122. Fourth Time’s the Charm

 Nora loves weddings (and is even a wedding officiant!) and loves the inherent optimism that comes with saying I do.

October is what we’re calling Divorce Month over at feelings & co. Make sure to listen to all 3 episodes about divorce over at Terrible, Thanks for Asking. And don’t forget to check out our episodes featuring books about divorce that are anything but typical over at The Terrible Reading Club.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

INTRO MUSIC 

I’m Nora McInerny and it’s going to be okay.

I am, technically, a wedding officiant. Depending on your state’s laws, I could marry you. Or, I could officiate the wedding. I’ve officiated so many weddings that at this point, I’ve lost track of how many I’ve done. I’ve married my friend Kara and her husband Sam. I’ve married my agent, Jess, and her husband, Dana. I’ve married listeners. I’ve married two strangers who just needed an officiant in a hurry. I married my cousin! Which taken out of context is really funny!

I do this because I really just love love. I love witnessing the love of two people who are crazy enough to make a public declaration of their commitment to each other, and even more importantly: to make it a legally binding agreement. Not to kill the romance, but most of the time marriage is simply not that romantic. You see this person every single day. Or most days. You have to walk into the bathroom after they’ve used it, if you know what I mean. You have to COMPROMISE when you want something that they don’t, or vice versa. I’m really not making this sound great, but I’m saying this as a person who loves being married. I’m lucky to be 2 for 2 on marrying people who I like and love, and who like and love me…but marriage, in my experience, is not nonstop romance. 

It’s kind of a strategic partnership. You sign up to create a life together, knowing that pooling your resources and pulling in the same direction will get you further together. Oh my god I’m making this all sound so UN romantic but I actually find stability to be very romantic. I find that tedium to be the rhythm of love. That day after day you just do the things that make up a life, together. Groceries and mopping the floor, gassing up the car and washing the dishes. Planning vacations and blowing out birthday candles, and all of the tiny things that make up a life. Things you can of course do on our own. A life you could absolutely enjoy on your own. But you’re sharing it with another person, and maybe you add some more people to the mix…it’s truly kind of an insane thing when you think about it. 

To tether yourself to another person, for BETTER OR WORSE? TIL DEATH DO YOU PART?!?! It’s wild!

And to witness people doing this even when statistics have shown us that actually, many of us part long before death, many of us say actualllllly the worst is a bit too much for me. 

But still, every single day of the year — right now, right in this moment, whenever it is you’re listening, there are people saying “i do” anyway. Someone is getting down on one knee and reciting a speech they practiced a hundred times. Someone is saying yes. Someone is saying yes for the second time, or the third…or…like my friend’s mother did recently…the fourth time. 

The fourth time! 

And I’m not being snarky or sarcastic when I say that I love this. The first marriages, the second marriages, the third ones, the fourth. I love the inherent optimism that comes with marriage and weddings and proposals: that no matter what the record says, there’s a possibility that this could be forever. 

OUTRO MUSIC

CREDITS