From the Archives: The Broken Places
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We are taking a break this summer (not a vacation!) to produce new stories, so we are sharing some of our favorite episodes while we’re working. This episode was first broadcast in 2018 and is one of our all-time favorites.
Remember, our full episode archive is always available to TTFA Premium members! Join here!
The Achilli siblings would like you to know that if there was a Dead Parent Contest (there’s not), they would win the gold medal. In 2008, their dad was murdered by a hitman in a dispute over a girlfriend. Four years after their father’s killers are tried and convicted, their mom dies after driving her car off a cliff. This is a story about being orphaned as young adults and the family ties that keep siblings together.
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Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.
Hans Buetow: A quick warning that this episode contains references to death and suicide, plus some strong language.
Liza: Let’s go from oldest to youngest.
Dave: Oh, of course you would say that.
Nora McInerny: You would say that wouldn’t you.
Liza: So this is Liza, and I am the oldest of the three siblings.
Alex: I’m Alex, and I, oh no, we’re doing youngest to oldest.
Dave: That’s okay, it’s okay. Keep going. You’re doing great.
Alex: I’m the baby. And then…
Dave: Uh my name is Dave. I’m the middle brother. The only brother.
Nora McInerny: And, you know, you get skipped over, which I’m a middle child, so I’m sensitive to that.
I’m Nora McInerney, and this is Terrible, Thanks for Asking. This, all this banter you just heard. That’s what it sounds like when a group of siblings get together, or when a group of siblings who like each other get together, at least.
If I weren’t in the studio with my headphones on with my producer Hans here, I would be able to confuse this with my own siblings. There’s the talking over one another. It’s all the laughing, the finishing of each other’s sentences, more laughing, more talking over one another.
But these are not my siblings. This is David, Liza and Alex Achilli.
[siblings laughing]
Nora McInerny: Did you ever get into, like, dead dad contests with people where you’re like, people are like, oh, how’d your dad die? And you’re like, I want you to go first because-
Alex: Mine’s better.
Dave: I’m about to drop a bomb.
Liza: Or the best is when someone’s talking about their parents and you say, Really? Well, mine are dead.
Alex: Yeah. Thanks a lot. Thanks for rubbing it in, both of mine are dead.
Nora McInerny: Yeah. Oh, God. Are your parents sending you too many text messages? Is that annoying to you?
Liza: Sorry. Yeah.
Alex: Oh, you have to call her back. Really? That’s unfortunate. Well, thanks a lot. I never get to call my mom.
Liza and David and Alex are all crammed together into a little studio to talk with me. Because Alex, who’s the baby of the family by almost nine years, emailed us with their story.
The story is that bomb that David talked about dropping. It’s a big one. It’s a doozy. It includes a dad who was killed by a hitman in a dispute over a girlfriend, and a mother who died in a fiery car wreck four years after that.
So you’d understand if we made this an episode about two extremely tragic and headline worthy parental deaths because WTF, your dad is murdered? And then your mom drives her car off a cliff and dies in an inferno??? Like, even as a plotline in a soap opera, even as a TTFA episode, that’s a little much.
But, it turns out this story isn’t so much about their traumatic orphaning. It’s just about them. The kids, the siblings. David, Lisa and Alex Achilli.
Alex: I was curling my sister’s hair this morning in the bathroom and my brother was in the shower and Liza like, Hold on, hold on, hold on. She ran, got a big old back of cold water and poured it on my brother. And like, [Dave: that was totally awesome for me]. But we used to do all the time. It was like all bringing back all the memories.
Alex, Liza and David grew up in Los Gatos, California. It was a blended family led by their mom, Michelle. Michelle had had a traumatic childhood and her goal in life was to raise a family that was the opposite of what she had growing up. Michelle just wanted to give her kids the best childhood they could possibly have. And, she succeeded. Michelle was the best mom. Not like me, not like your mom, who just got the number one mom mug because your teacher made you make one. I mean, like, even I have one. Michelle, though, Michelle was the number one mom.
Dave: She would make us macaroni and cheese, Kraft and hot dogs. But dammit, if it wasn’t the perfect consistency and warmth and just the best cook like.
Liza: But she also wasn’t really good. She could make a meal out of nothing.
Dave: Yeah. And slop.
Alex: That was the last meal that she made me. Before she-
Liza: Was frozen in my freezer when she died.
Nora McInerny: What is slop?
Dave: Green beans, rice and ground beef with, like, [Alex: teriyaki?], teriyaki, soy sauce. We had nothing in the fridge one night, and she’s like, I’m going to make you guys the best ever. This old family recipe, we call it slop. Really, she was just completely winging it. It’s a traditional family meal now.
Michelle was also the best listener and the best looking, which kind of feels like a gross thing to say. And are looks important to how good of a mom you are, of course not. But when you happen to look like Christie Brinkley, it’s just a thing that people bring up, which means a lot of uncomfortable conversations about your mom in front of you.
Dave: Which killed me because all my friends are like, your mom is so hot.
Liza: Totally, growing up was like, oh my God, your mom.
Alex: Oh, my God. Your mom’s like wine, the older, the finer.
Liza: Which, that was, like, so annoying.
Dave: It’s like hell.
But even though Michele was the best, the kids knew that their mother hadn’t always been the happy mom that they knew her.
Liza: She struggled with mental illness her whole life. And through like her own childhood traumas.
Michele was open with her children about her struggles, including her first suicide attempt. At age ten.
Dave: She had a scar on her wrists from the early one, and she was totally like, I tried to kill myself like she never. She never hid it from us because she was almost teaching us like, people can get to this point in life. And then she would follow it up with like, But I love you guys so much that I would never do that to you again.
Liza: Right.
Michelle was always a great mom, even if she didn’t have the greatest taste in guys. But when Liza was nine and David was seven, Michelle married a guy who was just as great as her. His name was Mark Achilli.
Dave: And so he was, I guess you would call him our stepdad, but we always considered him our dad.
Liza: Like we referred to him as dad.
Mark was considered the unofficial mayor of Los Gatos. He was a kind of cool, friendly, handsome guy who knew everyone everywhere he went. It probably helped that he was also a bartender.
Mark and Michelle had Alex, the baby of the family and the Achillis were a happy family of five. Mark and Michelle were great parents and great friends to each other. But when Alex was nine, they realized that they weren’t great at being married to each other, and separated.
This is where you may expect things to go off the rails. But, no. Mark and Michelle were really great at being separated, too. They were friendly. They still had family dinners. Mark and Michelle were co-parenting when it wasn’t called co-parenting.
Liza and David were off on their own. But Mark’s flexible schedule meant that he and Alex had lots of time together. Here’s Alex.
Alex: He picked me up from school every morning. We would go to the donut shop, he’d get coffee, I’d get a donut, he’d take me to school, he’d pick me up from school, and he’d take me to all my sporting events. He was like, he was my person. We would just it was just me and him at his house because my brother and sister were grown and off and living on their own. So when I was, when I was at my dad’s, it was just me and him and he was my bud.
Eventually, Mark started dating someone younger. He bought a restaurant and then another, and he found success that he hadn’t had while he was with Michelle. And even though he still came by the house for dinner, it was hard for Michelle not to feel like he’d traded her in for a newer model. One who is just a few years older than her oldest daughter.
Alex: Like my parents never bought a house when they were together. They didn’t have a nice car. And so then it was like all of a sudden my dad leaves and then buys this bar and gets us and was like, very successful. And then she’s like, What the hell? Like, where was this when we were married? Or, you know, so.
Liza: But she would never do anything that would, like, make it uncomfortable for the other players involved.
Dave: Like some ex-wives or whatever would text the new girl and be like. Hope you like what you got, you know, blah, blah, blah. Like, that was not.
Liza: Not her style.
Dave: She was very like, classy, even, even in anger.
Michelle had spent her adult life focused on her family. Now the husband and the life she’d planned for were gone, and the kids she had poured all her time and energy into were growing up.
Alex went to college. Liza and David were full on grown ups, and they all knew that their mom was lonely and struggling in this new season of life. Her dating life was not healthy and she had a series of awful boyfriends.
But, Mark was doing great. He got an offer to buy his restaurants for cash and he took it. He had a much younger woman on his arm, and he had a great relationship with all three of his kids.
For Mark, everything was going great, which is why we’re going to take a break here.
And we’re back.
Liza, David and Alex are just living their regular lives. Their mom is, you know, going through a rough patch. Their dad’s… doing well. But overall, things are just fine and good. And here’s the thing about having your life fall apart.
It never happens when you’re ready for it. Doesn’t happen when you are fully braced in a defensive stance, real stable, ready to take the blow. Instead, it waits until you least expect it. It waits until you’re snug in your little dorm room.
Alex: My best friend was my roommate, Trisha, and we had gone out on Thursday night. So we were having like a-
Nora McInerny: Thirsty Thursday as it’s called.
Alex: Exactly. And so Friday we were just lazy couch potatoes and studying
Dave: Totally studying all day.
It waits until you’re running some mindless errand.
Liza: So I was shopping at Nordstrom and I had my son, who was about six months old at the time.
It waits until you’re at work.
Dave: So I was at work. At that time I worked on an ambulance.
When you’re busy doing something completely unremarkable, that is when your life decides to explode like a motor vehicle in a Michael Bay movie.
For the Achilli kids, that mundane and unremarkable time was 11:30 a.m. on March 14th, 2008, while Alex nursed her hangover. And Liza browsed at Nordstrom and David drove around in an ambulance, their dad, Mark Achilli, walked out of his townhouse in Los Gatos and was shot eight times in his own driveway.
Liza: So I was standing on the third floor of Nordstrom, where the bra, by the Brass Plum Department. Right by customer service. And I was about to go down the escalator and I got, I heard my cell phone ringing. So I stopped and answered it. And my son was in his stroller. And, on the other end was my mom. And she was almost like, inaudible. I couldn’t understand what she was saying. And all I heard her say was Mark’s dead, Mark’s dead, Mark’s dead, Mark’s dead, Mark’s dead! And, in that moment. And I can like remember that feeling of thinking there’s no way that my Mark is dead. So I know she’s not talking about him. And so I said, What? I mean, I was like, I’ll call you back.
Dave: And I got a call from our Aunt Norma, like, Hey, Norm, what’s up? She’s like, Hey, David. Like, I heard some disturbing news and like, okay, what’s, what is it? And she was like, I heard, I’m getting my hair done. And someone in the salon here in Los Gatos said your dad was shot? And I was like, Excuse me? She’s like, Yeah. Do you know anything? Have you heard anything? And I was like, Let me call you back.
Liza: It was. I was in. I like, I went into shock mode because I was trying to figure out like, wait, shot who? How, what? I couldn’t. I just couldn’t understand it. And then there’s my six month old baby staring up at me. So I immediately, like, snapped back into reality. Hey. Okay, I have to, I’m a mom. I’m a parent. I’m here, my baby needs me. So I walked over to customer service and I had worked at Nordstrom for a long time, so I knew. I picked up my baby out of the stroller and I remember like, barely even being able to hold him because I was shaking so bad. And then I called my brother and I was like, I’m here at Nordstrom. I don’t know what to do.
Dave: So I looked at my partner and he’s like, What is happening? And I’m like, Hey, dude, drive me to Nordstrom ValleyFair right now? Like I was in plan mode, Like we need to get everybody here together and and then we’ll go from there. That was like my goal.
Nora McInerny: Please tell me you turned on the lights and the siren for the ambulance.
Dave: No.
Nora McInerny: Because you guys were raised so well.
Dave: Yeah, public safety came first.
Nora McInerny: So, Alex, at this point, where are you?
Alex: I’m in Santa Barbara in my dorm. Tricia gets a text message from one of our girlfriends in Los Gatos and said, that said, Hey, is Alex okay? And Tricia is like, what? And so she asks me. She’s like, Have you talked to her dad today? And I’m like, What? Oh, why should I? Like, why don’t you just call him? I’m like, okay, so I call, call, call. I think I call them like three or four times doesn’t answer. And then I called Sue Farwell, which is my dad’s business partner, who he owned the businesses with. And she just answered the phone. And it was she just said, Alex, I’m so sorry. I think I just, like fell to the floor, started screaming. I hung up the phone. And then I remember just being like, I need to go home. I need to go home right now.
The Achilli kids all head home, back to their mom. Michelle is just as shocked as they are, and none of it makes sense. Why would their dad have been murdered in his driveway on a Friday morning in the town he loved? They don’t have answers, but they have each other. And once again, Michelle’s kids need her.
Dave: And then Mark died. And I think it broke her, like broke her bad, like. It was like, just summoned up everything that had ever been bad in her life. And so I remember, like, she struggled her whole life with like drug and alcohol abuse and was really, really good for a long time. But I started seeing like inklings of that starting to enter her life again. And then you would call her out on it and she would guilt you into like, why you should feel bad for her and all these things. Like, now she was a victim, like to the max and it was her excuse to, like, play the victim part. And that sucked.
This is what it looks like when Michelle starts to break. Just a few days after Mark’s death, Michelle decided she wanted a drink, which turned into many drinks, which turned into Michelle getting very, very drunk. A family friend called Dave, who met his mother in the parking lot of a strip mall.
Dave: I was like, pissed because I’m like, Hold on a second. Don’t start drinking now. Like, don’t. You’re keeping this whole thing together. Like, what are you doing? And we got into it. Which was my mistake. Like, I regret it so bad, but I totally engaged and, like, we screamed at each other, and she snapped. Literally got out of the car, crawled underneath the car, was saying, the demons are going to get me. And I was like, Now I went from mad to freaked out and I was like, trying to get her out from under the car. And she’s like, she wouldn’t come out.
Dave called his sister Liza, and the two of them decided together to call an ambulance and have their mother taken to the psych ward at the county hospital.
Dave: And like, we get a call and I put it on speakerphone and it was my mom, and she was like, I never want to see this from the psych ward. She’s like, I never want to see you again. You’re not my son. How could you do this to me? You disloyal or shit? Like and like, basically confirmed every hell that I was feeling. And I just look at my wife, Kate, or my fiancee at the time. Now my beautiful, sexy wife. And I looked at her and I was just like, I just want to disappear. Like, and thank God the next morning, like when we picked her up, my mom, like, apologized and said she didn’t mean any of that stuff. But you could tell she was still like, you shouldn’t have done that. Like, but don’t worry about it. We’re good. And like, that’s kind of a point of contention forever between us. But I know now, like, I was just making a choice in the moment and like, I mean, I would challenge anybody to be there and, like, have to do what I had to do at the same time. So I don’t feel so bad anymore, you know? But it was hell, it was hell.
Michelle pulls it together for her kids, those kids she needed and missed, they need her again. And she rallies for them.
Dave: I feel like we had a lot of sessions there where we like. I was able to fully explain like what I was upset about and why I was angry and what I was worried about and what I was sad about. And my mom was really good at like, like she wanted to take care of everything which to a fault which like so that we could, like, go through it. And we did. So I feel like the grieving process, like, was healthy. Not over, but like, healthy. But, there was always this looming weight of trial.
A few weeks after their dad’s murder, the story started to come together. The police arrested a man named Paul Garcia. Paul was actually the one who had bought their dad’s bar and restaurant. And Paul was also involved with and in love with the bartender at the bar, who was Mark’s girlfriend.
And according to police, Paul was the one who paid three other men to kill Mark. So, that’s a lot. For Liza, Dave and Alex to take in.
Your dad is dead. Your dad is dead because he was murdered. That’s a lot.
Now your dad is dead and was murdered because he’s one of three points in a love triangle.
Your dad is dead and murdered because he was in a love triangle. And now it’s headline news in your hometown. Hoo! More arrests are made, and eventually there are four men charged in their dad’s murder.
Dave: So now we’re, like, kind of trying to finish up grieving. And I felt like we were being forced to keep this wound, like, open with salt and lemon poured in and keep stabbing it in like. Like we do whether we wanted to, and tried as hard as we possibly could. We had no choice but to keep rehashing and living this like hell for years. Years, which is like cruel. It’s really cruel to do to to somebody.
When Dave says years, he means years. It took two years after their dad’s murder for a very public trial to begin.
The prosecution paints Paul Garcia as a jilted lover out for revenge against Mark Achilli. The defense suggests Mark was murdered for a drug debt. It’s literally headline news. And then some. The local paper set up a live blog and a Twitter account dedicated just to providing updates throughout the trial.
And everyone. Everyone in town came out to spectate.
Alex: It was so weird.
Dave: We had to fight for seats at our dad’s trial. From, like, strangers. Like one time this guy was like, This is my seat. And I’m sitting here. I’m like, Who are you? And he’s like, I’m just a guest. I’m sitting here. I’m like, Get the fuck out of that seat. I’m like, I had to fight for the right to be in there.
Liza: Which like, you’re the joker and you lighten the mood like when it gets serious. So for you to have to get to that point is, like so unlike you.
Dave: So stressful. Which annoyed me so bad. I’m like, I wanted everyone just to go home.
Alex: Yeah, seriously.
Dave: Like, leave us all alone.
Nora McInerny: Yeah, like it’s news for you, but it’s life for us.
Dave: My life. Yeah.
The world breaks everyone. And after, many are stronger in the broken places. I wrote that. I’m just kidding. It’s Hemingway, and it’s true.
Many are stronger in the broken places and many are not. Many are just broken. Many just limp along as best they can for as long as they can, until the duct tape starts to peel, and the truth of their hurt is too obvious to ignore any longer.
Mark’s trial had given Michelle renewed purpose in life. The trial was a place to go. A thing to focus on in her grief. She was at the trial every single day with one purpose to support justice for her murdered sort of ex-husband.
Looking through all of the headlines around the murder, I thought, wow, she looks amazing. I’m a shallow person, but also she really did look so beautiful. And if I were ever murdered, I would hope that my current husband would also look good and also show up every day and wrestle some justice out of the system.
The Achilli kids were there at the trial sometimes, but they couldn’t be there every day like their mom was. And while Michelle looked strong and capable and very beautiful, Mark’s murder, and this trial, took a huge toll.
Dave: All those, like, demons and shit that she had to go through, she just bottled it up, put it away for later. Well, now it’s later, right.
On May 10th, 2010, the jury found all four defendants guilty of first degree murder.
Michelle got justice for Mark, but nobody really won. The bullets didn’t just hit Mark, Michelle said during the sentencing. We all have pieces of them in us.
After the sentencing, only one of the four defendants chose to speak. 22 year old Daniel Chidez, the man who had pulled the trigger. Here’s Alex.
Alex: He was up there for probably like 10 minutes and he had such a bad stuttering problem that he probably only got out. I’m sorry. Like, I’m so sorry. And the judge kept asking him, like, Mr. Chidez does, are you done? Are you done? And he kept saying, No, I’m not done. And it just, I just felt so bad for him because he ruined his life. He made such a stupid decision. And he had a daughter. That his daughter is going to have to grow up for part of her life without a dad. And it just made me feel terrible that one little stupid decision ruined so many people’s lives.
The cruelest thing about the world is that it just keeps moving. No matter how stuck you feel. The world had kept turning without Mark, it kept turning after the trial. And Michelle had been having a hard time keeping up. After the trial was over, Michelle’s trouble amplified.
One night, the kids get a call that she has attempted suicide. She had taken a whole bottle of Xanax, drank a bottle of wine, and locked herself in her car before her landlord found her.
Dave: That was like the beginning of the, the you could see now there was a battle. Like, she had her good months and her bad months, but there was definite like now all the blinds were pulled back.
For a while. Michele left California to live in Milwaukee with Liza, her oldest.
Liza: There came a point when she was staying with me where I was like, these are the rules of my house. This is how it has to be for the safety of everybody and the, like, well-being of everybody. And she was like, Then I’m not staying here. So, you know, when you, like, one of the things that I struggle with a lot, and at that, I like trying to get better at not doing with, is like, you think about all the things that you say, like, shit, did I yell at her too much? Did I not yell at her enough? Was I too nice to her? Was I not nice enough? Should I have forced her to go somewhere? Should I have, you know, the all the should have, could have, would haves. And I, I think about, you know, there was this, like, one defining moment of, like, again, having an argument with her and and her saying, like, I am sick. Like, you don’t understand. I am sick. It’s not like I’m choosing to live like this. You think I want to live this way, but I don’t. And I thought that she just, it was as easy as making a choice. Like you either choose to stay in your sickness or you choose to get better. And I felt like she wasn’t choosing to get better. I feel guilty about thinking like she had a choice.
Dave: Well you said yes to living with her. And she asked us that. We said no.
Liza: So I’m better.
Dave: So you’re better than me.
Liza: I am, I win the best child award.
Dave: I think there were many conversations between all three of us kids that after we all talked about it and made a blatant effort to be like, okay, if she really doesn’t want to live, like we got to make sure that if she dies, we can always look back so that we can live our lives knowing that we did everything we could. And I think we did.
Liza: I feel that way too.
Dave: I really think we did like supported her through like, even as the little things of like going with her to appointments to counseling and like getting her a pill box so that she could keep her, you know, her pills organized and cleaning her house and bringing her food and groceries. And at the very end, she was totally like I thought like, I think we’re coming out of this. Mom was, like, sober and like, I was even letting her watch our daughter now. And like, I really felt like right at the time she died, I was like, I think we’re on the uphill now or whatever the downhill, whatever. Like we’re in the good part. However you say it.
Now, even if it’s happened before and even if you know it could happen again, you’re still never ready for your life to fall apart because, you know, it waits.
It waits until you’re home from a day on the lake with your friends.
Alex: I like laid down in bed. And I was like, kind of like resting, napping, whatever.
It waits until you’re out picking up some stuff you need.
Liza: I was coming home from Target.
It waits until another regular day at work.
Dave: I was, now I’m a firefighter.
That is when your life decides to fall apart again.
Dave: And I hear a call go out for a wildfire started by a car fire. And I was like, woof, we’ve got a ripper here.
What Dave didn’t know was that his mother’s car had gone off the road at around 12:20 a.m. outside of Saratoga, California.
Dave: So we have a rig that goes to those kind of calls. And earlier I had talked to my mom about watching my daughter Clara on Tuesday, and we had to cut the call short because we got a call. I tried to call later. She didn’t pick up her phone. This fire happens. The next morning I wake up and the guys at work are talking about, yeah, did you hear about that fire? They found a body. This is Tuesday now like, oh, crazy. Then later that night, I get off duty. I’m going to hang out with my friends. And I left home and my wife Kate calls me, and she’s like crying, You need to come home. The coroners are here. And I immediately knew I was like, Is she dead!? Is she dead!? And like, I just knew. And then I went home and it turns out she died in that car fire that I almost went to for work.
Alex: And then my brother called me. And I think I ignored your first call cause I was like, I’m tired. I just want, like, rest for a second. And then he called again. So I finally picked up and all he said is Mom’s dead. And I was like, Okay! I thought he was joking, thought he was joking. I was like, That’s a sick joke. Please don’t joke about that. He was like, Alex, I’m serious. Like, Mom, Mom is dead. And I lost it. I was alone at my house, so I hung up the phone. I remember going to the bathroom like nothing was even coming up, but I just felt so sick, which is the same reaction that I had when my dad, when I got the phone call about my dad. I kept running back and forth from, to the toilet, not even throwing up, just dry heaving.
Liza: Dave called me. It was about 9:00 at night, and, um. And I was like, just at the corner from my house. I could see my house and Dave, he was like, Hey, Liza. I’m like, Hi, what’s up? And he’s like, nothing. And I could tell in his voice I knew something was wrong. So I go, What’s going on? And he goes, What are you doing right now? And I said, driving home. He goes, okay, well, call me when you get back home. And I go, Nope, tell me now. And I, it was like, it’s, what is it that, you know, like, you just know something is.
Dave: Probably I was like. Uhhhh, What are you doing? No, it doesn’t work.
Liza: Um, so I, I pulled over and I could see my house from where I pulled over, so I was almost home. And he says, you’re, stop the car, you’re not driving. I said, No, I’m not driving. He goes, Okay, well, momma’s dead. And I like, time stopped. And I just remember saying, okay, okay, okay, okay. And I kept saying it over and over again. And Dave goes, Are you okay? And I go, Well, I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m going to call you back. And I drove through my alley, got my car parked into the garage, shut, grabbed all my groceries and shut the garage door. And then I ran, like, as fast as I could holding a bunch of groceries. And as soon as I got into the house, it was like the moment that time had stopped, it had all sped back up and crashed into me and I collapsed when I got inside and. My husband was sitting on the couch and he looked at me and he was like, What is wrong? And I said, Oh, I just said, My mom is dead. And I was, just I couldn’t speak. And I just, like, wailed. And I remembered like, like a gut level soul wail. Because I felt like, like, like hope, not just my mom had died, but, like. My hope had died. And I knew, like the last couple of times I had seen my mom. I was so conscious about how I hugged her and how I said goodbye to her because I knew some like deep part of myself that that was probably the last time I was going to see her.
Liza: So I just… got into action mode and was like, I made some phone calls and I was on a plane at like 10:00 the next morning to California. I even did laundry that night. Like, it’s so weird how you have these moments of lucidity in, like, your grief.
Michelle’s death, like her husband’s, was headline news in Los Gatos. The articles said the same thing. She was a great person, a great wife, a great mom. Here is what those articles didn’t say.
Dave: She was driving in the mountains, which at night, which is so not normal for mom.
Alex: She hated driving, especially at night.
Dave: Hated driving at night and there was nothing for her to be in that area why she was there. So we don’t know the exact circumstances and no one ever will. But she was in a really weird place at a really weird time and drove off a cliff.
Which brings us back to that crowded radio studio where the Achilli kids are packed in to talk about all this tragedy with a total stranger. That’d be me.
It’s crowded in that studio, but that studio holds the entire Achilli family. The three of them, David, Liza and Alex are all that’s left. And while it’s the nature of families to expand and contract, and while Liza and David each have kids of their own, this little group in a studio is what remains of the nucleus.
All of the shared memories and experiences of Mark and Michelle Achilli as parents are in this room together.
Alex: I mean, we’ve always been really close growing up, and but I feel like they, they filled, they filled the roles as my parents for the most part when something exciting happens, they’re the first people I call. When something bad happens, they’re the first people I want to call. Like I want my brother to walk me down the aisle when I get married and I… I wouldn’t, I don’t think I’d be here without them. I know I wouldn’t be here without them. We do a really good job at keeping us all afloat. And now, that, if Liza crumbles, my brother and I are here. If I crumble, my brother and sister here, if Dave crumbles, we’re here. We just do a really good job at… keeping us together. And we’re our, we’re the Three Musketeers.
Dave: It’s like a war. If you go to war, like you got through stuff together that, like, breaks you down to your core. Like, one or two things happens. You either go your separate ways and never want to see those people again, or you’re bonded for life. And we already had the bonding, and it just like made it like, we need each other now more than ever because it’s like, it’s all we got left. It’s all we got left. And like. Yeah.
You never know when you’re a parent if you’re doing a good job. All families are complicated. But all you want to know is that your kids will all love each other and be there for each other.
That you did a good enough job with them that they can do that. That they’ll be okay. Even if you’re murdered in your driveway or if you die in a fiery car wreck.
That when the world breaks them, and it will, that they’ll be stronger in the broken places. And if they aren’t, or they can’t be, that they’ll at least have each other to carry them along.
Liza: All right. Thank you.
Nora McInerny: Bye!
Alex: Bye! Good job guys.
Dave: I need a beer.
Liza: How are you guys?
Dave: I think we did it justice.
Alex: I think it was really good. You, and what you said about Mom was really good.
Liza: So good. Thanks. Yeah. I’m glad you didn’t-
Dave: I want to hear it so bad.
Alex: I was, like freezing cold and sweating at the same time.
Liza: Same!
We are taking a break this summer (not a vacation!) to produce new stories, so we are sharing some of our favorite episodes while we’re working. This episode was first broadcast in 2018 and is one of our all-time favorites.
Remember, our full episode archive is always available to TTFA Premium members! Join here!
The Achilli siblings would like you to know that if there was a Dead Parent Contest (there’s not), they would win the gold medal. In 2008, their dad was murdered by a hitman in a dispute over a girlfriend. Four years after their father’s killers are tried and convicted, their mom dies after driving her car off a cliff. This is a story about being orphaned as young adults and the family ties that keep siblings together.
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Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.
Hans Buetow: A quick warning that this episode contains references to death and suicide, plus some strong language.
Liza: Let’s go from oldest to youngest.
Dave: Oh, of course you would say that.
Nora McInerny: You would say that wouldn’t you.
Liza: So this is Liza, and I am the oldest of the three siblings.
Alex: I’m Alex, and I, oh no, we’re doing youngest to oldest.
Dave: That’s okay, it’s okay. Keep going. You’re doing great.
Alex: I’m the baby. And then…
Dave: Uh my name is Dave. I’m the middle brother. The only brother.
Nora McInerny: And, you know, you get skipped over, which I’m a middle child, so I’m sensitive to that.
I’m Nora McInerney, and this is Terrible, Thanks for Asking. This, all this banter you just heard. That’s what it sounds like when a group of siblings get together, or when a group of siblings who like each other get together, at least.
If I weren’t in the studio with my headphones on with my producer Hans here, I would be able to confuse this with my own siblings. There’s the talking over one another. It’s all the laughing, the finishing of each other’s sentences, more laughing, more talking over one another.
But these are not my siblings. This is David, Liza and Alex Achilli.
[siblings laughing]
Nora McInerny: Did you ever get into, like, dead dad contests with people where you’re like, people are like, oh, how’d your dad die? And you’re like, I want you to go first because-
Alex: Mine’s better.
Dave: I’m about to drop a bomb.
Liza: Or the best is when someone’s talking about their parents and you say, Really? Well, mine are dead.
Alex: Yeah. Thanks a lot. Thanks for rubbing it in, both of mine are dead.
Nora McInerny: Yeah. Oh, God. Are your parents sending you too many text messages? Is that annoying to you?
Liza: Sorry. Yeah.
Alex: Oh, you have to call her back. Really? That’s unfortunate. Well, thanks a lot. I never get to call my mom.
Liza and David and Alex are all crammed together into a little studio to talk with me. Because Alex, who’s the baby of the family by almost nine years, emailed us with their story.
The story is that bomb that David talked about dropping. It’s a big one. It’s a doozy. It includes a dad who was killed by a hitman in a dispute over a girlfriend, and a mother who died in a fiery car wreck four years after that.
So you’d understand if we made this an episode about two extremely tragic and headline worthy parental deaths because WTF, your dad is murdered? And then your mom drives her car off a cliff and dies in an inferno??? Like, even as a plotline in a soap opera, even as a TTFA episode, that’s a little much.
But, it turns out this story isn’t so much about their traumatic orphaning. It’s just about them. The kids, the siblings. David, Lisa and Alex Achilli.
Alex: I was curling my sister’s hair this morning in the bathroom and my brother was in the shower and Liza like, Hold on, hold on, hold on. She ran, got a big old back of cold water and poured it on my brother. And like, [Dave: that was totally awesome for me]. But we used to do all the time. It was like all bringing back all the memories.
Alex, Liza and David grew up in Los Gatos, California. It was a blended family led by their mom, Michelle. Michelle had had a traumatic childhood and her goal in life was to raise a family that was the opposite of what she had growing up. Michelle just wanted to give her kids the best childhood they could possibly have. And, she succeeded. Michelle was the best mom. Not like me, not like your mom, who just got the number one mom mug because your teacher made you make one. I mean, like, even I have one. Michelle, though, Michelle was the number one mom.
Dave: She would make us macaroni and cheese, Kraft and hot dogs. But dammit, if it wasn’t the perfect consistency and warmth and just the best cook like.
Liza: But she also wasn’t really good. She could make a meal out of nothing.
Dave: Yeah. And slop.
Alex: That was the last meal that she made me. Before she-
Liza: Was frozen in my freezer when she died.
Nora McInerny: What is slop?
Dave: Green beans, rice and ground beef with, like, [Alex: teriyaki?], teriyaki, soy sauce. We had nothing in the fridge one night, and she’s like, I’m going to make you guys the best ever. This old family recipe, we call it slop. Really, she was just completely winging it. It’s a traditional family meal now.
Michelle was also the best listener and the best looking, which kind of feels like a gross thing to say. And are looks important to how good of a mom you are, of course not. But when you happen to look like Christie Brinkley, it’s just a thing that people bring up, which means a lot of uncomfortable conversations about your mom in front of you.
Dave: Which killed me because all my friends are like, your mom is so hot.
Liza: Totally, growing up was like, oh my God, your mom.
Alex: Oh, my God. Your mom’s like wine, the older, the finer.
Liza: Which, that was, like, so annoying.
Dave: It’s like hell.
But even though Michele was the best, the kids knew that their mother hadn’t always been the happy mom that they knew her.
Liza: She struggled with mental illness her whole life. And through like her own childhood traumas.
Michele was open with her children about her struggles, including her first suicide attempt. At age ten.
Dave: She had a scar on her wrists from the early one, and she was totally like, I tried to kill myself like she never. She never hid it from us because she was almost teaching us like, people can get to this point in life. And then she would follow it up with like, But I love you guys so much that I would never do that to you again.
Liza: Right.
Michelle was always a great mom, even if she didn’t have the greatest taste in guys. But when Liza was nine and David was seven, Michelle married a guy who was just as great as her. His name was Mark Achilli.
Dave: And so he was, I guess you would call him our stepdad, but we always considered him our dad.
Liza: Like we referred to him as dad.
Mark was considered the unofficial mayor of Los Gatos. He was a kind of cool, friendly, handsome guy who knew everyone everywhere he went. It probably helped that he was also a bartender.
Mark and Michelle had Alex, the baby of the family and the Achillis were a happy family of five. Mark and Michelle were great parents and great friends to each other. But when Alex was nine, they realized that they weren’t great at being married to each other, and separated.
This is where you may expect things to go off the rails. But, no. Mark and Michelle were really great at being separated, too. They were friendly. They still had family dinners. Mark and Michelle were co-parenting when it wasn’t called co-parenting.
Liza and David were off on their own. But Mark’s flexible schedule meant that he and Alex had lots of time together. Here’s Alex.
Alex: He picked me up from school every morning. We would go to the donut shop, he’d get coffee, I’d get a donut, he’d take me to school, he’d pick me up from school, and he’d take me to all my sporting events. He was like, he was my person. We would just it was just me and him at his house because my brother and sister were grown and off and living on their own. So when I was, when I was at my dad’s, it was just me and him and he was my bud.
Eventually, Mark started dating someone younger. He bought a restaurant and then another, and he found success that he hadn’t had while he was with Michelle. And even though he still came by the house for dinner, it was hard for Michelle not to feel like he’d traded her in for a newer model. One who is just a few years older than her oldest daughter.
Alex: Like my parents never bought a house when they were together. They didn’t have a nice car. And so then it was like all of a sudden my dad leaves and then buys this bar and gets us and was like, very successful. And then she’s like, What the hell? Like, where was this when we were married? Or, you know, so.
Liza: But she would never do anything that would, like, make it uncomfortable for the other players involved.
Dave: Like some ex-wives or whatever would text the new girl and be like. Hope you like what you got, you know, blah, blah, blah. Like, that was not.
Liza: Not her style.
Dave: She was very like, classy, even, even in anger.
Michelle had spent her adult life focused on her family. Now the husband and the life she’d planned for were gone, and the kids she had poured all her time and energy into were growing up.
Alex went to college. Liza and David were full on grown ups, and they all knew that their mom was lonely and struggling in this new season of life. Her dating life was not healthy and she had a series of awful boyfriends.
But, Mark was doing great. He got an offer to buy his restaurants for cash and he took it. He had a much younger woman on his arm, and he had a great relationship with all three of his kids.
For Mark, everything was going great, which is why we’re going to take a break here.
And we’re back.
Liza, David and Alex are just living their regular lives. Their mom is, you know, going through a rough patch. Their dad’s… doing well. But overall, things are just fine and good. And here’s the thing about having your life fall apart.
It never happens when you’re ready for it. Doesn’t happen when you are fully braced in a defensive stance, real stable, ready to take the blow. Instead, it waits until you least expect it. It waits until you’re snug in your little dorm room.
Alex: My best friend was my roommate, Trisha, and we had gone out on Thursday night. So we were having like a-
Nora McInerny: Thirsty Thursday as it’s called.
Alex: Exactly. And so Friday we were just lazy couch potatoes and studying
Dave: Totally studying all day.
It waits until you’re running some mindless errand.
Liza: So I was shopping at Nordstrom and I had my son, who was about six months old at the time.
It waits until you’re at work.
Dave: So I was at work. At that time I worked on an ambulance.
When you’re busy doing something completely unremarkable, that is when your life decides to explode like a motor vehicle in a Michael Bay movie.
For the Achilli kids, that mundane and unremarkable time was 11:30 a.m. on March 14th, 2008, while Alex nursed her hangover. And Liza browsed at Nordstrom and David drove around in an ambulance, their dad, Mark Achilli, walked out of his townhouse in Los Gatos and was shot eight times in his own driveway.
Liza: So I was standing on the third floor of Nordstrom, where the bra, by the Brass Plum Department. Right by customer service. And I was about to go down the escalator and I got, I heard my cell phone ringing. So I stopped and answered it. And my son was in his stroller. And, on the other end was my mom. And she was almost like, inaudible. I couldn’t understand what she was saying. And all I heard her say was Mark’s dead, Mark’s dead, Mark’s dead, Mark’s dead, Mark’s dead! And, in that moment. And I can like remember that feeling of thinking there’s no way that my Mark is dead. So I know she’s not talking about him. And so I said, What? I mean, I was like, I’ll call you back.
Dave: And I got a call from our Aunt Norma, like, Hey, Norm, what’s up? She’s like, Hey, David. Like, I heard some disturbing news and like, okay, what’s, what is it? And she was like, I heard, I’m getting my hair done. And someone in the salon here in Los Gatos said your dad was shot? And I was like, Excuse me? She’s like, Yeah. Do you know anything? Have you heard anything? And I was like, Let me call you back.
Liza: It was. I was in. I like, I went into shock mode because I was trying to figure out like, wait, shot who? How, what? I couldn’t. I just couldn’t understand it. And then there’s my six month old baby staring up at me. So I immediately, like, snapped back into reality. Hey. Okay, I have to, I’m a mom. I’m a parent. I’m here, my baby needs me. So I walked over to customer service and I had worked at Nordstrom for a long time, so I knew. I picked up my baby out of the stroller and I remember like, barely even being able to hold him because I was shaking so bad. And then I called my brother and I was like, I’m here at Nordstrom. I don’t know what to do.
Dave: So I looked at my partner and he’s like, What is happening? And I’m like, Hey, dude, drive me to Nordstrom ValleyFair right now? Like I was in plan mode, Like we need to get everybody here together and and then we’ll go from there. That was like my goal.
Nora McInerny: Please tell me you turned on the lights and the siren for the ambulance.
Dave: No.
Nora McInerny: Because you guys were raised so well.
Dave: Yeah, public safety came first.
Nora McInerny: So, Alex, at this point, where are you?
Alex: I’m in Santa Barbara in my dorm. Tricia gets a text message from one of our girlfriends in Los Gatos and said, that said, Hey, is Alex okay? And Tricia is like, what? And so she asks me. She’s like, Have you talked to her dad today? And I’m like, What? Oh, why should I? Like, why don’t you just call him? I’m like, okay, so I call, call, call. I think I call them like three or four times doesn’t answer. And then I called Sue Farwell, which is my dad’s business partner, who he owned the businesses with. And she just answered the phone. And it was she just said, Alex, I’m so sorry. I think I just, like fell to the floor, started screaming. I hung up the phone. And then I remember just being like, I need to go home. I need to go home right now.
The Achilli kids all head home, back to their mom. Michelle is just as shocked as they are, and none of it makes sense. Why would their dad have been murdered in his driveway on a Friday morning in the town he loved? They don’t have answers, but they have each other. And once again, Michelle’s kids need her.
Dave: And then Mark died. And I think it broke her, like broke her bad, like. It was like, just summoned up everything that had ever been bad in her life. And so I remember, like, she struggled her whole life with like drug and alcohol abuse and was really, really good for a long time. But I started seeing like inklings of that starting to enter her life again. And then you would call her out on it and she would guilt you into like, why you should feel bad for her and all these things. Like, now she was a victim, like to the max and it was her excuse to, like, play the victim part. And that sucked.
This is what it looks like when Michelle starts to break. Just a few days after Mark’s death, Michelle decided she wanted a drink, which turned into many drinks, which turned into Michelle getting very, very drunk. A family friend called Dave, who met his mother in the parking lot of a strip mall.
Dave: I was like, pissed because I’m like, Hold on a second. Don’t start drinking now. Like, don’t. You’re keeping this whole thing together. Like, what are you doing? And we got into it. Which was my mistake. Like, I regret it so bad, but I totally engaged and, like, we screamed at each other, and she snapped. Literally got out of the car, crawled underneath the car, was saying, the demons are going to get me. And I was like, Now I went from mad to freaked out and I was like, trying to get her out from under the car. And she’s like, she wouldn’t come out.
Dave called his sister Liza, and the two of them decided together to call an ambulance and have their mother taken to the psych ward at the county hospital.
Dave: And like, we get a call and I put it on speakerphone and it was my mom, and she was like, I never want to see this from the psych ward. She’s like, I never want to see you again. You’re not my son. How could you do this to me? You disloyal or shit? Like and like, basically confirmed every hell that I was feeling. And I just look at my wife, Kate, or my fiancee at the time. Now my beautiful, sexy wife. And I looked at her and I was just like, I just want to disappear. Like, and thank God the next morning, like when we picked her up, my mom, like, apologized and said she didn’t mean any of that stuff. But you could tell she was still like, you shouldn’t have done that. Like, but don’t worry about it. We’re good. And like, that’s kind of a point of contention forever between us. But I know now, like, I was just making a choice in the moment and like, I mean, I would challenge anybody to be there and, like, have to do what I had to do at the same time. So I don’t feel so bad anymore, you know? But it was hell, it was hell.
Michelle pulls it together for her kids, those kids she needed and missed, they need her again. And she rallies for them.
Dave: I feel like we had a lot of sessions there where we like. I was able to fully explain like what I was upset about and why I was angry and what I was worried about and what I was sad about. And my mom was really good at like, like she wanted to take care of everything which to a fault which like so that we could, like, go through it. And we did. So I feel like the grieving process, like, was healthy. Not over, but like, healthy. But, there was always this looming weight of trial.
A few weeks after their dad’s murder, the story started to come together. The police arrested a man named Paul Garcia. Paul was actually the one who had bought their dad’s bar and restaurant. And Paul was also involved with and in love with the bartender at the bar, who was Mark’s girlfriend.
And according to police, Paul was the one who paid three other men to kill Mark. So, that’s a lot. For Liza, Dave and Alex to take in.
Your dad is dead. Your dad is dead because he was murdered. That’s a lot.
Now your dad is dead and was murdered because he’s one of three points in a love triangle.
Your dad is dead and murdered because he was in a love triangle. And now it’s headline news in your hometown. Hoo! More arrests are made, and eventually there are four men charged in their dad’s murder.
Dave: So now we’re, like, kind of trying to finish up grieving. And I felt like we were being forced to keep this wound, like, open with salt and lemon poured in and keep stabbing it in like. Like we do whether we wanted to, and tried as hard as we possibly could. We had no choice but to keep rehashing and living this like hell for years. Years, which is like cruel. It’s really cruel to do to to somebody.
When Dave says years, he means years. It took two years after their dad’s murder for a very public trial to begin.
The prosecution paints Paul Garcia as a jilted lover out for revenge against Mark Achilli. The defense suggests Mark was murdered for a drug debt. It’s literally headline news. And then some. The local paper set up a live blog and a Twitter account dedicated just to providing updates throughout the trial.
And everyone. Everyone in town came out to spectate.
Alex: It was so weird.
Dave: We had to fight for seats at our dad’s trial. From, like, strangers. Like one time this guy was like, This is my seat. And I’m sitting here. I’m like, Who are you? And he’s like, I’m just a guest. I’m sitting here. I’m like, Get the fuck out of that seat. I’m like, I had to fight for the right to be in there.
Liza: Which like, you’re the joker and you lighten the mood like when it gets serious. So for you to have to get to that point is, like so unlike you.
Dave: So stressful. Which annoyed me so bad. I’m like, I wanted everyone just to go home.
Alex: Yeah, seriously.
Dave: Like, leave us all alone.
Nora McInerny: Yeah, like it’s news for you, but it’s life for us.
Dave: My life. Yeah.
The world breaks everyone. And after, many are stronger in the broken places. I wrote that. I’m just kidding. It’s Hemingway, and it’s true.
Many are stronger in the broken places and many are not. Many are just broken. Many just limp along as best they can for as long as they can, until the duct tape starts to peel, and the truth of their hurt is too obvious to ignore any longer.
Mark’s trial had given Michelle renewed purpose in life. The trial was a place to go. A thing to focus on in her grief. She was at the trial every single day with one purpose to support justice for her murdered sort of ex-husband.
Looking through all of the headlines around the murder, I thought, wow, she looks amazing. I’m a shallow person, but also she really did look so beautiful. And if I were ever murdered, I would hope that my current husband would also look good and also show up every day and wrestle some justice out of the system.
The Achilli kids were there at the trial sometimes, but they couldn’t be there every day like their mom was. And while Michelle looked strong and capable and very beautiful, Mark’s murder, and this trial, took a huge toll.
Dave: All those, like, demons and shit that she had to go through, she just bottled it up, put it away for later. Well, now it’s later, right.
On May 10th, 2010, the jury found all four defendants guilty of first degree murder.
Michelle got justice for Mark, but nobody really won. The bullets didn’t just hit Mark, Michelle said during the sentencing. We all have pieces of them in us.
After the sentencing, only one of the four defendants chose to speak. 22 year old Daniel Chidez, the man who had pulled the trigger. Here’s Alex.
Alex: He was up there for probably like 10 minutes and he had such a bad stuttering problem that he probably only got out. I’m sorry. Like, I’m so sorry. And the judge kept asking him, like, Mr. Chidez does, are you done? Are you done? And he kept saying, No, I’m not done. And it just, I just felt so bad for him because he ruined his life. He made such a stupid decision. And he had a daughter. That his daughter is going to have to grow up for part of her life without a dad. And it just made me feel terrible that one little stupid decision ruined so many people’s lives.
The cruelest thing about the world is that it just keeps moving. No matter how stuck you feel. The world had kept turning without Mark, it kept turning after the trial. And Michelle had been having a hard time keeping up. After the trial was over, Michelle’s trouble amplified.
One night, the kids get a call that she has attempted suicide. She had taken a whole bottle of Xanax, drank a bottle of wine, and locked herself in her car before her landlord found her.
Dave: That was like the beginning of the, the you could see now there was a battle. Like, she had her good months and her bad months, but there was definite like now all the blinds were pulled back.
For a while. Michele left California to live in Milwaukee with Liza, her oldest.
Liza: There came a point when she was staying with me where I was like, these are the rules of my house. This is how it has to be for the safety of everybody and the, like, well-being of everybody. And she was like, Then I’m not staying here. So, you know, when you, like, one of the things that I struggle with a lot, and at that, I like trying to get better at not doing with, is like, you think about all the things that you say, like, shit, did I yell at her too much? Did I not yell at her enough? Was I too nice to her? Was I not nice enough? Should I have forced her to go somewhere? Should I have, you know, the all the should have, could have, would haves. And I, I think about, you know, there was this, like, one defining moment of, like, again, having an argument with her and and her saying, like, I am sick. Like, you don’t understand. I am sick. It’s not like I’m choosing to live like this. You think I want to live this way, but I don’t. And I thought that she just, it was as easy as making a choice. Like you either choose to stay in your sickness or you choose to get better. And I felt like she wasn’t choosing to get better. I feel guilty about thinking like she had a choice.
Dave: Well you said yes to living with her. And she asked us that. We said no.
Liza: So I’m better.
Dave: So you’re better than me.
Liza: I am, I win the best child award.
Dave: I think there were many conversations between all three of us kids that after we all talked about it and made a blatant effort to be like, okay, if she really doesn’t want to live, like we got to make sure that if she dies, we can always look back so that we can live our lives knowing that we did everything we could. And I think we did.
Liza: I feel that way too.
Dave: I really think we did like supported her through like, even as the little things of like going with her to appointments to counseling and like getting her a pill box so that she could keep her, you know, her pills organized and cleaning her house and bringing her food and groceries. And at the very end, she was totally like I thought like, I think we’re coming out of this. Mom was, like, sober and like, I was even letting her watch our daughter now. And like, I really felt like right at the time she died, I was like, I think we’re on the uphill now or whatever the downhill, whatever. Like we’re in the good part. However you say it.
Now, even if it’s happened before and even if you know it could happen again, you’re still never ready for your life to fall apart because, you know, it waits.
It waits until you’re home from a day on the lake with your friends.
Alex: I like laid down in bed. And I was like, kind of like resting, napping, whatever.
It waits until you’re out picking up some stuff you need.
Liza: I was coming home from Target.
It waits until another regular day at work.
Dave: I was, now I’m a firefighter.
That is when your life decides to fall apart again.
Dave: And I hear a call go out for a wildfire started by a car fire. And I was like, woof, we’ve got a ripper here.
What Dave didn’t know was that his mother’s car had gone off the road at around 12:20 a.m. outside of Saratoga, California.
Dave: So we have a rig that goes to those kind of calls. And earlier I had talked to my mom about watching my daughter Clara on Tuesday, and we had to cut the call short because we got a call. I tried to call later. She didn’t pick up her phone. This fire happens. The next morning I wake up and the guys at work are talking about, yeah, did you hear about that fire? They found a body. This is Tuesday now like, oh, crazy. Then later that night, I get off duty. I’m going to hang out with my friends. And I left home and my wife Kate calls me, and she’s like crying, You need to come home. The coroners are here. And I immediately knew I was like, Is she dead!? Is she dead!? And like, I just knew. And then I went home and it turns out she died in that car fire that I almost went to for work.
Alex: And then my brother called me. And I think I ignored your first call cause I was like, I’m tired. I just want, like, rest for a second. And then he called again. So I finally picked up and all he said is Mom’s dead. And I was like, Okay! I thought he was joking, thought he was joking. I was like, That’s a sick joke. Please don’t joke about that. He was like, Alex, I’m serious. Like, Mom, Mom is dead. And I lost it. I was alone at my house, so I hung up the phone. I remember going to the bathroom like nothing was even coming up, but I just felt so sick, which is the same reaction that I had when my dad, when I got the phone call about my dad. I kept running back and forth from, to the toilet, not even throwing up, just dry heaving.
Liza: Dave called me. It was about 9:00 at night, and, um. And I was like, just at the corner from my house. I could see my house and Dave, he was like, Hey, Liza. I’m like, Hi, what’s up? And he’s like, nothing. And I could tell in his voice I knew something was wrong. So I go, What’s going on? And he goes, What are you doing right now? And I said, driving home. He goes, okay, well, call me when you get back home. And I go, Nope, tell me now. And I, it was like, it’s, what is it that, you know, like, you just know something is.
Dave: Probably I was like. Uhhhh, What are you doing? No, it doesn’t work.
Liza: Um, so I, I pulled over and I could see my house from where I pulled over, so I was almost home. And he says, you’re, stop the car, you’re not driving. I said, No, I’m not driving. He goes, Okay, well, momma’s dead. And I like, time stopped. And I just remember saying, okay, okay, okay, okay. And I kept saying it over and over again. And Dave goes, Are you okay? And I go, Well, I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m going to call you back. And I drove through my alley, got my car parked into the garage, shut, grabbed all my groceries and shut the garage door. And then I ran, like, as fast as I could holding a bunch of groceries. And as soon as I got into the house, it was like the moment that time had stopped, it had all sped back up and crashed into me and I collapsed when I got inside and. My husband was sitting on the couch and he looked at me and he was like, What is wrong? And I said, Oh, I just said, My mom is dead. And I was, just I couldn’t speak. And I just, like, wailed. And I remembered like, like a gut level soul wail. Because I felt like, like, like hope, not just my mom had died, but, like. My hope had died. And I knew, like the last couple of times I had seen my mom. I was so conscious about how I hugged her and how I said goodbye to her because I knew some like deep part of myself that that was probably the last time I was going to see her.
Liza: So I just… got into action mode and was like, I made some phone calls and I was on a plane at like 10:00 the next morning to California. I even did laundry that night. Like, it’s so weird how you have these moments of lucidity in, like, your grief.
Michelle’s death, like her husband’s, was headline news in Los Gatos. The articles said the same thing. She was a great person, a great wife, a great mom. Here is what those articles didn’t say.
Dave: She was driving in the mountains, which at night, which is so not normal for mom.
Alex: She hated driving, especially at night.
Dave: Hated driving at night and there was nothing for her to be in that area why she was there. So we don’t know the exact circumstances and no one ever will. But she was in a really weird place at a really weird time and drove off a cliff.
Which brings us back to that crowded radio studio where the Achilli kids are packed in to talk about all this tragedy with a total stranger. That’d be me.
It’s crowded in that studio, but that studio holds the entire Achilli family. The three of them, David, Liza and Alex are all that’s left. And while it’s the nature of families to expand and contract, and while Liza and David each have kids of their own, this little group in a studio is what remains of the nucleus.
All of the shared memories and experiences of Mark and Michelle Achilli as parents are in this room together.
Alex: I mean, we’ve always been really close growing up, and but I feel like they, they filled, they filled the roles as my parents for the most part when something exciting happens, they’re the first people I call. When something bad happens, they’re the first people I want to call. Like I want my brother to walk me down the aisle when I get married and I… I wouldn’t, I don’t think I’d be here without them. I know I wouldn’t be here without them. We do a really good job at keeping us all afloat. And now, that, if Liza crumbles, my brother and I are here. If I crumble, my brother and sister here, if Dave crumbles, we’re here. We just do a really good job at… keeping us together. And we’re our, we’re the Three Musketeers.
Dave: It’s like a war. If you go to war, like you got through stuff together that, like, breaks you down to your core. Like, one or two things happens. You either go your separate ways and never want to see those people again, or you’re bonded for life. And we already had the bonding, and it just like made it like, we need each other now more than ever because it’s like, it’s all we got left. It’s all we got left. And like. Yeah.
You never know when you’re a parent if you’re doing a good job. All families are complicated. But all you want to know is that your kids will all love each other and be there for each other.
That you did a good enough job with them that they can do that. That they’ll be okay. Even if you’re murdered in your driveway or if you die in a fiery car wreck.
That when the world breaks them, and it will, that they’ll be stronger in the broken places. And if they aren’t, or they can’t be, that they’ll at least have each other to carry them along.
Liza: All right. Thank you.
Nora McInerny: Bye!
Alex: Bye! Good job guys.
Dave: I need a beer.
Liza: How are you guys?
Dave: I think we did it justice.
Alex: I think it was really good. You, and what you said about Mom was really good.
Liza: So good. Thanks. Yeah. I’m glad you didn’t-
Dave: I want to hear it so bad.
Alex: I was, like freezing cold and sweating at the same time.
Liza: Same!
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