334. When You’re Missing a Loved One

Jessica recently lost her mom. One day, she discovered a gift her mom left the family to help them through their grief.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

Jessica: Hi, this is Jessica, and it’s going to be okay. I have to start this story with something that is in direct opposition to being okay, which is that my mom Kathy, my best friend and the best person I will ever know, died just over two months ago. It was sudden, it was unexpected, and what happened simply wasn’t supposed to happen.

Our family was gutted, and we have been trying desperately to figure out how to navigate through a world in which she isn’t physically present.  One of the many things you should know about my mom is that she was infinitely compassionate, generous, and selfless.  If you knew my mom, you knew that you were cared for, that someone had your back no matter what, that you were loved unconditionally.

Mom was just about to celebrate the 50th anniversary of her graduation from nursing school before she died. That’s a half century of caring for people.  She started her career on the neonatal intensive care unit, but her deepest passion in her work came during the many years she served as a hospice and palliative care nurse.

She was the member of the team that routinely cared for the youngest patients, the children, and even the infants who are facing terminal illnesses.  In the early days of the pandemic, after her official retirement, you could find her administering flu and eventually COVID vaccines to vulnerable populations.

Because why should a potentially deadly, largely unknown disease stop her from caring for others?  In her free time, she cared through her volunteer work, in her creative endeavors, and through her commitment to sharing her faith.  The care she provided through her vocation of volunteering, however, paled in comparison to the care she showered upon us, her family, and her friends.

She loved us all so deeply, and she made sure to show us that love every single day.  There was a reason that no one blinked an eye when at her Catholic funeral mass, a speaker referred to her as Saint Kathy.  It shouldn’t be a surprise that Mom would find ways to keep caring for us after she died.  Almost two weeks after she left us, my sister Ashley went to our local independent bookstore, shout out to Northshire and Saratoga Springs, to pick up some items she ordered.

When she provided the clerk with her last name, she was asked if she was Ashley or Kathy.  See, there was a book waiting, one my mom had ordered a month before her death.  It was clearly intended for my toddler niece, my sister’s daughter.  The book was Scott Stewart’s bedtime stories for hard days.  And at the risk of copyright infringement, I want to share the story that I’m pretty sure my mom left for us to find.

When You’re Missing a Loved One  There’s quiet all around you and the silence seems so deep. The last thing that you want to do right now is fall asleep.  I know you miss their laughter and their love, their voice, their heart.  And thinking of them feels like you are being torn apart.  And though your heart is broken and you wish it would just heal,  the healing only starts when you can face the things you feel.

So feel every single feeling that you’re trying to resist, and let your sad and hurting heart remember what you miss.  What was your favorite memory, a time that made you smile?  What was one thing they did that you’ve not thought of in a while?  Though every bit of pain can feel so very big indeed, you are safe to let it out with all the time you need.

I’ll be there to hold you when the pain is just too much.  No matter what you’re feeling, you’ll always have my love. So that’s how I know that it’s going to be okay.