24. Student Driver

Learning to drive is stressful. Learning to drive surrounded by OTHER drivers is even worse. But one day, on a drive with her kid, Nora has a positive encounter with one of those other drivers.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I’m Nora McInerny, and it’s going to be okay. 

The first time I learned to drive, I guess you really only learn to drive one time. But when I was learning to drive, I was 15 years old. My mother had a newish car and I had my permit. She trusted me to drive around our neighborhood and it was so stressful to me. I could not imagine why anyone would drive a car pressing the gas so intensely, pressing the brake.

Even worse, other cars going too fast. Intersections. What’s happening? Turning the corner. How do you know how to do it? Feels like the car is too huge for the street. I’m too small to be in a car. Which is strange because I’m six feet tall. 

My mother was so encouraging. She was so gentle. She was so loving. While we did this, while we drove through my neighborhood streets that I had driven through as a passenger millions of times. Countless times. Once I was a driver, they made literally no sense to me. I could not tell what direction anything was. 

Apparently, all the time that I spent in the passenger seat, I was not observing at all. I was literally just along for the ride. The most stressful thing about learning how to drive was other people. Was other people. It was being on a road with a bunch of strangers who were all trying to get somewhere and get there fast. 

I think of the speed limit as a limit. Personally, that is the limit. That’s as fast as you can go. The limit says 30. I’ll be going 29, apparently. In America, a limit is like a minimum. That’s a baseline. And the people in Minneapolis really did expect me to be going 35 in a 30. 

They wanted me go and thirty in a 25. They wanted me going ten in a five. You’re nuts. You’re not supposed to be accelerating through an alley, by the way. You’re supposed to just be letting the momentum of the car guide itself. To me, five is plenty in an alley. 20 is plenty in a neighborhood. 

I’ve always felt this way. I still feel this way now. 

If learning to drive was stressful, watching someone else learn to drive. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Trying to explain to another person that they’re fine. They’re not actually as far over to the right as they feel they are. And actually they’re driving on the left side of the road, which in America is incorrect. 

It is extremely stressful watching your child get behind the wheel of a 3,000 pound death machine. I don’t know how much cars weigh. Buckle in. Look at you. Adjust the mirrors, but put the key in the ignition or I guess now they just push a button and drive a car while you attempt to push the brake that does not exist on the right side of your car. 

It is so much and still what remains the worst part of driving is other drivers. When I was 15, we did not have a sticker on the back of the car that said, Please be patient, student driver. And people were not patient. There was lots of honking. I remember a man pulling up next to me and calling me an idiot, and I said, Yes, true. Thank you, sir. Thank you very much. And then my dad sayin something else to him and me being like, is my dad going to die in a roadside altercation just because a man called me an idiot? I mean, awesome. 

I say this because we have a child who’s learning how to drive and she’s amazing. She’s doing such a good job. She is so focused. She is so observant. She respects the rules of the road. She respects the signs. She respects speed limits. I got a magnet for the back of the car. When she’s driving, it says, Please be patient, student driver. And honestly, so many people are patient with her. That sign does work.

 But I’m still nervous. 

I’m nervous all the time that something is going to go wrong, that someone is going to honk at her or yell at her or hurt her feelings. Where we live also, people drive very, very quickly. But I let her drive to school. She’d signaled to move into the left hand turn lane. Another person switched lanes, pulled up next to us. We both stopped. She was very focused on making sure that her eyes were on the road, which is a good thing. So she would get the green arrow. I turned to observe the driver next to us. They made eye contact with me and they gave me a thumbs up and mouthed: She’s doing great. 

She’s doing great. A little thumbs up. A little thumbs up from a stranger. Literally being told that you or in this case, you know, the driver of your vehicle is doing great. I think we all need that. I could have used that. I could use that today. 

If you do not get that from a stranger on the road today, you are getting it for me standing in my closet. It is so cold in here. I am giving you a thumbs up and I am mouthing through the windshield. You’re doing great. 

I’m Nora McInerny, and this is it’s going to be okay. And that “it”, Oh, it changes every day. It’s not always a stranger, but sometimes it is. I want to know what that is for you. So call me  (612) 568-4441. Or email us IGTBO at Feeling’s and co. It’s in the show notes you don’t have to worry about. Like don’t pull over your car right now and worry about, you know, writing it down on a little scratch piece of paper. We got it, we got it. We got you. We got you, we got you. This was written and recorded in my closet. My name is Nora McInerney. We are an independent podcast production company called Feelings and Co. We also make Terrible, Thanks for Asking. This episode was produced by Megan Palmer and Claire McInerney. Our team is Marcel Malekebu, Jordan Turgeon, Larissa Witcher and Eugene Kidd.