanted to show you, because I was like, I couldn’t explain it. And I was like, well, look, we’ll come.
And every room we went in was like pristine. And it was so weird. And then I was watching the show back at home.
And during the credit roll, you guys put everything back. Like you were pranking me by cleaning my grandma’s house and having me on the show and filming my reaction to like, Jane’s crazy or whatever. And then you put everything back.
I was gaslighting you.
It was so weird.
It’s like, this is a bad TV show. Like what?
Jane Marie, who lied about her grandma being a hoarder.
It was like hoarders opposite day. No, so my grandma’s lived in the same house since she was like 16. She grew up like poor, poor, poor, poor, poor.
Like there’s a couple of pictures of her as a little, little, little kid. And she’s like standing in mud in like her father’s clothing. You know, like it’s not great back in the 30s.
So she thinks of herself as very frugal. But there are, so like her house is tiny. And outside, there’s like stuff in the yard.
It’s like that level, you know, like useful things. Everything she thinks, everything’s useful.
But inside, it’s just stacks, stacks, stacks, stacks, stacks in the kitchen, stacks in the sink, stacks in the bathroom, stacks in the, you know, stacks everywhere. Hoarding also keeps you from finishing projects around the house.
So there’s like half-finished floors, half-finished, you know, because you’d have to move all the stuff out of the, there’s a closet that goes up to the attic, that when you open it, it’s like one of those bowling ball scenes, you know.
It’s got a staircase that goes up to a tiny, tiny attic, but the stairs are so, each stair is stacked so high with like plastic bags, egg cartons, artwork from her six children from when they were kids. It’s just everything, everything.
And some of her kids, or all of her kids, have inherited the same thing, so stacks everywhere, collections everywhere, half started projects, you know, hobbies.
But if you go over there and you’re like, what I’d really need right now is a photocopied picture of a semi truck from a catalog in 1985, and I need a set of prismacolor pencils, and some glue and some tape and some construction paper, it takes you
Do you say prismacolor?
Oh, I have prismacolor.
For sure. I just want to make sure I got the brand right.
Yeah. Yeah, so it’s like, it’s things that are useful. It’s just there’s no way one human could use all of these things.
And it makes sense. I mean, you said she was, you know, grew up in the 30s or was born in the 30s. Like, the Depression Man, you know, use it up, wear it out, make do or do without.
Yeah. You got to stay ready. You got to stay ready.
I still, so, I mean, a lot of it’s useful objectively, but there’s, you know, a lot of it is useful subjectively.
So if you’re to sit down and talk to her or one of my aunts that are also hoarders about like this broken fan, like, well, I’m going to get it fixed. You know, it looks nice. And they have taste is the thing.
It’s not like, you know, it’s, so it’s puzzling and it’s very frustrating. But again, one of the things I’ve inherited is like, I have the hardest time throwing away a really good piece of cardboard. Like, what?
Right outside, right outside the frame.
I get a package and I’m like, that’s a nice piece of cardboard.
I don’t know. That’s such a nice piece of cardboard. Like when it’s white on one side and brown on the other, and it maybe is like only thinly corrugated, but no bends, no dings.
I don’t need a piece of cardboard.
I have a piece of cardboard. Look, I have a piece of cardboard. It’s a circle, a perfect circle.
Thick, thick corrugation. Because someday, I’m going to paper mache it. It’s just a good shape.
I won’t be able to make a circle like that on my own.
No, it’s hard to come across a pristine piece of cardboard.
It’s harder than you think, okay?
It’s harder than you think.
But those are the moments when I’m like, it’s happening. It’s almost like a degenerative disease that’s coming for me. Like, oh, this is a slippery slope.
This is one piece of cardboard. Tomorrow, it’s all of the cardboard boxes in the neighborhood are going to be in my house.
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Hiring? Do it the right way with Indeed. The thing is, like, when I hear of hoarders, when I’ve watched Hoarders, right?
Like, I get it. Like, I get it. I am obviously a person who loves things.
I’ve always been, like, a collector. Sometimes I will, like, I have moved things from house to house to house to house to house that have just stayed in a box. You know, like, there’s something about, like, I’m that way, too.
Like, letting go of something that just seems, like, you know, hard. And by the way, there are things that I’ve let go of that I’ve regretted. Like, those things came back in style.
Or like, I do want that book now that I think about it. And it’s like, I understand that, but obviously it does, like, cross a line, you know, mentally, hygienically, all of these ways.
Does your family see this as a problem, like, amongst themselves? Or is it a thing that you just don’t talk about?
Oh, we talk about, I mean, there’s… I’ve talked about my grandma specifically on my podcast before, because she, again, thinks she’s being frugal. And like, I’m like, okay, whatever, Ruth.
So she knows that what I think of her collections. And she’ll, like, swap me in the ass if I start to say something about it, you know? So it’s like a funny thing with us.
I think the other members have a little less clarity. There’s one that I’ve actually gotten in fights with before, because I’ll tell you a funny story. She asked me to help her set up a yard sale once.
And we went into her attic and there were like seven dining sets. She lives in this beautiful, beautiful, huge house out in Long Island. Yes, they were like stacked up on top, because of some plan some day.
And in the middle of like sorting things, she was like, can we take a break? There’s a yard sale down the block. And I was like, hell no.
And she was like, it’s just three houses down. So I’m like, okay, we came back with stuff. And I was like, you have to plug this in somewhere.
You have to connect the behavior with the result and like understand that there’s a way you got into this situation. And then other family members don’t let anyone in the house. So it goes to that extreme where you can’t enter.
So I wouldn’t even know what’s going on in there, but I know it’s bad.
So when you view this as a potential degenerative disease that could be coming for you at any moment, how are the ways that you watch that in yourself cardboard aside?
I’m not a clean, cleanly, I mean, I’m clean, but I’m not like a tidy person. I have chaos piles, right?
But not to the degree, I know rationally, it’s not to the degree of hoarding situation, but I’m really reluctant to have people in my house unless everything is really tidy, which I always feel like I need help with.
I have second-hand embarrassment for something that hasn’t happened yet. So, I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s just an anxiety. It’s just like an anxiety that someone’s going to enter my house and know before I do that things have gone awry.
Yeah, again, like a degenerative disease.
Someone’s going to walk in and say, couldn’t help but notice the cardboard.
What’s the story there? What year is it, Jane? You know, like that kind of thing.
Can you tell me where you live? Let’s see. It also, I do…
Well, I’m having a yard sale tomorrow. I do… I haven’t had one in years, but I did the Marie Kondo thing the last couple of times I’ve moved, but I moved a lot the last three years, so I just need to get rid of the show.
But about five years ago, I did the Marie Kondo thing, and it was really helpful. I do have those regrets about a few things, but there were some tips that I like held on to, like one is don’t keep cards because they’re for a moment in time.
They’re not for forever. So you’re supposed to enjoy them when you get them and then toss them because they’re really celebrating like a very specific moment in time. I don’t know.
So now I just do that. I throw them in the trash. I try not to keep too many.
But a little, you know, like, do I full box. I found a second potato masher yesterday. How did I end up with two potato mashers?
Also, I have a potato ricer. I don’t even need a potato masher. But where did the second potato masher come from?
So I’m going to put that in the yard sale. But it’s like, when I notice things like that, that I’m like, did I do this? Like, in a trance state?
Like, did I buy a second thing or did I come across it somewhere and didn’t even realize that I doubled up on my potato mashers?
Like, I have three ways to prepare soft potatoes. And I gotta watch that.
But the fact that I don’t know where it came from. Like, that’s the stuff that freaks me out.
To not know the origin of a second potato masher, it’s just keep your finger on the pulse. Keep your finger on the pulse there. The Marie Kondo method for me was difficult because everything gives me a little bit of joy.
Oh, yeah.
I’m like, well, you know.
My aunts are like this.
Like, I’ll start to go like, what about this? And they’re like, oh, no, no, no. And they have a story about everything.
And I’m, I think I’m not that sentimental, like, about objects, you know?
Oh, I’m, again, it’s all, it’s, you think it’s all in view. It’s all out of view. Like, the things that I, like, overly attached to for no reason.
I’m like, you know, we’re going to keep it. We’re going to keep it. And I had the opposite kind of family.
Jane, I had a mom who would get rid of anything that was not nailed down. And even then, she might just take down a wall. She didn’t care.
My grandpa, his motto was convert to cash. So he and my grandpa…
That’s what I’m doing tomorrow, grandpa. You are.
Bill Nagen smiles upon you. Okay, he is there. He’s wheeling and dealing.
He was a picker. They had a bunch of little antique booths in Northern Minnesota. He would take me to auctions and be like, go up there and tell them you’ve always dreamed of owning this and then see if it’ll take 10 cents.
I was like, what? I’m like three years old. I’m like, what?
Who’s going to believe it’ll work?
It’ll work.
You know, like a backhoe.
Why am I?
Yes, stuff like that. I left my teddy bear. I only had like really one stuffy of like importance to me growing up.
It was from my grandparents. Like I was born in a snowstorm. They gave me a snow bear.
I forgot it up at the cabin once. I went on the way back to the cabin. I didn’t remember where I lost it.
I was like, well, the last time I saw it was at the cabin. We stopped at the antique store on the way to the cabin. It’s on the shelf.
Because your grandparents put it there?
What?
For sale.
That’s beautiful.
I was like, you gave this to me. They’re like, oh, well, like you want it.
You care about it. Do you have to buy it? Yeah, you didn’t seem to care about it much.
No, on the other side of my family, on my mom’s side, they are way into estate sales and yard sales and garage sales.
It was like the only thing me and my, well, one of two things me and my maternal grandmother bounded about was like going yard sale late on the weekend. Like I could circle the ones I wanted to go to.
She’d usually give me a budget of five bucks or something, if that. And then my mom has, her frugality and poor kid brain comes out a little differently. Like she eats roadkill and stuff, but she’s like a fancy, like she’s, I’m not kidding.
Like if they find a turtle that looks fresh knocked over in the road, that’s what we’re having for dinner.
But, I’m sorry, I’m not prepared for that literally at all.
It’s just, what’s that? Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel song, where he’s like, some folks will never eat, it’s gunk, and then again, some folks will-
Some folks will.
And then the first, the main floor of her house is beautiful, and the stuff that she gets at estate sales, it’s beautiful things, beautiful antiques. Yeah.
Not expensive because they live in the middle of nowhere in Michigan, but really beautiful and well-appointed.
And then you go in the basement and it’s just like, what am I going to, and their basement is huge, and a lot of it’s part of her work, she’s a seamstress, but a lot of it isn’t.
And it’s slightly organized, there are shelves, but it’s like rammed with stuff. So when I heard this question that you brought up about hoarding and how does it manifest, I’m like, it’s kind of all over the place in my family.
And so my brother, he is like the cleanest person. Like he was born with like a OCD about cleanliness.
Yeah.
He broke his shoulder once, getting out of a sweatshirt when he was like five, because there was a stain on it. Oh, buddy.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Poor little guy. Yeah, oh.
He was like, I can’t live like this. I can’t live like this. He’s just, oh.
His house, his wife cooks every single night.
It looks like one of those kitchens that no one cooks in. You know, like nothing out of place. Everything’s shiny.
How lucky they found each other.
I know.
I know. My sister’s like middle of the road. She has a lot of stuff, but it’s beautifully appointed.
And then I have a lot of stuff that’s like, when I put a ton of effort in, it can look really nice. But mostly, it’s like kid’s stuff and male.
Everybody’s stuff is special to them. And the person who reached out, their question was basically like how, like her parents or their parents are, how did they describe them? They said, it was very evocative.
They said, my parents are serious, awful hoarders. So not quirky hoarders, serious, awful hoarders. How do I not pre-resent them for all of the stuff that they’re leaving?
And my mom, I mean, she, Swedish, death cleaned a little too close to the sun. Like there’s nothing left. And I’m a little annoyed.
I’m like, why’d you get rid of, like, why’d you get rid of that, lady? Like, what’s going on? My kids personally love to go through our house and say, I call that when you’re dead.
I call that when you’re dead. And like, you know, but everybody leaves behind stuff. You went to estate sales.
I love estate sales to this day. And there’s something about them that makes me, I mean, deeply sad, always, because I’m like, oh, someone like really cared enough about this to keep it.
Or, like, I’ve been to estate sales that were a hoarding situation. And like somebody’s stuff took over their life. You know, like this is too much stuff.
It’s not even, like, good stuff. It’s not well taken care of. There are a lot of piles.
And I’ve seen families who are there who are just, like, you know, trying to, like, get through it, get it out of there.
Yeah.
How do you answer that question? Like, how do you not pre-resent someone? I said, you know, leave it all in therapy and just start saving your money now to call 1-800-GOT-JUNK and just tip the whole house into a dumpster and walk away.
But seriously, that might be too simplistic.
I think there’s a bunch of reasons why you might present, pre-resent your parents for this. And I think it’s going to, I mean, easier said than done, but I think it takes a little bit of deeper examination of, like, what you’re really resenting.
You could be resenting the idea that you have to clean it all up and that they’re leaving you with a job, which is not about that.
It’s about something, you know, it’s about you’re probably playing that role in your family already as the fixer and the person that manages everything. And you’re probably resentful about that, rather than specifically the hoarding mess, right?
You might be resentful because you have a little bit of the tendency inside yourself and you think that there’s something of value in that pile and that if they don’t figure it out, then you’re gonna have all this work to do to dig through all the
garbage and find the good stuff, which let go of that, you know? Like, there’s, if you don’t know where it is right now, you know, then it’s not there. Like, most people know where the valuable stuff is.
It’s not like, you know, they’re burying cans of diamonds in the yard or something.
Where’d my can of diamonds go? I know it’s here.
I heard about this can of diamonds.
There’s gotta be a can of diamonds here.
My uncle died a few years ago and everybody in the family was like, did you find the Cartier ring? Did you find the Cartier ring? And I was like, the dude did drugs.
Like, it was going a long time ago. Like, what are you talking about?
Yes, I found the needle in the haystack. Like, you found the ring? Did you find the precious?
No.
But so I think, like, there’s first of all, are you resentful about the fact that you’re always the manager of the household stuff? And maybe this is an only child, I don’t know, which would make sense, right?
But that’s about, that’s about something else, not about the stuff. Secondly, are you worried that there’s going to be things in there of value, and that means you do have a little bit of the hoard, hoarding tendencies in you.
And thirdly, are you pre-anxious, because pre-resentment, are you having participatory anxiety about having to revisit things with your parents being gone? Yeah. That, I don’t even like doing in my own life.
When I have to go through old emails for something, or I have to compile some, even doing my taxes.
I had a full-blown panic attack the other day because I had already filed an extension, and then I was shaking all morning and going to the tax office, and just wanting to throw up. And I don’t want to review my life.
And I’m not looking forward to reviewing my parents’ lives, to be honest, plus they had me when they were incredibly young, so I was there the whole time, and I just don’t want to… That’s something I don’t feel good about.
It’s something I have to do, probably, but I’m not looking forward to it. And so the pre-resentment, if you want to busy yourself with an anxiety that doesn’t go anywhere or do anything, it’s kind of like worry in general, right?
Like it’s just an expenditure of energy, but like you’re not getting anything out of it. Other than with pre-resentment, you’re getting opportunities to fight with your parents at the dinner table, right, or at Thanksgiving.
Yeah.
And don’t. That’s my mix use of advice. Like this is not a thing.
I have lots of other solutions for how you can get out of this once they’re gone, but I think that examining where it’s really coming from, yeah.
Yeah. What is your advice for getting out of it once they’re gone?
Well, like you said, they call the 1-800-JUNK. But, well, so a specific amount of time that you’re going to spend in there grabbing all the stuff you want, you know? And you can pull straws with your siblings or however you guys want to do it.
But just get in and get out with your stuff. Like, okay, everybody, we have four hours here to just take the stuff we want, and we can negotiate it outside. We can just get it out of the house.
And then there are so many hoarders out there. I would just put a sign in the yard and a little thing on line on Facebook saying, come clean this house out. You would be surprised how many people would just show up with a pickup truck.
You know, you have to pay the junk haulers. But hoarders want the stuff for free.
They’ll give it to someone else’s parents.
For real, it’s not your problem anymore. That’s what I would do.
That’s a good point.
You know what? I sometimes forget that you can put anything on Facebook, say free, and you will be in and did it. Sometimes I will put stuff outside simply with a sign, and it’s gone faster than I can imagine.
I’m not in a high traffic area either.
That’s Los Angeles. If you have something larger than a bread box and you want to get rid of it, just put it on the curb half an hour later, it’s gone.
I love it, yeah.
There are people everywhere that will take that stuff off your hands. That’s smart. Yeah, just throw it away.
Yeah, that’s smart.
And you know what? I do make friends on Facebook Marketplace. All right, shout out to Brian.
He’s going to put a new backup camera in my car because I sold him a car part that was just in the trunk of my car when I bought it. I didn’t want it. I was like, I don’t know how much this is.
I don’t know what this is worth. And he said, he’s like, it’s worth more. I was like, take it, take it.
I don’t want this car part. You think I want brake rotors in my life? I’ll take the ones that are on my car.
I’m not going to keep, no. If brake rotors were cute, collectible, quirky in some way, I’d collect brake rotors, but they’re not and they’re too heavy. Take them, Brian and shout out to Brian because he knows so much about cars.
What can I do for you?
And now Brian thinks I know about cars.
Great.
Now Brian and I sometimes text about cars.
Because we have the same one.
Was it Miranda July who wrote about, maybe made a movie about going to houses like that had advertisements and like a…
Oh, yeah, and the Penny Saver.
Yeah, the Penny Saver.
No one belongs here more than you.
Yeah, I love that story because it really was about making friends through these classified ads. But the free pages, the free stuff on Facebook and Craigslist is like such a trip. Sometimes it’s like free rocks.
And it’s like not the kind you would use for like gravel or like paving stones. It’s just rocks.
Just rocks. I feel weird about rocks. You know, you’ve got a kid, they go through a rock phase.
My kids are still in a rock phase. But it’s like, you’ll just have rocks. They came from different places.
I’m like, well, you can’t throw a rock away. Like, I can’t put the rock in the garbage. I don’t know why.
Guess what’s on our yard sale sign?
Guess what’s on our yard sale sign? Rocks and crystals. We have a whole bin.
You’re in LA, baby.
I know you have crystals.
They’re not real crystals. No, they’re the ones that, you know, those like National Geographic kits where they dig them out?
Yes.
The geodes. Tons of those. Yeah, tons of those.
So we’re getting rid of them. Oh, yeah.
We love those. We love those. I feel weird also.
I also feel weird putting the rocks outside because this is how my brain works, Jane. I think, well, they wanted to come in a million years. It will confuse archaeologists.
They’ll say, what’s this rock doing here? This isn’t.
You have good parents. They made you feel important, I think.
I used to write my journals. I used to write my journals as though a historian might read them and I would give like, I give context like, that’s located at this intersection.
I’d identify people.
My cousin, you know, this daughter of so-and-so, my mom’s sister.
Like, I was very inspired. Genealogy is important.
Genealogy is important. I read Anne Frank’s diary and I said, it could happen to any girl. Like, I didn’t, the bigger contacts didn’t click with me.
I was like, they love reading journals by little girls.
Fuck. And going on scavenger hunts. And going on scavenger hunts for all that little girl’s things.
Yeah.
They gotta know. They gotta know. They gotta know.
Okay, so we got, we did get some advice from some other people.
Wait, what are we supposed to do with this advice? What if I think it’s really bad?
Then you say it.
Okay, okay, okay.
Yeah, you say anything. You say any thought, any reaction. You can just like react in the moment.
Okay. Hi Nora, it’s Anna. I just saw the TikTok video asking for help about hoarder parents, so shout out to Anna.
Shout out to the 10 people who saw that TikTok video where I talked about this message and asked for help. You were one of them, Jane, so thank you. Okay.
So Anna writes, my mom is a hoarder and truthfully lives in squalor overall. So it’s not just junk, it’s stuff. It’s pets, trash, and dirty surfaces.
I am now a 36-year-old married mother of three. My home is exceptionally clean, and I have stereotypically been diagnosed with OCD. You did it.
Yep. Yep. Yep.
It’s under the anxiety umbrella, as I’m sure you know, so there’s a pretty clear line drawn from my childhood to the pendulum swinging in the opposite direction in my adulthood.
I have one small bit of advice that I’ve only in the past few years really reconciled, and that is that my mother did not allow me to live in squalor simply because she was lazy and neglectful, though those terms definitely apply.
She continues to live in squalor as a single person today. And that has really opened my eyes to the fact that her brain simply does not care about her environment. So our conditions were not a reflection of her parenting.
They were a reflection of the actual inner workings of her brain. This may seem so obvious to someone who has never experienced it, but it truly oriented me to reality.
I carry so much bitterness and obviously trauma from the experience, but when I realized she has never once, I’m going to cry, lived in a home that was not hoarded for any amount of time.
I was able to separate her love for me as my mother from my idea of what kind of mother would allow us to live like that.
Wow.
In all, it recently occurred to me that she can’t possibly see what she put us through as neglect because it’s how she treats herself as a baseline. Man.
That’s really smart.
Yeah, it’s so smart and so sweet. Sometimes I’m like, oh, I wonder if just the opposite or the key to letting go of her resentment is a wild amount of compassion.
Yeah.
I mean, I think that’s what I said when I first wrote to you is like, hoarding isn’t like, I mean, it is genetic, which we can talk about all of that, but it’s coming from something, and it’s not coming from you, the kid.
So you feeling resentful, like my parents won’t clean this, and it’s making me mad because they won’t do this for me. It’s like, it’s not about that.
They experienced some neglect or trauma in their childhood, or all kinds of stuff that doesn’t have anything to do with you. So I think that’s really an important discovery. Yeah.
And everything is about you as a kid too.
You know what I mean? You really do see the world through your own eyes and your own experience. And I think also, as a parent, it can be hard when you’re looking at your own kid and you’re like, I would never do this to you, right?
I would never do this to you. To see, for me, it’s been one of two things. Either I can absolutely see my parents’ humanity or my grandparents’ humanity, or in moments of anger, I just can’t at all.
I’m like, well, who would do this? A bad person.
A bad person would act that way, like my dad.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but it’s like, oh, yeah, that’s also as well as they could treat themselves.
That really gets to me.
Yeah.
Like, she couldn’t do it for you, and she wouldn’t do it for herself either. Like, so she’s still, yeah.
It’s sad.
She’s living in that punishment.
But it’s not about you, you know?
Yeah. Yeah.
And she’s alive.
And she’s alive. She’s alive.
And it sounds like you have a relationship enough to, like, talk about this stuff, which is really, that’s precious, you know?
Yeah. And, hold on, I gotta go find… But poor girl.
Poor girl.
Oh, I wonder what her mom’s house was like growing up.
Yeah.
You know, like, that’s the other thing. Who modeled, you know, that sort of stability for her? Nobody?
The saving of all things.
Here we go. Now I found the chat. Okay, here we go.
Okay, Rebecca writes, The problem I see in my family is that it has become a multigenerational cycle.
Ding, ding, ding. My grandparents were hoarders because of the Depression. Then my parents and my aunts are or were all hoarders because that’s the norm they saw.
My sisters and I also have bad tendencies and have to frequently remind ourselves to get rid of things or not buy them in the first place. My first piece of advice is to make sure you’re not keeping up bad habits.
If that’s okay and you’re dealing with the mountain that comes from downsizing or when they pass, try your damnedest to get them on board with some sort of clear out.
Sometimes it’s going to be heirlooms and maybe passing stuff on to family that will appreciate it. Sometimes it’s encouraging them to sell things of value so that someone else can enjoy it. Then everything else, gift, donate, trash.
Honestly though, I just know it’s going to be a headache when the day comes and probably a massive project. Oh my God, I don’t like this answer. Yeah.
Okay, I’ll say why I don’t like it at all.
Okay, hit me, hit me.
Because, okay, so for people who are serious horitors, think of them as Egyptian gods, right? They don’t have a good idea of when’s time’s up. When is it time to get rid of this stuff?
For all they care, it’s coming with them, right? And sitting your parents down or your grandparents down and being like, we need to start selling things, it’s just like, because you’re gonna die.
Like, in my family, you’re not allowed to talk, there is no inheritance, but you’re not allowed to talk about it, that’s for sure, because it’s like wishing death upon someone, right? So if we talk about-
My family, we’re like, okay, you guys ready to die? Have you prepared to die?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You’ve done all your death paperwork? Are you ready? We love dying in my house.
Do it if you want to, but we’re not talking about it.
Do it if you want to, but we are not talking about it. I have one aunt, she’s one of six kids, and she’s the only one that will talk about it. And it drives everyone nuts.
Like, we just don’t talk about that. But yeah, and I think because we’re all like, it would be so weird to have a pre-death yard sale or something with my grandma’s stuff.
Like, oh, I would love it. I dream of having my own estate sale and being like, you actually can’t have that. I just don’t like your energy.
But you also probably want to watch your own funeral.
I do, I want to be there.
Because you’re so important, Nora, because your parents were good, and they told you you were important.
I want to be there.
I want to see all the, I want to know what the guest list is.
You want to see all the outpouring of grief.
Yeah, but it also, like to me, you bet I’m not a hoarder, right? To me, I want to give things to people while I can see them enjoy it, right?
Whether that’s like, you know, an object, if that was money, whatever it was, like I want to see that, and I can understand why if you’re a hoarder, that would not click for you.
But like on its face, as a person who’s not a hoarder, I’m like, oh yeah, that would be nice to have somebody be like, yeah, you want to give us some stuff now? Anything you want to hand over now? Hand it over.
Like I have a lot of adopted grandmas, like old ladies that I like to hang out with, and one of them carries something of value, of sentimental or otherwise, in her purse at all times to give to somebody.
She always has something cool in her bag.
Does she know she’s gonna give it to you? She just knows when she sees it.
She just has it in her bag. And sometimes you get multiples because you’re like a friend, but it’s always like, oh, well, let me see what I got to, oh, do you think, you know, like, what about this thing?
And it’s like stuff from her jewelry or porcelain, and it’s always in a tissue paper thing, but she just carries it around. It’s not for people in particular.
It’s just like in conversation, like, oh, that reminds me, I have this nice hanky and it’s like all embroidered and you get that, or a book or something.
But yeah, I think like, also I don’t like this answer because it says that it’s going to be a massive headache or massive project and a headache. And the framing of that is like, then it will be, you know?
If you’re looking at it, like it’s going to be a headache and a massive project. Whereas I had a great grandma die on my mom’s side. And for some reason, her side of the family’s been more like sentimental and emotional and stuff.
And we all just kind of sat on the floor in the living room and went through shit and like cried.
Yeah.
And it wasn’t a headache. It was a massive project, but it was like a chance to reminisce and kind of like, yeah, you know, lots of trash. Was she a hoarder?
No, she wasn’t.
So yeah, it’s lovely. It can be lovely if a person, you know, like we did that for my great aunt Betty. And I felt the same way.
Like I still have some of Betty’s, you know, things. Some of Betty’s, Betty’s China. I’ve, you know, I have like books and like little tchotchkes from people I’ve loved too.
And that is the part, again, that’s the part I wish I could see. I wish I could see people going through and being like, oh, I want this little porcelain mouse. That always meant so much to me.
Like, you just don’t know these things until, until it’s too late. So look, if you’re not a hoarder, give it away now. Wrap up your treasures in tissue paper, put it in your purse and start, and stay ready to distribute it.
But if you’re, you know, but you could, you could do the junk haul like ahead of, you know, you could do like a clean out of garbage, not of the valuable stuff.
That’s what I wouldn’t say. Just keep the valuable stuff in there, but let’s all clean the trash out.
I just am very inspired. I think you’re 100 percent right where it’s like, you know what, when the time comes, just put it on Facebook Market as free, okay? Say the door’s unlocked from this hour to this hour.
Get in there. Take it.
Take it.
What do I care? Okay? Yeah.
Get it out of here.
Take it.
Take it. Yeah, you are right. The people of Facebook are always ready.
They’re always ready.
Always ready.
And you might meet a Brian. Okay? I don’t want to make a promise that I can’t keep.
A lot of neighborhoods also have resellers that are like, you know, you don’t know what they think is valuable.
But like the pickers, like your grandfather, you know, you don’t know what’s going to be valuable to somebody else.
It’s true.
Let them pull up the bed of their pickup truck with all the things that look like garbage to you.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the things that I buy, I mean, you know, I bought just a loose doll head at an estate sale.
What?
Because it looked so much like my niece.
I was like…
And you gave it to her. I brought it to her.
I was like, there’s not a price on this. The guy was like, take it. Like, what the f…
Did you give it to her?
Like, this is what you look like with your head chopped off.
It was such a cool… I actually put it in a little box, mailed it to her mom and forgot to put a note in it.
Oh, my God. She called the FBI.
My sister-in-law is a freak like me, so she was like, oh, it’s from Nora? Okay. But she was like, this was the most frightening thing I’ve ever opened.
I was like, oh, sorry, I bought it because it looks like your youngest daughter. She was like, I realize, but because it’s uncanny, okay? She was like, just leave a note, cover those eyes before I opened the box.
Like it was very-
So if you had Horton, you would see that kind of thing everywhere.
Yeah.
You know what I mean? You would be looking at a magazine and you’d be like, gonna pick that one up because this article reminds me of Janie, gonna cut it out, gonna mail it to her someday. And then it’s like that goes in the stack of magazines.
Like it just keeps going.
Yeah. And then someday never comes and then they can’t remember why you have it. And then you’re dead.
And then you’re dead.
And then your kids are mad. And they also spent their entire life being pre-resentful.
Yeah. And now they’re on Facebook. Now a guy named Brian’s in your house.
Yeah.
We love Brian.
I think I just blew my nose on the microphone.
Are you gonna send this to Brian?
I might. I might text Brian and say, I don’t even think he knows what I do. I might say, Brian, you gotta listen to this episode because I really shout you out.
I just…
He’s gonna give you something more. He’s gonna give you something else for your car.
He might.
As a thank you for being on…
He’s a guy who knows cars. I said, do you know how to fix this backup camera? And he said, click, click, you have this choice or this choice.
And I said, buddy, give me whatever you would put in your car, okay?
I got hit by a car the other day. Your body or your car? My car.
While I was in it with kids. But this guy, we’re at a stop sign and I was in the right turn lane and he decided to take a right at me, but he was in a giant pickup truck. I don’t think he could even see my little black car.
And he took off my mirror and scraped the side. So we pulled over. Oh man, he was a wreck, like shaking.
And he had his wife and his two kids in the car. And then he’s like, he gave me his number and we exchanged info and he was like, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. And then he goes, oh, I own a body shop.
Like, heck yes. He’s gonna replace everything for free.
Yeah.
It was like his mind got wiped for a second. Just like, I hit this lady. And then he’s like, oh my God, I own a body shop.
Everything’s gonna be fine.
I have a skill, I can do this. I can do this. Jane, I’m telling you, make friends with him.
You gotta know a guy who knows about cars. Yep, Jose.
Yeah, he’s gonna fix me.
You gotta know a guy who has a body shop. I have to have more people in my life with skills. Brian is the start of that, okay?
If I said to my husband, how would I replace a backup camera? God bless that man. He’d say, I don’t think it can be done.
That’s when you take it to the junkyard.
Throw it away, I’d say.
Leave it on the street with the keys in it, okay? No, no way. That can’t be done.
Can’t be fixed.
Okay.
Ooh, okay. Ooh, okay, this one is from Julia. I think you’re gonna like this one.
Okay, it says, regarding parents who are hoarders, I wish it were as simple as hiring a junk removal company.
What if your dad printed out every email, kept every receipt and medical bill, collected model trains, pulp fiction, vintage postcards, random ephemera, basically any and all books about everything, but was also the keeper of the family photos and
mementos, and mixed them all together? Sir?
Papa? We’re sitting down?
I was with her. I said, big deal. Okay.
So your dad printed every email. Oh, we mixed them all together. Now it’s a problem, Juliet.
Now I’m on your side again. Okay. My dad died in June, and so far, in the little progress I’ve made sorting through his mountains of stuff, I’ve thrown out reams of paper and also stumbled upon a stunning charcoal sketch of my grandmother.
Decades of Kodachrome slides of our summer road trips. A poem he wrote for my mother when they were courting. The only copy of his eulogy for her.
My second place Spelling Bee Trophy from fifth grade. Hell yes. And a working cast iron bubblegum machine that now has a prize spot in our dining room and makes my daughter think of her grandpa every time she puts a penny in it.
My aunt swears there’s a parking meter in there somewhere. But I’ve yet to find it.
I mean, as your list, I can, the bubblegum machine, like it sticks out, right? Yeah.
But parking meter, I would love to.
What are you going to do with the slides? Do you know how many slides I have?
Yeah. How many?
You don’t do slide shows, like four or five circular things of slides from my childhood. And it’s like, did you scan them?
You can scan them.
For what? To put them in the other 9,000 pictures that are in my phones for the last 20 years, to keep them, like I made what?
Yeah.
I have so many images. Like, I scanned maybe 20 years ago, I scanned one of my great aunt’s collections of family photos and put them on a Google shared family photo album or some crop like that. Nobody looks at them.
Now you’re digital hoarding, Jane.
Exactly.
If I scanned those things, but no one also wants to come over to my house like, okay, have a seat. You’re ready to look at the 1970s and 80s in Mid-Michigan?
You know what? I think there’s something so pure about that era where people were like, would you like to see the vacation I took?
Oh, travel. Oh my gosh. I went to so many of those presentations at my grandma’s church.
And it’s always missionary trips too. And you’re just like, oh God, it’s a lot of white people in Haiti again.
Like, look, look, we’re there. We’re there and you won’t believe the poverty, okay?
What were those called? Travelogues or something?
I have no idea. I just know, I remember at some point, someone in my family going on a trip and then they brought the slideshow over and we all just looked at pictures of their trip and I was like, okay.
Must be nice or for the vacation.
Imagine now, in this day and age, someone like imagine me saying, Jane, I’m so glad you’re here. Sit down. I’m going to just, you’re a captive audience.
You’re at my house.
Right, but it has replaced that, because now I can just scroll by and I don’t have to sit on your couch and be like, wow.
What I’m saying is when you come over, you’re going to think you’re just hanging out. I’m going to airplay to the TV. I’m going to show you every picture.
And then you’re going to pitch me Amway.
I’m going to describe it.
I can’t believe this is a conversation for another time. I can’t believe I never got pulled into an MLM because I was, that was something I, you know, I love.
We’re going to talk about it. We’re going to talk about it.
It’s the same thing as like joining a cult. I’m like, I could be talked into anything very easily. I just was never asked.
So your loss, your loss.
Well, we can start now.
I would have said, that makes a lot of sense. Oh my, you’re making a lot of sense. Of course I want to buy all my things from a brand I’ve never heard of.
Yeah. But I’d ever want to go to a store again if I could just get it from you. Buy it from myself.
Yeah.
Yeah, what?
It’s nuts. Yeah.
This is great.
Okay.
I sent you another text to read.
Well, I do like, I want to say about that last question. I do like how sweet and like, yeah, how sentimental some people are, you know? Like, I like that.
Because I can picture myself finding a charcoal sketch of my grandma and being like, oh, sweet.
But I don’t know if it would outweigh the stress of like feeling like I have to find all of those treasures that are only going to make sense to a few people that are probably not going to be alive that much longer anyway. Like, you know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah.
So it’s kind of just like hanging on and hanging on, hoping that there’s going to be one more generation that cares about this shit. And unless you’re like super wealthy, like no. Yeah.
Yeah. So, I don’t know, don’t stress yourself out.
I also, I loved that she was treasure hunting, you know, and that she found a treasure. Like, and that all of it, to me, it felt like, like reading that, like everything felt like a treasure to her.
Right.
And actually, I’m going to, we’re going to skip the one I sent you because it’s so short, and I think this one’s better.
Okay.
And because I’ve also like already taken too much of your time, I’m about to butt up against the end of your time. Okay, hold on, this one.
Boop. I like it that you’re treating this like we’re at a local public radio station, like we’re running out of time here.
We can’t afford to go over. Some man might kick down the door, which happened to me once. Really?
He’s like the biggest asshole.
Get out of here, it’s my turn now.
I won’t name names, but we were there at the same time, his show was less successful than mine, and I had booked the fucking studio, okay? I had booked it, and you just opened the door, and you were rude to me, and I’ll never let it go.
Hello, I am here for the Children of Hoarders TM helpline. As we, C-O-H-T-M, that’s the abbreviation for Children of Hoarders, are want to do, when my three siblings and I visit our midwestern mother’s home, we make it three siblings.
I’m like, who do I know in this story?
Um, it’s your brother.
We make it a habit to raid her kitchen for expired products. Oh, yeah. We have our typical suspects, store brand cheese and yogurt that is surely designed to age.
Oh my God, this is also my family. Um, boxes of pasta that have the Barilla logo from at least two brand campaigns ago. Okay, yeah.
And shredded cheese that is thawing nicely after a few months in the freezer. But there is one item that we never touch, and that item is the sacred tomato paste.
My Midwestern mother keeps one single tube of tomato paste that expired in 1994 in her pantry. Three of we four siblings know that it is there. Whoa, which one of you doesn’t?
And we all know not to throw it away.
Which one’s about to find out?
Whenever we each visit her with our spouses, we look for the most expired food, do a small rant about it, and then throw it away, except, of course, for the sacred tomato paste.
Our brother is the one who is most upset by her hoarding, and we are all waiting for him to find it.
Maybe it’s mean, but maybe it also helps us all deal with the 1 million plastic food containers, mostly lids, 900 VHS tapes, worth something any day now, eight couches, don’t you remember this one?
Three broken cars, she has a guy who will fix them, and a basement fridge filled with cigarettes and old TV dinners. We know the basement freezer has special expiration date defying powers, but it’s a top loader.
The sacred tomato paste is perhaps the long pole in our family’s tent. It’s a tent that is thinning at the seams and billowing between steaks. Oh.
That’s really beautiful.
I like that they’re having fun with it.
Yes.
We can’t control it. We can make it a game.
We can’t control it, but we can just make fun of her and make fun of ourselves and make it a game. Keep our one brother out of the game. It’s a secret game.
Like, I love this. It makes me think of those. I think it was like a trend on a thousand years ago Internet where people would go into their parents’ medicine cabinets and find the most expired medicine, like Neosporin tubes from 1982.
And it was like a Thanksgiving ritual for a lot of folks. Just like, let’s go into my mom’s medicine cabinet and see what the oldest medicine is. I think that’s a fun way of dealing with it.
Like to put it outside of you, like, it’s funny and it’s not me and I don’t live here anymore. And this is, aren’t people different?
Yeah, yeah. People are different. And we’re gonna just clear out the things that won’t be upsetting to her.
And we’re just gonna do it as a little, as a little inside joke amongst us. I think that’s really sweet. And I really liked her saying that’s like, the tent pole, like keeping things together because it has to be so hard.
And everything’s billowing around the sides.
It’s not all perfect like it used to be, but that’s okay. You know the expiration dates to remind me of, one of my grandmothers would say, that’s the speed limit. Doesn’t mean you have to go that fast.
Like, that’s, I don’t think that’s how everybody else understands it, but okay.
They just have to put that on there. That doesn’t actually mean anything. It’s the limit.
It doesn’t mean you have to go that fast.
Okay. But also the expired foods best buy doesn’t mean that it’s like, done. But guess what?
I don’t need my cheese to be the best it can be.
I need it to be just cheese. And also if you freeze it, time stops.
Also, cheese is mold. Just cut the green part off.
Yeah. Who cares? You ate it before you can complain.
Okay.
I got reminded of wilted lettuce, my grandma. Oh my God. Never mind.
When I moved out as a teenager, she called me with all these Depression era recipes. Like, so you take, you know, those outside leaves of your lettuce.
I was like, I’m not buying lettuce if I’m a homeless teenager, but save those in a bag and save all your bacon fat. Also, not buying that as a homeless teenager.
And then you, once you get enough of it, I don’t know how many heads of lettuce I was supposed to go through to get the wilting leaves, but if you get a bag full of the shitty outside leaves, you can fry it in bacon fat.
And then it’s like a poor man’s sautéed spinach or something.
Okay. Now, I believe her, okay? I believe her, she’s like, so you’re gonna want to start with the expired lettuce.
I just feel so, that’s the other reason that gives me so much sympathy for her is like, if that’s what you grew up eating as a young child, like you’re missing a few, things didn’t develop exactly.
She’s like, I heard my granddaughter’s homeless.
I have something to share with her.
Go to McDonald’s, ask them for a cup of hot water, and then go get a bunch of ketchup packets and put it in the hot water.
Why?
Tomato soup. She’s like, it has a lot of sugar and salt in it. It’s like, that’ll keep you going.
Oh God.
She’s like, I have to confer upon her these sacred, sacred pieces of knowledge in thirties. Oh God. Okay, here we go.
Child of a hoarder here, two hoarders really, but my mom is the bad one. I set foot in her house for the first time in a few years this month and there wasn’t a walking path.
I told her I was visiting her, helping her clean, and creating a safe space for her to walk. It’s my 37th birthday gift to myself today, happy birthday, to not let my mom’s hoard be mine. I can’t own this one.
I’ll keep her safe by cleaning out what I can, but the gal needs therapy and lots of it to address the main issue of being emotionally attached to objects and feeling unlovable and unworthy. Otherwise, the house will just fill up again.
Nora, this is a three-bedroom house with a basement and a foyer and beautiful old woodwork. She sleeps on a section of the couch where her clothes aren’t in the living room. It’s heartbreaking and maddening and sickening all at the same time.
Is she ready for a home?
I mean, or a retirement community or something. Because it’s not going to work if she’s living alone. And you ought to think of it as kind of like a personality disorder.
That would be, or an addiction. It would be like, what I’m going to do, I’m going to walk in there and make her not be a narcissist, like what? Or tell her, you’re an alcoholic and that stops today.
Guess what, buddy, it’s over.
I’m pouring it down the sink, and you’ll never do it again.
You’ll never do it again. I’m going to find all your hidden bottles.
I mean, it’s admirable that you want to try to tackle this thing, but I just don’t see it being fruitful, or being the one and only time that you’re going to have to do this to make yourself comfortable.
Like, yeah, she’s living in an unhealthy space, and maybe it’s time to put her somewhere, if it’s possible. I found out how they do that when you’re broke.
That’s what I was thinking, too. I was like, do they check on you? Do they have rules?
Is there a way that they can prevent that in a home? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. And they have people cleaning and stuff. Yeah, you can’t be a hoarder in a retirement community.
You got to stay safe. And also, if you don’t have money, do you know they just take your house? If you can’t afford, like if you own a home and you can’t afford a retirement home, they just take your house.
It’s perfect.
I love it.
I’m never going to own a home, so it won’t work for me. But for those of you out there, they’re broke as a joke, but you have a house. They just take it and then you can live in a nursing home or a retirement community.
That’s your payment.
That’s your payment. Okay.
Okay.
That’s very common. And I’m assuming if they take the house, they got to take all the shit inside of it, too.
Yeah, they do. Not it. No backs.
No backs. No backs.
No takesy-backsies.
No, sorry. No, it’s yours. You said, okay, I sent you another one to read.
Child of a hoarder, not a super nightmare level hoarder, we dreaded the day that we would have to clean out all the collections.
Turns out, I’m grateful for all of it. For the time I got to spend with my sisters, this is what we were talking about, laughing, reminiscing, crying, and divvying it all up.
Big family, four siblings, four spouses, 12 grandkids, and a couple of significant others, plus aunts, cousins, friends. Having so much stuff allowed everyone to get things to keep it, and remember my mom by.
I have more things than I need that were hers, but I treasure it all and feel so much love when I use it and enjoy her things.
Life is hard, and some people love things, and all of those things meant something, tell stories, and can be passed on and enjoyed by you. All those that loved them and by strangers, oh, by you and all those that loved them and by strangers.
You can keep it all.
Except the trash.
Except the trash. Asterisk, not trash, but everything else.
Yeah, you want it, it can be yours. Yeah, all of this can be yours.
See all these plastic bags? These could be yours. People on Facebook Marketplace, okay?
And the other things I really do, I like that. I like that they made it into an event, and like a way to get together and yeah, we did like a barbecue, potluck kind of thing.
Yeah. Yeah.
Jane Marie, thank you for being here with me. As always, we are always taking your comments, questions, concerns. The phone number is 612-568-4441.
You can call, you can text. If you call, just leave a voice mail. I can’t download voice memos through Google Voice.
I just can’t do it. It won’t let me. So when you’ve sent me voice memos, people, I’ve listened to them, and then they’re gone.
They just disappear. I can’t hold. Nothing gold can stay in the form of a voice memo.
But thank you for being here. And how do you want people to find you?
On the socials, I’m CJane Marie, like CJane Run, S-E-E, everywhere. So that’s like TikTok, Instagram, all the other stuff except Twitter. And you can find my podcast, The Dream, on all the podcast platforms.
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And you can get it without commercials at thedream.supercast.com. No commercials on our entire back catalog.
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If you want to listen to his album, it’s a new album, and the closing theme that you are hearing right now is by my young son Q, who made it on GarageBand. So enjoy.
Now, thank you to our supporting producers, Nancy Duff, Jenny Medellin, Jordan Jones, Sheila, Kathleen Langerman, Ben, Jess, Michelle Toms, Tom Stockburger, Jen, Beth Derry, Stacey Demoro, Emily Ferriso, Stephanie Johnson, Faye Barons, Amanda, Sarah
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Bye.
You did such a good job of when you visit her, and I have this audio memory of you going through the food container specifically.
Yeah, yeah.
And when I walk in the door and I said, do I need to take my shoes off?
That’s the downstairs to the basement that I haven’t been in in a long time. I’m not allowed to go down there.
Yeah, yeah, it’s full of treasures. Full of treasures, I’m sure.
Yeah, there is a pool table down there.
People, there was a time in life where people were like, I gotta have a pool table. I gotta have a pool table. There was, that was a time in American history where people were like, I’m sorry, you have a home without a pool table?
What?
What do you do?
Are you weird?
Yeah, are you some kind of freak? What do you, what do you even do in your home if you’re not shooting pool with your kids? Like, yeah, come on.
Okay, I went to someone’s house and they had a pool table. I was like, I’m in a place of wealth, sophistication. People had them in the basement.
You know, you got to ask yourself, how did I get there?
This is a Michigan basement too. It’s not finished. You know, it’s not like, it’s like concrete center block.
Oh yeah.
Oh, I know a Midwestern basement. I know a mid, sometimes partially finished.
Yeah.
You know, where they’re like, go down to the TV room and you’re like, oh, I got to walk through like a millipede alley to get through. So much moisture. Oh good, there’s linoleum here.
That indicates that it’s a den now. Okay.
Great. There’s a half bar that’s not attached. There’s a half bar that’s got dusty schnapps all over it.
Which is sick.
God, it’s sick.
Wood paneling, water stains on it.
Great.
Cool.