381. OMG You Look Great

Nora recently started a YouTube channel, which means after years of podcasting she is exposing her face MORE to the Internet. Sure that can be scary, because people online are horrible, but she’s choosing to focus on the people who comment compliments.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

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Nora: Oh my god you look great!

And so do I, don’t I?

And I know that because someone is going to tell me and I am going to accept that compliment and agree with them.

I’ve been making videos on YouTube. I am a middle-aged woman stepping into YOUTUBE? Saying, look, I know we exist in a deeply agist culture and people are very unkind to women on the internet in general but hey, let’s just open myself up to more of it.

And it’s been so fun. To explore my ideas in a new way. To try something new with really no expectation about how it will go. To put myself out there.

And an unexpected benefit is that I have been SHOWERED WITH COMPLIMENTS. From my favorite demographic! Women! I exist for the FEMALE GAZE and having another woman compliment my makeup. My lipstick. My outfit. My hair (even when my bangs are not as banging as I thought they’d be). This is…extremely wonderful.

And I know we’re not supposed to care about this. I know I’m supposed to be like, oh, my LOOKS? I can’t believe you even noticed this bag of cells I walk around in. I am a SPIRIT FIRST. A SOUL. A MIND!

But I am, also, a body. And my mind is sometimes shallow. And I have lapped up all these compliments, even though my default was to just scroll by them or reply something like, LOL NO I AM A SEWER RAT THANKS THOUGH.

It felt good to say THANK YOU and mean it.

It felt good to type I RECEIVE THAT and mean it, and truly let myself receive it because if someone had typed an insult? I Would have believed it 100%, not questions asked.

Which is dumb and sad.

And this recent influx of compliments has reminded me not to be stingy with my own admiration of the people around me. Obviously there’s a fine line to walk between being complimentary and being creepy. DO NOT LEAVE A NOTE ON A WOMAN’S DOOR THAT HAPPENED TO A FRIEND OF MINE RECENTLY THAT WAS NOT NICE THAT WAS WEIRD AND MADE HER FEEL UNSAFE!

But like, if you see someone and you like the cut of their jib or of their dress, for the love of pete tell them! I like to start our meetings out with something I call the Compliment Corner. And this could be work-related, like, Claire you have been doing such a good job producing these episodes lately. But it could also be something like grace, your bangs look amazing! Grace’s bangs really do look amazing. So do Courtney’s! I tell Courtney Heath at every meeting that her bangs look amazing.

Marcel Malekebu got a haircut. It looks GREAT. My daughter thrifted jeans that fit her perfectly. I told her. My husband wears a uniform and looks the same every day but sometimes I just think, wow that is a cute guy and I tell him that!

A girl at the coffee shop complimented my tote bag and I was like, WHAT! Thank you!

We have been conditioned to stiff-arm compliments or reject them outright because it is…what? It’s not POLITE. That’s like telling someone they have bad taste. Oh you like this lipstick? YOU ARE WRONG! It’s actually ugly!

And a compliment – a genuine compliment that again, is not creepy like leaving a note on a woman’s door when you don’t know her!!! – can really make your day.

So here is a compliment for you. And even though I can’t see you and you might want to REJECT or dispute this, you cannot because I cannot hear you. But I want you to practice letting it soak in so when you get another compliment you can just…absorb it for what it is.

Ready?

You look great today.

I’m Nora McInerny. It’s going to be okay. And you really do look great today.

YT CREDITS
It’s going to be OK is a daily podcast that puts a little ok in your day in about 5 minutes. It’s available wherever you get podcasts.

CLAIRE, MARCEL, GRACE, SECRET AUDIO