449. Baja Blast Your Body (feat. Ralph)

This week on It’s Going To Be OK: a 13-year-old boy tries to convince his mother that he should be allowed to have a Baja Blast at 7pm on a school night, sings the praises of Wetzel’s Pretzels and asks whether or not he can become CEO of McDonald’s if he drops out of 8th grade… Every other week, we’re here to put some more okay in your day, but this is a group project and you can share your okay things with us at ☎️502-388-OKAY (6529) or 📧 [email protected]

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

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I’m Nora McInerny.

And I’m Ralph Purmort. And this is It’s Going To Be OK. Ralph is an often requested guest here on the podcast.

He was on a few weeks ago, as you all may remember. But he’s back. He’s back by popular demand.

He is breathing really hard.

Am I really?

We’ll just take this off. We’ll just blow your face for that. There we go.

But I wanna be a penguin.

I know.

I’m sorry, buddy. It was funny. He wanted to wear a penguin mask just for, you know, the clips that we post.

But because I do believe in your anonymity, even as I am letting you go on a podcast, but we found this penguin mask. We’ll get to that later. But unfortunately, wearing a mask over your face, it does make it hard to breathe.

And so I was here. This is what it sounded like.

Well, also it was this close to my nose.

So yeah, we’re doing our best. We’re doing our best here, and that is kind of the theme. So If You Are New To It’s Going To Be OK.

It’s Going To Be OK is a podcast that Kelly Corrigan, recent guest and somebody that I’m personally a fan of, called A Hug For Your Nervous System. And I think that is actually the goal here, Ralph.

The goal is not to deny all of the hard things that are happening out in the world and in our lives, but to say, you know what? There’s still some OK stuff too.

Oh yeah.

I am going to put you on the spot. Ralph, you’re going to go.

I’m going to make you go first.

What is what’s OK in your world right now?

I think one of my OK things is I don’t have school today, but it is April Fool’s Day, so it’s kind of a bummer.

Why is that a bummer?

It’s always fun on April 1st. Is it?

Yeah, I mean, sometimes we prank each other.

We’re the teachers, but.

Prank the teachers?

Yeah.

OK, it’s one of your good things that you don’t have school today, and I hate to come to a place of negativity so quickly in the show.

You actually do have school.

It’s called a remote learning day, brother. You’re supposed to be learning today with me, and this is bad for me to confess because here I am making you work.

Well, I did all my work yesterday, so we’re fine.

You did all your work yesterday. I feel like I’m getting April fooled.

I’m actually getting April fooled.

If you. OK.

So for self-studies.

Oh, that’s epic.

My protein shake vanilla burp, my Shamrock Farms burp. So for self-studies, we had like the we’re reading Animal Farm. Oh, yeah, sad book.

Yeah, actually, I’m only on chapter three, so it’s not that sad, but that’s what we’re supposed to be. OK, but we’re supposed to do the chapter two questions. I already did them.

I did them in class. We all did them in class.

No offense. I’m going to verify that it’s on paper. It’s on paper.

Yeah, I don’t.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Now I don’t trust you.

It’s on paper.

OK, it’s on paper.

So you did your you did your social studies work yesterday. Remote learning is like the teachers are doing their their trainings and then you are supposed to be given assignments and you can do them from home.

You can do them online or you can go to your mom’s studio and you can be forced to work.

Yep.

And I don’t get paid for this, by the way.

So, you know, that’s that’s true.

That’s true.

Well, in a way, this is child labor in a way. You feed me, give me a place to live.

No, that’s just, that’s just, you know, you’re right as a human being who was brought into this world against your will. But, you know, I mean, you get an allowance every week, whether or not you do anything, you get an allowance.

You get a, you get a, just a stipend, you get a weekly stipend that I think is rather generous. And then if you want to help out.

This economy, $10 a week.

You get $13 a week.

$13, two goes into my savings.

You have no expenses whatsoever.

Actually, yes, I do. My Xbox premium subscription.

How much is that?

Like $10, like $20 a month.

It’s, and it comes out of your account?

Yeah.

I’m going to, I’m going to triple check that, brother. I do not believe you. Okay.

So you’re okay thing. We’re getting off track.

Yes. Okay. You’re okay thing now.

No, I want you to tell me more about why, like, a remote learning day is.

Because I don’t have to go to school.

And you get to spend all this time with your mother, I say, holding a small knife to your body.

You get to spend, you get to spend time with your mom, which you love, working, which all children crave.

I crave the lines. I yearn for the minds. Every time I get out, it’s like 12 p.m.

I’m like, put me back in.

Put me back in. God, I got to go back in there. All right, I almost found some content.

It was glittering. I must. I must.

Okay, that’s a pretty good thing.

One of My OK Things is something that I remembered today that I thought was so sweet. It was from last summer when your little brother said that he had an idea for a tattoo. He knows what tattoo he’s gonna get when he grows up.

Do you remember what it was?

Oh, the Compass.

Yes, he said he was going to get a Compass. And instead of North, South, West and East, it would have the initials of him and his siblings as the cardinal directions. He was eight years old.

And I just thought that was the sweetest little thing. If you would have asked me at eight years old what tattoo would I want, I would have said nothing that is satanic. That’s evil.

I would never get a tattoo that’s going to look at me now. But if you would have asked me at 18, what I would get is a tattoo. I would have also said, ew, that’s trashy.

But if you would, I never would have thought at that age, God, I want to get something on my body to commemorate how much I love my siblings and that they help orient me in this world. I just thought that was so cute. And one of the things.

OK, I’m going to be completely, I came up with that idea originally, but you just don’t remember it.

OK.

But I promise you that she does.

OK, well, then it’s very sweet of you.

I think that’s really sweet. I think that’s really sweet. And I’m sorry that you got middle-child ed.

I’m also a middle child. I know the plight.

No, I don’t.

Yes, I do. I was a child many years ago. But in 1996, being a middle child was very similar to being a middle child in 2026.

I don’t think the mechanics of middle childhood have changed that much.

Well, I mean, OK.

Well, how do you think it’s different?

I don’t know. I wasn’t alive when you were a tiny child. When you were just a baby.

That’s true.

But why would you say, oh, it’s not the same?

Because I don’t know.

I have more siblings. No, I don’t. Yes, I do.

So you have.

I’m one of four. You’re one of four.

Yeah, exactly. So I’m less. You’re right.

Cognitive decline of 13.

It’s true.

Like, what are you?

What are they? Maybe you shouldn’t have a day off of school.

Maybe I shouldn’t go to eighth grade.

Yeah, I’m one of four. You’re one of four. And you go exactly.

Yeah, man.

Exactly. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. You make me laugh. Do you have another OK thing?

I think another OK thing was I have broken my foot, allegedly.

And like I got this boot and now I’m on crutches. But I think it felt good to know that dad cares enough to bring me to the foot doctor, the podiatrist.

Yeah.

Yeah. I like foot doctor more.

Yeah.

The foot doctor, the foot doctor. And I like they weren’t even massaging my foot. It just like, it just, it felt so nice.

They were like, oh, really?

That’s so funny, because when I tried to touch your foot, you were like, ah, because I don’t like when people touch my phalanges.

My toes and my fingers, I’m like, yeah, you don’t.

You’re not a phalange toucher. All right. So you broke your foot.

Do you care to tell people how?

Well, I was doing a super cool triple, triple, quadruple backflip. And then I dunked on my back basketball hoop. And it was like out of water and it fell on me.

And then I fell on my foot.

The basketball hoop.

The basketball hoop. Yeah.

Yeah. We have a portable or whatever that’s called. Basketball hoop.

You do have to weigh it down with water. I guess there wasn’t enough in it. It’s also just definitely not.

It’s not dunkable. It’s not it’s not hang on the rim.

OK, I was only there for like two seconds.

That’s a long time.

We have like.

Two seconds is a long time. People don’t think of two seconds is a long time. It’s a long time to be hanging on a rim.

Anyway, so the whole rim came down on your foot.

The whole basketball hoop.

The whole basketball hoop came down on your foot.

Yeah.

And I know what you’re saying, though, where it’s like, it’s nice to have.

Yeah, it’s nice to have somebody. You’re like, I know you would have brought me to the foot doctor.

It’s dad’s job.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dad is the foot doctor person.

He’s yes. It’s when we got married, we divvied up the responsibilities. And I said, anything foot related, foot related, that’s you, brother.

I took arms. I said, anything happens with an arm. Yeah.

Upper body.

Upper body is you.

Lower body is him. Head? Neither.

No, I think about it.

I tend to a lot of head stuff.

That’s true.

You know?

Q was a very clumsy baby. So, I mean, you have definitely tended to a lot of head injuries. Oh, yeah.

He loved walking into a table.

Especially corners.

Corners.

Oh, my God.

You know how doorknobs?

Grandma and grandpa sawed off the corners of their tables just so that he wouldn’t walk into the corners.

I didn’t know that.

Yeah, that’s why on their island, it’s like the corners are all cut off because…

Oh, they rounded him off for his little noggin.

For his tiny little head.

His tiny, soft head.

His soft little baby head.

Yeah.

Yeah. He had a lot of head injuries. But I also, I like going to the doctor because there is something.

There’s something about it.

It’s like sometimes when somebody does something nice for you, I get like this little like a little tingle.

But when they listen to your heart.

Yeah.

Like it’s like it doesn’t matter. Other people have like touched your heart when someone puts their little stethoscope up and goes, hmm.

It just makes me feel so special.

I’m like, wow.

Yeah. They lovingly touch your foot and you’re like, oh, yeah.

They like start like rubbing my back.

Well, yeah, they’re like, I got to let me listen to those lungs. And you’re like, oh, my lungs are desperate to be listened to. Yes, they’re desperate.

No, my mother never listens to my lungs. No one is.

No, my mom never listens to my lungs.

I sometimes do.

Yeah.

When you’re falling asleep, that’s creepy. Well, moms are creepy.

Yeah.

You know, remember you said that you would take all my hair if I ever got my hair.

Yeah. Yeah.

If you cut off your beautiful luscious locks, I will, you know, because they don’t just like buzz it, like they they separate it into chunks.

Mom, I’m not getting a well-sked right now. OK.

Well, when you cut your hair, I will I will make a braid. And I’ll say I have little I have your I have locks of your hair from many eras of your life in various little boxes.

Say what?

Oh, yeah.

OK. Well, I mean, you have Paddy’s hair in his braid.

Yeah, I’ve got it. I’ve got it. I’ve got a braid from your uncle framed, framed.

And you have very similar hair. You have that glossy, thick, dark hair. And you did not get to that for me.

So thank your lucky jeans. You have to thank Maymay the next time you see it. You got to say thank you for the cheekbones, the eyebrows, the hair, the eyes, the pinky toe that is kind of bent.

Crooked pinky toe. But who do you think for your thumbs?

You. Me. Boop.

Now fold it the other way.

Oh, that’s your straight thumb. I’ve got one. That’s my.

I can make my thumb straight.

Can you make your other thumb straight?

Yeah, I can make my thumb straight.

I can’t make this one straight.

Dang. Look at this one always pops out. Let me see.

Let’s see from this angle.

Wow.

Okay, I can’t. But how far back does this thumb go?

Wow.

Look at that. Our thumbs go almost like 90 degrees backwards. And that’s the one gene.

It’s a heart.

No, it’s not.

No, it’s an eyeball. Illuminati.

Illuminati. The triangle.

Okay, so I’m glad that you liked going to the podiatrist. You got a set of crutches as well. Is that bad?

Say crutches.

Oh, I heard something else again.

Okay, you got a set of crutches. You’re crutching around. And it feels nice to be taking care of.

It feels nice to be taking care of. And I have to confess that I did tell you to walk it off. I did say ice it, rest it.

And then the next day I looked at it when I was hanging out with you and I saw that it was striped with bruises. And I said, that’s not good. We got to get this kit to the doctor ASAP.

But I, and we called Madam, your grandmother this morning. And she said, yeah. Walk it off.

When she said, she told you this story of when Uncle Oste was a kid. He was like, maybe, I don’t know. He was like, he was probably your age, honestly.

I was a really little kid. He was seven years older than me. So I was probably like, I was like five or six.

And he was playing this game with himself in the backyard. You know, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a clothesline, like a big, old iron clothesline, the big T, right?

He had a folding chair and he would jump from the folding chair to the clothesline, right? And he kept moving the folding chair back, jumping to the clothesline, and seeing how far he could jump. He fell.

We had people over. My dad, Grumpy, was grilling steaks, and my mom put Ben Gay on his arm and said, you’ll be fine.

And his arm was broken. His arm was broken.

So she just put stinky old man. Oils on his elbow or his arm. And it turns out his arm was broken.

And that is a that’s a boomer trait.

And I boomer you a little bit.

A little bit. A little bit for a week.

I literally was not a dog.

I went to the gym and got Taco Bell.

But yeah, you did.

And I’m really proud of you. Actually, that is one of my OK things. I do apologize.

I apologize. I did tell you to walk it off. Turns out you couldn’t, but you did.

You did do a lot of walking.

So one of my OK things is watching you gain independence, especially in an era of less independence for kids. And people have been writing about this and talking about this for so long. Like you’re all iPad kids and you’re online all the time.

And you know, there’s a form of connection in that.

But, you know, I know that every child loves to hear their parents say, well, when I was your age, when I was your age, but when I was your age, we were going to the mall with our friends, meeting up with our friends to go see a movie.

I did live in a very walkable neighborhood. We were walking up to the Boulevard Theatre to watch a $1.50 movie.

We live in like the city.

Yeah, I lived in a city, but it was a walkable city.

Actually, we live at, what did I say?

Here’s our specific address. We live in a hostile, in a city that is hostile to pedestrians. That’s what we can say about Phoenix, Arizona.

It’s a city. It’s not a city to walk in. Surface streets, the speed limit is like 40 miles an hour.

It really means people are going 50, 55. Like you feel that on a sidewalk and there’s no boulevard. It’s not like sidewalk grass street.

It’s you’re on the sidewalk.

You’re just on the street basically.

You’re walking on the road.

Yeah, you’re walking on the road. Sometimes the sidewalks just stop in our neighborhood, but watching you, even with a broken foot, say, you know what, I’m going to walk up to the gym alone and then I’m going to stop and get Taco Bell is.

And you wouldn’t let me get a Baja Blast.

I wouldn’t let you. Sorry, you can’t have a Baja.

This lady, this lady.

Boo.

Local mom wouldn’t let her son drink a Baja Blast at 7 p.m. Wouldn’t let you Baja blast your body with caffeine and sugar at 7 p.m. I bet any other mom would have let me.

Poll for the audience. Would you let your 13 year old have a Baja Blast and blast his little Baja body full of sugar and caffeine?

Yes, you would.

At 7 p.m. I value sleep and you know.

If they say yes, you have to get me a Baja Blast.

Look, for the nine listeners on Spotify where you can do a poll, I will do a poll and the poll will say, should I have let?

You can do a poll on TikTok or Instagram or something.

Well, maybe I will.

Yeah. OK, say yes and she has to get me a Baja Blast.

Only moms can vote in this poll.

Only moms.

Only moms. No 13 year old boys can vote in this poll. Oh, not in voter fraud.

It is very reasonable for a parent to say, no Baja Blast at 7 p.m. Boo, boo.

Make a poll if I should run this podcast now.

Make a poll if Ralph is the new host of this podcast. OK. Make a poll if.

Ralph should get 100 Baja Blast.

Have a Baja Blast pool party.

We fill the pool with Baja Blast.

That’d be so cool.

Disgusting.

So sticky.

It’d be so sticky. So many bees.

So many poor bees. Oh, no.

Oh, the bees always drown themselves in our pool.

I’m out there saving them one by one. Yeah, I’m out there. I will.

If I see a bee in the pool, I scoop it up. I will hold it till it dries its wings. I’m not afraid of that.

I use a stick and I like.

Oh, I use my hands.

I say, get over here, buddy.

Well, I use my hands when I’m swimming. What if I’m outside of the pool? I don’t want to get wet.

I’ll go like, come here.

Come here.

I have like that really, really long stick, you know?

Yeah. Well, that’s also why I’m going to get a little water feature in our yard, a little fountain.

They’re just going to draw on that.

No, no, no. It’s like shallower.

You should fill it with Baja Blast.

Gross.

OK.

OK.

We’re going to take a quick break for some ads. That’s how podcasts make money.

Yay. Money.

And we are back.

Yay, we’re back.

Anyways, do you have another OK thing?

I do. Like in number three. No.

Well, the Good News Network. No. The Good News Network Vatron.

If you aren’t familiar with Ralph’s last appearance, he kept referencing articles from goodnewsnetwork.com, which I’m pretty sure is just like an AI slop site.

Definitely.

It’s like this grandma helping another grandma across the street and there’s like a T-Rex in the back and it’s like, new amusement park opens in Phoenix, Arizona.

OK, brother, what’s your next OK thing?

My next OK thing is…

I got to go to the mall with my friends. I went to see a movie that was epic.

What movie did you see?

A three-year-old kid’s movie, Hoppers. It was actually really sad, though, because she’s like…

Spoiler, spoiler alert, spoiler alert.

No, keep listening. Her grandma dies, and then she’s like…

Her and her grandma used to always go to like the kind of nature park and then like in their backyard, not nature park, like this pond near their house and their parents left her to go to somewhere else and she didn’t want to go because she doesn’t

like the city. So when her grandma died, she inherited the house. And then she like, I don’t know how she broke her arm, but I guess she broke her arm.

Who are we talking about?

The main character.

And is the main character a person?

Yeah.

It’s a person.

It’s a person.

OK.

And then she’s like in college, but that’s not important right now. We’ll get to that later. So I’m about to explain the whole movie.

Yeah.

But major spoilers ahead.

Major spoilers. And then so she goes to the back of the pond and like the mayor’s trying to clear out the pond and like blow it all up. And she’s like, Oh, it’s like animals who live here.

Like word for word, she’s like, there’s animals who live here. You can’t do this. And I was like, look around you, Mabel.

There’s no animals anywhere. And then they like, don’t blow it up. And then she goes back to school and she’s like, Dr.

Nora, I need your help. There’s, they’re trying to, and then she, and then Dr. Nora’s like, Mabel, I’m teaching a class, a class that you’re currently enrolled in.

And then somebody in the back’s like, hey, Mabel, you know? And then-

Okay, I gotta stop you.

You’re going beat for beat through the whole story. I just need to know what’s, what’s it, it’s about. Why is it called Hoppers?

Cause I’m about to get to that.

And then after she like follows the doctor, cause she sees a robot beaver, like being a beaver with the other beavers.

Okay.

And they’re like, Okay. Okay. You know, like beaver noises, like, Okay.

And she follows the robot beaver. And then it turns out that the doctors had, like the scientists have been putting their minds into a little robot. And it’s like this into this, like a little robot.

And it’s called hopping. And then Mabel controls a hopper and they can’t get her out of it because they need the hopper to get out of the hopper.

So it’s like you.

And then she kills a bug queen and then like stuff happens and then they all die in the end by shark.

But, you know, so.

Yeah, we went to see a movie and then we got Cinnabon.

So you kind of got to live a little bit of the 90s.

It was epic.

Except, you know, there’s so many cameras.

Oh, my God.

So many cameras.

So many cameras.

What do you mean?

So many cameras.

What are you talking about?

There’s a camera inside the shelf.

Of what?

Of the place we went to.

In the mall?

In the mall.

Like a like a security camera. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

They don’t want kids stealing. They don’t want you stealing.

That didn’t stop me. No, I’m kidding.

So what was your what was special about going to the mall?

I don’t know. It was just fun to like hang out with my friends.

What stores did you go to?

Went to Cinnabon. Yeah, I didn’t get anything because I prefer Wetzel’s Pretzels. Wetzel’s Pretzels.

Then we went to Wetzel’s Pretzels and I got that blue drink. Oh, gross. My tongue’s so blue.

And your teeth.

It makes your teeth green, dog.

My whole body was blue. I was blue. I was a Smurf.

You know Smurf Cat? Google Smurf Cat. OK, I was that.

That was you.

You have to Google Smurf Cat.

Yeah, Google Smurf Cat.

I am Smurf Cat.

I know you’re not Smurf Cat, Mom. You don’t even know who Smurf Cat is. Google Smurf Cat.

I was Smurf Cat. But and then everyone Googles Smurf Cat at the exact same time. Make that the most Googled thing in the world.

And then like I went to images. Oh, this AI image of Smurf Cat.

Oh, God, that’s horrible. Horrible. They’re all horrible.

Yikes.

Yikes.

That’s what I was.

God.

OK, I guess.

You.

Gross.

I don’t like Smurf Cat. OK, we’ll put this on the we’ll put this on the Instagram.

Everyone can see Smurf Cat, everyone. If you’re curious, go to the Instagram. You’ll see Smurf Cat there.

I apologize that you have to see this, but there it is.

OK. And then I guess we also went to Wetzel’s Pretzels again because that was cool. And then when we were getting picked up because like me, everybody stayed a lot later than we planned, which was kind of sad that I had to leave so early.

But then we all then me and two of my other friends, we went down and to like the food court because we were waiting there for my father to pick me up. And then we got a pizza and we ate the pizza.

That’s so cute. So you had the kind of time that I was like regularly having when I was your age.

Yeah, and then like a bunch of them went dress shopping, but me and my friend had no interest in doing that. So we went to the Lego store and didn’t get any Legos because they were like $1,000.

Legos are very expensive.

Legos are so expensive.

And they were dress shopping because you guys also had your first like middle school dance. And yeah, dress shopping is such a special part of.

Yeah, we went in with them and then we left.

Yeah, you’re like, I can’t do this.

I don’t want to do this. This is.

Yeah.

Boring.

Yeah, it’s boring.

It’s boring. Yeah.

So boring.

Is it just that like.

Also, so shiny in there. It was like.

Yeah.

Everything was sequins and.

Loud.

Glitter and.

Loud. You’re like, were they asking like, do you like this one? You’re like, I don’t know.

It’s a dress.

It looks the same as that one. Just it’s red. Yeah.

And then we left. Well, they stayed for like a million years.

Yeah. They stayed at the mall. You checked out the Lego store.

You got a pizza and got some Cinnabon.

I didn’t get any Cinnabon though.

No.

Then I always. We’ve already established you’re not getting a Cinnabon.

You got Wetzel’s Pretzels. You’re seeking sponsorship from Wetzel’s Pretzels.

Yeah. Wetzel’s Pretzels hit me up. We can do like a Wetzel’s Pretzels shake up.

And it’s like a special blue shake flavor.

We are open to sponsorship from Wetzel’s Pretzels.

I am. You’re not. I am.

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Wetzel’s Pretzels.

Yeah, I’m celiac, so it wouldn’t be.

Yeah, it wouldn’t be the best for you.

Wouldn’t be a strategic move for me.

No, no, no.

But for me.

I would throw it all away for Wetzel’s Pretzels. Here’s the things I miss so much.

Oh, my God. The pizza bites.

I miss celiac. Look, I’ve made do, right? I’ll eat.

I eat gluten free pasta and I barely remember, right? What real food tastes like. Like, I’m like, oh, this is good, because you have to sort of shut off that part of your brain.

You have to be like, this is good.

If I can make a perfect pizza. I know most of your listeners are in Minnesota.

Maybe a lot of them, not all of them.

Not all.

I would even say most.

Some.

Well, any listeners in Minnesota, you should get Punch Pizza. Best pizza in the world. Easily.

I would. I would literally only eat Wetzel’s Pretzels and Punch Pizza for the rest of my life if I have to. If I want to, actually, I do want to.

Yeah.

If I could have lifetime free Wetzel’s Pretzels and lifetime free.

Punch Pizza.

Yeah.

Yeah. Also, Punch Pizza, we could do a collab too, you know.

You could do a collab with Punch Pizza.

You do like a really cheesy pizza.

If they wanted to open one in Phoenix.

Oh.

You’re open to franchise. Franchise opportunities.

And child labor.

And child labor.

I would do anything for a Punch Pizza in Arizona.

Yeah. I would eat a, I would love a, Punch makes a gluten free pizza and it’s good. I enjoy it.

So good.

I enjoy it.

It’s not the same as the regular Punch Pizza, but I like the trashy gluten food that I miss because Punch Pizza is very high, high brow, is Papa John’s pizza with the butter dipping sauce.

If I could make a pizza, it’s the Domino’s crust and Papa John’s everything else.

Okay. Okay. And I would also, a Wetzel’s Pretzel.

I would, I would just.

You know, they’re coming out with pretzel sticks.

Dang.

A mozzarella stick.

Just the combination of whatever salt and butter they use is?

Heavenly.

Heaven. It’s heavenly. You’re absolutely right.

It’s heavenly.

I, you know those people who will do like living in a grocery store for 100 days on like YouTube and stuff? You don’t, because you watch like Epstein Files Released, part three and like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re on different YouTubes.

Yeah, we’re, we’re on very different YouTubes.

So no, I don’t watch people who are living in a grocery store for 100 days.

But tell me about them.

I want to do one of those, but it’s like living in a Wetzel’s Pretzels for 100 years, you know?

100 years in a Wetzel’s Pretzels?

I would live in 100 Wetzel’s Pretzels.

100 days in a Wetzel’s Pretzels.

You’d go inside.

They’re very small places, Ralph.

I know.

A grocery store, you get room to walk, spread out. Wetzel’s Pretzels, you’re just…

Eat all I can eat, Wetzel’s Pretzels.

Wetzel’s Pretzels is basically a booth. You’re in a booth.

Yeah.

For 100 days.

Okay.

Third of a year.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

I’ll go to the HQ, the headquarters. Do you think McDonald’s headquarters and stuff has a McDonald’s inside of it?

Yes, of course.

That’s cool.

Of course they do, yeah. They got a little test kitchen. They got a…

I would love to go to a McDonald’s headquarters.

Yeah.

I would love that. I would really love that.

Why aren’t you a McDonald’s CEO? Actually, I wouldn’t be very good for you because you can’t have McDonald’s, but still.

Yeah. I bet I do love it. McDonald’s, if you want to do a collaboration too.

But you know what?

I could.

I did eat McDonald’s in Portugal.

Oh yeah. They have gluten-free burgers and chicken nuggets.

I had a gluten-free Big Mac and it was…

It’s just so much better, like the food in Europe, because they don’t use like…

A lot of the stuff we do.

Yeah, because they have like actual rules. So we have not red dye, number 8,000.

So we had 40 kinds of red dye.

Exactly.

And just take your pick. You got to get it. What kind of red dye you want?

What’s your favorite artificial color?

Green. We got red, green. We got green 40.

I like yellow 40.

Yellow 40.

I like blue 12.

Blue 12. But I did have a Big Mac and it was delicious.

Transcendent.

I ate it standing up in a piazza and it was so good. We actually eat a lot of McDonald’s in Portugal.

Oh my God.

So much.

Every train station there was McDonald’s.

Cause they were so beautiful. They were beautiful McDonald’s. They were like historic buildings.

Amazing.

Like in that train station that was like old.

Yeah. That was Italy.

Yeah. It was the same thing, Mom. No, it’s not.

Wow.

Wow. You’re about to get banned from here.

Wetzel’s Pretzels, please.

Wetzel’s Pretzels, help me. Yeah, that was a beautiful McDonald’s. Yeah, I know.

We just had a beautiful time.

We had beautiful foods.

What did you eat in Portugal? We ate McDonald’s. We also ate other foods, but we did.

We did enjoy the McDonald’s.

Oh, you know, like the place we went to when it was Ian’s last day.

He got to pick what we had.

Was that when Q got locked in the bathroom?

Yeah.

That was so cute.

He got locked in the bathroom and the waiter was like, he like, obviously all the waiters in Europe were so loving.

They were so loving.

Little boy, it will be OK.

Yeah, but we sometimes call Q Qee, Qee Booee.

Yeah. So we were like, oh no, Qee. And so the waiter was like, Qee, Qee, it’ll be OK, Qee.

It was so cute.

Qee, you will be OK.

Qee, you will be OK.

It was so sweet. And every I did love that. I loved having every server just be like so loving to you guys.

Like everyone was like, except that one place we went.

What place?

The one restaurant that grandma and grandpa pick.

Oh, the servers were fine.

Yeah. The food was disgusting.

But I just loved the raw piece of chicken.

The worst salad of my life. But I did love I just loved how loving everybody was to like the kids and was so excited about about you guys existing. I was like, that is how it should be.

You should be celebrated.

We should all move to Italy.

Sure, I’ll do it. Ready when you are.

Now. Oh, boop, boop.

I’m starting starting over in middle school in another country where you don’t speak the language. Might be a little tough, but if you’re down, I’m down, man.

I’m not down.

OK.

Actually, I would move to Italy, but I would want to be homeschooled.

I can promise you, you would be dumber than a doorknob if I homeschooled you.

Well, I know, but would I really need that if I want to be the McDonald CEO someday?

I mean, hopefully this podcast goes directly to the ears of the McDonald CEO.

McDonald CEO, answer my questions. Do you want to do, you should put me on the front of all the french fry boxes for like a month.

Can McDonald’s Corporation somehow let us know if you want to be the CEO of McDonald’s, do you have to go to middle school?

Yeah.

Do you really have to?

Did you drop out of high school too? Yeah.

Did you drop out in middle school and not go to eighth grade?

Because you’re pretty successful.

Yeah.

I mean, I’m going to follow in your footsteps.

Yeah.

Same with you, Wetzel’s Pretzels and Punch Pizza.

Yeah. What’s the path to leading a global corporation and does it?

Putt’s Pizza has like four places, I think.

Well, I know about the other two.

The other two?

Wetzel’s.

Wetzel’s Pretzels.

I believe Wetzel’s Pretzels is international. I can’t confirm that.

I love what it is. Definitely international because they have in Minnesota. It’s like when me and the cousins.

All right.

I just want to I want to state for the record, you are going to eighth grade. Sorry.

What does Pretzels say? Sorry.

Sorry. You’re going. Another quick break for some ads.

That’s how this podcast can make maybe a dollar.

I love money.

And we’re back. OK.

Hello.

I can’t remember whose turn it is, but I’m going to go.

One thing that I love, and you know this, is I love a sign. I love a sign.

The car today?

I love a sign. So we’re pulling out of the driveway today. I, what, are you bored?

Yeah.

Wow.

I can tell you.

You’ve been yawning kind of a lot today.

Like every time you look at me, you go, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

Like you, you just, oh man.

April Fools, mom. Oh yeah. April 1st.

Hey mom, look over there.

What?

April Fools. You didn’t even look, but OK.

OK, anyways, so I love a sign. And I woke up today, I was like, God, I just want to hear the Beatles. So I put on Abbey Road.

I put on Carry That Weight. We go to AJ’s, the fancy grocery store where I get my Arnold Palmer, one of my favorite things.

Every day, Wetzel’s Pretzels save me.

And we’re pulling into the parking lot. And you say, I can’t listen to the Beatles. You turn off my music, you turn on the radio.

What is playing? It’s the opening chords of Let It Be. The universe said, oh, you don’t want to listen to the Beatles?

Here’s more of the Beatles. Let It Be is one of my favorite songs. I listen to it very sparingly because it is so powerful.

I was, as soon as I heard it, I said, oh, Ralph, I’m going to cry, baby. I’m going to cry.

And she did.

I did a little bit. I did a little bit. And I made you sit in the car.

I was like, I’m not stopping. I’m not getting out until this song is done. And it’s a perfect song, is what you meant to say.

But just the message is really what everybody, I think, needs to hear, right? It’s going to be OK. There will be an answer.

You might not have it right now. Things will not always feel like this if you’re stressed. If you’re sad, let it be.

Like things will be OK. So I don’t know. I just really love that.

I feel like it was the universe kind of giving me exactly what I needed when I needed it. And, you know, I’m always looking for a sign from Papa as well. So and I could just kind of feel like that’s like kind of a grumpy thing, too, right?

A grumpy love the Beatles, too. And I turn the car off. I’m ready to head in.

I look at the mileage on the car. What is it? And what does six six six mean?

A lot of people will say Satan, Satan, evil, evil. And I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It’s a it’s a spiritual number.

It is an encouragement to refocus. It tells you to pay closer attention to fixations you have on earthly problems and details. To pay attention to your obsession with getting everything right and taking things too seriously.

It’s a reminder that you’re being distracted from the bigger picture. It is a sign to reflect. Look within yourself and realign your energy.

What are my sources? It’s the pulp girls on Instagram, one of my favorite astrology accounts. But that is a number that I notice consistently.

Are you smelling something?

Yeah, but it’s like chips.

You’re smelling chips?

My hands.

Gross. That is a sign you need to wash your hands. No, no, no, no, when your hands smell like something food related.

No, I’m not going to listen.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Don’t tell your mom to chill.

Ick.

OK, so yeah, I just felt I felt like that was a good. I felt like that was a good sign. Do you have another one?

I do not.

You don’t?

No.

Yes, you do.

Come on.

OK, I’ll say one more.

OK.

I was at school.

Right. Schooling around, you know, being a little school guy, little school, school, school, you know, doing my school work, being a little good school child. Yeah.

Schooling, you know, getting schooled. I was the one school in. Oh, OK.

And then so walking down the like how I get to my math class is like there’s like these three bushes and like sometimes people will say George Bush and then push someone into it. And it’s just a game. OK.

And it technically is banned.

Uh huh.

But nobody really cares.

OK.

So I was walking down and I was like, oh my goodness, there’s nobody here. I’m so lucky. Nobody can George Bush me.

And I see a dollar in front of the first bush. I’m like, a dollar. I’m so lucky.

This is so lucky because I can’t get George Bush and I have a dollar. I think finding money on the floor is amazing. And also, like, really just lucky.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

And then I’m at the second bush and I get George Bush. OK. No, listen, listen, listen.

OK.

And then the bush starts like shaking and stuff because I just got pushed into it.

Right.

OK.

And a penny falls from the bush.

And yeah, that’s all that happens from the shaking bush, from the shaking bush, a penny falls.

I found a penny.

What year was that?

I don’t know.

I always look at the year. You don’t look at the year.

I think it was like 2011.

You’ve got to look at the year because sometimes the year is significant and that can tell you something to. You know, get a lot of this guy, get a load of this guy. Check in pennies.

First of all, get a load of this guy getting George Bushed and finding a penny.

I’m going to George Bush you.

You better never George Bush your mother. That is a hard line. OK, we say no, no, no.

You simply must not.

George Bush Quentin’s once and he was like, why do you do that?

What even is it?

What?

We don’t say his name.

Q.

Oh, I’m sorry.

OK, it’s OK. It’s just like what I call him.

I’m like, OK, stinky, stinky boo boo.

OK, so why would you George Bush your brother?

Because I felt like it.

Oh, my God, don’t do that. He’s a little kid.

I know, he went so far to the Bush.

He’s a little kid.

He went so far. OK, I know.

But then when you teach him that, he’ll do that to other kids, and on and on it goes. Anyways, Ralphie, thank you for sharing.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you for being a guest on It’s Going To Be OK. I will consider paying you for your time. OK, I’ll consider paying you.

And Wetzel’s Pretzels or Domino’s or Good News Network.

Yeah, you’re open.

I’m you’re open to or McDonald’s. We’re definitely open to a McDonald’s collab. We do need McDonald’s to make me CEO work on their app.

Oh, my goodness.

It’s so bad.

It’s a bad app.

OK. And I love like I use it because why? Because I love points.

I love points.

Just every app. You should see her phones.

I’ll give you all my data. I’ll say I don’t use Starbucks. Sure.

I really don’t.

I think Dad has an app just because Sophie likes it so much.

Maybe. But I know it’s we say Sophie. It’s OK.

We just don’t say Q.

You can’t say my name either. We do.

I said Ralphie.

We can’t say Claire.

He’s just the one person whose name is not on the Internet. And that’s OK. We I mean, I love points.

I love points.

I love points.

I love points. I love and McDonald’s. You can earn a lot of points.

You get a lot of rewards, but the price you must pay is the worst user interface you’ve ever experienced.

If you pull up, it’s definitely a wix.com template.

It might be. It might be worse. It might be.

It’s definitely a free canvas template.

It’s a poster by poster.

Yeah, it’s just a poster. The app is actually not function. If you pull up, you say I’m here.

I pre-ordered it like sometimes won’t let you type in the number, but then you can’t get back to that screen. Once you’ve left that screen, there’s no way to get back to it. No way to return.

It did just get really dark. Wow.

Clouds.

That’s McDonald’s.

That’s McDonald’s. McDonald’s CEO, please.

McDonald’s CEO said, who is disparaging my app? Who would do such a thing?

No, I love McDonald’s and your app is perfect and you should put me on the front of all of your McDonald’s boxes.

All right, guys, thank you for listening to this chaotic episode. If it’s going to be OK, please follow. Find the show on Instagram.

It’s IGTBO. We’re going to have some polls up. This podcast has shown us we need a lot of polls.

I’m going to figure out how to put the polls on Spotify for listening on Spotify. This podcast and everything that we do in life is a group project. So next episode, I would love to include some of your OK things.

Call us, text us, email us. The phone number is 502-388-OKAY. That’s 502-388-OKAY.

Those numbers are 6529 if you’re wondering. Or you can email IGTBO at feelingsand.co. That’s Feelings & Co.

IGTBO at feelingsand.co. Both things will be listed in the episode description, so you don’t have to memorize them or anything.

I’m kidding.

This is an independent podcast. Independent podcasts are, we are rare, we are rare, and we are really proud to still be doing this work. We do an episode of It’s Going To Be OK every other week.

You can get them on Mondays. Our other show is called Thanks For Asking.

You will, da, da, da, da, da, da. Our team at Feelings & Co is myself, Marcel Malekebu and Grace Berry. Our theme music is by Secret Audio.

They actually have an album out. You may or may not hear my voice on it, which will be the worst part of the album, which is otherwise very, very beautiful. And that is also linked in our episode description.

If you want more Ralph, sound off.

Yeah, add me to the team.

If you want Ralph added to the team, if you think Ralph should be earning.

If I should be getting a credit in the credits.

A credit in the credits and also like.

Also vote yes on the poll.

Vote yes, no, vote no in the poll.

She said herself, vote yes on the poll. If I win.

This is voter interference.

If more people vote yes than no.

About what, the Baja Blast?

About the Baja Blast. You have to get me a Baja Blast.

If the numbers say that an overwhelming majority of adults believe a child should have a Baja Blast at 7 p.m. on a school night.

You have to, it was not a school night.

I’m calling RFK. Jr. I’m getting him on the horn and we are going to make America healthy again.

I will go full Baja. If that’s what if everybody says Baja Blast for child at 7 p.m. is OK.

It is.

OK.

Now, if the other poll says, oh, Ralph, Ralph should be hosting this podcast. I’ll hand it right over to him.

And then you have to give me a Baja Blast. Either way, you have to give me a Baja Blast.

Then you’ll be making your own money to buy your own Baja Blast. You buy your own Wetzel’s Pretzels. You can franchise a Wetzel’s Pretzels if you podcast for 1 million years and spend no dollars.

It’s a get rich slow scheme is what it is.

I hate that kind of scheme.

I know.

I’m really good at it.

Wetzel’s Pretzels. I’m on Discord. That’s the closest thing to social media I have.

So you’re not having social media till you’re 18, but you do have a brief podcast appearance.

And I think that’s a great place to do a collab. OK, enough, enough. OK, goodbye.

We’re done. We’re done.