337. The Stop By

Nora has a very controversial take: she wants her friends to just stop by her house without calling first.

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Nora McInerny: I have a controversial take  to share with all of you and it is that I love a stop by. I love an unannounced drop in.  I understand that to some people this is an act of aggression, a form of violence, it is deeply offensive, they will not answer the door. I am related to a person who once told me you can do it but I won’t answer the door and then proceeded to not answer the door.

When. I. stepped over those very clearly stated boundaries because I was like, come on, who doesn’t like a stop in? Who doesn’t like a stop in? Let me do a stop in. Let me do a stop in. It’s okay if you don’t love a stop in. I love a stop in. This is me telling the people I love, if you’re in the neighborhood, stop in.

Stop by. Okay? Pull your car over, ring the doorbell, pop in.  Pop in, have a sparkling water, give me a hug, you know, let’s chit chat a little bit. It could be ten minutes, it could be five hours. I don’t care. I will fully allow you and celebrate the derailment of whatever plans I had.  If you just want to stop in and say hello.

I was raised by people who stopped in. I remember being in my grandfather’s car. The man did not raise me, but he did drive me places. And my grandpa would just be like, we’re stopping in. Like, who are we stopping in? We’re just stopping in. I told you we’re doing the stop in. We’re doing a stop by. We’re doing a drop in.

We’re going to a home, a home that belongs to someone else. Are they expecting us? No. Have cell phones been invented? Not the kind that we can afford. We’re going to just go to a person’s wrap on the door and, and see if they will welcome us. into their home. Like this is medieval times. I was raised believing that is normal.

I was raised to believe that people are excited when you show up on their doorstep with a child they’ve never met  asking to use the bathroom. And also for a glass of water. Also for lunch. This kid is hungry.  I find it extremely charming. I find it a sign of love. I find it a sign of,  of, of,  Just affection, truly, to be like, I was in the neighborhood and I had to see if you were home.

It is such a lost art. It is an old timey, it is the, it is a one on one parade. I also think parades are such a strangely adorable thing that people do. Like, let’s stand and watch other people walk by.  Let’s watch them walk by and let’s clap for them. That’s what a stop by is. A stop by is a one  car parade.

You’re just like, we’re going to stop by and they’re going to love it. And we will enjoy the interaction equally. Them as the host and us as the  unexpected guest.  I don’t get a lot of stop buys.  I can’t remember the last time  I  experienced one.  Um, except that I can because we just got one. I have been waiting, I have been waiting for this moment, for a moment like this that’s not exactly the tune, but I’m not Kelly Clarkson, okay, and she has the best voice.

God, I love Kelly Clarkson. Okay, I’ve been waiting for a moment like this. Some people wait a lifetime and I did.  You don’t know.  What kind of milestones  will happen with your kids? You hope you’re doing a good job. You hope  that they will absorb some things directly or by osmosis. You hope that it will all work out.

We have a 22 year old adult child. An adult. We have a 22 year old adult. 22. Graduated from college. Lives on his own. Lives 20 minutes from us. It’s normal to go to college and not like, see your family. I get that.  But I would also be like, dude, it would be nice sometimes to see you. Like, I know you’re around, you know?

I know you’re, I know you’re around. It just, it would mean a lot to our family, to the other kids, to me, to dad, to just see you, right?  This kid got her job. It’s by our house, um, and  literally last night, the night before I’m recording this, I’m sitting in the backyard.  I look up  and I see  him standing in our dining room and my first thought is, oh no,  did I forget that I invited him over?

My second thought is,  How much money does he need? My third thought is, is there an emergency situation? He opens the door and says, Hi. And I say, What are you doing here? And he goes, I just stopped by.  And I screamed, I screamed. I was like, Oh my God. We did it.  We did it. We raised him. We, he is raised. He is raised.

He knows you.  that I want to stop by and he stopped by. He did it. Full consideration for other people who love him.  Okay. Worked it into his schedule, showed up wearing his little work uniform, hung out with his little siblings and with us, spent time with us, pet the dogs, held the hamsters, did, he did. a stop by.

I have never felt prouder. He’s not going to do it. Don’t worry. He’s not going to be out there stopping by willy nilly. Okay. He knows not ever. He knows that he was raised by, by a lunatic me.  Um, he knows he’s not going to, don’t worry. He’s not gonna be out there just stopping by anyone’s house, but he knew I wanted to stop by.

He knew I love a stop by and he stopped by  and it is.  Not only is it going to be okay, it is okay.  It is okay.  Heck yeah.