220. TikTok Obituary

One day Nora was scrolling TikTok and came across this video, where Kellie Lynch read their mom’s obituary. That obituary had Nora, and now you, laughing and wishing you knew Lorelei Kring. 

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

Nora: I’m Nora McInerny, and it’s going to be okay. 

This podcast is a group project where we find one thing in our day that makes us feel okay. And today’s okay thing comes from….TikTok. Or more specifically, from the TikTok account of Kellie Lynch. 

(FYI- Kellie’s pronouns are they/them)

 Kellie: This is my mom,  the woman who raised me, and the reason I called the newspaper to ask if I could use the word in an obituary.  Okay, I guess I see it now. That was the actual photo that went to the paper, and this is her actual obituary.  Lorelei L. Crane was done in by the cigarettes, just like she always said she would be, on November 2, 2023.

Born in 1963 in Tomahawk, Wisconsin, Lorelei found the Northwoods stifling. and left for greener pastures, so it was rather surprising when she chose to spend the rest of her life in Waukesha, Wisconsin. As she would have said, that’s the way the cookie bounces.  Lorelei was a talented musician and gifted artist.

She possessed an expansive intellect and a quick wit, and she was cherished by those who came to know her. An ornery old coot from the day she was born, she was known equally well for enriching the lives of those around her and for picking fights with strangers for no discernible reason.  Though she has left us and passed into the loving arms of Gilda Radner, Her spirit will live forever in the traits and values she instilled in her loved ones.

The value of unapologetic self expression, a stubborn streak a mile wide, the necessity of caring for others, and severe mental illness. In the 90s, Lorelei attended the University of Wisconsin in Waukesha, where she was objectively the best damn editor the student newspaper ever saw. She also edited other university publications, tutored fellow students, and worked in the computer lab, where she discovered a lifelong love of tinkering with technology and absolutely eviscerating internet trolls.

She never let a bigot or hypocrite go unpunished, and though friends and family occasionally got singed in the process, her burns were mind bogglingly clever and impeccably crafted.  Though she was reclusive in her later years, Lorelai was a frequent sight at poetry slams and open mic nights in the 90s and 2000s,  where she performed her brilliantly uncomfortable poems and musical works to audiences who mostly didn’t know what just happened, but appreciated the talent involved.

She was perhaps best known in the scene for her scathing ode to Waukesha, sung to the tune of Rocky Top by the Osborne Brothers. Lorelei was a truly singular person. An underappreciated genius, a cantankerous troublemaker, a radical radical, a lover of the subversive, a creator of unfathomable beauty, and more influential than she ever knew.

The world is a far less interesting place for her loss. Lorelei is survived by many loved ones with whom she had complicated relationships. Her loving partner of 28 years, Peter. genderless gremlin child Kelly, flawless grandchild Danielle, and siblings Jill, Carrie, Kim, Debra, Julie, and Timothy.  She was preceded in death by Mother Janet, an extremely problematic lumberjack dad, and David Bowie, with whom she had no relationship, but it seems important.

There will be no service. A single verbal misstep in a eulogy may well summon her back from the dead to complain about it. And after everything cancer put her through, she really deserves some rest.  Those who wish to celebrate her life would best memorialize her by making some art and yelling at a Republican. 

Goodbye, Mom. I love you.