227. That Kind Of Friend

There’s always so much emphasis put on romantic love, but in this episode Nora celebrates the love of a best friend.  

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

Four years ago, deep into the pandemic and just a few months into a cross-country move, I went to my mother-in-law’s house and sat in her spare bedroom/office to do an interview on a shopping podcast called Gee Thanks, Just Bought It. The premise of the show was to talk about something you bought that other people might like, and while I’m not the biggest shopper around, I had to sing the praises of a pair of noise-cancelling over-the-ear headphones that had been my biggest purchase, and had become a staple of my work life. 

The host was Caroline Moss, and we had friends in common, and after talking for 30 minutes, we finally pressed record. When it was time to wrap up, we exchanged numbers and were immediately texting. And a few months later, she told me she was going to Las Vegas for a writing trip — more about that some other time— and would I like to join her? And I said yes? And met her for the first time in real life when she opened the door to a hotel room and I unpacked my bag and we spent 48 hours sharing a bed and writing with our headphones on and ordering room service and becoming the best of friends. 

I was in my late 30s, and Caroline is 5 years younger than me, and again…we went from online friends to sharing a bed and IT WAS TOTALLY NORMAL!!!!

And so lucky.

Because Caroline is truly a once in a lifetime kind of friend. The kind who knows the worst things about you and accepts them. The kind who knows your tenderest spots and never pushes on them. The kind who sees your weaknesses and shows them to you gently. The kind who recognizes strengths you didn’t know you had. The kind of friend who can text your husband and say, “hey, I don’t think Nora is doing too well mentally, what do YOU Think?” And then the two of them make a plan to help you get better and it feels like love and not a conspiracy.

The kind of friend who really, truly enjoys your kids and takes the time to build a relationship with them, because they are people who matter.

And if I could tell you one story that really encapsulates Caroline as a person it would be the story of New Year’s Eve, 2023. 

I’m not the biggest New Year’s Eve person in the world. I’ve learned — and I wish I knew this when I was younger — that nothing good happens after 10pm, and certainly not after midnight. 

I tend to bristle at the idea that a New Year must mean a new you, that we have to use the turning of a calendar page to improve ourselves against an arbitrary and also unrealistic benchmark.

But 2023 was, in general and also specifically…not the best year in recent history. Right alongside the numerous atrocities were the everyday kinds of suffering that everybody has to slog through. 

And so December 31, 2023 really became a day to close out a year that had kicked so many people I love right in the crotch.

And our family invited Caroline and her dog Lottie who is also my youngest son’s greatest enemy/best friend (he is threatened by the fact that Lottie is small and cute I think), to come to Phoenix and be with us for the New Year.

It’s a short flight from LA to PHX but it’s also a pretty pleasant drive, so Caroline packed up her car and Lottie and drove her new car to see us.

Her new electric car.

With a range of ~200 miles.

Phoenix is not 200 miles from LA, it is XXXX miles from LA, so she would have to stop every 200 miles to charge. And apparently, there are only 3 or 4 chargers at every station. And most of the time they’re broken. And the line is 2 hours long. And then it takes 30-40 minutes to charge your car.

By the time she got to the halfway point of her journey it had been 6 hours…

And I told her, turn around! Not worth it! I won’t be mad!

And she said no, I told the kids I’d be there, I need a better ending to 2023.

And she kept going.

And stopping.

And going.

And stopping.

XXXX miles.

12 hours.

AND THEN SHE DID IT THE WHOLE WAY HOME A FEW DAYS LATER!

And you know what she texted me? After spending nearly as much time in the car as she spent WITH US?

That it was worth it.

Having a friend like Caroline has made me want to BE a friend like Caroline. 

Someone who doesn’t count the cost (or the hours) but the joy and the fun. Someone who shows up, even when it would be easier to just go home.

If you don’t have that kind of friend, I hope you find one. And if you haven’t found one, I hope you are one.

As long as there are friends like Caroline out there somewhere, it’s going to be okay.

CREDITS –

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