116. You’ll Get There

Nora shares a lesson that she learned in high school driver’s ed that applies to our greater lives. 

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

I know that I am not the best driver in the world, but I am a driver in the world.

I tend to drive the speed limit, which in the city where I live is really a speed minimum.

If you drive in Phoenix, Arizona people will truly be very upset with you if you are driving 40 in a 35. They want you to go 50 in the 35. 80 in the 55. They want you to not exist, because you are in the way of them reaching their destination.

People are kind of like this everywhere, I think. I have gotten flipped off and honked at in any city I’ve ever driven in, but it definitely happens more often in Phoenix and Los Angeles than anywhere else. 

When I was taking driving lessons at Bart’s Suburban Driving school…ironically located not in a suburb but – by two blocks – within the city limits of Minneapolis, Bart himself told us that speeding wouldn’t save us time. That going 40 down Portland would get us to our destination 3 or 5 minutes sooner, that if we were late, we should just surrender to our lateness and not make it the issue of everyone else on the road. This was very buddhist of him, in my memory he taught kids to drive in a Camaro that was fitted with a brake on his side, but I never got to drive the camaro, I drove his wife’s minivan…and we would sometimes stop at garage sales, which was fun.

Today, when I was driving, a car passed me and gunned their engine. They were in a hurry. I was not. Two minutes later, we were both stopped at the same stop light. The light turned green, and off they went. Speeding past another car, and another. And two minutes later…we stopped at the same light. We went on like this for miles. Them speeding up. Us stopped at the same lights. Them speeding off again.

I used to get really mad at people like this. I have, of course, been this kind of person. I don’t know a lot of people who maintain all of the good habits they learned in high school. I have, of course, been a person who believes that the three minutes they save on this car ride are the only thing keeping their lives somewhat in balance, the only way to tame the chaos in their universe. 

The world is so MUCH, and we have control of so little, and sometimes our cars feel like our own little universes, our own little pods where we can listen to a podcast, or cry, or scream at the top of our lungs, or scream at someone else. Not because them cutting us off was truly the most egregious thing we’ve ever experienced, but because of all the egregious things we witness and experience, we so rarely have a ready outlet for all of this helplessness and rage and a car horn is a great place to put it sometimes. 

Maybe those 3-5 minutes someone is saving by rushing down the road really is vital. Maybe their wife is giving birth in the car – WHICH MY FRIEND CLAIRE JUST DID THIS SUMMER, NO JOKE SHE GAVE BIRTH IN HER HUSBAND”S CAR – maybe they’re on the way to a sick loved one, maybe they’re just going through something stressful and pretending that they’re Dom Torretto in Fast & The Furious is their outlet. Maybe they’re just a jerk, I don’t know. Aren’t all of us sometimes?

Bart was very adamant about preparing us for the written driver’s exam, and wanted us to be aware of all the trick questions. What’s the speed limit? He’d ask us, and we’d shout out answers: 25! 35! 55! 

He’d shake his head, “Nope. Never drive faster than conditions allow.” 

I don’t mean this episode to be about automotive safety although obviously I’m passionate about that. I’m doing a hamfisted segue into something bigger.  Because I can apply the “don’t speed” lesson to my driving life just fine most of the time, but in life??? Oh man I want what I want when I want it and I want it quickly please! I want it now, or yesterday, or I wanted it yesterday but now it’s today and I’m not sure that I even want it anymore but everyone else wants it and is speeding towards it and should I go faster?? Should I speed up? Should I be 3-5 minutes ahead of where I am right now?

When other people seem to be going faster, seem to be getting somewhere quicker than you…are they? Or are they just rushing to the next stoplight? 

Wouldn’t we all love to just speed past what’s in our way? What’s bothering us? What’s between us and where we want to go? Wouldn’t it be great if putting the metaphorical pedal to the metaphorical metal would solve the issue at hand? 

But the conditions don’t always allow it! Maybe it’s raining, or snowing, or you’re just tired or you’re taking care of your parents and your children, or your siblings, or hell, just YOURSELF it’s so hard to be a person and take care of yourself! Do you know you have to go to the doctor? The dentist? Drink water? Sleep? Pay taxes! It’s a lot.

It’s a lot.

And maybe today you’re going to be speeding along, giving friendly waves to everyone you pass. And maybe today you’ll be in the right hand lane with me.

Maybe you’ll get there 3-5 minutes faster than me, or 3-5 minutes after me.

Okay. Doesn’t matter. You’ll get there.