More (More, More!) Obituaries

Earlier this year we did a bonus episode showcasing obituaries from your dead loved ones. Nora cried throughout the entire episode, so we wanted to do it again! There were so many obituaries we couldn’t read the first time, so we’re honored to share more of your beautiful loved ones and we wanted to give all of our listeners a little preview of that bonus episode!

It’s truly an honor to learn about all of the people you loved, so thank you for sharing them with us.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

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I kind of owe my career to an obituary.

I’m actually an award-winning obituary writer, which is something that I don’t know if they have obituary awards, but I won an award for writing an obituary. And guess what? It’s not really my award.

I had a co-author and that co-author was my husband because we wrote his obituary together before he died, which is kind of strange. Usually people do wait until somebody’s dead before they write their obituary, but my husband was 35.

He had just entered hospice. We were laying in bed. We were watching Game of Thrones.

He said, I can’t believe I’m not going to know how this show ends. And you know what? I’m glad.

One small mercy to him dying in 2014 is he didn’t have to see the end of Game of Thrones. Okay, he got to die when that show was kind of at its best and he didn’t have to see, you know, you know what he didn’t have to see.

You know, I know that show just kind of just like right at the end. And I’d say it to their face. I’d say it to their face.

And this is me saying it to their face. They’re obviously watching this.

Anyways, Aaron and I wrote his obituary together because I did not want to do it alone and because he was such a specific person and I wanted him to decide what was important and how he wanted to be remembered.

And he wanted to be remembered as himself, not as this sad story, Oh, I’m 35, I died of brain cancer. Everyone’s going to miss me. That’s like how he talked about it.

So we wrote it together. We included his rock star past. It’s in a band called The Asparagus Children in Anoka County, Minnesota.

They were major, majorly popular in far flung suburbs in the late 90s. We revealed his identity as Spider-Man. We included his first wife, Gwen Stefani.

She’s never commented on her grief, and that’s okay because we all grieve differently. And Gwen Stefani decided to grieve him quietly. That is her choice.

And I really don’t want anyone to give her any shit about that. Okay. So anyways, that was 2014.

The world was a different place. We were in a different time. Media wise, we were on like one algorithm.

If I asked, did you see that cat video? You’d be like, yeah, I saw the cat video. You wouldn’t be like, which one?

What are you talking about? Tic-Tac? Are you talking about Hoo-Hoo?

Well, blim-blam? Well, what do you know? It was all the same internet basically.

And his obituary was published in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, and it went crazy viral, like 2014 viral. I’m talking Buzzfeed, baby. I’m talking Time Magazine.

I’m talking like radio stations, TV. It was really bananas, not the intention but also kind of the intention because one of Aaron’s magical qualities was that he really made everybody feel like they were a part of the joke.

The party could not have started until you arrived. And I loved that about him.

And I just remember thinking like, of course, of course this thing that we wrote as kind of just like an inside joke for the people who loved him would really be something that a lot of people loved, right?

Like his inside jokes were not, you know, mean and exclusionary. It was like, oh, like it just opened up. It just was very, very, very Erin.

And I mean, when I think about it, like I was always a writer, I was always creating, but that obituary meant that a lot of people found my Tumblr. I told you it was 2014.

And that led to me writing a book proposal, which led to my first book, which then I didn’t have a job anymore. And I was like, I better start a podcast. It’s just like one thing built on another, but it all leads back to Erin.

All roads lead back to Erin, and all roads lead back to that obituary, which was us laying in bed, me typing, him talking, us throwing lines back and forth, and crying, and then me just shutting my laptop and being like, we can turn the TV back on.

So I love obituaries. I love obituaries.

We’ve actually made a few episodes, and we’ve actually made more than a few episodes about obituaries, about having other people share their loved ones’ obituaries or the obituaries they wish they would have been able to publish, because I think it’s

really powerful to help remember people’s loved ones, whether or not you knew them. And a really good obituary makes you feel like you knew that person, and kind of helps you share in that memorialization, that remembering with the people who truly

miss this person. So all that to say, I’m Nora McInerny, and this is Terrible, Thanks For Asking. We are here to let people tell the truth about what life is like, and the truth about life is that it does end.

And the truth about life ending is that some people are left behind. And what do we do as people who are left behind? We try to remember the people who are gone.

And what is one way that we do that? We write an obituary. And why did we do that?

Because you used to have to publish them in the paper so people would know everyone was dead. And why do we keep doing it? Because it feels good, okay?

And because, I don’t know, we want to leave something behind that is not just a Facebook post. And are obituaries expensive? You bet.

And is anyone reading the newspaper? I hope so. Please, please, support media.

We asked people to send in the obituaries for the people they love and they did it. And here we go. I’m gonna share them with you and we’re gonna remember the dead, whether or not there are dead people.

I love doing this because it is such a privilege to learn about the people that other people loved and lost. The last time we did this, I was an absolute wreck. So, let’s see how I do emotionally today.

Okay, this first one comes from Mackenzie and she wrote us this email. I find myself to be a new member of the Hot Young Widows Club.

My wife, Megan, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 28 of a cardiac event on November 17th, just a couple months ago.

Now, I don’t think this is an award-winning obituary, but it’s something that I wrote in the foggiest days of my life. I hardly even remember writing it and rereading it now, I can’t believe that I was able to make complete sentences in those days.

Here’s her obituary. Megan Lee Galloway Cole, 28 of Astoria, New York, passed away unexpectedly on November 17th, 2023 as the result of a sudden cardiac event.

In 2022, Megan married her wife, Mackenzie Galloway Cole, at a ceremony in Astoria, New York. They wed in the neighborhood where they met and built their life together.

Megan had an unparalleled love for life, and she poured her soul into every interest she explored. She found and developed a strong community everywhere she went, from Greenville to Miami University to New York City.

Her lifelong love of basketball was infectious, and she was passionate about women and sports. She was an avid reader, and she found simple joy in playing the daily New York Times word games over a cup of coffee.

She made friends with animals everywhere she went, and they could always sense her warmth. Megan had the biggest smile, the best laugh, and the most comforting hug. Mackenzie, welcome to the club.

We hate it here. I’m sorry you joined. The cost of admission is bananas.

It is in no way worth it, but thank you for sharing Megan with us. We actually have another email from another hot young widow. Kennex wrote us a beautiful email about their fiance who died.

By the way, if your fiance dies, your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, I’m just calling you a widow. I use the word very expansively. Some people are really offended by that like, oh, you didn’t get married?

I don’t care if you got married. Again, I don’t care if you get married. You can use, I will give you a widow card to play if you were in love with someone and they died.

That’s okay. Back to Kennex and Kennex’s fiance. They met when they were 19.

They were together nine years. Here’s part of that email. We grew up together in a lot of ways and we helped each other heal.

When we encountered problems, he was always so cool, calm and collected. He’s my rock who always made me feel like it would be all right. He loved me for exactly who I was in foul or fair weather.

He loved everyone for exactly who they were. He’s the most emotionally intelligent and empathetic person I’ve ever met. He was always generous with his loved ones and he was always there for people when they needed him.

He taught me that things didn’t matter. People did. He had so much going against him, but he was so resilient.

He always lifted people up. He had such a good moral compass. He was goofy as hell and we had the best time because we loved each other’s sense of humor, spanned from fart jokes to some really witty banter.

I once wrote a speech on the back of a receipt on a bus a few years back on one of my tracks back and forth from New Jersey to Long Island. It was what I would say to him in my vows when we got married.

I lost that receipt, but the gist of it was that I used to watch a lot of romantic comedies growing up, and I always wanted to love like those movies.

Well, while we fell head over heels for each other at first, he taught me that love is not romantic comedy.

I always had the intrusive thought that we were so different in how we grew up, in our culture, in how we think, and we also carried different baggage. Him from his father passing away tragically and mine from my mental health.

He always said that same is boring, and he really believed that love isn’t just something that happens, it’s a choice that two people make, and it’s something that two people build together.

The reason why we have this life together is because he always fought for us to be together, and he taught me that love is people being willing to put in the work.

We both wanted the same things out of life, and he worked hard in school and through boot camps so that we could have the life we envisioned.

We wanted to be happy, we wanted to travel and have hobbies and do things that brought us joy, and have children someday, and open a board game cafe.

I always wanted to support his dreams because he was so passionate and I wanted to be along for the ride. I figured I would bake for his cafe and help run social media and do photography and we’d have a cute little family business together.

He wanted two children and he wanted to teach them that an upside down Christmas tree bolted from the ceiling was totally normal. He was very against me wanting to name one of our kids Zephyr.

He was an incredibly gifted writer and he wanted to write a book someday. His ultimate dream was to be an old grandpa who was a regular at a diner where the waitress would know him and his order by default.

I am always going to be really sad that we never had the chance to go on that journey. We had a lot of firsts with each other. He’s my first love and he’s the love of my life.

We met when we were 19 and I always wondered, how did I get so lucky to get it right the first time? What are the chances of that? I’m so thankful for all the love and the lessons he taught me in the nine years we’ve been together.

He’s forever my person, my best friend, and my soulmate. I just want you all to know that life is short and unexpected. I want you all to find someone who loves you the way we love each other.

I want you all to find someone who makes the choice to love you and work for you. If he has taught us anything, it’s to go be a nerd, go try new things and find joy in them.

And when you do, think of him, because he’d be so happy to have something that makes you happy and excited. So if you’re listening, I miss you, and you and Kitty and I will be together again someday. You know for me, it’s always you.

Ooh, got me with that Taylor Swift lyric right at the end. Ooh, God, honestly, I should get that Kleenex. Oh boy, okay.

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Okay. Our next one is from Shiri. Shiri actually sent us an essay that she wrote for elle.com about an abortion that she had a few years ago before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v Wade.

And I wanted to read a little piece of it because, as Shiri said in her email, this essay is an obituary of sorts for her unborn son.

A few years ago, Shiri found out that she was pregnant with twins, but she found out at 20 weeks that the twins had developed twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome.

One twin had taken over the blood supply of the other, and if she tried to give birth to both babies, both of them would have likely died. This is part of her piece.

A two and a half hour ultrasound on Friday morning with specialists showed us that the little twin, Twin B, had lost more than half of his minimal amniotic fluid in the hours since our last scan. He could barely move.

At one point, I looked up at the screen to see 12 images of his brain. Even I could tell something was wrong. When the scan was over, the doctors told us that the situation had changed considerably.

We now had stage 3, twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, and Twin B had bleeding in his brain. When they left the room, I turned to my husband and calmly said, you know we’re talking about termination now.

Then, suddenly sobbing, I asked him if he thought they could save the bigger twin. A kind and gentle doctor told us Twin B was going to die.

He explained that when one twin’s heart stops in a shared placenta, the other twin’s body will send out all of its own blood supply to try to create a blood pressure in its sibling. That action will almost always ensure that both twins die.

We couldn’t save Twin B, but if we terminated him through a procedure called radio frequency ablation, we could try to save Twin A. There would be no bleeding out for Twin A. One tiny body giving everything over to save another.

There would be a very good chance of the pregnancy surviving, but I would have to make the choice to stop B’s heart. We had an hour to decide. There was no choice.

I’m their mother. I wanted Twin A to have a chance to live. My son is now one.

When I see his face, when I feel him reach for me, I think of his brother. I treasure my son. I would have treasured them both.

We’ll link to that full piece in the description if you want to read the whole thing. I couldn’t read the whole thing because I’m already crying, but it was really beautiful.

I’m glad that we had a different kind of example because there are certain things that people don’t want to talk about. And that make it harder for people to honor and remember that loss, but that’s a really big decision and no decision at all.

And I’m glad that you were able to do that and to save your beautiful boy. Who would have died trying to save his beautiful brother? Oh, God.

Woo, okay. How did I think this was going to go? I was going to read a bunch of obituaries and like, be fine?

Fuck, okay.

This next obituary is from Carly.

Carly wrote this about her friend Jessica, who died of cystic fibrosis and left behind a husband and a toddler. My entire life, the sound of Jess’s infectious hissing laugh was a sign that, oh, now we’re really having fun.

And with Jess, that fun was often of the culinary persuasion. Jessica was a foodie before foodie was a word. When we were kids, that took the form of her enjoying unique food combinations and very particular tastes.

Sour cream and cheddar potato chips dipped in cottage cheese. Okay, that’s so good. I love that.

Anything dairy related? I’m in. Reuben’s sandwiches, which even as a child, she insisted on making with whole grain mustard instead of Thousand Island dressing for the sake of authenticity.

Goat cheese, British teas and biscuits. When we were old enough to pay for our own meals, that morphed into seeking out the best places in Austin with limitless chips and salsa.

And more recently, developing a salsa bar routine at Rosa’s that was so meticulous, she wouldn’t allow anyone else to do takeout orders for her.

She hosted lavish dinner parties and baked delicious, extravagantly decorated desserts, including a legendary flaming plum pudding. Her discerning palate was certainly a product of her travels, many of which we got to join her on.

Traveling with Jess was a lesson in learning to love getting lost. Jess had an insatiable appetite for seeing, doing, tasting something new. Thanks to her, we got to see London, Paris, Normandy, Greece, the Dalmatian coast.

I can’t tell you how many of my favorite memories of our travels were because we got on the wrong bus or because we decided in a split second to jump off our train early and only walk on the streets with funny names.

The last afternoon we all spent together, Grace gave Jess and the three of us a necklace with a compass charm at the end, a daily reminder of the source of our wanderlust. I will not be so glib as to say anything about lemons and lemonade.

Life did not give Jess anything so simple as to be remedied by a few cups of sugar. She was born into struggle and pain in a concrete understanding of her own mortality. Cystic fibrosis gave her a death sentence.

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That’s really beautiful.