322. Quitters Sometimes Win

An idiom Nora grew up hearing was “winners never quit, quitters never win”. It looks great on a poster in a high school, but in real life Nora has found that is simply untrue.

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Nora McInerny:  I’m Nora McInerny, and it’s going to be ok.

But one of the things that was not OK when I was a kid was being a QUITTER. That was one of the worst things you could do: give up. Not persevere. Throw in the towel.

You know that I have a love/hate relationship with idioms: I love the ones I love and I hate the ones I hate. 

But one that haunts me is this one: 

Winners never quit.

Quitters never win.

Looks great on a poster. Probably does well on Pinterest. But like so many things with the word “never” or “always” it’s totally devoid of context.

First off, winners quit all the time. We’re told to quit while we’re ahead, MIXED MESSAGES MUCH? Winners often have the ability to decide when to stop something, when to step away. 

And winning does not mean the same thing to everyone. A quitter who walks away from something that makes them miserable IS A WINNER! A winner who keeps working at something they hate…might not feel like much of a winner.

If the only metric we have for our success is what it looks like from the outside and not what it feels like on the inside, if the only measure of success is that you keep going…then I don’t want it.

Quitting needs a rebrand. Or maybe quitting just needs some respect. Because I think that some of the happiest people I know are people who quit the things that were making them miserable. Substances, relationships, careers, habits or goals they were told were worthwhile, marks of success.

Quitting can be a form of self-care. A form of self-respect. A reflection of how well you know yourself and your limits. And by the way, it’s okay to have limits! It’s okay to not be a machine that just produces and does and ticks boxes off to-do lists. It’s okay to let go of something that used to feel good, or something that never did but that everyone expected you to do. It’s okay to want something new. Or to just want to exist without filling your calendar with more stuff.

It takes a lot to deprogram yourself from the cultural script that insists we stick with everything, whether or not it’s good for you. It takes a lot of bravery to give up. And it’s hard to get that voice out of your head that tells you that quitting is essentially for losers.

But you already know – at least if you listened to the episode – that you, my friend, are not a loser. And the least loserish thing you can do is to define success for yourself, and to stop running in races you never wanted to be in in the first place. 

Winners sometimes quit.

Quitters sometimes win.

I’m Nora McInerny, and this is it’s going to be okay. NOT EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY! That’s not true! But something is, and we’re here monday-friday trying to find it.

We have a phone number and email in our show description so you can share your okay things. Remember than airpods are the worst and don’t call us in your airpods or from your car bluetooth! We love you!

This is an independent podcast. We appreciate you keeping us going.

This episode was produced by Claire McInerny and mixed by Amanda Romani. The rest of our team here at feelings & co is Marcel Malekebu and Grace Barry. Our theme music is by Secret Audio