230. My Daughter, My Hero

Parents pass down a lot of traits to their children, good and bad. So it’s easy to worry that your kids might have your same insecurities and challenges. But one listener shares a story about her daughter reacting to a situation in the complete opposite way than she would, and how delightful it was to watch as a mother. 

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I’m Nora McInerny, and It’s Going To Be Okay. 

This show is sort of a group project, where our team and our listeners share thinks that make them feel okay in a world filled with scary things.

Today’s okay thing comes from Shay, who emailed us:

*email whoosh*

I am 44, I have dealt with a lifetime of emotional/mental health issues and because of those issues, I have always had a hard time at jobs. Like, I can do just about anything (I’m smart!) but dealing with people and stress and the dynamics of the workplace just proved to be more than I could manage. I have a hard time being on time, I would sit in the parking lot and cry and not be able to go in, I left jobs, got fired from jobs, you name it. 

Finally we started our own cleaning business and this has been my “thing”. I can do a good job, make my clients happy, there is virtually no stress, no dress code, no “happy face” required. It has allowed me to continue to figure out my mental health while supporting our family. 

We have a 19 year old daughter who has been coming with us to our cleaning jobs for 10 years. She is good at cleaning but of course she wants to strike out on her own and do her own thing, and we support that. 

So…. She decided to get a retail job at a popular bath and body products store. She was nervous about the people, nervous about the work, worried that she had maybe inherited all my “issues”.  I was nervous she would struggle, and just all in all I doubted that I had really prepared her for adulthood… partly because of my own decisions and partly just because I myself don’t have all the tools to be successful. 

On her second day at the job, I get a text from her. It says, “I cried at work today”. Uh oh. Here it comes. 

Nora…. Do you want to know what she did? Her supervisor had chastised her in front of other people and customers for something minor, something that honestly was a result of improper or ineffective training, but it upset her. She went to the bathroom and cried. She went to the store next to the Bath and body shop and got a cake pop. Then she went back to her job. When her supervisor approached her to revisit the subject, my daughter said to her, “I appreciate your counsel, and I always will welcome feedback on how to be a better employee, but I don’t appreciate that you scolded me in front of my coworkers and customers.” When the supervisor attempted to justify her actions, my daughter said, “regardless, it was unprofessional and I would appreciate it if you didn’t do that again.” Her supervisor’s response? “ok, I will work on that.”

MY HERO. 

At 44, it would literally have made me nauseated to be chastised like that, and you can better believe I would have probably just quit after that. My daughter stood up for herself in a way that many full grown women would not be able to do. 

So, when I question all my parenting decisions and my worth as a parent, I try to remember that I have raised a confident woman. Have I raised a woman with some doubts, fears and insecurities?? Sure. But have I also raised a woman who can set a boundary for her own self worth and refuse to let someone else cross that boundary? YES I HAVE. 

I am so proud of that, and no matter what the future holds for her, I know we are going to be OK. She did eventually leave that job and plans to go to school to be an esthetician.

And about acronyms….We have an acronym we have made up in our work as cleaners… HDPGT.  HOW DID POOP GET THERE??? honestly it sometime defies the laws of physics. LOL I know poop jokes aren’t your thing but I thought you might appreciate that.