193. Loving Into the Future

Kelly lost her dad when she was still in high school. Then her grandfather stepped up and became an important person in her life. When he died, Kelly felt very alone. Now that she’s a mother herself, Kelly writes letters to her son so he’ll always know how she felt as she was raising him. In this episode, Kelly reads one of those letters. 

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

Nora: I’m  Nora McInerny, and it’s going to be okay.  

We say that this podcast is a cousin to our other podcast, Terrible Thanks for Asking, because TTFA is a place where people can share the hard parts of life, which means  It is sometimes  less upbeat.  Sometimes there are glimmers. And one of our recent guests, Kelly, shared a really beautiful and painful story about losing her dad as a teenager and how that affected her life.  After her dad died, her grandfather stepped up, but like grandpas do, he eventually died too.

And now Kelly is a mother raising her own son, and all of this loss has, of course, impacted her parenting.  Ever since her son, Oliver, was born, She’s written him letters about what she loves about him and their family life together.  These letters are a way for her to ensure that no matter what happens to her, her person will always know that he was loved. And today, we wanted to share one of those letters to Oliver with you. 

Kelly: My sweet Oliver, Tonight in the bath you told me you were bad.  On one hand, I was so broken, heartbroken you had said that, but I was also so happy you came to me to discuss it rather than keeping it to yourself. 

You told Dad and I that your toys told you that you were bad and you told us how it made you sad. Well, I lined them up and I told them how we don’t call each other bad. and how that hurt your feelings. I encouraged you to tell your toys how you felt.  We talked to you about how we both love you so much no matter what.

You are learning and growing every day.  Oliver, I hope to teach you that goodness isn’t necessarily behavior. We all make mistakes and we all do things we regret that doesn’t make a person bad. To me, It’s about what you do after the mistakes.  Are you willing to make amends and learn from your mistakes?

To me, that’s more important than behaving perfectly all the time.  What I really want you to know is I will always love you,  always and no matter what. There will be times when we don’t agree, and I will still love you. We will both make mistakes in life and in our relationship, and I will still love you.

You are always my child and I will always love you.  Sometimes I look at you and I just can’t believe you’re my son.  You are so joyous and wonderful. And for some reason, the universe decided I get to be your mom.  I have so many rules in life, Oliver. Hands down. My favorite ones are being your mother and being married to my husband. 

Love always, Mom.

Nora: You can listen to the full episode with Kelly’s story from Terrible Thanks for Asking over at Terrible Things for Asking, wherever you’re listening to this podcast.

The episode is called Loving Into the Future, and we’ve linked it in our show notes. It’s Going to be Okay is an independent podcast and a production of Feelings and Co where our team is Marcel Malekebu, myself, Nora McInerny, Claire McInerny, Megan Palmer, Grace Barry, and Michelle Plantan. The banging in the background,  which hopefully someone can add it out. That banging  that banging is plumbing problems, baby. Everyone’s got them whether you know it or not. 

Our theme music is by Secret Audio. The banging is by Secret Jackhammer.