44. You’ll Be 50 Anyway

Dr. Edith Eger is a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, and in our opinion, a ray of light. She is one of our all time favorite guests from our other show, Terrible, Thanks for Asking. We wanted to pull some of our favorite quotes from Dr. Eger from that episode so you can have a condensed version of her wisdom and advice to replay whenever you need it.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I’m Nora McInerny, and it’s going to be okay.

I pulled today’s episode from an interview I did with the psychologist Dr. Edith Eger, a Holocaust survivor who wrote two of my favorite books: The Gift and The Choice. That interview became an episode of “Terrible, Thanks for Asking,” and she shared so many beautiful things that I wanted to put a few of them into a place where you could save and get to them quicker and play them on repeat on days when you need reassurance from a woman who is truly just pure light.

Edith: You know, when I was 40, my supervisor told me to go get a doctorate, but then I said, that’s impossible, I would be 50. I’ll be 50. And he said, you’ll be 50 anyway. So don’t worry about the chronological age, please. It’s your attitude. It’s you. It’s the way you see yourself. And I keep getting younger and younger and younger and more alive. And I’m so grateful to God that not only survived, but able to guide others from victimization to empowerment from darkness to light.

Furthermore, I like walking. I like to walk. And one of my idioms is are you revolving or are you evolving? And that’s why I like butterflies because I like the idea of the metamorphosis. And then you shed the chrysalis. What am I holding on to? And my definition of love is the ability to let go. Not revenge.

Dr Eger: What is the process is, um… Is grief is about going through the stages of grief. I studied with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross to shock the denial and anger. Some people get stuck in the anger. See, when you, when you have anger, chances are you have a lot of other emotions underneath of anger and the biggest one is fear. So anger is not the primary emotion. And you may want to ask yourself, what am I afraid of? So I can put it on the blackboard, anger underneath fear and under there is loss. And the biggest fear of a child is the fear of abandonment. And I tell you, women who approach midlife, 40s, 50s. There is one thing they’re really afraid of. To being with themselves. And if you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy with anybody else. If someone says I need you, run. Needs are things without which we cannot survive. I need to breathe after four minutes, I’m done. OK, that’s very important. The grieving feeling and healing, you cannot heal what you don’t feel. Crying is good. What comes out to your body doesn’t make you ill. What stays in there does. So share your secrets.

Dr Eger: Just remember, the more you suffered, the stronger you become. You’re a good survivor and you know, you carry good blood. So your ancestors never gave up. And that’s what we are. We carry good blood and we always find the light, no matter how dark it is.