216. Instagram Confessional

A woman named Emily starts messaging Nora on Instagram whenever she feels totally overwhelmed by life in her 20s. This DM exchange has turned into a sort of confessional, and Nora has witnessed Emily work through the stress of dating, work and figuring out what to do with her life.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I’m Nora McInerny, and it’s going to be okay.

{message sound}

That’s the sound of a new instagram message from Emily.

{message sound}

I don’t actually know Emily.

{message sound}

But yet, I kow Emily

{message sound}

Because for months, Emily has been messaging me with the details of her bad dates, her good dates, her roommate dramas, her struggle to decide whether or not to apply to grad school.

{messages coming faster}

And I’ve been reading them, and sometimes responding, but mostly just reading them. Because Emily is, technically, a stranger. And so am I.

But on August 15 of 2023, Emily tagged me in a story about being 25. The story has since disappeared but I know it must have been about being 25 because I replied in all caps

25  WAS MY MOST ANXIOUS YEAR

IT IS THE EPITOME OF NOT A GIRL NOT YET A WOMAN

And she said

I am so tired. I turned 25 during Barbieheimer eras tour summer.

And I said

Oh my god

A gift and a curse

And she said

I feel so FERAL and SMALL and ALSO OLD?

And I said

So much pressure to actualizer 

Actualice

Jesus Christ

And she said HAHAHAHA

And then I said 25 is so weird but trust me you are a baby you have time.

And weeks passed.

{message sound}

Literally Nora my mid-20s are insane, today I cried about my bank account, my job, and then a hinge guy that dumped me bc he got back together with his girlfriend GET ME OUT OF HERE

And now

{message sound}

I get all the updates.

{message sound}

Another hinge guy decided he can’t date me because our music tastes are too different. He’d never heard of Phoebe Bridgers.

{message sound}

Nora I’m looking at journalism grad school bc my friends and family have been insistent that I apply but I also have negative dollars in my bank account I am like a toddler driving an 18 wheeler!

{message sound}

Friday dating chronicle: I DESPERATELY hope every time I go to the gym that one of the extremely hot guys there will flirt with me and I make my radius on my dating apps 1 mile to see if they’re on there bc I would rather scrape my eyeballs out with a plastic spoon than get rejected by a real person!!!!

{message sound}

I’m so unwell I could go on 100 dates and not a single one of those idiots would be as hot as this dude that I don’t know!”

I don’t know if this is a parasocial relationship, or, if it is, which way is parasocial? But I love that Emily is out there doing all of the things that I did sixteen years ago. Feeling the same feelings. Doing her best in a decade that can be so hard. And that I can be a stranger and a place to put all of these thoughts and feelings, that our messages can be a little confessional booth. I did, by the way, ask her permission to share this and write this.

A year and a half after that first message, Emily is still dating. She has been accepted to grad school. And I am still looking forward to her little instagram confessionals.