407. That’s Us

When Jen was pregnant with her second child she found out her son had Down’s Syndrome. The unknown can be scary, and Jen found comfort one day seeing another family that looked like hers. 

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I’m Nora McInerny and It’s Going To be Okay. 

Every day we bring you one okay thing- from me, our listeners, and other guests. Today’s okay thing comes from Jen, who sent us this email: 

In September 2023, I was pregnant with my second child. My husband and I planned an anniversary trip before we found out I was pregnant. I was only in the first trimester, so the trip went on as planned.

We took it as an opportunity to enjoy time together before our second child arrived, knowing longer trips as a couple would be on hold until the baby got a bit older. 

But as much as I wanted to leave reality behind for a few days, I couldn’t. At one of my first appointments, the doctor told us there was a strong likelihood the child I was carrying had Down syndrome. I wasn’t far enough along to get a formal diagnosis via amniocentesis, but ultrasound images and a blood test indicated the chances were high. 

It’s not something you’re prepared for. At first, I grieved for a future I imagined for this little one and for our family. But a few thoughts kept coming back to me: People with Down syndrome today often live happy, fulfilled lives. There are many services and resources available now for people with Down syndrome that weren’t available years ago. If this baby has Down syndrome, we can handle it. 

When we found out this was a possibility, I started to notice people with Down syndrome in my community more often than before. Sort of like how when you’re trying to get pregnant you see pregnant people and families with young kids everywhere. But this made me feel ashamed, because the people with Down syndrome were probably always there; I just hadn’t noticed them before. It also made me wonder: Is that how “regular” people would treat our child? As invisible?

I was able to put most of those thoughts out of my head during the trip. We had a lovely time! 

As we waited to board our flight home, I noticed a family ahead of us on the jet bridge: a mother, a father, and their daughter with Down syndrome. The young woman looked to be in her late teens or early 20s. She wore a backpack and chatted with her parents like any other young person her age. No big deal. 

Then I heard a voice behind us: “Excuse me, can I get through? I need to catch up to my family.” 

My husband and I stepped aside, and a tall, blonde young man walked past us with his luggage. He went to the family I had noticed — his family. 

It took everything in me not to break down crying. Our oldest child is a blonde little boy who has always been tall for his age. When I think of how he’ll physically look as a grown up, I picture someone similar to this young man. 

“That’s us,” I thought to myself. 

Fast-forward a bit: Our baby was formally diagnosed with Down syndrome in October, and I immediately ordered resources from Rising Kites and Jack’s Basket. I’m forever grateful for the information, the care, and the community those organizations provide. 

I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy over the winter. He has big cheeks just like his brother. He has a ton of hair, although sometimes it looks red instead of blonde. He is growing and learning and lighting up our lives every day. 

I often think of the family in the airport. I’m grateful our paths crossed, because they’re the reason I knew it was going to be OK.

It’s going to be okay is a production of feelings and co. If you want to share your okay thing, you can send us an email or a voice memo to i-g-t-b-o at feelings and dot co. You can also call our new number:  502-388-6529‬.

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Our team is me, Claire McInerny, Grace Barry and Amanda Romani.