156. With Love, Your Friend

Nora’s nephew got COVID a few years ago and had to stay home from school during the fun, end of year activities. One of his friends wrote him a get well soon note that’s stuck with Nora ever since.

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 Nora: I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay.  This podcast is a group project. Every weekday, we bring you in. Okay. Thing, something you start or end your day with the opposite of a dooms girl and those okay. Things can come from anywhere. Sometimes they come from you. Sometimes they come from our team. Today, it comes from. Me.  

I believe very strongly in the sweetness of boys.  I have three sons.  I don’t want to raise them necessarily to be strong. Or tough.  But I definitely want them to be sweet.  I don’t think that boys have fewer feelings than girls. But I think that they’ve historically been given less space to express those feelings. And so I want to make sure that the boys and the men in my life have space to feel things. And to express those feelings. And I’m always at least a little bit afraid that it is a fruitless effort or a losing battle because they will be. Almost inevitably launched into a culture. That’s like, oh, feelings not here, buddy. You better toughen up.  

So I’m always on the lookout for when that scale might tip.  When the boys in my life Might lose or be forced to lose that softness And create an edge. I want so badly to keep them soft in this hard world.  

One of the sweetest little boys in my life is one of my nephews. He is gentle and his nickname is winsome William and in fourth grade, right at the end of the school year, when things get fun and everyday feels like a Friday, he got COVID.  And as far as COVID goes, it was relatively mild, but this was not the time when anyone was risking it and he had to stay home. And miss out on some very specific end of school year stuff.  And he was really sad about it because who wouldn’t be.  So his entire class, nearly 20 kids all sat down and made him get well soon cards. Delivered to his home so he could read them and feel better.  And all of these.  And all of these cards are cute. All of them are so sweet, but there’s this one, especially a piece of construction paper with a drawing of two figures. Sitting at a table. And inside it says.  I hope you feel better. I want to play Pokemon with you again. With love. Your friend.  And he signed his name just below that, which obviously I’m going to withhold for the sake of his privacy and because the sweetest part is just right there.  With love. Your friend.  What an expression for a child. And what a.  Cool thing. That he could safely express his love for another person. And his relationship to them.  It’s just this genuine little expression of love for a friend, this little appreciation. The specificity in that phrase to not just sign your name, but also identify yourself. As a person’s friend.  To remind someone that you are not just a random person, they met not just a colleague or a classmate or a sister. Or a person who had just happened to know them for years, but their friend.  And it’s unlikely that this little kid. Thought about this sign off as deeply as I have, but maybe he did. 

I don’t know. This kid is a stranger to me, but I hope. He keeps that softness. That ability to express his feelings for the people he cares about. I hope you always feel safe and comfortable. Letting people know how he feels about them.  And I hope that for all of us, whoever, and wherever we are in this world, because I don’t personally know. Most of you, but I do appreciate. All of you.  And I’m so glad to be here with you today.  And every weekday.  With love.  Your friend.  Nora