78. Write Your Own Narrative

While sitting outside amidst birdsong, one Okay listener reflects on choosing what her family life looks like.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

INTRO MUSIC 

Okay Caller:  I’m sitting here listening to the birds and the peacefulness and thinking back on how it’s going to be okay that 14 years after my dad died, and distance from his family and even his own, keeping them at arm’s length. I’ve finally taken the opportunity to try to get to know some of his family and invite him back into my life in some sort of weird post grief sort of scenario.

And. My dad was one of 11 Irish Catholic family. Seven sisters, three other brothers. A lot of complicated dynamics. I didn’t really get to know his parents. They died when I was pretty young and my father was the first of the 11 to pass away when he was just 62 years old. And I spent a lot of time not dealing with that and.

Kind of trying to avoid his family. And I don’t know if that’s because I didn’t want to deal with his death or if it was just because they were, it’s simply an overwhelming amount of people. And like I said, he had always, he had been close with them, but also kept a safe distance because of the dynamics of being from such a large, diverse family. But yeah. But.

In this year, 2023, another one of the 11 passed away and after gathering with a good majority of family, at that funeral, I realized, I’ve spent my whole life avoiding getting to know this large family for no real reason other than anxiety about. Maybe not fitting in and then especially after he died, not having a connection.

But I’ve been spending time with some of my cousins and recently went to visit and stay with one of his sisters, which. It’s something never really done. I think as a child we once went, visited them, but certainly not a normal part of our family to go and stay with your aunts and uncles for fun or to do large cousin gatherings.

And that aunt very kindly hosted a family brunch to get to spend some time with some other people, some who I haven’t seen since my dad’s funeral. Yeah. And I think that’s just really special and it tells me that, It’s never too late, and that I am allowed to get to know the people who knew him in ways that I never will.

And I think that’s really special. And I think despite how complicated they may be and some of that, that I’ve already born witness who have been reminded of, shall we say, that I get to pick and choose who I want to invest that time with and who I wanna build those relationships with. And just that, I guess it’s not ever too late to write your own narrative of what those relationships are and who you want your family to be.

So yeah. To me, that’s what makes me feel like it’s going to be okay. Thanks Nora.

OUTRO MUSIC

Nora McInerny: The it in it’s going to be okay. It changes every day and it is different for all of us. If you want to share yours, you can email us , and we can read it for you if you’re shy or you can record yourself on a voice memo, attach it to the email and send it to us.

The email is I G T B O Feelings and Co. It is also in our show description. Our phone number is (612) 568-4441.

CREDITS