219. Emo Night

Finding a place where you can go and forget about all your worries and responsibilities is tough to do without doing hard drugs! But one of our listeners has found such a place, and shares it with us today.  shares with us her sacred space where she can tap into youthful happiness. 

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

Nora: I’m Nora McInerny, and It’s Going to Be Okay.

This is a group project, and today the okay thing comes from Vania (Vuh-knee-uh) Lewis:

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There are about four nights of the year that remind me that no matter what twists and turns life takes- I am right where I need to be, and that I am never alone.

It is a hot summer night in the city of Memphis. There is a crowd of about 50+ people from ages 21 to their late thirties- and we are all dressed the part (most of us normally dressed like this in our day to day lives). There is a mass amount of black clothing items. Nails are painted black. Some people sport the classic black lips, others pull off a solid black cat eye. The music is blaring, people are screaming…

It is emo nite.

What exactly is emo nite? It’s a night where we gather under the roof of a beloved dive bar/venue. All the old classic emo ballads are played, and for one night we are all united by simultaneously screaming at the top of our lungs.

There is one song that is guaranteed to be played every emo nite…My Chemical Romance’s “I’m Not Okay.” It is during this moment that time seems to slow down around me, and I look at every single precious sweaty face in the crowd illuminated by red stage lights as we all sing: 

I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay now (I’m okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me

Because I’m telling you the truth

I mean this, I’m okay! (Trust me)

I’m not okay.

It’s in these 3 minutes I feel most whole. No matter what is happening outside of this dive bar on this night, I know we will all be ok. Most of my life was spent feeling like I wandered alone on the outside of society, never really fitting in. I found my solace in music, often listening to emo cds at night and feeling so connected to something I wasn’t sure existed. My mom, wholly convinced it was a phase- is still not pleased that I blast the same songs 21 years later (it was not a phase mom). 

I have found, with age and the constant overwhelming bombardment of terrible news, my anxiety and depression have grown. I often feel disconnected and alone- separated from the world around me. I think about all of this is in the span of three minutes, and then I look out and I see my people. My people singing the same songs that saved me night after night- that kept me anchored here when all I wanted to do was float away. In all the darkness that threatens to consume us, we have each other. We have our emo ballads. We have love. So when everything seems impossible, when the world feels lonely- remember it’s going to be ok & carry on.