I’m Nora McInerny, and I have something important to say to you.
You’re not a loser.
Maybe you already knew that…but did you? Because until this moment, the world’s foremost expert in Loser Studies – that’s me – probably hadn’t certified your decidedly NOT loser status.
But now she has.
I’ve pored over your file.
I’ve brought it to the board.
We all reviewed the evidence and we came to an unanimous decision that you, specifically, are absolutely NOT a loser.
What you are – perhaps tragically – is a person.
Bad news, because this condition is incurable.
You were born this way, and we don’t judge you for it, but you do need proper symptom management to survive and thrive with this affliction.
You need to give yourself a break.
People tend not to want to do this. They want to earn their breaks, like little rewards. They want to do a lot of things so they can say, it’s okay that I took a break, I did all these things.
We do not need you to do more things.
We need you to take a break.
We need you to stop listening to that voice inside your head, you know the one. The one that for whatever reason cannot remember the password for your Netflix account – it’s probably Netflix, by the way, but the I is a 1 – but can remember every single insult ever lobbed your way.
That voice told you that you’re a loser because you haven’t done ALL the things, or you did all the things but you don’t have what you thought you’d have to show for it.
That voice is dumb, and wrong.
That voice is actually a loser, and again, I would know. It’s actually Certifiable Loser Behavior to tell someone they’re a loser. As my father used to say, it takes one to know one. And in this case, the loser calling someone a loser I guess is me…talking to the voice in your head…about what they said to you?
Let’s move on.
You gotta be nice to yourself. Have you had a glass of water? Have another. Have you gone outside and felt the breeze on your face? Have you called someone who loves you just to hear their voice? Do you know that you deserve all of that? You do.
All people do. Even losers.
But you are NOT a loser.
You’re a person who has made some mistakes, sure, but find me a person who hasn’t. You’re a person who has some regrets, but anyone who has been alive in this world has at least a few of those, no matter what their tattoo says. You’re a person doing your best in a world that is deeply, deeply flawed and extremely painful.
And today you’re going to drink some water, and feed yourself as well as you can, and treat yourself like you deserve love and goodness. Because you do.
You are not a loser.
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