414. Walks With Dad

Susie shares the memory of an okay thing she found during her dad’s cancer treatment.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

NORA: I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay.  This podcast is kind of a group project. We all work together to remind each other that even though there’s a lot in the world that is not okay, there are also some things that are. I know I need that reminder and that is why we are here Monday through Friday to put a little bit of okay in our day.

Today I’m going to read an email from Susie who has a very special okay thing to share with all of us.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer when he was 70 and I had just turned 20. It was the autumn of my second year of college. 1986.  My mother phoned one night and told me that my dad had cancer and it was advanced because it hadn’t been caught early enough. It started as a tumor behind his eye, pushing his eye outward, but spread through the lymph nodes. All the while, he said he was all right and didn’t need to see a doctor.

That was a terrible shock, my dad was very strong, fit and healthy. He died 6 months later, on Easter Sunday, just a few weeks before I would have finished my final semester. I was 20. We were both too young.

 His death was the beginning of many difficult years that followed.

The okay thing is that while I was going to college and living downtown Toronto, dad was admitted and being treated in a nearby hospital. His hospital was about a 10 or 15 minute walk from my apartment building. Even though he was very ill and his face was burnt from the radiation, he never gave up. I would go see him, or he would come and meet me, and it was never just a visit where we would chill out and relax because he was ill. 

We always went for a long walk, holding hands, all over downtown Toronto. He pointed out places he had been when he was stationed there with the Royal Norwegian Air Force during World War II. I showed him places that I liked, and we talked, and I think it was the only time he really talked about how he felt about having cancer. I asked him how he felt and said I’m so sad and sorry that you have cancer. I wanted to know how he was, what he thought and felt, and he answered me honestly. (My dad was not an emotional or demonstrative person, he was very private). He said that when the doctor diagnosed him after all the testing, he told my dad that aside from the cancer, he had the physical fitness of a 25-year-old. He was very proud of that! He could not understand how being so healthy and strong ultimately led to him being diagnosed with an incurable cancer.

I will always have the memory of those walks. I have a very fond memory of holding his strong, soft hand and sharing his feelings with me. This is the good part that I have kept with me all these years. Going for walks and talking with dad, in the last few precious months of his life. 

I’m Nora McInerny. This is, it’s going to be okay. We love hearing your okay things. You can email them to us ig [email protected]. You can call and leave a voicemail. We got a new number, 5 0 2 3 8 8 oh KAY.  

Check out The Feelings and Co YouTube channel. There’s some videos with more okay stuff, and it’s also a place where I interview authors and talk about all sorts of stuff. 

Feelings and Co is a bunch of people who love feelings, including Claire McInerney, Marcel Maleki, Grace Berry.And Amanda Romani mixed this episode and our theme music is by Secret Audio.