38. Traffic Control

If you’ve ever stood in line to use a women’s bathroom, you know things can get chaotic. But one night at the Taylor Swift concert in Glendale, Arizona, a bathroom hero emerged.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I’m Nora McInerny, and it’s going to be okay.

It’s a common trope that the line for the women’s room is always longer than the line for the men’s room. We stopped doing a show intermission for our TTFA live shows in part because the audience was so overwhelmingly female that there wasn’t time for everyone to use the THREE bathroom stalls that were available in the historic theater we performed in.

The women’s line always seems to snake out of the bathroom and into the walkway in airports, or shows, or anywhere there are more women than toilet stalls. Which is pretty much everywhere.

In the US, architects and builders for big sports stadiums recommend one stall for every 60 women. This is probably fine for most events, but it is NOT fine for my personal Super Bowl/World Cup/NBA Finals/Whatever other sports thing you can combine…the Taylor Swift Eras tour.

I was there for the first show of the entire tour, in Glendale Arizona. A stadium that can seat up to 70,000 people with floor seating. A stadium that was filled with women who had to pee.

There was a lot of anxiety about this online beforehand. Fans were asking each other, what’s your pee song? When are you planning to step away from the show to answer nature’s call? Without a set list, how could you know? How could you plan accordingly?

I ran to the bathroom line as soon as the opener finished, and then I stood for…a long time. A LONG time. I started to wonder, is proper hydration worth it? Could I stand for 3 hours in pee pants? Because the problem isn’t just that there aren’t enough stalls – and yes, the men’s rooms had already been taken over – but that you lose time by trying to figure out which ones are open. It’s a high stress environment – doors are opening, closing, opening, closing – and in the chaos, there was a clear-eyed leader…

She stood in the center of the toilet aisle in an athletic stance, checking under stalls for feet and gesturing wildly to the open ones. 

TWO HERE! 

ONE OVER ON THE LEFT!

ANOTHER OPEN RIGHT HERE!

Between identifying open stalls she had an eye on her watch. Taylor would take the stage at 8:05, we’d been told, and she was keeping EVERYONE apprised of how much time was left.

WE HAVE SEVEN MORE MINUTES!

SIX MINUTES EVERYONE!

It was only after she ushered me into a stall and I emerged that she announced, “okay guys, she’s on in 3 and I’m done. Can anyone else take over?” And I realized. She wasn’t an employee. She was a fan. A fan and a friend. A person who cared not just about her own experience, but about ours. 

I don’t know her name. I couldn’t remember her face if I tried. But I hope she knows that she really made that night a night to remember.

The concert was fine, too.

I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay. The okay thing is always different, and trying to write about a different one every day has really been helpful for my mental health so if you want to join us…you can write it in your journal, tell a friend…or call and leave us a voicemail at 612.568.4441. YOu can also record a voice memo and email it to us…IGTBO at feelings and. Co 

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