88. Shhhhhh Night Night

This one goes out to all the parents who have a particularly *difficult* bedtime routine. 

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

Nora McInerny: I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay. For some parents and children, bedtime is peaceful. It’s serene. It is a way to wrap up one day and prepare your body and spirit and brain for the next day. Maybe there’s stories. bath time, a white noise machine, and then there they go, off to dreamland.

But today’s message is for people who do not have that kind of bedtime experience. It’s for people who are probably sleepy right now because last night they spent two, two and a half hours laying perfectly still next to a small person who needs them to be physically present in order to fall asleep.

But also. Not to breathe or move or experience any physical sensations or necessities at all. This one is for the grown ups who just want to go to bed themselves, but can’t. Because first, they have to fill up the water bottle again. A back needs scratching. There are thoughts that need to be expressed urgently.

This message is from a listener named Claire. 

So, like most toddlers, and probably most children, my child struggles with bedtime. It’s a 30 plus minute adventure of running around the house avoiding fresh diaper changes, PJs, brushing teeth, stories, night night to Freya, the dog, and Daddy. If by some miracle all that happens and we get lights out on time, I’m still laying in bed with him until he’s nearly asleep, only to tell him, Night night, sleep well, I love you, and carefully, without noise, sneak out of his room and close the door for my own two hours of non parenting adult time.

I mean, parents get this, right? My child’s not the only one. One particularly challenging bedtime avoidance night. My toddler was wide awake until he was overtired and upset. I had left the room. Dad took over. He threw a fit. Dad left. I went back in, repeated two, maybe three times. The last time I went in, my child, my sweet baby, Baby Angel calmly lays down in his bed and I ask him if he wants me to sing his song.

It’s a song I made up, one that I’ve been singing to him since we started a poor attempt at sleep training at five months old. He said yes in his quiet little voice. I took a deep breath and started singing ever so quietly. After getting through the first couple of lines, my child rolls over in his bed and puts his finger to his mouth and then pulls a very sharp and strict tongue out.

Shhh. Night, night. I stopped and held my breath from bursting into laughing. All the tension and frustration I’d felt had left my body. Because it’s now 50 minutes past when he was supposed to be sleeping. He’s fought me and his dad, both, in avoiding sleep. And now, now is the time to tell me to be quiet.

Because it’s night, night. I still think it took him another 20 minutes to actually fall asleep. But it was in that tiny moment, I simply was reminded No matter how hard bedtime is, no matter how exponentially hard parenting is, these tiny moments tell me it’s going to be okay.

Okay. Shh. Night, night. No singing lady. That’s enough. That’s enough. Your entertainment is not needed. I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay. And we love hearing your okay things. You can email us a voice memo like Claire did. You can send it to igtbo at feelingsand.co. You, um, if you’re recording, don’t use airpods is my recommendation. They are horrible. Um, if you call us. Don’t be on Bluetooth in your car. I’m making so many requests of you, but the phone number, 612 568 4441. We are a production of Feelings Co., a small independent podcast company and a sea of big creators and we like it this way.

We want it this way. If you want to support our work, you can share this podcast with somebody. You can rate and review it wherever you are listening. You can go check out our other shows, which are linked in our descriptions and are available at feelingsand. co. Thank you so much for being here. I am pretty sure that it’s going to be okay. I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay. I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay.