111. Hamster Lessons

If you haven’t heard, Nora is the proud grandmother to some new family hamsters, and she’s learning a lot from them.

Transcripts may not appear in their final version and are subject to change.

 INTRO MUSIC 

On the back of my car, there are several bumper stickers. Yes, one says don’t honk I’m already crying and yes, that is a part of our store because yes, I needed people to stop honking at me because it makes me feel sadder than I already am! There’s also one that declares that one of my children is an honors student. And right below it, it should say, “my other kid is a hamster.”

Technically, it should say “my grandkids are hamsters” because the hamsters allegedly belong to our youngest child, who often says to me, “mom do you love your hairy grandsons?” And coos to them “Hello my children.”

Yeah, we’re hamster people.

I think everyone, deep down, is a hamster person. People will SAY they don’t like hamsters, but then they usually say that a hamster bit them when they were kid. And I say, so you DO like hamsters! Why would you try to pick up something you didn’t like? Indiana Jones isn’t trying to pick up snakes? You DO like hamsters, you just don’t like being BITTEN by hamsters.

What’s not to like about a very small mammal with tiny hands? A little being who wakes up and says TIME TO RUN SIX MILES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! A creature who is more fluff than anything else, and who wants to burrow into a little bed of woodchips or take a little sand bath, who will eat a pumpkin seed bite by bite – did you know a pumpkin seed could be a feast? 

We have two syrian hamsters, Bernie McInerny, also known as Barney McInarny, and Gus…also known as Gussie, Goosey, Gustavus, Guster, and Gus Bus.

Every morning, we wake up as they’re getting ready to go to bed. And every night, they wake up and hang out with us in the living room for a few hours. We’ve learned a lot about hamsters: they’re nervous because they’re prey animals. They’re smart and curious and like to explore things. They could, if you put a little vest and hat on them, be mistaken for hairy little gentlemen. 

And I’ve learned a lot FROM our hamsters. And today I want to share three little life lessons from my hamsters…to you, my hamster people. 

1. Make your bed cozy. If you can live in a tiny ceramic mushroom filled with paper and wood shavings, get on in there. Curl up into a small, fluffy ball and sleep away the entire day. If you want to keep your poops in there with you, that’s just fine. A giant will be along every few days to clear out your waste and replenish your bedding.

2. Make your mealtimes and adventure. People love to sit at a table and eat off of plates. But you COULD hide your little foods all over your habitat and then, when you’re hungry, go find them! Are they under your exercise wheel? Are they inside your cozy little ceramic mushroom along with your poops? Maybe! Yesterday you set up a fun little puzzle for you to solve today. Enjoy it!

3. Set your boundaries. A lot of people are going to test you in life. You’ll be minding your own business and all of the sudden a giant hand will descend from the sky and try to pick you up so they can hold you in their sweaty hand that smells like Cheetos. The minute you feel a hand coming towards you and you DON’T want it there, bare your little teeth, raise your little hand in a defensive position and say “SCREECH!” and if they don’t listen…bite them. 

I hope this episode has been helpful for you. Please let us know how you sleep in your little ceramic mushrooms, and if you find any pellets to eat today. If you have to bite someone, that’s okay, just remember that when they drop you, it’s a long way to the ground, and you’re going to want to tuck and roll.

OUTRO MUSIC 

CREDITS