Giving Away the Farm

Kathy Barker isn’t just the founder of Barker Farm – she’s a mother, an advocate for mental health awareness and breaking the stigma of food insecurity, and a self-proclaimed “worker bee.” She’s committed to helping others, not just because it’s the right thing to do, but also because she once needed that help. Today, she shares with Nora the story of surviving domestic violence, financial instability, and the building of Barker Farm.

If you want to learn more about Barker Farm, go here: https://barkerfarm.org/

If you want to learn more about the food bank I spoke at, go here: https://riverbendfoodbank.org/

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

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I’m Nora McInerny, and this is Thanks for Asking, a call-in show about what matters to you. And today, we’re talking to a woman named Kathy Barker. I met Kathy at a fundraising event for the River Bend Food Bank in Iowa. This is an organization that feeds thousands of people in 23 counties in Iowa and Illinois, an organization that Kathy supports with the bounty of her farm. Barker Farms is a non-profit that gives away what it grows. A farm that exists for the purest reason: to feed anyone who needs good, nutritious food. It exists because Kathy was once a person in need of that help, back when she was starting over on her own after leaving an abusive marriage, and working 7 days a week at 3 jobs to support herself and her six children. 

 

Kathy:

I remember it was one late night at the grocery store, standing in the produce section, holding a small container of raspberries. And my kids loved fresh raspberries, ⁓ but they were too expensive. ⁓ So I stood there that night, just letting the full weight. of my situation just wash over me. I had just worked 16 hours. I had three different jobs that I was juggling. And even though I had just worked 16 hours and juggled running a household, I still couldn’t afford the raspberries for my kids. And so I remember standing there just feeling so defeated and so humiliated.

 

I had never really experienced that kind of low moment before. ⁓ And I just started crying when I put those raspberries back on the shelf and feeling very lost. Like, what am I gonna do? How am I gonna make this work? I cannot work any more hours. I worked seven days a week. So my week was already full of work. And then trying to juggle. kids and their activities and all the stuff that comes with that. So, you know, I was just feeling very lost that night and leaving the store with what I always call belly fillers. It’s the inexpensive junk food that fills your belly, but it is not nutritionally sound. So that’s, that was probably the lowest.

 

Kathy: 

hardest moment for me as a mom doing all that I could do and then it’s still coming up short.

 

Nora McInerny 

Yeah. What you just described, too, is the impossibility of American life as well. Really, it’s boggling to think that anybody could work seven days a week and not have enough money for the basic things in life. And also, nobody should be working seven days a week, right? You also, as a person, need rest. You need, you know,

 

Kathy:

Mmm.

 

Yes.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Exactly. Yes, I agree.

 

Yeah.

 

Nora McInerny:

You need time with those children that you’re also trying to raise, which is, you know, this is a time in your life too where, you know, you were not planning to ever be standing alone in that grocery store debating the cost of raspberries, which as an aside, why is the container of raspberries so small?

 

Kathy:

Hmm, exactly.

 

Right.

 

Exactly, right? It’s ridiculous.

 

Nora McInerny:

I don’t care what price it,

 

any price it is, you’re talking 14 raspberries per package.

 

Kathy:

Yes, it’s true.

 

It is the most expensive ⁓ fruit per ounce in the grocery store, which leads me to another point that’s just really heartbreaking for me is that not only are people struggling with food insecurity, so they have to choose the least expensive of all the fruits. So making, you know, the choice of choosing raspberries is something

 

Like no one should have to struggle that much with getting fresh healthy foods that they like. Like apples are great, but there’s only so many apples you can really eat. You know what I mean? Exactly.

 

Nora McInerny:

Even if you’re switching up varieties, even if you’re

 

switching up varieties, like, there’s, you know, you are correct. There’s only so many apples that you can eat. There’s only so many bananas that you can eat.

 

Kathy:

Yes, totally. Yep.

 

It’s true

 

or watermelon or cantaloupe or you know everything so yeah.

 

NARRATION

This experience Kathy was having in the grocery store – being devastated over the cost of raspberries – was not what her life had always been like. 

 

Kathy:

we lived a typical life, suburban lifestyle. ⁓ I was lucky enough to stay home. My ex-husband was an IT guy, so he brought home the bacon and I fried it up. ⁓ And also, I also got to homeschool my kids. ⁓ So I really had that, you know.

 

that time with them and all that great stuff. we had a great house, vehicles. It was one of those things where from the outside looking in, we had it all. And no one really knows what happens behind closed doors. So.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah, it’s a very brave thing to leave a marriage, especially a marriage that isn’t safe for you or your children. And there are also consequences to that, which is what you had to live with, too. So you went from living like a pretty picture perfect from the outside suburban life to starting completely over. How do you even do that when you have been at home homeschooling?

 

Kathy:

Mm-hmm.

 

Sure. Exactly.

 

Sure. Yep.

 

Yeah.

 

Yes, so it was really hard. So ⁓ it’s truly just taking it one step at a time, like checking off things, what you have to do to accomplish. So it actually took me seven times to leave my ex-husband before I actually got out the door, which a lot of people struggle to understand when they don’t fully understand domestic violence. Leaving is

 

Kathy:

the hardest, most dangerous thing that you can do. So I tell people, I didn’t marry an abuser, but I divorced one. And it starts out small and you make excuses and all the stuff. And so it took me a lot ⁓ of trying to leave before actually getting out the door. ⁓ He also… ⁓

 

kept tabs on me, like monitoring the computer. And at one point he had a listening device on the phone and he heard my phone conversation. So I would tell my girlfriends, ⁓ you know, I had a waitressing job at night because I was trying to leave and you can’t leave without money. So ⁓ I would tell my girlfriend, you know, on the phone, I made, you know, 20 extra dollars and I put that away. ⁓

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

and I told her in the phone conversation where the money stash was. And so he found it and took it. But I didn’t, it took me a long time to find the listening device. ⁓ And so that was like a whole interesting thing. Every time I would get ahead, he would pull me back, you know, whether it’s finding the money or, you know, taking the spark plug out of the car so you can’t leave, just.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

a bunch of that kind of stuff. So to all the women out there who are trying to leave, it’s okay. Like don’t give up. Just keep trying. You know, you have to be a little sneaky sometimes to get away, but you have to be safe too, you know. So.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah, yeah,

 

that’s really good advice too. And especially, you said you didn’t marry an abuser, but you divorced one. there’s so many kinds of abuse too. Like, it’s financial abuse to take somebody’s money to prevent them from leaving a marriage by financially manipulating them and isolating them. is ⁓ abusive to spy on somebody.

 

Kathy:

Mm-hmm.

 

Yes. Yes. Yep.

 

Yep.

 

Exactly. Yes.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Nora McInerny:

have a listening device in their home to not allow them the basics of privacy. It’s really, really scary. ⁓ And you did it. You did it with all your kids.

 

Kathy:

Yep.

 

It really, yeah, it really was.

 

Yes

 

and that if I have to look back with you know regrets in my life I really only just have one and that was I wish with all of my heart I had left sooner than I did because the impact of domestic violence on your family is it’s a horrible thing to go back and try to fix when you’re out of the situation so but I did the best I could

 

while I was in it and you don’t really know how bad it is even though friends and family told me I still didn’t get it. I didn’t get it because I was living it and I never wanted to divorce. I loved him. I wanted the marriage to be fixed and saved and I wanted the happily ever after and all of this stuff and it takes two to make that happen so that you know when you have that breakdown that’s

 

Nora McInerny:

And also marriage, love, relationships, they are a promise to each other, which is like, you cannot wish somebody into being a good person and being a good person to you. It really is like, is a, you can put in as much effort as you want. And if somebody is not doing the literal bare minimum, which is treating you with kindness and love and respect and.

 

Nora McInerny :

I believe bell hooks said where abuse exists, love cannot. There’s nothing you can do. There’s no, you cannot be a good enough wife to somehow like fix what is wrong with them. I was.

 

Kathy:

Yep. Yeah.

 

Yes.

 

Yes, that’s such an important message to get out there because when women are in the situation, they don’t see it, they don’t feel it, they can’t acknowledge it, like all of the things, they can’t do it. So many people want to blame the victim of why didn’t she leave sooner? Why didn’t this? Why didn’t that? Well, first and foremost, you’re not there living her story with her. She’s surviving.

 

whatever that means for her, she’s surviving. So if she has to stay, because where she’s staying, she has food, clothing, and shelter, then you have to stay. I remember I kept justifying it. He would go to work and my kids and I were home all day ⁓ where no abuse existed.

 

So I would break down the day in my mind. Like he would get home at five, the kids went to bed at eight. Like forget me, like take me out of the picture. So when I think about out of a 24 hour day, they only had to live with him for three hours. And those three hours, some of the time he was fine, but it was when the switch flipped. Th  ose were the times that weren’t good.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

while I was living in it, that’s kind of how I justified it. Well, I have six kids, not one, not two, not three, but six, six and nine years. So they’re like stair steps. And ⁓ that’s just one of those things where I could not physically get all of them in the van. I had this big geeky 10 passenger van, which I still love. I had to get rid of it, but it was still my favorite vehicle.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

But I could not get all of them buckled in their car seats and out of the driveway before he would either snatch one of them and I couldn’t leave one behind. Or he would do something else. Like it just was impossible. And so then that cycle of domestic violence starts the next day. Oh, I’m so sorry. I promise I won’t do that again. You know, I’ll try harder.

 

Kathy:

you are my world, the kids are my world. And then you just live in that cycle of domestic violence until one day you’re pinned to the floor with a hot steam iron next to your face and you realize like, ⁓ okay, it’s time to leave now. Not that it wasn’t time before, but it takes one of those kind of earth-shaking

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

the media.

 

Yeah, yeah.

 

Kathy:

situations to wake you up, you know?

 

Nora McInerny:

I’m sorry that happened to you and you didn’t deserve that, neither did your six children. And I will say it a million times, but you really are just such a… I don’t know if impressive is even the right word, but it’s like you really are just such a…

 

force, you know, like it’s it’s the sometimes the things that don’t kill us, like don’t make us stronger, right? Like sometimes they just freak us out and they leave you with nothing. They leave you standing with a small clamshell of raspberries that you can’t afford at the grocery store after you’ve been working yourself to the bone seven days a week and your kids just want raspberries. But instead they’re getting, you know, red delicious apples and like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

Kathy:

Aw, thank you.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Yeah.

 

It’s true. It’s very, very true.

 

thank you for that. But I feel like, you know, especially when you’re a mom, you step up and you do what you have to do when you have to do it. And all the other stuff kind of falls away, you know? So I look back on it now and I think I don’t know how I did it.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Yeah, I also there’s

 

Kathy:

because I stayed in that survival mode for three years. Like I worked my heiny off for three years and it was like Groundhog Day. But you do what you have to do to get through it. And looking back on it now, 10 years later, I think, wow, first of all, where’d I get the energy from? How did I do that? How did I do it alone? How, yeah, it’s true. But yeah, exactly.

 

Nora McInerny:

pure adrenaline, survival, survival

 

instinct, your motherly survival instinct, just being like, we got to do this. When you finally leave, like you find the perfect moment, you’re out before you can possibly get home, what does it feel like to leave and where do you go?

 

Kathy:

Yeah, so it was…

 

So there’s a little bit of a backstory. you mind if I share? It has to do with my faith. So there is a Bible verse, Jeremiah 29, 11. I just got a tattoo on my arm. so anyway, I had been, like this is over a course of years. So my pastor at the time said, called me one day and said, he knew about the situation and said,

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah, go for it. Yeah. Yeah.

 

Kathy:

Okay, I have this Bible verse. I don’t know why it’s been put on my heart, but I’m supposed to take it to you and you study it and you do what you need to do with that Bible verse. So I did. Jeremiah 29, 11 is a very common verse. 

 

Kathy:

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you and not harm you plans to give you hope and a future. I’m going to get emotional. Sorry. So every time I tried to leave my ex-husband, this Bible verse would just pop up in random weird places. Like in the grocery store, the gentleman in front of me was this big, huge biker guy.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

and dressed in leather and all of the typical biker gear stuff. And he turned and on the side of his arm was tattooed Jeremiah 29 and 11. And every time I would see that Bible verse, would like renew that desire to leave because God has a plan for me. I don’t know what it is because I’m swimming in this cesspool of abuse and all this stuff.

 

with my kids being the only good things and a few good friends, you know? And so ⁓ then it happened every time when I was starting to feel like I can’t leave. You know, I was at Panera taking my girls to the mall and I was sitting at Panera waiting for them. And ⁓ there was this teenage kid who just kind of flipped his foot up on his knee and written on the bottom of his tennis shoe in permanent marker.

 

was Jeremiah 29, 11. And so it popped up in places where you expect it, like my son had a Cub Scout luncheon and it was written on the wall, but that was a church. So you’re kind of like, yeah, okay, that doesn’t count. But it was the things, yeah.

 

so on the day that I left, he was at work and ⁓ I remember going, he had kept all of the money. So I had none. was literally leaving with nothing. ⁓ I went through the drive-through at the bank and withdrew $500. At the time that was the most you could withdraw at one time. So I did that and I knew

 

that that would be the truth, like he would be calling because he would know that that money was gone. So I remember getting on the interstate and just driving and hearing the phone ring him and it was him. And then we’re driving down the road and I kid you not, a semi passes me and I’m already like going fast because I’m trying to get away. I knew that he was 30 minutes away, you know, all of that.

 

And the semi passes me and pulls like right in front of me not cut me off But just pulls right in front of me and they’re written on the back of the semi It was covered in dirt. Someone wrote with their finger Jeremiah 29 11 And so the day that I left like I even got that sign like that day like I’m doing the right thing I’m on the path that I’m supposed to be on You know, um, and and we followed that semi

 

Kathy:

the whole way to our turnoff point. And there were two ways that we could go. And I was nervous about picking which one and I just followed the truck. so it was just one of those things that, you know, the sign of, yeah, like, so that was. ⁓

 

Nora McInerny:

and it’s 90 degrees here, so there’s no

 

reason for me to have goosebumps. That’s really beautiful. Where did you go and did the kids understand where you were going?

 

Kathy:

yeah, they understood. ⁓ My youngest was probably 12 at the time and my oldest was in college. So six kids in nine years, so they were all right there. ⁓ So they did know ⁓ and we went to back home where I grew up, back to…

 

the small rural community that I lived in when I was in high school. I left when I graduated because the typical small town story of there’s nothing here, I’m out, no one’s gonna stop me, like that kind of thing. Exactly. So then here I am following the semi back to my hometown and my parents have passed away.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

You’ll never see me again, okay?

 

Kathy:

and their home was still in the family. My older brother owned it. ⁓ And ironically, it was empty. So the kids and I, we just moved in there. And of course he knew where that house was. So I knew it was just gonna be time before he found us. ⁓ But it was one of those things where he controlled like everything, everything, what to make for dinner, what to…

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

you know, I wasn’t allowed to have popcorn, I couldn’t have gum, like just things like that. It super controlling. Weird stuff, yeah. And so… I did.

 

Nora McInerny:

weird stuff.

 

weird stuff and did it start slowly in that way where you’re like, I

 

guess I’m just not chewing gum anymore. And it’s like, it’s weird, but it’s small enough. And then.

 

Kathy:

It did. And

 

it wasn’t worth like an argument over and I’m a very laid-back person so I just really go with the flow of everything all the time anyway so I’m like I’ll just readjust. It’s no, I’ll pivot. It’s not a problem. But before you know it, you know, you’re being told you’re not allowed to cut your hair and like all of these things which is why I have short hair now.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Yeah. Yeah.

 

love it. Yeah.

 

Kathy:

so yeah, just super, super controlling. And I remember that night, after we got moved in the first night we were there, ⁓ I didn’t know what to cook for dinner because I wasn’t being told what to do. And I remember standing in the kitchen and just feeling lost. And my daughter walks in and she’s like, what, what, what’s wrong, mom?

 

And I said, I don’t know what to make for dinner. And she said, she put her arms around my shoulder and she said, how about let’s have peanut butter and jelly? And I remember thinking, okay, let’s do that. Now I’m not a lover of peanut butter and jelly, but that was the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich I’ve ever had in my life. So it was, that’s what freedom tasted like for me. 

 

it’s probably her best peanut butter and jelly sandwich too, because her mean dad wasn’t yelling at her mom and scaring the whole family. That’s really beautiful. think kids can be such a mirror for us too. And when you can see that reflected back, your child could even see, oh, my mom.

 

Kathy:

Wasn’t there? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

 

Yes.

 

Yeah.

 

Nora McInerny:

My

 

mom is having a minute here and like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

Kathy:

Yep, she needs a little help because I was truly feeling lost, you know? I’m just like, I just don’t

 

even know how to start a new life. How, when you’re under someone’s control so tightly, do you really start a new life? Like, you just walk around for a while lost, you know? So, yeah, so I’m grateful that…

 

you know, my brother had this house that we could live in. Another brother and sister-in-law helped me get some of my stuff out of the house. I knew that whatever was left behind, I wasn’t going to see again.

 You go to this house. You’re getting set up again. How do you even reenter the workforce after being out of it that long?

 

Kathy:

Sure.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Yes.

 

Exactly. And also living in a rural community. I left the suburbs where I was, I worked at a daycare preschool ⁓ where there’s one on every corner in the suburbs. But out here in rural America, ⁓ the preschools are in the school districts, which are already, you know,

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

their workforce is already in place and because there’s such a rare position, there’s no openings. So what was my background, child development, was not something that I could get a job in. So that was a struggle. ⁓ So I did start home daycare. That would at least allow me to work from home. Because I had five teenagers running in and out.

 

There’s a fine line between feral teenagers and non-feral teenagers. ⁓ So, So yeah, so I work 60 hours a week ⁓ having home daycare. And that also allowed me to like make casseroles so my kids could eat because when my day with home daycare was done, I waitressed at night.

 

Nora McInerny:

Very fine. The finest of lines. Okay.

 

Kathy:

and I had two different waitressing jobs that covered the seven days of the week. ⁓ sorry. Okay, there we go. Okay. So ⁓ that was a saving grace that I was able to pull that off. ⁓ I think if I hadn’t had the home daycare, it would have been a…

 

Nora McInerny:

out again. Yeah just keep pulling it out a little. There you go.

 

Kathy:

a lot more difficult on one hand because my kids would have absolutely never seen me. But on the other hand, I probably would have made more money out in the workforce than watching children at home. you know, being present for my kids was more important than…

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

than what I made. So I just made up for it by taking on more jobs. Does that make sense? Cause at night and on the weekends, were busy with their teenage stuff. so that’s just kind of how I had to piece it all together, you know? Yeah.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Yeah.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Yeah.

 

You finally get your divorce settlement. And I’m going to make you retell me the story about the hunting cabin, right? Because I think that’s so beautiful. I don’t know that just anyone would do that, You know what I mean? You finally get your divorce settlement, which is a small amount of safety. Money is safety. It is. It’s like having just

 

Kathy:

Yes.

 

Yes. Exactly. Yes.

 

Nora McInerny:

your basic needs met, that’s the bottom

 

of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. You need safety in order to thrive, in order to grow, in order to truly thrive in this world. You get that money.

 

Kathy:

It’s true.

 

And also something

 

that some people don’t think about is that it takes money to get a divorce. There are no free lawyers. So like what is a woman? Exactly. Exactly. Yes, our divorce took 11 months, which is very long. I had friends that

 

Nora McInerny:

And when you’re divorcing someone who doesn’t want to divorce you, you can’t just go to divorces.com and get a $49 divorce. Yeah.

 

Kathy:

their divorce was all wrapped up within like two months. It was just kind of ridiculous, but ⁓ I had a different fight to fight. yeah. So just to go back a little bit, when I was in the suburbs, I did a lot of volunteer work at food pantries and homeless shelters. And that had always been like my, my, the way I gave back to my community then. And it kind of stemmed from my childhood.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

of growing up on a farm where we raised food and we shared with neighbors and friends and they shared with us. It was a very communal type of thing back in the day. so growing up with that as like a moral compass, no one should have to go hungry. There’s no reason for it. There just is no

 

reason. It might take ⁓ some ingenuity and a little thought, but there’s plenty of food in our communities. It just has to be collected and given out. with that being said, I had always wanted to have a mission garden ⁓ because when I worked in the food pantries and the homeless shelters, there was never any fresh produce.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

And again, this was 30 years ago. Things are much different than they are, than they were then. And I was always very perplexed by that. Being a farm kid, how does that even happen? How do you not know what fresh carrots taste like? How do you not have that? ⁓ And then also coming from a place of privilege where I could buy whatever I wanted at the grocery store. You don’t really

 

that sting, you know what I mean? Until you understand firsthand what food insecurity is. And so I had my entire life story is based on, sounds bad, but food. Like helping people find food or giving food away. So for me, wanting to have,

 

mission garden after my divorce, it was just the next step I knew I needed to take, especially after that night in the store with the raspberries. I understood what other mothers go through and I still had money to get what we needed, you know, we weren’t going without like toilet paper and things like that.

 

but I couldn’t choose the raspberries over the apples. You know, that kind of struggle. And it’s only a few steps away from true hunger that I was standing on, you know? And so after everything was settled, like I just knew that I had to help others who were in situations like me because

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

The big misconception about people struggling with food insecurity. It’s the working poor. It’s the elderly. It’s the disabled. It is people who just can’t quite make it and there’s no reason for it. So when my husband and I started dating, ⁓ my now husband, yeah, I know, but I hate that. I just hate that. As if there’s another one coming, but there’s not. That’s right. You just don’t know.

 

Nora McInerny:

Okay, okay, yeah.

 

Current husband, we say current, okay?

 

You gotta keep him on his toes. Okay. Okay. This is currently

 

my husband. So hopefully he behaves that way.

 

Kathy:

⁓ It’s

 

true. So we would, ⁓ he’s a police officer and he would, his shifts were rotating. And so on the weekends we would have a few hours together. We would go to church together and then we’d have a couple of hours before he had to be on duty. And so we would take those couple of hours and this sounds so old school and

 

It’s incredibly romantic, we would take those couple of hours and we would just drive around the countryside and look at property and just kind of daydream about this garden. And then… Exactly! So it was an emergency situation. I called 911 for help and he showed up and…

 

Nora McInerny:

That’s like the literally the best part of dating too, where you’re like, let’s imagine a future. It’s very romantic. I think it’s very cute. How did you meet him?

 

Cathy, this is a rom-com.

 

a Tromcom, okay? Okay, you call 911 and a hot cop shows up? Okay, wow, okay, okay.

 

Kathy:

There you go.

 

Exactly. I know, right?

 

So yeah, ⁓ so I called and he came and then the next day, which is common practice, they do follow up visits for domestic violence situations just to make sure everyone is still safe.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

with your ex-husband you call?

 

Kathy:

Yes, so then the next day Trey, my husband, current husband, he came just to do a well check, make sure that we were okay and everything was fine. So I also like to tease my husband about, like he knew all the drama and he knew all the bad stuff like within five minutes. He knew that I was a middle-aged single mom with six kids and a train wreck of a life and

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah. Yeah.

 

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

So I like to tease him now because he knew the worst parts of everything within those first five minutes and he still kept coming back. ⁓

 

Nora McInerny:

And he was like, I might have to make another follow up appointment.

 

Kathy:

Yeah, exactly. He

 

actually did. He came back then on his day off and I thought, wow, this is kind of weird, but okay, you know? And then we just became friends and then it became more than that. So it was a slow progression. yeah, so I don’t recommend calling 911 for dating, but it worked.

 

Yes, he came back

 

and then we just became friends and then it slowly morphed into more than that. And I remember the day that I told him about my dream of having a mission garden. Now, he’s a Texas boy where vegetables are an option on a plate. They’re not like must have. Right. So I remember thinking like this is going to be the deal breaker. He either supports this idea.

 

Nora McInerny:

meat. Yeah. Yeah.

 

Kathy:

or not because I was not about to let another man control my future. I had given everything I had to my ex and I wasn’t, I knew I liked him but I wasn’t going to settle. 

 

Kathy:

so I tell him that it’s always been my dream to have, you know, ⁓ a mission garden to grow food, to give to people who are struggling. And he sat there and he listened to me and he said, so let me make sure I understand this. You want to grow a bunch of food on land that you don’t own with money you don’t have and give to people who are just crawling out of the same.

 

like gutter that you just did and I said that’s exactly right and he said you either have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met or you are batshit insane so

 

Nora McInerny:

and why not both?

 

Kathy:

and why not both?

 

So yeah, so ⁓ that’s kind of how that journey started. And then we started driving around looking for land and we pulled onto this property. And as soon as I got out of the car, I knew that this place was something special. And it wasn’t until we had walked the it’s 15 acres, we had walked the entire 15 acres.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

And I had, you know, out in the timber, you’re fighting the invasive brush and the fallen trees and everything. And I remember so vividly, like it just happened yesterday, I walked into this clearing and I looked up and there were wild raspberries everywhere. They filled the entire open space and

 

I just remember thinking, the irony first of all, that the very fruit that I could not afford once upon a time was growing abundantly at my feet, like just everywhere. so talk about signs. That was my sign that this property was it. 

 

Nora McInerny:

Tell me about Barker Farms, what do you do?

 

Kathy:

Okay, so we are a nonprofit. We officially began in 2021, but we bought the property in 2016. And the property was used as a dump site for a contractor out of Chicago. He just brought his materials out here. And so we had to spend many years cleaning up.

 

the property and it’s a gorgeous, I mean it’s a story, it is like a storybook. There’s a creek that runs through it, it’s a storybook, I know. ⁓ And so ⁓ we bought the property and then we went through that and then after that we had to put deer fencing up because we’re plopping this garden right in the middle of their environment. So ⁓ put a deer fence up, we got

 

our raised beds that were donated to us. Topsoil, which was donated to us. And all of it is more signs. Like when I needed the raised beds, I remember just praying like, I need raised beds, like I need the money to buy them or whatever. And then my dear friend from Feeding Illinois called and said, hey, I have raised beds. Do you know anybody who needs some raised beds? And I’m like, oh my gosh, yes.

 

I’m like, I do. I need like 800 of them. So he provided the raised beds and then ⁓ the topsoil came as a donation. had truly been asking, you know, I was doing the whole praying for money thing and that wasn’t working. So then I just finally started praying for dirt. I’m like, why not? So ⁓ so then we got a 33 dump truck loads of topsoil donated to us.

 

Nora McInerny:

Pick me. Yeah.

 

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

And then we raised the money for an irrigation system and the deer fence. And so it’s just been slowly piecing it all together. And I still worked full time and my husband did too while we were building the infrastructure. So it wasn’t until last year when I was able to leave my paid job to be a permanent volunteer.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah, good for it. OK, that’s truly amazing. It’s truly amazing. So you’re working full time. You’re doing all this. It’s coming together. And I want you to tell us about the impact of this. And you can totally pull from the talk that you gave, because it’s astonishing when you think about it, the need that exists, and then really how little in the big picture, like our big picture.

 

Kathy:

Mm-hmm. Yes.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Nora McInerny:

like lives and budgets, how little it takes to take care of each other, which is like the greatest thing that anybody can do and such a great honor to be able to do it, right? Like, you know, it’s not a chore for you at all. Like it was not, like I think that’s what just drew me to you is like, I didn’t even know the story about, you know, fixing up the hunting cabin, but it’s like, it’s your instinct is like when you have enough, like you.

 

Kathy:

Yes, exactly.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Nora McInerny:

make sure that somebody else does too. And I think that’s a very, very cool way to be. It’s a very, very cool way to go through this world.

 

Kathy: So the need in our community and across America, the food insecurity rate is one in 10. In our specific rural area, it’s more like one in eight. So the struggle is real, 

 

Kathy:

⁓ yeah. So

 

we are on track to donate 37,000 pounds of freshly grown produce. ⁓ Assuming that all the planets are in alignment and there’s no late frost and everything that, you know, there’s no drought and everything works out well. ⁓ We’re on task to do that. ⁓ And we have a ⁓ fresh produce mobile market that we’ve just ordered ⁓ thanks to our

 

donors in the fall. I actually have a beautiful story about our lead donor. mind if I share it? So, okay. So there was a young man, his name was Logan Demay, and he was one of our donors. And just like a regular donor, he would donate frequently throughout the year. He was 27 years old. And one day I noticed

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah, please. Yeah.

 

Kathy:

that we had a $10,000 donation. And for Barker Farm, that’s pretty rare. That doesn’t happen. Exactly. Like most of our donors are in like the hundred dollar-ish range. So it came up as anonymous. And on my end, I couldn’t see who made the donation because it was anonymous. And so…

 

Nora McInerny:

You’re going to notice a $10,000 donation.

 

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

The next day I thought I’ll look again and see if something changed. It didn’t change. But I did learn that one of our donors had committed suicide.

 

And so that gut feeling that you have that tells you things you don’t want to really know was telling me that Logan was the one who…

 

who had made this large donation. And after speaking with his mom… ⁓

 

she feels very strongly that it was the last thing that he did before he took his life.

 

So in the fall we had a special fundraiser for Logan and Logan’s memory and our produce truck is being donated in honor of Logan because without that $10,000 and then his sweet family rallied around us and his uncle donated another $10,000 and so we were able to not only get this produce truck but we can also build our chicken coop.

 

So I know like to most people that sounds kind of goofy, but we’re able to do two things because of Logan’s generosity. And so just to bring awareness to mental health struggles and depression and you know, all of that, but we’re truly blessed because of Logan’s donation to us. So.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Yeah.

 

And

 

what a final act, know, like what a thing to do. also, like all these things are real and all these things are disconnected and, you know, and they’re all tingly and they’re also like, yeah, they’re all tangled together. And it’s like hard not to feel hopeless in the face of a world that feels so deeply uncaring, you know, like where there is so much

 

Kathy:

Exactly.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Yes. Exactly.

 

Yes.

 

Nora McInerny:

inequity where

 

there’s just so much like pain being inflicted upon people for no reason like I I I get it I get it you know and it’s ⁓ it’s the only way the only way

 

Kathy:

Exactly.

 

Yeah.

 

Yeah.

 

Nora McInerny:

out of all of this is together and is doing something that you can do, whatever that thing is. You’ve done several very, very large things that I know don’t feel that big to you, but they are really big, you know? But it’s like whatever you can do. I always think like the antidote to like ⁓ hopelessness is taking some small action. And it does not mean that you have to go find your own farm. Like you can find a Barker Farms and just like

 

Kathy:

Yep.

 

Right.

 

Exactly.

 

Nora McInerny:

Put your energy, put your wind in the sail of someone who’s already built the ship. And I think that’s, I think it’s really powerful for people to know like the work is being done. Like there are people out here who are doing the work.

 

Kathy:

Yes, exactly.

 

Yes.

 

Exactly. And you know, it takes a community to solve community problems. If everyone, you know, like I mentioned earlier, if everyone who has a backyard garden could maybe just throw in some extra green beans or some broccoli or, you know, that kind of thing and donate it. It’s so, so easy to do when you’re already doing it. Just add a couple more. What’s the big deal? You know, and I just really encourage people

 

Nora McInerny:

near.

 

Kathy:

Like hot peppers are great, but that’s not gonna fill the belly of a six-year-old. So perhaps maybe choose some really nutrient-dense vegetables and, you know, yeah.

 

Nora McInerny:

True, true.

 

Yeah. Yeah, what are, what are, if somebody’s got like

 

the time to garden, and again, just pull this out a little, ⁓ but if somebody has like the, the time to garden, has the space to garden, what are things that you recommend that they grow that are good to donate?

 

Kathy:

I’m sorry.

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Yeah, so we find that with food insecurity, a lot of people, because it’s generational sometimes, ⁓ they don’t always know how to prepare vegetables and fruits. I mean, fruits are pretty easy, you just cut them. ⁓ But they don’t always know how to prepare beets. So their willingness to try beets is probably not going to happen. So probably go with like your favorite vegetables, whatever those are.

 

Kathy:

and donate those green peppers, ⁓ broccoli, cauliflower, know, all of that kind of stuff. Tomatoes, potatoes are a really big thing too. ⁓ I know that there’s a shortage of fruit in the food pantries. So if you have some space for some strawberry plants or an apple tree or something like that, put them in the ground. And those are great because they come back every year.

 

Nora McInerny:

Yeah.

 

Kathy:

They’re no brainers. Like you don’t have to do anything with them. So fruit is a really big thing, ⁓ but just those nutrient dense food. We grow, we have a small orchard, 55 trees. have apples, ⁓ pears, peaches, plums, nectarines, ⁓ cherries, all those kinds of good tree fruits. And then we also have strawberries and blueberries, ⁓ grapes.

 

Nora McInerny:

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

 

Yeah. What do you grow at Barker Farms?

 

Kathy:

And of course, raspberries. I can’t not grow them. Yeah, everybody’s getting raspberries. It’s true.

 

Nora McInerny:

Gotta have the raspberries. Everyone’s getting raspberries now. Everyone’s getting raspberries. ⁓ God,

 

Cathy, I think you’re so wonderful. I’m so glad I know you. Is there like any, do you wanna leave in everybody with like a message or anything? Do you have anything that I didn’t ask you about that you’re like, just wanna say this to the people who are listening?

 

Kathy:

Yeah, breaking the stigma that comes with food insecurity,. It is truly about your neighbor who lost his job or your other neighbor who had an unplanned car expense and now he has to choose getting his car fixed so he can go to work or buying groceries.

 

You know, same thing with the elderly. Sometimes they have to choose between medication or groceries. So just being aware of what food insecurity really means. And also, you know what, if you’re picking up a bag of carrots at your local grocery store, just pick some up for the food pantry. Like it doesn’t have to be a grand act of, you know, service, just a little bit every now and then. If everybody did that.

 

Kathy:

we’d be so much better off. So, yeah.

 

OUTRO

As Kathy said, we’d all be better off if we did just a little bit to help. And especially now, when food banks are struggling with federal budget cuts, it matters more than ever. So if you’d like to support the Riverbend Food Bank or Barker Farms, we have links in our episode description. And if you want to support your local food bank, go do that! Just do something this week to make things a little bit better for someone else. 

 

CREDITS

I’m Nora McInerny and this is Thanks for Asking. 

Thanks for being here! There are many ways to support the show and listening is one of them. We’re an independent podcast, which means that this is one big group project! One of the ways that you can support us is by calling and texting us and telling us what matters to you. This episode was produced by Marcel Malekebu. Our opening theme music is by Geoffrey Lamar Wilson and our closing theme music is by my young son, Q.