32. Claire In The Wildflowers

As we begin our second month of producing It’s Going To Be Okay (we’re so thankful you’re listening!), producer Claire McInerny reflects on how making this show helped her notice the small, beautiful moments in her life.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I’m Claire McInerny, and It’s Going To Be Okay. 

As a podcast producer, I spend a lot of my day stuck in the minutia. 

I might be writing a script, and trying to pick the right synonym for small.

“meager…tiny..cramped?…”

Or repeating this one piece of audio over and over and over because I’m trying to figure out if I can remove half of a word the speaker didn’t finish. 

[play this repetition beneath] 

Some days, all these stimuli that I pump into my brain through headphones can leave me a little… fried. 

When we first started working on It’s Going to Be Okay, it felt like just another audio job. Someone writes a script, I cut the audio, I add music and adjust the music and adjust it again and listen to the whole thing 14 times before I notice a breath that feels a little distracting so I need to go back and clip it. 

But after a couple of months editing episodes, I noticed I wasn’t fried after working on this show…I was happier.

Listening to these positive, hopeful meditations about the good stuff in life made me start to look around my own life and see more positive, hopeful moments. 

[music up]

Like…one day, I went on a midday walk around my neighborhood and I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the Texas wildflowers. Every yard I passed, every patch of grass in a median was an explosion of color. I realized I had never smelled wildflowers, so… I was stopping to smell flowers in people’s yards.

Most of them don’t smell like anything. 

I sent pictures of the blue bonnets to my mom who paints to see if she could re-create the blue-purple color I love so much.

I noticed for the first time that the Indian blanket flower has a bright yellow outer edge on the petals.

Or here’s another thing…one weekend, my boyfriend and I were driving to a park to play pickleball. We got to this one road in Austin that is so poorly designed that there are always cars backed up from the light. But miraculously, the moment we got there, it was clear. 

As we got closer to the pickleball courts, I made a comment that because it was such a nice day and it was a weekend, we’d probably have to wait for a court.

But when we got there, it was empty. 

Instead of just thinking “Oh great we don’t have to wait”, I turned to my boyfriend and said “this is one of those magical moments Kate Kennedy talked about!” Everything about this experience worked out for us!!!!!

And the entire time we played pickleball I felt like I had been given a gift. 

This show is not a cure for plagues of life. I still worry about money. I still argue with my partner and feel bad about it. There are nights when I can’t fall asleep because I’m thinking about a horrible act of violence that happened or get scared that my mom will die too young. 

But this show has slowly rewired my brain to notice. When I leave my house, I notice beautiful things like a neighbor feeding stray cats at the elementary school. When my partner does something sweet, I notice, and I appreciate it. When my dog rests her head on my chest like she had an emotionally tough day and needs a hug, heart melts and I enjoy it. 

Things can still suck, but I also see the value in not letting that feeling overpower every other emotion. When my day feels overwhelming, I remind myself that there can be space for two things at once. Overwhelm…and gratitude. Stress…and delight. Disappointment…and hope. 

Making this show has felt very important, and we are so thankful you’re listening to it. I hope it’s helped you notice. I hope it’s helped you appreciate the beauty in your day. 

Life is not perfect, but it is okay. 

THEME MUSIC