296. The Key

The story of the most prized Father’s Day gift in Nora’s family. (It’s NOT Matthew’s Dyson but that’s a close second).

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I’m Nora McInerny, and it’s going to be OK.

It’s Father’s Day season, and I don’t have a dad anymore.

And neither does one of my kids.

And THAT is obviously…not great. And definitely not OK.

But the name of this show, the promise of this show, is that we find an OK thing. We pan through the metaphorical river of emotions and we WILL find a fleck or two of gold.

This is a weird time of year because it’s the time of year where Dads become a monolith, and stores are filled with Father’s Day gift ideas that all come down to basically: grilling. Whiskey. Sports stuff. Golf stuff, which is also sports stuff I guess.

Just the most boring stuff I’ve ever seen, and not personally things my own dad or my kids’ dads would ever want! And maybe the most sweeping generalization I can make about Dads as a species is that they are impossible to shop for. Just the worst.

Not everyone has a dad, and not everyone who has a dad has a good dad. Dads, like everyone else on this earth, are just people. And people are flawed at our very best.

I no longer have a dad, but I am married to a dad. His name is Matthew, but he answers to Dad. I answer mostly to Nora because my kids like to keep me on a first name basis.

I used to tell my single friends – or even single strangers – go find a dad. A divorced dad. A never-married dad. Go find a guy, if a guy is what you want, who knows that he’s not the center of the universe, who knows how to prioritize another person and their needs. I should have included a huge asterisk that said, OBVIOUSLY CHECK HIS CREDENTIALS BECAUSE NOT ALL DADS ARE GOOD AT THIS!

But Matthew is. And honestly, that’s why I fell in love with him. Which is a story for another time.

The story for right now is a father’s day gift that will never, ever be topped.

Sophie made it for Matthew when she was in fourth grade. It was a girl scouts project, and each girl got a little plastic dish to decorate with Sharpie markers. And I remember picking her up from Girl Scouts and looking at all the art the girls made for their dads. And it was all so cute, the way kids art is. Sophie had picked a dish shaped like a star, and instead of writing something like, #1 dad or Best Dad Ever or I LOVE YOU DAD.

She wrote this:

Dad. You are the opposite of a locked door.

You are the key to all locked doors.

In her little kid handwriting. The deepest sentiment I’ve ever seen written by a kid that age, or any other age.

That dish is on display in our house, and always will be, until it is broken or stolen or destroyed in some way.

Because there is no better compliment to any parent than to know that they are doing a decent enough job.

And if Father’s Day is tough for you because you don’t have a dad, or because your dad was a locked door. I want you to know that you yourself are and have always been the gift. And that you can be your own key.

Credits:

I’m Nora Mcinerny, this is It’s going to be ok, and we are here every weekday to bring you the opposite of a doom scroll. We also love hearing your OK things, which you can share with us by emailing us at [email protected] or calling 612.568.4441.

We’re an independent podcast, so thanks for being here and sharing with your friends. Our company is called Feelings & Co, purveyor of fine feelings since 1982. This episode was produced by Claire McInerny, written by me, Nora McInerny. And engineered by Amanda Romani. The rest of our team is Marcel Malekebu and Grace Barry, and our theme music is by secret audio.