129. Becca’s Prickly Heart

This Okay listener shares how seeing a prickly pear cactus with a heart-shaped pad helped her get through a tough day at work.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

INTRO MUSIC

I’m Nora McInerny and this is It’s Going to Be Okay. A podcast that is kind of a group project where we bring you an okay thing every weekday to get you through whatever it is you’re going through. And today’s okay thing comes via email from a listener named Becca.

I grew up in the Midwest, not very far from the Twin Cities, which is one of the many reasons that I feel so connected to you and your podcasts. Little side note for new listeners. I grew up in and lived in Minnesota for a long time, but I don’t anymore, but that does explain my accent. Back to the email.

When I moved to the Red Rock Deserts of Utah 20 years ago, I discovered that my inner desert rat, desert rat! Oh my gosh, I love that, have been buried for 28 years by the sheer mountains of snow that define a North Dakota winter. I am a true desert liver and lover. The glow of the sun on the sandstone feeds my soul, the harshness and tenacity of the natural world here inspires me, and the triple digit temperatures make me giddy with joy.

I make my living and encourage my passions by growing, producing, and consulting on native plants for public land restoration, which is why this okay moment is a bit ironic. I recently decided to quit my very toxic job, which is a large part of my identity in this place. The area in which I live has also become extremely lonely for an in The area in which I live has also become extremely lonely for an extrovert who loves to be around people.

Hiking, canyoneering, making and sharing food, laughing, and creating with a small but mighty community. As I finish out my last weeks at this job and prepare to move back to the Midwest to figure out next steps, I find myself moving through work days that are beyond stressful. Worsening health problems that are almost exclusively tied to an unhealthy and stress filled lifestyle.

Read, desk job, when I used to work outdoors all day. Daily crying before, during, and after work. And a disconnect from a staff that feels dismissive, personal, and hurtful. After a particularly exhausting and defeating week, I found myself resentful and grouchy while watering the plants in the front yard of my rental, most of which I planted myself and have spent years paying close attention to, or so I thought.

As I was standing there waiting impatiently for the water to fill a plant container and trying to shoo the cat away from peeing on another one, I rolled my eyes and they landed on the prickly pear cactus that was right in front of me. and the heart shaped pad that was at the top of the plant. Now, prickly pear cacti are as ubiquitous in this desert as air and sunshine, so I see this more often than one would think, especially in my line of work.

What is incredible about this find is that this plant has been in the yard for the entire five plus years that I’ve lived in this rental, and I’ve likely looked at this plant a billion times. including the five times a week that I currently water the plants right next to it. How long has that heart pad been on that cactus?

And why did I only see it today? I guess it’s a reminder that things are going to be okay, but here’s my question. Will it? Will it really? I love the It’s Going to Be Okay podcast, and it brings me a daily dose of reality and levity and joy, and I love that this prickly heart can send me a reminder of okayness, but frankly, while I admire its beauty and the fact that I finally noticed it, I hope that more signs of okayness might show up to reinforce the point.

Just thought I’d be honest and say hi. Yeah, we get it. We think it will be okay. But some days that’s easier to believe than others and some days I say to myself, Are you sure, Nora?

Will it be? Because some days you see it or feel it and some days you don’t and that’s why we’re here because on days when you doubt it, it helps if someone else can believe it for you. On the days when it is not, on the days when you can’t see it, it helps to have somebody point it out for you.

OUTRO MUSIC

CREDITS