91. Out In The World

In honor of National Suicide Prevention Month, Nora reads an email from a mom who lost her daughter to suicide five years ago. It’s proof that even when the most painful thing happens, with time, things can feel okay. 

If you are having thoughts of suicide, please dial 988 to get help. 

Find a warmline to speak with someone in your state about suicide free and confidentially, whether or not you’re in crisis. 

Call BlackLine to get help that prioritizes BIPOC in moments of crisis and mistreatment.

Call the Trans Lifeline to get support from trans peers. 

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

Nora McInerny: I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay. And this I know from experience is a very hard thing to believe when things are not okay. September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. This episode discusses suicide.

Nora (reading an email): Hello, Nora. A week after her 18th birthday, my daughter chose to leave this world. She was highly sensitive and while nothing we tried, worked to help get her through it. Even her therapist quit after her death and moved away. Her primary care physician called me sobbing when she read her chart and saw the note about her death.

When doing a follow-up prep for an appointment, my daughter missed. At her funeral, AKA Memorial, our neighborhood community clubhouse was filled with family and friends. It was February, a rainy and gloomy Oregon Day, and the last stretch of their senior year, these kids and teachers came out for someone who they loved and admired, who had touched them deeply.

She was such a loving and kind girl. It felt cathartic to be there and share our happy memories of her. She was a lefty adept at drawing, and a true artist had a great sense of humor. The most infectious laugh said good morning to her teachers, and genuinely asked how they were and said for them to have a great day when leaving class, she wanted to travel.

The world looked like a hippie princess had a touch of class, and from the day she was born, a connection to my heart. I encouraged her to see the world just take a backpack and a sketchbook. I knew she was destined to go out there and be a part of the universe. I just didn’t realize in what form. In fact, early on the day she left us, I had coordinated with a family friend, a chaperone, so that she could go see some amazing concert in Europe.

I was so proud of her for seemingly doing better and wanted to spoil her for her 18th birthday and graduation. So after the last memory was shared at the memorial, I took over the room and shared my peace. I took this as an opportunity to be straight with everyone that this fascination with suicide is fucking terrible and asked everyone to feel this memory so that it would keep them above water and get them through hard times when they needed it.

I have a soccer mom voice when I need it, so I sounded like an evangelistic serious motherfucker. I asked them to be there for each other to be good big brothers and sisters to my youngest daughter, her 16 year old sister. I asked them to look around and remember these people. To not forget that there is always someone there to reach out to, that they were never alone.

As they went out into the world, they took her spirit with them. That has kept me from losing my shit and provided me with some closure in her absence. It’s been five years and I am as back to normal as I can get. I have been fortunate in that I gained so many sons and daughters. Have seen them graduate from high school, college, go to baby showers, late night phone calls, random plant deliveries and text saying, I love you and appreciate you, mom.

Thank you for your amazing outpouring of anecdotes. It was terrible. Thanks for asking, and amazingly enough, it is going to be okay.

Oh, Man, that one was, whew. That was so beautiful. Um, thank you for sharing that with us. Thank you for sharing that with us. If you are a person who struggles with thoughts of suicide and you are in the us, please dial 988. Please tell someone. Please talk to someone.