218. Staying Relevant

One of our listeners wrote in to talk about her constant fear of not being relevant as her kids and grandkids get older. But she really thought about it, it seemed like her relevance was there, it just looked different than she thought.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I’m Nora McInerny, and It’s Going To Be Okay. 

Today’s okay thing is an email from Linda Naylor: 

Relevance—this word goes through my head dozens of times a day.  I’m trying to hold on to it like a teenage girl who thinks her boyfriend is slipping away.  Is it inevitable that we become irrelevant?  Is it nature’s way?

Both of my parents died too young—I’m older than they grew to be.  My only close example of aging was my aunt, my mother’s older sister, who “lived” to 92.  She was a quirky, brilliant woman who never married and never had children.  She was highly educated, a chemist, and a high school chemistry department head for many years—an accomplishment for a woman born is 1927. But she was always socially awkward.

My aunt lived alone 1500 miles away.  We frequently visited and knew she was becoming frail.  The neighbors called to say that she was often falling and were concerned.  We knew we had to take action.  With a great deal of discussion with her, we decided to move her to an assisted living center nearby. We got her involved in their activities—bingo, trivia, walks, parties, celebrations—this assisted living had it all.  I set about frequently visiting her—it was torture.  She couldn’t understand our lives—our activities, my children’s jobs, their children’s sports and classes, the internet, movies—you name it.  Not only couldn’t she understand, but she also didn’t want to.  She refused to wear her hearing aids.  She had little to say about her activities except that one of the ladies at her meal table was a picky eater.  I got to the point where I would visit on my lunch hour so that I would have an excuse to leave (time to get back to work!).

So, with this in mind, I want to make sure that my kids and their kids (dare I say the word “grandchildren”?) want to see me.  I want to stay RELEVANT.  I want to know the latest actors, songs, apps, movies, and slang.  I want to be included in the conversation, be invited to the “things” whatever they are.  I work hard to stay aware and open minded.

But, no matter how hard I try, I know my time here will be done eventually.  My father, a pragmatic, realistic man, used to say “After a couple of generations, no one will remember you.”  This is true.  But I do know that through time, our essence does pass down with traditions, habits, sayings, recipes, and more.

I know that it’s going to be okay every time I make my mother’s special cookie bars and orchestrate the annual easter basket hunt that includes miles of yarn.  

It’s going to be okay when I’m not relevant because I’ll live on through those I’ve loved through all of the generations to follow.