Independence Days

We’re officially in our Taylor Swift era, and we can’t wait for what’s to come.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I’m Nora McInerny, and this is the first episode of the future of “Terrible, Thanks for Asking.”
Nothing is happening to the previous 200 or so episodes, but something is happening to me. For me. With me. For us! For all of us together. And I have notes so I don’t forget to say anything important.
Today, for the first time, this show is my own independent production. It’s not a part of American Public Media or APM studios. It’s not a part of another giant network. My heart is thumping saying that. Today, like Taylor Swift before me, I own the rights to my work. I got the masters. I got my words. I got these stories. I got the feed where you listen to all of this.
I started working on this show almost exactly six years ago. My first book had just come out, which, funny enough, the publisher had told me that Terrible, Thanks For Asking was “too negative” of a book title for a book where MY HUSBAND DIES! So I’d filed that title away for something in the future. I didn’t know what. And if you’ve already heard this story before, I’m so sorry, but there are some people who haven’t heard it. And the story, the driving force behind this podcast was this: that my husband Aaron and I had written his obituary together, and the obituary had gone viral. This was 2014 viral. It was literally a simpler time. We did not each have personalized algorithms. There was like, one Facebook, and we were all on it, baby. But his obituary went viral, and I started getting literally thousands of messages from complete strangers around the world. Emails, DMs, comments, stories from people who had been through something hard, or were going through something hard, and were just spilling their guts to me. To a total stranger. Not because the people around them didn’t care, but because the people around them were asking, “How are you?” and not really waiting to hear the truth, or maybe just not waiting to hear the truth. Or maybe they weren’t even asking, “How are you?” because they were afraid of the truth.
And the people emailing me were lying to their friends and family in the same way I was – but in the relative anonymity of the internet, typing away at their computer screens, they could tell the truth. They could tell the truth to a faceless stranger. I took that title, I took my inbox, and I went to a meeting at American Public Media where I met a guy named Hans Buetow. And I essentially sat down and said: “I am a woman with literally no experience in radio or audio. I am an unemployed, unstable widowed mother or one, and I have this idea for a podcast, and here’s the title, and here’s what I think we’d do.” And a few weeks later I was signing a contract for ten episodes. And then twenty. And then thirty. And now … over 200 episodes in the past six years. People sometimes ask me if this show was a part of my healing, and my answer has changed over the years from yeah to no, not at all, to yes. Yes this was a part of my healing. Yes, making this show and delving into the hardest things other people have gone through has forced me to be more honest with others but more importantly, more honest with MYSELF. Because when I was making this show, that first season, I was still heavily in grief, grieving the loss of my husband Aaron, my dad, the pregnancy I had lost. AND I was also in love again with a new man who had gotten me pregnant with my youngest child, and I would eventually marry this man, and I was NOT okay with all of these contradictions. I was suffering. I was adrift. I was generally very unwell. I needed A LOT OF THERAPY. For the love of God, I brought a two-day-old baby into the studio to record a podcast, because I was so afraid that if I slowed down just a little, if i showed any sign of weakness (whatever that means), there wouldn’t be support for a show made by a public radio outsider with literally zero experience. AND ALSO! I had PPD and postpartum anxiety and just was generally not okay. I think you all heard that in episode zero.
Therapy has absolutely helped in my healing — my healing ongoing — time helped, and so did all of you. You have reassured me that I am just not that special. I’m not. And I think that’s a good thing. The losses I went through are not what sets me apart from the world, but what makes me a part of the world. These are the things that connect us. And this show and its community has reinforced for me that we are all more alike than we are different, and that our shared humanity wires us to WANT to connect to each other. We all want to know that we are not alone. And we aren’t.
All this to say: For you, as a listener to this show, literally nothing will change. And if it does, that is a tech error most likely on my part. But you’ll still get the show right where you always do, right where you’re getting it right now. I’m hard at work on the next episodes, and over the summer – while the tech side of the show transitions from APM’s hands to mine – I’ll be doing my best to get some episodes up on this feed right here where you’re listening to this. We’ll then be back full speed in September. I’d love if that were sooner, but that part is out of my control, and September is fine! You’ll still get some TTFA here. It’s all going to be okay.
What changes for me is … everything. American Public Media is the only home that I’ve ever known in audio, and it’s scary to leave home, which is probably why I returned to the nest more than a few times in adulthood. My last paycheck has been deposited. There are a thousand, possibly more, big and small details still left for me to work out. But I can tell you that I am more energized about this show and this work than I have been in a long time. I’m probably more excited now than I was that first time when I walked into the studio in downtown St. Paul with my ratty notebook and my dented laptop ready to just create something.
The industry has also changed so much since 2016, and I honestly don’t know if this is the BEST choice I could make financially, to not link up with another big network who has marketing capabilities and promotional capabilities and all of the other things aside from creative that make shows grow or even just sustain them or help them make money. I don’t know. But I went through what felt like a million different options, including getting really generous offers from some of the best networks out there, and I can tell you that even if this is not the best choice for me financially, i just know somewhere deep inside of me that this is the best choice for the show, for me spiritually (I dunno, is that the wrong word?) for you, for the listener, for everybody. Some of you have been listening since the very first episode – since episode zero – and some of you are new, and all of you are why I get to do this job. And I love getting to do this for you and with you, truly. From here on out, we’re in this together. This is the leap I’ve been dreaming about for years, and I know that it’s only possible because of you. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you very very sincerely.
If you’re wondering how to support this work moving forward … you’re already doing it. Share the show with a friend who hasn’t heard it. Leave a review on Apple podcasts. I dunno what other apps let you review podcasts. If you can support the show financially, there’s a link in the show notes for TTFA Premium, where we’ve introduced new tiers to support the show for as low as $4.99 a month, which I think works out to like twelve cents an episode, conservatively, per year? You should know, I also struggled today to help my almost fourth grader with a math worksheet, so please do your own calculations. We’ve always been listener-supported, but now it will matter more than ever. It’s going to be more important than ever. And I don’t mean that to be like UGH. I don’t respond well to pressure-type messages, which is also why I don’t give out any messages about anything because I’m the world’s worst saleswoman. I gotta be top five. Lowest five. Bottom five saleswoman. If you were getting emails from us before, we will no longer have access to that email list, so make sure you sign up for emails. That will also be linked in the show notes. Also, we’re going to GO ON TOUR IN OCTOBER! So if that interests you, you’ll also want to get our emails. I’ve never sounded more Minnesotan than when I just said emails. Emails! You’ll wanna sign up for emails, because we’ll release tickets there first. I’m also horrible at sending emails, so if you’re like, “I don’t wanna sign up for email,” you should know the last time I sent an email … I think we sent three emails last year? Total. Total. This is not a big commitment. And if you’re a marketer listening and you’re like, “You only sent three emails? Nora, that’s bad.” I know. I know! I’m sorry.
So that is what’s happening. The show is mine. We’re independent. We’re doing what this next iteration is together, and I’m so, so glad to be able to keep doing this work.
And because no woman is an island – to paraphrase John Donne – but is part of the continent, I do want to thank the many, many people who have touched this show over the past few years. I will absolutely forget somebody, which should not be a reflection on them and their work and how I value them but just a reflection of my mind, which feels like a piece of Swiss cheese or a sponge that is too full and nothing more can get in, and things are falling out all the time.
In no particular order, but of course I’m going to start with Hans Buetow.
Tracy Mumford, Samara Freemark and Madeleine Baran, Ka Vang, Erianna Giles, Emma Martens, Jeffery Bissoy, Sasha Aslanian, Laurie Ballieui, Emerald O’Brien, Hannah Meacock Ross, Jordan Turgeon, Molly Bloom, Sanden Totten, Marc Sanchez, Luke Burbank and fine, I guess Andrew, fine, Curtis Gilbert, Kristina Lopez, Jeyca Maldonado-Medina, Marcel Malekebu, Beth Pearlman, Megan Palmer, Meghan McInerny, Austin McInerny, Matthew Hart, Muna Scekomar, Anna Weggel, Brandon Santos, Angie Enger, Phyllis Fletcher, Paula Engelking, Margaret McInerny, Dave Gilmore, Lily Kim, Joanne Griffith, Alex Schaffert, Annie Hayward, Jasmine Victor, Sally Moog, Ryan Lohr, Grace Kallis, and many, many more people and of course very guest who shared their stories with us and the world. Thank you.
I’m Nora McInerny, and this is “Terrible, Thanks for Asking.” For the first time, this episode is a production of me, Nora McInerny, and the LLC I just created called … Feelings&Co. Get it? We’re either making feelings, or we’re a company of feelings? TBD. I’m so excited. We’re going to make this show. We are going to make other shows. I’m helping other people make other shows! Let’s figure out what we’re doing together, I guess?
Our theme music is still by Geoffrey Lamar Wilson. I will still be recording this from in my closet – except for this episode, which I recorded in my mom’s bedroom. I am still so glad to be able to do this work. Thank you, and again, check those show notes for links to anything you might need. If you wanna join TTFA Premium, if you wanna get emails from us. And always always always calls! Call me! Call me. We have a phone number. I love getting voicemails. I’m going to do a better job of actually responding to them, pulling them into some TTFA Premium episodes. Hearing all of your voices is so special. The number is 612.568.4441.