65. He’s My Friend

When you have a friend, no matter from where, no matter what age, of course they’re going to show up to your football game.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

INTRO MUSIC

 I’m Nora McInerny, and it’s going to be okay. 

Today’s episode is from Heather, who wrote us an email all the way back in May. 

Hi Nora and whoever else looks at these emails.

I debated sending something in, but since the option to email rather than call existed. Here you go. I am a widow and solo parent of two boys now 10 and 12 years old. My husband passed away from co. Oh, this is Nora. Struggling to read Cholangiocarcinoma, Bio Duct Cancer when the boys were four and six. If I’m honest, A lot of days, most days I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water. Managing parenting two kids who yes, are still grieving six years later.

And also work as a teacher, which has become much more complex over the last several years. A couple years ago, in my brilliant plan to do something, anything for myself, I joined a gym. It’s a small gym, real classes that are planned for me, and the same people are there day after day. It lets me see other adults and for me, it’s the only time in the day I’m not responsible for taking care of someone else, but that’s not my one thing that’s going to be okay though.

It really could be. My oldest son has also started working out there. Generally in the afternoons or evenings, he gets a ton of support, both from the coaches but also the men in the gym. This makes such an impact on him, but this also not my one thing that’s going to be okay, though it could be. My youngest son, Max, often has to come with us because, well, he has no choice but to be dragged along.

He has taken to throwing a football with anyone who will join him. The coaches, the people finishing up a workout. Whoever, one man in particular, John will stay after his workout sometimes for an hour. To play catch that alone is amazing. Max plays flag football and he loves it. Sleeps with the football, the whole deal.

So he told John about his game and as far as I knew, that was the end of it. But as I sat watching him play, John walked up out of nowhere. He came to see my kid play football. I almost cried. It is truly amazing the way people will step up for my kids and in ways I would never expect. So as Max and I drove home, I just kept saying, I cannot believe John showed up to your game.

It was really taking a bit to sink in that John actually came to Max’s football game to support him, and in the true innocence and wonder of childhood, Max said. Mom, I don’t know why you’re so surprised. Of course, he came to my game. He’s my friend, because in Max’s mind, John is his friend who of course would want to see him play because that’s fun.

I mean, why wouldn’t you show up for someone else’s kid and that that’s how I know it’s going to be okay.

OUTRO MUSIC

You might not know this when you are the person who’s showing up, but when you are the person on the other end, when you are Heather, you know that showing up is not a small thing because not everyone shows up.

People who love us don’t always show up even when we expect them to or need them to, or even ask them to. But the people who do show up, they’re the right people. So here’s to showing up to a kid’s football game, a funeral, the best days of someone’s life, the worst days of someone’s life, and the many, many days in between.

And here’s to being the kind of people that make a kid think it’s no big deal. Of course you would do it. You’re a friend, and that’s what friends do. I’m Nora McInerny, and it’s going to be okay. That it changes every day for all of us, and we do want to hear yours. You can email us like Heather did, I G T B O at feelings and dot co.

CREDITS