288. RIP Hopps

Melissa recently lost her dog, and in her grief she shares one thing that made her feel okay on a bad day. 

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Nora: I’m Nora McInerny, and this is It’s Going to be Okay, a daily podcast that is the opposite of a doom scroll.  Every day, we bring you an OK thing, something that makes us, our team, or you, our listeners, feel happy ish, even in the face of a lot of terrible things. 

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 Melissa: Hi Nora, it’s Melissa.   I’m really not okay right now.  My dog Hops died on Wednesday.  And today is Sunday.  I’ve had  lots of feelings over the past several days.  Sadness,  anger, denial, the classics. But  the feeling that has been the strongest, I think, is actually something like homesickness. It’s like as soon as they  took her out of the house, it wasn’t home anymore. 

Hops was 16. I had her for over 15 years, so that means I got her when I was 26 and I’m now 41.  I realize this probably sounds strange and dramatic, but  she was a big part of my identity and I don’t really know how to be without her. 

My husband and I  have talked a lot recently about what life after hops would look like  when you’ve got an elderly dog who’s sick.  You know, there’s not going to be that much more time.  And we’d say things like, Oh, we’ll foster for a while, just like we always have,  but we’re not going to adopt a new dog, because we want to travel.

We’ll want to maybe live somewhere else, and we’ll be able to fly places, and  you know, we can plan trips now.  But the thing is,  now that she’s gone, I can’t think of a single place I want to go.  Except home. And right now it feels like I can’t.  But anyway, there is an okay thing in here.  I’ve been looking at pictures of her and videos of her pretty much non stop. 

And I came across one  that I can’t really explain. I don’t know why I took this video. I don’t know why I kept it.  But it’s from about six years ago. I don’t know.  I’m sitting on the couch, Hopps is sitting next to me, and we’re watching Harry Potter,  and,  I’m not sure if I’ll get this exactly right, but Dumbledore says something like,  They’re there, Hagrid. 

It’s not really goodbye after all. 

  It’s not really goodbye after all. 

  And then the camera pans to Hopps,  and that’s it. That’s the whole video.  So,  I’m taking that as my okay thing. 

I’m Nora McInerny, and this is It’s Going To Be Okay. It’s Going To Be Okay is a production of Feelings Co. We are an independent podcast, and Feelings Co. is an independent   podcast production company, so thank you for being here, for rating and reviewing it, for telling your friends about it. We are a small show, a small organization, and we exist because of all of you, so thanks.

This episode was produced by Claire McInerny, mixed by Amanda Romani, and the rest of our team is me, Grace Barry, and Marcel Malekebu. You can share your OK thing with us by emailing us, IGTBO at feelingsand.  co. I will read your OK thing for you, or you can record a voice memo and attach it to that email.

You can also always call it and leave us a voicemail. Our phone number is (612) 568-4441. If you are leaving a voicemail or a voice memo, start the recording by telling us your name  and saying it’s going to be okay. You can find all of our shows at our store