157. Keep Moving Forward

When we’re grieving, we sometimes find messages from the universe or dead loved ones in the most surprising places. Nora tells us about a time she found that in the Minneapolis airport.

You can watch Nora’s TED Talk about moving forward through grief here.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

Nora: I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay. 

I am probably best known for being voted most humorous by the Annunciation Catholic School class of 1997. Or for getting the Most Improved award at every. Single. Sports banquet!!!! In high school! Also banquet was a really strange term because there was never food. It was just us in the cafeteria sitting on folding chairs and waiting for our name to be called and to be handed a certificate on a piece of printer paper — or — if we were lucky, a little wall plaque or small trophy.

Anyway! I am actually probably most known for my TED talk, and yes that is embarrassing for me to say and I don’t know why! it’s called we don’t move on from grief we move forward with it and you know what? That’s the most important part of the talk. That we carry all of our life experiences with us, and then we don’t have to try to leave it behind in the dust.

And there’s only so much you can fit into a talk that’s supposed to be nine minutes but is closer to 15 because you black out halfway through and just keep talking even though the sign in front of you is basically flashing red and telling you to wrap it up but you can’t wrap it up because you lost your place! 

But that phrase — moving forward — is important to me. I don’t expect anyone to move on from their hard experiences, unless that’s what they want! I’m not going to tell you how to life your life or how to deal with your trauma! I’m just saying that for me, the idea of moving forward felt a lot more realistic. A lot more doable. A lot more like what life is like for me as a remarried widow living with a blended family. 

We just keep moving, partially because we don’t have any choice. The world keeps spinning whether or not we want it to. The homework is still due (shoutout to kids who listen to this podcast!). The bills still need to be paid (sorry, kids, this is coming for you after the homework stops). The sun keeps rising, and the dogs keep needing to be fed, and also so do the kids, don’t forget about them! Unless you don’t have any in which case, take that one thing off your to-do list today.

Occasionally, when I am out and about, which is kind of rare, I will have a major existential moment. Everything will kind of align all at once, and I will truly take it as a sign from the universe, from GOD, from all of my ancestors and my dead husband and my dead dad who would NOT believe in this kind of thing. And these kinds of things will happen at the lamest of places, which is I think what makes them more meaningful. We EXPECT these signs when we’re in a spiritual location, or in a meaningful moment. But I’ve always found them in the places where people aren’t looking for them. Where they’re not actually messages from the universe, they’re just practical messages. And I’ll be honest, now that I have to say these out loud I think it’s very funny that I found deep meaning in the phrase:

MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE.

which was written on a recycling bin. I don’t need to be told to recycle, I love recycling, I recycle obsessively. But like, come on Nora, do you really think that recycling bin was a sign for a decision you’ve been wrestling with? 

Yes I do.

And I also take a lot of meaning from this moment I had in the MInneapolis airport, just after you get off the down escalator and before you enter the baggage claim, you enter this strange little in between. One automatic door opens, and you have a few feet in a glass hallway built for one before the next automatic door opens. You are in a liminal space. No longer in the airport. Not quite to the baggage claim, and for a split second both doors are closed and you can feel your animal body think, oh no! I’m trapped! And I guess this is necessary for some reason and I guess enough people must feel their fight or flight or freeze activate and they MUST tend to freeze because the entire few seconds you are in this space a calm, robotic female voice will say over and over and over

KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

And you do. 

And then it’s over and you can get your bag and go get picked up or rent your car or do whatever you need to do.

I don’t know what today will be like for you, and I don’t know what tomorrow will be like for you, either. I actually don’t know what today or tomorrow will be like for me, now that I think of it.

But really, the most important thing is that you do not freak out, although I love to freak out. That you don’t freeze or fight — unless you need to — or flee — unless you must! 

Again! I don’t know what your days will bring!!! And I don’t mean KEEP MOVING you must KEEEP GOING KEEEEEEP PRODUCING! KEEEEEEEEEEEP ACHIEVING. I mean just keep moving a little bit. A step or two is all it takes. A glass of water. A real breakfast. Replying to that email you don’t want to reply to, or just deleting it so it gets out of your face. 

*robot voice* 

KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

KEEP MOVING FORWARD.