285. Have a Week

Georgie called us to share some of the wisdom she’s learned from her grief support group- the things that help her feel okay during stormy times.

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 Nora: I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay.  This show is a group project where our team and you, our listeners, share a little thing, an okay thing, something that makes us feel happy ish, even when everything else feels kind of terrible. 

Georgie: Hi everybody and it’s going to be okay. Um, most days if I’m being honest, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be okay again. But then Tuesday evening rolls around, which means an hour on Zoom and a little bit of hope returns.  You see, I belong to a club that no one wants to be a part of. I’m a survivor of suicide loss and on Tuesday via Zoom, I meet with other survivors.

We have lost children, siblings, partners.  I lost my youngest, my beautiful 21 year old daughter.  She was going to be a social worker and was finishing her junior year of college. She had great friends and good professors. That was almost three years ago now, and it will never not hurt. But on Tuesdays, I’m reminded of what Glennon Doyle said, Life is brutal, but it’s also beautiful.

Life is brutiful.  Being in community with others who have lost a loved one to suicide has allowed me to feel that brutal fulness. Well, every loss is different because each person, each circumstance, we’re all so different in a million ways, but we have all had a gut wrenching loss to suicide.  We meet for an hour.

Most of us are in the same state, but one lives in Canada.  Our leader asks us how we’ve been taking care of ourselves, if we’re drinking enough water.  We turn our screens around so that we can share our furry family members.  We share pictures of projects or other things that are important to us.  We released butterflies together in memory of our lost loved ones, or in the case of the Canadian via Zoom. 

We cry unashamedly and know that everyone gets it, and we don’t have to explain the tears.  We talk about our secondary losses, and we can all relate to missing out on so much, and so much that is yet to come.  Some have taken the time to visit the tree my daughter’s college planted in her memory. Others make a point to check out the Love Jenna P Instagram or Facebook page weekly.

My sister made those accounts in honor of Jenna to help her cope with her grief, as well as to try and encourage others, and I’m able to help maintain them now.  Being with these precious souls also reminds me of a part of my daughter’s favorite poem. It was written by Neil Hilborn and is called, This is Not the End of the World. 

I was lucky enough to get to see him perform twice with her, and those are just a few of my cherished memories. We also got to see Taylor Swift twice, too, and Taylor holds a very special place in my heart.  But anyway, this is a part of Neil’s poem. I really spoke to her. That,  um, just makes me also think of my wonderful friends on Tuesday nights. 

 Whatever you’re feeling right now, there’s a mathematical certainty that someone else is feeling that exact thing, that exact thing.  This is not to say you’re not special. 

This is to say, thank God you aren’t special.  I would sometimes say to her, thank God you aren’t special, honey, and we would both smile.  It’s just,  it’s just helpful knowing that there are others who understand  what I go through.  My Tuesday night Zoom leader doesn’t tell us to have a good week at the end because she knows that is sometimes an impossible ask. 

So what she’ll sometimes end by saying is telling us to have a week.  And that’s how, at least on Tuesday nights, I know that it’s going to be okay.  So have a week, everyone.  Have a week. 

Nora: I’m Nora McInerny, and this is It’s Going To Be Okay. It’s Going To Be Okay is a production of Feelings Co. We are an independent podcast, and Feelings Co. is an independent   podcast production company, so thank you for being here, for rating and reviewing it, for telling your friends about it. We are a small show, a small organization, and we exist because of all of you, so thanks.

This episode was produced by Claire McInerny, mixed by Amanda Romani, and the rest of our team is me, Grace Berry, and Marcel Malikibu. You can share your OK thing with us by emailing us, IGTBO at feelingsand.  co. I will read your OK thing for you, or you can record a voice memo and attach it to that email.

You can also always call it and leave us a voicemail. Our phone number is (612) 568-4441. If you are leaving a voicemail or a voice memo, start the recording by telling us your name  and saying it’s going to be okay. You can find all of our shows at our store [email protected]